


La Grange

by Mistofstars



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Drama, FBI Agent Castiel, Lap Sex, M/M, Mushy, Prostitute Dean, Prostitution, Romance, Smut, Teasing, character death of a secondary character, destiel au, explicit scenes, happy end promised, kind of voyeurism at the beginning, mentions of crimes and violence, slow built, terrible attempts of humour, un-beta-ed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-14
Updated: 2013-09-03
Packaged: 2017-12-15 00:04:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 112,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/842984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mistofstars/pseuds/Mistofstars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Destiel AU - in which Castiel is a FBI agent, Dean is a hooker. Castiel had no idea when his colleague Gabe abducted him to a brothel that he would meet a tantalizing man who would have such an impact on him. [COMPLETE!]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Author:** Mistofstars
> 
>  **Pairing:** Dean Winchester / Castiel (Dean is a hooker and Castiel is a federal agent) [Destiel]
> 
>  **Warnings:** AU, smut, explicit sexual scenes, drama, slow built, angst, un-beta-ed, probably sappy and mushy because I write it lol, fictitious crimes might be mentioned as per margin because Cas is a federal agent in this...
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** Neither Dean Winchester nor Castiel, Gabriel, Sam or John Winchester, Ash, Jo or Anna or other characters mentioned of Supernatural belong to me – they are property of the creators of Supernatural. Sadly, all of this is made up, I don't make money with it.
> 
>  **Author's note:** This story is named after a song by ZZ Top called "La Grange". It's about a brothel outside La Grange and it was tradition that fathers took their sons there to have their first sexual experience (not what this story is about lol). Listen to the song it's awesome! The story is completed.
> 
>  **Feedback?:** Highly appreciated
> 
>  **Chapters:** 39 + the 40th chapter as afterword / tracklist
> 
>  **Word count:** ~109 000

  


**La Grange**

  
__Rumour spreadin' a-round in that Texas town 'bout that shack outside La Grange  
And you know what I'm talkin' about.  
Just let me know if you wanna go  
To that home out on the range.  
They gotta lotta nice girls ah. 

Well, I hear it's fine if you got the time  
And the ten to get yourself in.  
A hmm, hmm.  
And I hear it's tight most ev'ry night,  
But now I might be mistaken  
Hmm, hmm, hmm. 

Ah have mercy. 

**Chapter 1**

Castiel knew it was probably one of the ten dumbest things he had ever done in his life, and he was already starting to regret this. It was still a miracle to him how his colleague Gabe had managed to make him say yes, but here he was, slightly drunk, next to him on a bar-stool. In a damn _brothel_ he would have never stepped in hadn't he been in the company of his rather wicked, saucy FBI partner. Castiel assumed he was wearing his usual deadly frown when he let his eyes trail through the spacious lounge.

The walls were decorated with fluffy sanguine velvet, the round tables were black and the brothel was altogether dimly lit. He and Gabriel sat at the counter, because Castiel had told him he wanted to take things slowly. There was no way he would allow Gabe talking him into sleeping with a prostitute – not tonight or _ever_. He wasn't certain about Gabe's motives, but he had caught him leering at a few lightly clad salacious young women walking to and fro. Honestly, he wasn't surprised – he knew Gabe for a good while now, and he had gotten used to his dirty jokes and his (sometimes really kinky) sex stories.

Castiel clung to his bottle of beer while his eyes wandered through the lounge. Loud classic rock music was booming through grand speakers and he could feel the wood of the bar vibrate under his palm. He looked at the girls looking at him, trying to figure out if he was a possible paying customer, but he dismissed their lewd gestures and inviting smiles. He noticed some men, sitting in dark corners, were already getting a lap dance or naughty things whispered into their ear, and there was cackling loud laughter from a table of a group of young men having a bachelor party. Castiel couldn't help but notice there were also some men working here as prostitutes (or sex worker being the more correct word he mused) and he wondered if that was a normal thing for a brothel. A thought shot through his brain quickly and he gave Gabe the evil eye.

"Tell me you did NOT take me here because of this thing I confessed to you a few weeks ago", he growled grimly at him. Gabe beheld him for a second, with a surprisingly serious face, then he shrugged his shoulders and took another sip of his beer. Finally a heinous wide grin spread on his cheeks and his eyes bore an amused look.

"I don't know what you're talking about", he lied, still wearing this annoying grin Castiel wanted to punch.

"So you tell me all of this is a coincidence? I tell you the other night, while I was completely wasted, thanks to you, that I'm curious about certain activities with men, and we end up here in this brothel where there are male prostitutes as well?" Castiel had difficulties keeping his voice quiet, because he got really upset. He felt so out of place here, and he started to regret this evening more and more.

"You should really call them sex workers, it's the more correct term", Gabriel said nonchalantly, and Castiel wanted to strangle him here and there. Before he could do so, he felt someone tapping his shoulder lightly. Immediately he and Gabe turned around and all Castiel saw were green eyes – gorgeous green eyes, in a plain beauty face. He saw a charming smile on plump perfect red lips, the beginning of crow's feet near the outer parts of those lovely eyes. From what he could make out in this nanosecond, he saw blonde short hair, slightly sunned yet somehow pale skin, and blinding white teeth beneath this suave smirk.

"Is there anything I can pleasure you gents with tonight?", the young man asked unabashedly, and Castiel really choked on the words he wanted to scream out. Words like "NO" and "Leave us alone!" and "I'm not that kind of guy!", but all he could do was sit there and stare at this loveable creature so close in front of him. The music vanished into nothingness, the laughter, the quiet moans of a man somewhere near... it all faded away as he continued looking into the man's face, feeling dumbstruck. He wanted to retort something witty, but he couldn't come up with anything clever. Gabe clasped his shoulder from behind and rested his chin on Castiel's shoulder, grinning broadly.

"Man, I would love it if you pleasured my repressed friend here, but I fear he's pretty uptight about these things. Unfortunately, I don't think we can make the deal tonight", Gabe replied, and Castiel was glad to hear him say that, and he was confused when a part of him felt somewhat disappointed that his federal partner didn't at least try to persuade him. The green-eyed man scanned Castiel's face intensely, and Castiel felt hot and dizzy as those eyes observed him attentively. He thought he was frozen on the spot when he saw the man lean in on him, bending his head slightly to whisper into Castiel's ear with too hot breathe. His exhale burnt in Castiel's ear and he noticed his cheeks flushed vehemently. He smelt the spicy albeit sweet scent of the man in his nostrils.

"Shame. Maybe another time?"

When the mysterious man took a step back and let his eyes wander over Castiel's face again, Castiel was incapable of looking away. He knew he must have looked stupid, his mouth slightly agape, his cheeks reddened as if he was some schoolgirl having a crush, and it was impossible to remove his eyes from this stunning sight. He recognized the male hooker's pupils were dilated and blacked out the surrounding green, and he sucked in his bottom lip seductively as he studied Castiel from head to toe. If Castiel hadn't been mistaken, he would have assumed it was pure lust that lingered in the man's gaze, but it was also possible that he was just a brilliant actor.

Castiel had no chance to ever find it out, because the man gave him one last cheeky wink and a smirk, then he walked through the lounge to bring a group of men some beer. Castiel felt Gabe's knowing eyes on him when he turned around to look after the seductive man. At last, a long hearty laugh escaped Gabe's mouth and startled Castiel – he faced his FBI partner again and sulked at him. He didn't even want to try to cover up his ridiculous behaviour, and now his face flushed with embarrassment. He wished the ground would open and swallow him up, but regrettably that didn't happen. So he had to endure Gabe's stupid smirking face for a while longer.

"You know, I could still call that stud back. I bet you'll have a great night with him. I mean, have you looked at him? He looks like an actor, or a porn star, or"- Gabe gabbled on enthusiastically, but Cas cut him off annoyed.

"Gabe, no! I won't sleep with a prostitute – yes, sex worker, whatever!", he almost yelled at his partner, who gave him a weird contemplative look as if he had given another embarrassing secret away.

"You know, they're just doing their jobs, as we do ours. That doesn't make them second-class humans", Gabe said gloomily, and Castiel was astound at the severe content of his partner's words. It was seldom that Gabe pushed away his playful silly self to actually talk like a considerate adult.

"I'm not saying I'm a better person or that I'm better than them. After all, I'm sitting in a brothel, being an FBI agent, on top of that", Castiel said and a peaceable smile formed on his pink broad lips as he placed the bottle to his mouth again and looked over to Gabe. He saw a joyful humoured twinkle in Gabe's eyes at that, then his partner was patting his back friendly.

"Now, that's the spirit", he said.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note – thanks for your interest so far! I'm happy about all the alert messages I received…! Jfyi, I'm currently finishing chapter 10… feedback is as always appreciated.

The evening ended the way Castiel had assumed it would – he finished his second bottle of beer, then Gabe chatted up a hot redhead in a blue corset, and a few minutes later both of them left Castiel alone at the bar. Gabe had told him not to wait on him, and Castiel had no intentions of staying in this place longer than necessary, so he gathered his coat to leave. When he walked through the lounge he saw the mysterious man again, though, standing near the entrance as Castiel was making his way out. He tried to act nonchalantly, he even tried to ignore the man and NOT look at him, but found it a too difficult task. Slowly he let his eyes catch the man's, and again he couldn't help feel frozen on the spot when he saw the man returning the look steadily.

For one last moment he decided to take in the attractive sight of the man, and he admitted to himself that he wouldn't have minded spending the night with him – but he knew it was futile all the same. Castiel Novak wasn't a guy that paid for sex, and he wasn't a guy that slept with other men. Still, he allowed himself to let his eyes glide over the strong clad arms, the muscular torso, the slim hips, and then all over his face again. The green eyes flashed at him through the darkness of the brothel and made his heart skip a beat. He decided it was long overdue to leave. When he walked past the strange man, he could inhale his beguiling scent again, and for a short terrific moment Castiel thought he had to faint right there. The body warmth of the man was sensible in the second he passed him by, and he was sure he heard his dark voice tease "Sleep tight, man".

A few minutes later Castiel was sitting in a cab which drove him home safely through the night. He wasn't the type of men that drank and drove – possibly because he had seen too many fatal victims at scenes of accidents, or because his morals were quite austere. He felt drowsy and a little drunk while he listened to the cab's radio playing quiet jazz songs. The driver didn't speak and Castiel was glad for that. What would you talk about with a cabman anyways after letting him pick you up from a frigging brothel? Castiel also wasn't the guy that boasted with gory details about his sex life, and he wasn't a fan of people oversharing. He closed his lids and rested his heavy head against the cold window of the backseat, concentrating on the pleasantly calming music. In his mind's eye a pair of green knowing eyes flared up and he felt heat returning to his cheeks. He smiled when the cheeky perfect lips reappeared in his memory; somehow he knew they would give him some lovely troubled dreams.

…

When Castiel returned to work the following Monday he tried to avoid Gabe for as long as possible. He took his time to make a pot of coffee, he walked to the bistro to buy bagels, he even used the flight of stairs to return to the office. All of this to escape his grinning idiotic smirk for just one more minute. Of course, it was nonsensical to try playing this game all day, because Gabe WAS his partner after all, and he had to work with him all the time. Finally Castiel had gathered enough willpower to walk into the office space they shared, the coffee and bagels in his hands, and he rolled his eyes exasperated when Gabe already sat there on his chair, his legs lying comfortably on his desk, while he wore a broad grin on his face. Castiel answered to Gabe in his usual grumpy way, placing the grub on his and Gabe's desks calmly.

"Don't get me started, Gabe. It was a once in a lifetime experience that I have no intentions to repeat."

Gabe pursed his lips, overdramatizing as he gave Castiel a sad, disappointed look. Castiel sighed at that but couldn't help suppress the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth. Gabe was sometimes such a childish bastard, an adorable asshole Castiel had grown rather fond of during the years.

He sat down and booted his computer. There were already a few documents lying on his desk, all of them bearing the impress of "IMPORTANT" and "CONFIDENTIAL", most probably from their boss, and he thumbed through them quickly. The usual frown of his returned to his forehead when he realized there were some urgent things they had to finish today. Sometimes he thought his job was a joke. It was nothing like "The X-Files" or the crime series being on TV. In real life he travelled considerably less than shown on TV, there were less murders and less (well, obviously "no") aliens – and there certainly was less sexual intercourse than fictionally portrayed. Mostly, being an FBI agent was not so much different from being a cop (except that you had more privileges and a higher salary) – you had to make your patrols, interview witnesses – and unfortunately you had to do the alphabetical filing stuff as well.

"I bet our male sex worker friend would miss you. We should absolutely return there this weekend", Gabe suggested casually, squeezing his anti-aggression-softball with one hand, trying to make Castiel look up from the files. Castiel ignored him for a second as he typed in his super-safe password (including digits, special characters and upper-case letters – he passionately hated this password every working day).

"Gabe, you will find not one good sensible reason to convince me to return to that place. I told you, once in a lifetime experience, that was it. You had your fun, I had no fun, end of the story", he mumbled when the computer told him the password was wrong, probably he had made a typing error. He froze in his motions when he heard Gabe chuckle pretty amused and when he looked up he met the man's eyes. Gabe's features became serious again, but there was a teasing undertone in his words when he spoke again, and a frisky glimmer in his eyes as he observed Castiel closely.

"You keep telling yourself that. But I saw how you looked at that dude. Hell, you even blushed, you were mute with speechlessness. If I hadn't been there to save your ass you might have ended up in this hooker's bed."

"You're supposed to say sex worker", Castiel mumbled, returning his focus to his computer. He knew Gabe was grinning at him like an idiot and that he was totally ignoring his comment, but there was no way he was going to talk about his "feelings" for that dude with Gabe – certainly not at work. He was relieved when Gabe decided it was probably enough ribbing regarding the early hour. Gabe also returned his attention to his computer and some files, and soon both of them were working efficiently and highly concentrated. Sometimes Castiel felt a smile flash over his lips when his memories drifted to that night in the brothel, and if Gabe detected it, he kept it to himself.

Castiel had no idea how Gabe had managed it this second time to convince him to party at the brothel again – perhaps because their weeks had been utterly nasty and strenuous. There had been disgusting amounts of paperwork, crime scenes that were without acceptable traces or hints, barely perceptible witnesses, and it had been raining all week; overall, it had been shitty five working days, and all Castiel wanted to do was to get wasted and forget some of the stress. And suddenly Gabe's offer to have a drink at the brothel ("The beverages are good there! They have happy hour on Friday's! You could look at some nice girls and relax a bit!") didn't seem so out of place or irrelevant when Castiel had called it a day that late Friday afternoon.

He told himself it didn't matter where they were going to hang out, but inwardly he was shivering and screaming with anticipation of facing the possibility to see the mysterious man again. He didn't want to exaggerate when he searched in his wardrobe for clothes, but he felt the urge to look handsome tonight. After a moment of hesitation he donned a tight black shirt, some worn out loose jeans and a blue, plaid button-down shirt. Fair enough, he thought, when he eyed himself in the mirror. As he captured his own gaze he became suddenly aware that he was thinking about the stuff he was wearing and the way other people would see him. He frowned and tried to remember when that had happened for the last time.

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Castiel and Gabe were in an unusual good mood that night – the stress from their workweek faded away with each drunk beer or shot. Soon the two men were talking animatedly about anything but their jobs. At first Castiel made an effort to block out the surrounding, because he told himself it really wasn't that important where they were spending their Friday evening – and because he was still a nervous wreck when he tried to calculate the likelihood of meeting the handsome dude again. But sooner or later Castiel didn't give a damn about his whereabouts, and he assumed he had to thank the idiotic amounts of alcohol for that. Gabe didn't seem to chase the girls tonight either, so all in all it was a relaxing evening they spent together.

They were currently downing another round of shots to which Gabe had convinced Castiel of – Gabe was always highly successful in persuading Castiel when Castiel was wasted (which mostly only ever happened when he was with Gabe, paradoxically). Castiel was snickering madly when Gabe explained to him why "Dawn of the Dead" was a good movie and the last editions of "Hellraiser" were not; Castiel didn't really comprehend the content of their rather onesided conversation, but Gabe was talking with so much passion and presented such ridiculous arguments that Castiel couldn't help himself but laugh heartily while his hand was desperately clinging to the counter. That changed immediately though, when he heard a familiar voice resounding closely next to him.

"Wanna share a joke?"

Castiel stopped laughing and sobered up straight away. He turned around and noticed only slightly that Gabe had stopped talking. In front of him the stranger from the other night stood – a coy but somehow smart smile playing around his lips. His gorgeous green eyes considered Castiel thoughtfully, and there was an enticing twinkle lit in them. It seemed the unknown man only had eyes for Castiel. And Castiel was nothing but a mess, his intestines were tumbling down; his heart missed a beat when he recognized the man wore no shirt, only tight washed out jeans. Castiel's eyes trailed down the taut chest, the lean torso, down to the protruding hipbones and the defined muscles of the man's abdomen. Then they wandered back to the steeled upper arms and his broad shoulders. For a second Castiel's gaze lingered on the man's throat and his clavicle.

"You're on time", he heard Gabe comment joyfully behind him, but he didn't really pay attention to it. In his inebriated state Castiel felt dizzy as his eyes met the stranger's, and he realized the man was observing him while he was gaping at him unabashedly. There was a knowing look in those pensive green eyes, and if Castiel hadn't been drunk he might have thought he had caught a blush on the man's cheeks. Castiel's lips were agape, he felt his throat constricting with an emotion he couldn't quite comprehend; but his heart was pounding violently in his chest, he could hear its erratic beats in his ears – he was unable to take off his eyes from the stunning man in front of him. There was an aura around him that made Castiel want to fall down to his knees and worship him. Then his brain started thinking again, and confusion mingled with suspicion.

"What do you mean, he's on time?", he growled and slowly he turned around to Gabe. His partner gave him a wink and an innocent smile, then he raised his glass to him dramatically.

"I did you a favour, my friend. Bought you a little quality time with our fella here", he slurred amusedly.

"No one told you to. I don't remember asking you for a favour, Gabe", Castiel growled, ignoring the presence of the man so close to them and in audible range. For a short moment he was really angry with Gabriel for pulling this kind of shit on him, but then again he mused Gabe hadn't exactly spent too much thoughts on this idea. Maybe he had really only meant well with that. He wondered how much money it must have cost him.

"Ouch. I can sense some kind of rejection here. Again", the male prostitute behind him said, and Castiel turned quickly around to him again. The man seemed somewhat disappointed and his smile became strangely melancholic. Castiel felt his insides brace themselves at that, and a weird sentiment of a thirst for adventure and courage veiled his not-so-sober mind. He got up from his barstool on wobbly legs, then he faced Gabe again. He patted his shoulder and announced "Alright then. Whatever you think is best."

A flash of confusion shot through his stomach when he felt a warm hand grasping his resolutely. He felt slender fingers gliding through the gaps of his hand and intertwining with his fingers perfectly. Castiel looked at the man, who observed him with a long steady gaze. Again Castiel felt speechless when he noticed the dilated pupils of his counterpart, and he asked himself if he was to blame for that lustful glance.

Castiel didn't object when the man continued holding his hand as he led him away. He saw Gabe clicking his tongue and giving him the thumbs up, but he was too enchanted to process the facts. All he could concentrate on were the sway of the perfect ass walking in front of him in this way too tight jeans, the hand holding his; their palms began to become sweaty, and their warm perspiration mingled. He saw the strong back of the man, the fine blonde hairline on his neck, as he was guiding him to a single room. Castiel thought he really shouldn't be here, but this man was so tantalizing that he couldn't think clearly. He felt as if he was walking on clouds, as if he couldn't hear right – all he wanted to do was to lay eyes on him for as long as possible.

The man opened the door to a room with blackened windows and a broad double bed. Three bedside lamps enlightened the room sparsely; the walls were black as well, probably provided with some sort of rinse-able wallpaper. The man let go of Castiel's hand once they were inside and he shut the door. There was a moment of hesitation and consideration when they stood only barely a meter apart from each other, facing the other man, estimating, while shaky deep breaths escaped both of them.

Before Castiel had a choice to tell the man nothing was going to happen between them (although he wasn't too sure he didn't want that), the man leaned forward and bend his head. It took a second for Castiel to understand what he was up to, then he felt open mouthed kisses on his neck, bedewing his skin sensually slowly. He thought he could feel a tongue licking from his neck to the shell of his ear, and his abdomen convulsed when he perceived the hot wet breaths of the stranger, warming the hair behind his ear. His hands came up as if by magic and he placed them on the bare shoulders of the man, holding on to him ecstatically. He felt strong flesh and bones under his fingertips and he pondered why something so simple felt so good. Castiel breathed in the heady scent of he man; he perceived his immense heat seeping through his own shirt.

The man started touching him gently; his hands clutched at Castiel's shirt, played with the hem of it. Castiel froze when warm fingers slid under it and stroked his chest underneath. He felt the effect it had on him when he heard the man moan softly into his ear; the hooker pressed his pelvis harshly against Castiel's, and warmth spread between them. The atmosphere was intoxicating as their chests moved together, there was a breathtaking tension between them. The man groped Castiel's butt and started opening Castiel's jeans with skilled motions. Only then did Castiel's mind clear up, and he realized he was rock hard and heavily making out with a hooker whose name he didn't even know. The stranger did not even look at him when he tilted his head again and bit Castiel's neck softly, making Castiel moan and shiver against him. He perceived the man's hand was moving down, cupping Castiel's erection through his jeans.

Finally some sense came back to Castiel and he put his hand above the man's and prevented him from continuing. With reddened cheeks he searched for the man's stunning eyes and when he returned Castiel's look Castiel smiled gingerly at him.

"That's not going to happen that way", he simply said.

**TBC**

So, let me know what you think! It seems I will update every 2 days now, because otherwise my visit of a festival will intervene hehe…


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you** for your lovely feedback and for staying with me! I have to underline my slow built warning however, sorry… There's some smut in some chapters but there's also a plot involved, yeah, damn right, a plot!, and I want to stick to it hahaha… so I hope you have a little patience with me that there's not only smut all along the line…

**Chapter 4**

The man broke away from Castiel but his arms remained loosely draped around the agent's waist. He looked into his flushed face and smiled slowly, his eyes were gleaming in the dimness.

"Whatever you say, man. You're calling the shots for the next hour. I'll do whatever you want, except kissing, that's my only rule", he said confidently, and Castiel's mouth fell slightly open. Actually he wanted to tell the man that not one sexual thing was going to happen between them, but then he started to doubt his intentions; after all, he really had a thing for this man. He was so attractive and infatuating that Castiel had breathing trouble; the caresses of his skilled hands still burnt on Castiel's skin, his body vibrated. And he was aroused, he could not deny that. For a moment he wavered between his wants and fantasies and his morals. He growled when he felt his aching leaking dick forcing him to make a decision quickly.

He let his forehead fall against the hot sweaty one of the hooker and closed his lids. He felt his shaky breaths mingle with the other man's, his world started to spin madly as his hands came up and found their safe spot on the bare hips of the stranger; unknowingly his fingernails dug into the soft flesh. He heard the man exhale a sigh and he thought he heard him smile.

"I want...", Castiel mumbled, trying to voice the vision which almost made him come right here and then in his pants. The clasp of the man's hands around his waist tightened and he noticed he pressed his crotch sharply against Castiel's again, making him gasp surprised. "Say it", he heard the man whisper seductively, and Castiel realized he was beginning to sweat; hot drops of sweat that were forming on his neck and torso and his forehead, which was still leaning against the man's.

"I want you to touch yourself... I wanna see you come", Castiel uttered, and he was stunned by the dark raspy sound of his voice – thick with lust and need. He perceived the low chuckle rumbling through the man's body, shaking with it; for a horrible second he thought the man was laughing at him, but then he said "Voyeuristic, huh? I like that...", and then he finally broke away from Castiel and gave him a wink. He left him standing in the middle of the room with a throbbing hard erection in his uncomfortable jeans, and Castiel only had eyes for him – enchanted he watched him how he laid down on the bed calmly, certain of his deeds.

When the man lay on his back he opened his jeans slowly, his eyes never leaving Castiel's. A cheeky smile came to the man's lips when he let his gaze roam over Castiel's body, ultimately coming to rest on the obvious bulge in Castiel's jeans.

"Why don't you make yourself comfortable? Sit down", the man offered, and Castiel awoke from his slumbering state. His eyes searched for a chair or something akin, but there was only the double bed. As his eyes returned to the stranger, he saw he was grinning at him and patted the bedside next to him. Castiel wasn't ashamed when it came to sex, but he was inexperienced with men and the hooker's smashing appearance and his self-assurance intimidated him.

He sat down next to him cautiously, letting his eyes glide over the body not even half a meter away from his. He looked down at the man who was looking up into his eyes, examining Castiel closely for his part. He bit his bottom lip and out of the corner of Castiel's eyes he could see the man's hand was wandering down, sliding to his opened jeans. He tugged them down impatiently and Castiel couldn't help but gape at the other's leaking pink dick being revealed. He saw the man's thumb moving over the head, spreading precome over his sensitive skin. Then the man wrapped his hand around his length; he let it glide up and down slowly and Castiel could see he squeezed himself forcefully. A low moan made him lock his eyes on the man's face again.

His forehead was sweaty and crinkled with a mask of tortured lust. His lids where closed for a while as he continued stroking himself rhythmically, his mouth was slightly opened. Castiel felt flabbergasted and nervously excited. The sight the man created was overwhelming and Castiel felt his dick twitch aroused when he heard the soft sighs and the uneven breaths. Then he felt green wells observing him again, and through half-lidded eyes the man continued studying Castiel's face and his upper body restlessly. His hand started jerking himself off faster and he bit his bottom lip again. Castiel watched him as his eyes wandered to his neck, fixing on his Adam's apple. The man groaned and his eyes rolled to the back of his head; he writhed in the sheets and his hips thrust into the air several times; he started fucking into his tight fist desperately, throaty moans were escaping his perfect swollen lips.

In an instant Castiel noticed the stranger's other hand seized his shirt in a fist and he pulled Castiel closer, so that they were face to face. Castiel could breathe in his unsteady exhales, they bedewed his lips and warmed them. He couldn't help but feel more and more aroused when the man's breathing hitched and the smacking quick noises resounded in his ears. They stared into each other's eyes, Castiel was clinging to every sound the man made, every twitch that was running through his body as he tensed up. He wanted to kiss those plump red lips, they were only an inch or two apart from his. A longing was stirred in Castiel's guts when the man detected the want in his eyes and whispered "No kisses". Castiel smiled a bit. The man's hand let go of his now wrinkled shirt and his fingers grasped the dark hair at the back of Castiel's head.

He brought Castiel's face even closer to his, applying a tiny amount of pressure to which Castiel complied immediately. He heard and saw the stutters of the man's body, his moans became high-pitched sounds and whimpers. Through half-lidded eyes did they observe each other, and Castiel had the hunch he would be coming in his jeans after all. He didn't even have to touch himself; the sounds and the sight of the man were both so arousing and satisfying that he doubted he needed any help with reaching a thunderous orgasm. He watched the man tense up and breathing in sharply. As far as Castiel could bend his head he could see strained muscles – the shoulders were stiff, the strong upper arms showed their muscles, and the taut stomach shivered under pleasure.

There was an exasperated squeak and Castiel's eyes fled to the man's face which was bathed in lust and relief as he came, a low moan vibrating through his throat. Castiel watched him as the orgasm washed over him; briefly he saw his hips buckling on the mattress while hot white spurts of cum squirted out of his dick. He was sure he would never be able to forget the way the man's clothed thighs quavered, nor the happy sounds he made. A wave of hot pleasure clutched Castiel and he felt his abdomen convulse vehemently as he came in his pants. His hand reached out for some hold and he found the underarm of the hand still buried in his hair. He couldn't control it as his lids fell close and he felt hot come wetting his boxers. A soft moan of him rang out and for a second Castiel felt wonderfully dizzied and like floating on a river of sensuality.

When he slowly came down from his high he felt slender fingers stroking through his hair gently. As they were sliding down his cheek and jaw tenderly, he opened his eyes again and drowned in the satisfied pools of green observing him. There was a wonderful mellow smile on the kissable red lips; Castiel leaned in to the pleasing caress and rested his face against the warm sweaty hand. For a while all they could do was stare at each other, feeling delight when they watched the other man pant heavily and smile mischievously.

**TBC**

As always, feedback is appreciated…!


	5. Chapter 5

Wow, thanks for your interest you're making me nervous and giddy haha... As always, I really appreciate your feedback winkwink... Yesterday I finished chapter 15, so there will definitely be updates within the next two weeks...hooray...!

**Chapter 5**

At long last the man removed his sweaty hot hand from Castiel's flushed cheek. His eyes scanned Castiel's face, searching for a reaction or an emotion, but Castiel was still too perplexed and worn out from his orgasm that he couldn't do otherwise but stare and breathe dumbstruck.

"That wasn't half bad", the prostitute offered as a start, and it brought Castiel back down to earth. He smiled gingerly and wiped a hand over his face as if he wanted to brush away the sweat and the amazement. Now the inebriation and tiredness returned to him, and his mind felt clearer and more focussed. He saw the stranger bend to the nightstand next to him as he fetched wet tissues for their clean-up. He cleaned himself quite pragmatically and quickly, then he crumpled the tissues up and threw them on the ground.

"Pretty understatement, I guess", Castiel mumbled as he studied him in his movements. "I came in my pants watching a guy in action whose name I don't even know. And you call it half bad", he grinned and the man raised an eyebrow, a cheeky smirk came to his mouth.

"First of all, I only did what you asked me for. Secondly, I had my fun, and I guess there are other descriptions for that than "half bad". Oh, and lastly, you can call me whatever you want." The man laid down again and sighed in pleasure, a smug smile painted on his relaxed face when he observed Castiel, his head rested on his hand while his elbow was propped up. Castiel turned around and lay completely down next to him on his side, mirroring his position. He let his gaze glide over the man's body up to his face, and he couldn't help but return the smile. He really found the man captivating, and he needed to know his name at the very least. He wanted to know the name of the man who had made him feel incredibly aroused so easily.

"Would you tell me your name if I asked nicely?", he flirted, wearing his best charismatic smile. He barely had time to be surprised about his behaviour, because Castiel never flirted, not even when he had a good day. However, being around this frisky man felt easy, and it made Castiel act frivolous and unconcerned. The man beheld him with a strangely pensive gaze and his eyes narrowed in slight confusion.

"Why would you want to know?", he asked in return, and Castiel thought he had grasped an undertone of defence and suspicion. He wondered why the man felt so reluctant to reveal his name, but on the other hand, he mused, it was just a form of self-protection. Castiel let his own fingers glide through his damp hair as he supported his head on his hand. He felt the exhaustion and the alcohol pumping through his system, and it made him defenceless and unable to play a charade.

"Because there's a lot I want to know about you", he answered honestly, wondering where this conversation was going to. Honesty seemed to calm the man and he smiled a gorgeous smile which enlightened his beautiful green eyes. Castiel felt breathless watching the smile appear on his features.

"You realize this is not a dating agency, right? I'm just a hooker." Castiel had to burst out laughing at that, remembering Gabe's and his previous conversations on that matter. He became swiftly serious again though, when he noticed the man gave him an irritated, ill-humoured look, asking what was so funny.

"Nothing", Castiel sighed, "I thought you preferred the term sex worker, that's all..."

He heard and saw the man scoff amusedly at that, and he marvelled at his fine facial features lighten up.

"Whatever the term, I know what I am. A whore is a whore is a whore", he stated, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly. Castiel felt uneasy at this and kind of dumbfounded. He had a hunch that the man wanted to distract from any further personal questions, and he wasn't quite sure whether he wanted to go along with it.

However, the man took the wind out of Castiel's sails as he bend his upper body forward and brought his lips exceptionally close to Castiel's mouth. The green predatory eyes aroused his attention while he breathed in the hot exhales of the man fanning against his jaw and bottom lip. He saw a waggish smile illuminating the man's whole face and Castiel was torn between awe and a thrill of pleasure. The way the prostitute smiled, combined with his clear green eyes, made Castiel's stomach tingle with a sentiment of weightlessness.

"While we're at it, why don't we get back to business? You still have half an hour left, tiger", he mumbled seductively, his lips so nigh to Castiel's that he could sense the vibration and movement of his sinful mouth. Castiel was speechless at that, and goosebumps were spreading on his arms and back. Utter, frantic desire ate him up when he studied those perfect plump lips he wanted to dive in to, which he wanted to claim with his one in passionate aggressive kisses – and he could not, because that was the only thing being denied to him. He really was sexually sated for the nonce, but leaving the man didn't feel like an enjoyable option.

Since there was no way he could get at least one single kiss, be it a chaste or a naughty one, he decided to make the most of the thirty minutes he still had with the man. He knew he would probably never return to this place, and after the thing that had happened between the two of them a few minutes ago, he assumed there weren't a lot of things he could pronounce now that would besmirch his good name even more. Not that he wanted to impress this hooker, nor that it was important to him what he thought of him (or was it?). Furthermore, he was glad that whatever would happen between them, would stay in this room – it was nobody's business but their own, and for that Castiel was grateful. No dumb questions, implications or complications.

He pulled back from the man's tempting nearness and studied his face with a tender smile. He wanted to reach out so badly and touch him, let his fingers glide through those soft short blonde strands, but he wasn't sure this was acceptable behaviour for a hooker's customer. The green eyes seemed worried through Castiel's silence already, and Castiel feared the man was thinking Castiel was fantasizing about weird heinous sex practices.

"I don't know if you've ever heard a customer say that to you, but... I would really like to lay down with you and, I don't know... just lay here for a while with you, if that's alright."

Indeed the stranger's eyes widened in surprise and his smile became tentative when he searched for genuineness in Castiel's face, but since Castiel was telling the truth, and because it was a real wish of him, the man couldn't help but exhale a breathy laugh at that. Instead of a provided answer he just lay down and touched Castiel's side to make him lie down as well. Castiel was pleased to realize it did not matter to the man to touch him, and that he himself wasn't bothered by it, yet rather enchanted.

So they lay there side by side for the next half hour, studying the other's face, while the man's fingers roamed carelessly and gently over Castiel's body, supplying him with little fond caresses. Castiel enjoyed his slender fingers gliding through his dark hair, the way they wandered down his cheek, his neck... He loved the way the stranger's eyes beheld him – there he saw the hint of emotions, something akin to passion and pure interest; he adored to be considered with such an attentive manner, and somehow he mused this was no ordinary night, neither for him, nor for the stranger. An unspoken thickness lay in the air, it was sensible in the way they looked at each other, in the way their breaths came so slowly and in the same rhythm of the other man. Castiel felt at ease.

He couldn't help feel entranced when the delicate fingertips ran over his forearm again, gliding along the fragile skin of his wrist; he shuddered at the intense sensation, his skin seemed to burn and tense up wherever the fingers touched him. He saw a loveable smile gracing the man's lips when he realized what his little touches were doing to Castiel, how they were wrecking him bit by bit. The green eyes bore a knowing expression, and Castiel thought they were looking right through him.

"You really are a looker, you know", the man's raspy voice quietly said after a while, and Castiel's heart skipped a beat. He bathed in the sensation of a simple compliment like that, it was spoken with such honesty, coming from a man like this on top of that, that Castiel felt muddled and happy simultaneously.

"You too", he answered thoughtlessly, not paying too much attention to self-control. It felt right to say whatever was on his tongue, because the man had that effect on him, a weird infatuating aura, which made Castiel strip off all his layers of daily routine and protective masks.

Wild knocks against the closed door startled both of them; a rough male voice yelled "Time is up, next customer's waiting!"

The man broke away from Castiel naturally, and he got up and started dressing himself again. Castiel understood he had to go now; clumsily he donned his coat and fixed his jeans. It was weird, standing in front of each other in the same way they had done so one hour ago, especially after all that had happened ever since. The stranger smiled his charming smile and straightened the collar of Castiel's coat calmly; he let his gaze travel over Castiel's face one last time, then he patted his shoulder kindly.

"My name is Dean, by the way", he said, looking down. In that moment the brightest smile crawled to Castiel's mouth, because he grasped the man had revealed one of his secrets to him, and it felt damn good.

"Castiel", he replied cool-headed. He barely had enough cerebral matter left to worry about his behaviour, but he could observe himself lean forward boldly, and he placed a tender chaste kiss to the stubbly cheek of the man, and he let him, which amazed Castiel even more. The odour and the sweet sweaty taste of his soft skin clung to his lips like a drug, maddening.

He was grinning when he left the man in his room, he was still grinning throughout the cab ride home – he still wore this dorky grin on his mouth when he lay in bed and fell asleep.

**TBC**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The next morning wasn't as pleasant as the night before as reality set in, and after a few minutes of waking up, Castiel understood he had to deal with the consequences sooner or later. Aka Gabe, who would grin at least an entire week about Castiel's behaviour last night, and he would ask personal and intimate questions, and then he would start talking about kinky things, which would make Castiel blush and feel embarrassed. He lay in his bed for a while and stared a the ceiling. Outside rain was falling constantly, and its sound mingled with the tumult in his brain. He dreaded Monday. He really had no appetite for Gabe's knowing looks and his questions. However, he did not regret what he had done yesterday, and a faint smile touched his slightly chapped lips.

He let his hand sift through his dark ruffled hair while giddiness prickled down his entire spine. He took a deep breath when a funny feeling made his hair stand on end – there he saw them again, in his mind's eye, as clear as a mountain lake and as bright as the sun, the clear green eyes, the soft cheeky smile... Absentmindedly Castiel let his hand glide to his neck, where he had been kissed last night, where teeth had scraped over his skin. He shuddered excitedly, feeling his chest tense up as he remembered the fine structure of those perfect lips touching his skin ever so lightly and teasingly.

A name was glued to his brain, and a hot swirl grasped him forcefully when he pronounced it in his mind several times. Dean... The name to the attractive man that had been such an arousing sight that he had experienced incredible orgasm waves clutching his body desperately. Just the mere thought of Dean masturbating made Castiel hard, and with a groan he rolled to his side, his hand wandering in between his legs. Carefully he let his hand slip into his boxers, and he winced with a whimper when he touched his throbbing erection. He was so hard, he was already too sensitive to the touch, and he gasped when he slowly wrapped his hand around him and started pumping into his fist. His lids fell shut and he let out a shaky exhale, his hand finding a perfect slow pace to please him. Memories of Dean spilled over him; he saw his delicate fingers giving it to him, he saw the plump pink lips opened in mute screams... His low, gentle moans resounded as an echo in Castiel's ear; everything inside him burnt, and pressure coiled within him, threatening to suffocate him like a rope.

He bit his bottom lip and his hand speeded up. He moaned into his pillow, when the idea of Dean's eyes watching him overwhelmed him. They had shared such a sparkling chemistry, the way their eyes had rested on the other... Castiel wanted to experience this again. Quickly his mind drifted to wild daydreams; he imagined he could feel the heated skin underneath his fingertips again, and he longed for the knowledge of tasting these sweet lips just once. Castiel squeezed his dick with shaky fingers when he came, and he felt his eyes roll into the back of his head. He was surprised by the intensity of his orgasm, and for a while he couldn't stop bucking his hips into the mattress and moan unrestrainedly, Dean's name on the tip of his tongue. Heat and convulsions shook his body and relief washed over him, making his body go incredibly limp.

When he came down slowly, still panting and soaked with sweat, he let his hand fall down on his forehead. Realization hit him hard, that he felt immensely attracted to Dean. And he had no clue what to do about it.

…

Castiel spent the next hours cleaning up his apartment; it was a Saturday, and there wasn't much he needed to do anyway. Constant unrest had taken over him since this morning, and tidying up was one of the few things that always calmed him down. It was easier to focus on spots on the kitchen floor and on bin bags than to focus on Dean's eyes, Dean's smile, his touches... With a frown Castiel knelt on the floor and scrubbed it, knowing he would have sore muscles from this position tomorrow. In the afternoon, Castiel felt much calmer, and when he drank a cup of coffee and let his eyes wander through his apartment, a self-satisfied smile appeared on his lips. It vanished into thin air though, when his phone rang and startled him. He looked at the display and detected Gabe's name; he let it ring for a few seconds, then he decided he couldn't outrun him forever. Having a talk about it now would be million times better than having it on Monday in their office. With a sigh he picked the phone up and answered the call.

"What?", he asked not too friendly and with his usual funeral voice. A chuckle on the other end of the line dampened his spirits even more and he made a frown. What was so funny, he wondered.

"So? Did you have a good night?", Gabe equivocated, Castiel could already picture him wiggle his eyebrows.

"Can't complain, Gabe. Thanks for that", he answered tersely, promising himself he wouldn't tell any details.

"And what exactly do you mean with that?", Gabe asked, his voice revealing his curiosity utterly, and it made Castiel smile. The cheeky bastard was always hot for all the gory details; sometimes Castiel assumed Gabe was only working for the FBI because he was a tattle-tale and starving for the fascinating abysses of human nature.

"You know me, Gabe, a gentleman never tells", Castiel grinned; the annoyed groan of Gabe cheered him up somehow. Castiel grabbed his cup of coffee and lay down on his sofa, his limbs thankful for the break. He became serious again when he collected the thoughts of the last hours, a wrenched sigh escaping his lips.

"But seriously, Gabe. I'm glad you did it because you know I don't have the balls for something like that. But please, don't do this ever again, okay? It's not something a decent fellow should do, and you know, I'm not judging you, but I don't want to frequent any brothel for an eternity now."

"What? Are you telling me you didn't like it? Is that it?", Gabe asked in astonishment. Castiel shook his head slightly amused at that – he didn't want to assume Gabe was a man without morals, but that he simply couldn't imagine someone not enjoying to visit a brothel left a bitter taste in his mouth.

"No, Gabe, that's not it. It's just... we're both FBI agents, alright? In the United States most brothels aren't even legal, so we shouldn't be in those place for a start. And you may call me uptight and a moralizer, but I don't want to exploit someone's body in exchange for money. It just doesn't feel right."

There was an awkward silence at the other end, and Castiel feared he had made Gabe puke with his little sermon. The next time Gabe spoke, Castiel realized the adult logic part of Gabe had taken over; whenever Gabe talked with him like that, Castiel could feel the five years separating them, and he couldn't help but feel like a little brother who got the tirade of his older brother.

"Holiest Cassie, let me ask you something. Don't you think you're being a little hypocrite here? You already did what you think is so immoral yesterday, didn't you. Now, I want you to ask yourself, did you enjoy it? Did it feel forced or one-sided? Because, if you had any brains at all, you would know I only did what I did because I saw the tension between you two. The air was practically gleaming with the sparks crackling between you guys, and I really, really don't think that dude felt exploited. Not with someone like you."

Castiel startled at Gabe's serious words and a cold shiver ran down his spine.

"What do you mean, with someone like me?" He was fearing the worst insults of Gabe, but they never came. A soft warm chuckle of his FBI partner made him relax into the sofa, and he sipped his coffee while he waited for Gabe's explanation.

"Cassie, you have 'decent guy' practically written all over you forehead. I mean, you can be one tough son of a gun and I wouldn't want to get into a fistfight with you, but your core is soft like baby skin. I think this dude knows you're not one of his usual customers, not an asshole or a fucking pervert. So I suggest you better understand you can have a clean conscience about it, 'kay?"

Castiel's throat felt constricted and too dry when the mere idea overran him – how Dean saw him, what he thought of him. It made his head swim and he felt glad he had barely touched the man; he definitely didn't want to appear like someone exploiting Dean against his will. Therefore he was too beautiful, too different; he seemed like someone special, had this unique vibe floating around him that made Castiel's knees melt and his heart stutter. He felt disgusted when he feared Dean could think ill of him, and in the next second he wondered why this was important to him.

He barely listened to Gabe as he rambled on, and only when he started saying his goodbye for the next week, Castiel was jolted out of his worries. Now that Gabe mentioned it, Castiel remembered that Gabe was on a vacation for the next week, a party-holiday with lots of alcohol and easy women – the one tradition Gabe was fond of performing every year. A part of him felt reluctant to work all on his own for the coming week, another was grateful that he could cling to his thoughts about Dean without being asked about it. The other part of him grew and diminished the other, and Castiel realized – he was already looking forward to ponder about Dean all the time and no one would be able to catch his thoughts. No, he was frigging thrilled.

**TBC**


	7. Chapter 7

See below for notes my lovely readers! Warning for mentions of crimes for this chapter…

**Chapter 7**

In honesty and sincerity, during the following week Castiel had not the luxury to think about Dean and his enticing manner. His head was spinning day and night thanks to a serial offender abducting and molesting small children. He had been hot on the trail of the abuser from Monday to Thursday, and it was frustrating to fail to meet him several times – what had been left behind where shocked traumatized parents and perplexed siblings, too young to understand the occurring crime. No night had passed in which Castiel hadn't have troubles falling asleep – the worried eyes of the bereaved were painted to his retina, their doubts and desperate questions were echoing in his ears. He had felt the urge to answer their questions, to find the SOB who was doing violence to those innocent children and their families – and on Friday they finally caught the bastard in his obscure retreat.

They had stormed the cellar of an old deserted wooden house, and there they had caught the middle-aged man in the act, kneeling on the floor, a boy laying in front of him; the man's greasy fingers were strangling the throat of a boy that couldn't be older than five, and Castiel had frozen in his movements when he saw the boy was already dead, his little torso spilled with crimson blood. A knife, besmeared with the child's blood lay on the concrete floor. With a frown Castiel realized the man was strangling the kid for his sick pleasure, and when he applied cuffs to him he was disgusted when he detected the man's erection. He let the other agents of his team lead the abuser away, and some of them found the still alive kids locked away in the upper floors of the house. Castiel couldn't shake off the feeling of failure when he knelt down next to the dead boy, his glassy blue eyes starring at him motionlessly.

He remembered their parents, a nice young couple, and this kid had been their only child. Castiel observed the child from head to toe and wondered what the innocent kid had had to suffer until he had died, certainly not in peace. Gently Castiel laid his palm flat on the boy's unbreathing chest as if to bring him a blessing, as if to give him his Last Rites, but the boy still looked awfully pale and unhealthy, and Castiel couldn't tear his eyes away from the dark bruises on his tiny lips.

Castiel had been allowed to leave the office early that Friday, his success of finding the serial offender spreading through the floor quickly. His boss came by to congratulate him for his efficient work, but Castiel couldn't be happy. He washed his hands in the sink of the restroom, washing off the dried blood of the boy. He quickly caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, his eyes staring at him intensely. He wished Gabe would have been here to cheer him up, instead he remembered what he had learned during his apprenticeship of the FBI. He was supposed to think of all the lives he had saved instead of the victims, that he had done the government and his fellow countrymen a favour by catching a criminal. However, the blood still seemed to be glued to his hands when he left work for this week and drove home to his apartment.

When Castiel was showered and newly dressed he sat down in front of his dark piano, an old worn out heirloom, feeling in his bones that he needed the distraction now. Thankfully the walls of the building were thick and the windows were soundproof, so that Castiel could play on the piano without having to fear the chance of disturbing his neighbours. His fingers warmed up with little exercises, then they slowly but surely started playing a sombre composition Castiel could easily play by heart. It was a slow gritty musical piece, which underlined the melancholy clutching Castiel's mind tightly. Frédéric Chopin's 'op. 28 no.4' spoke to him as if it was understanding him, and Castiel lost his thoughts in the music, in the way his fingers pressed the piano keys in a controlled way.

Soon the bitterness inside of him faded away, and he was left behind with a hunch of emptiness and exhaustion when his fingers ended playing Chopin. His remorse was still there, but so diminished that Castiel felt he could breathe again without these guilt pangs. He couldn't control his decision for the next composition, and his fingers started performing Liszt's "La Campanella", an ambitious delirious composition that required his concentration. A soft smile came to his lips when he got the notes right and when the vivid bassline escaped his left hand. Green clear eyes emerged in his mind's eye while the song became wilder, and he applied more pressure to the keys. His smile widened when the cocky smile of Dean appeared in his mind after this horrendous long week, and Castiel felt alive again, relieved, revived.

The sun's last yellow rays rested on his face and warmed his skin like a caress, the light refracted in his eyes, emphasizing the tender expression they were wearing. The next compositions Castiel played all dealt with themes of love and dreams, and when he finished an hour later, exhausted but calm and contented, he glanced around his apartment – it seemed empty, lifeless, and Castiel needed more distraction from his resentful brain. He felt traumatized and thoughtless when he mechanically grabbed his coat, his keys and his wallet – before he knew it he shut the door to his apartment and walked down the street, his feet carrying him to a cabstand by themselves.

Castiel felt shabby and almost himself like a criminal when he set foot in the brothel again. It seemed to become a habit. He knew he really shouldn't be here, and it was against his morals, but he also couldn't help feel drawn to this place, to the one man whose face never left his memory. The brothel was crowded, since it was a Friday night, and Castiel didn't waste time with ordering a drink. His heart pounded powerfully as his feet carried him to an elderly beastly man, who sat at a counter, clearly counting and managing money. Two stout bodyguards stood to either side of the counter and looked grimly at Castiel when he approached. His instincts told him this was the man he needed to give his money to if he wanted to see Dean this night. The man was chewing away on a cigar and gave Castiel an unimpressed look. He stopped counting the money and briefly asked "Who and how long?", to which Castiel immediately answered "Dean, one hour."

He would've spent his whole money for one entire night, but there were still bills he had to pay. His income as a fed wasn't nearly beggarly on the other hand. He paid the man a hundred bucks and was told that Dean was in his room; one of the bodyguards accompanied Castiel to the room and while they walked in silence through the crowd to the backrooms, Castiel felt even more like a criminal walking to his jail cell. He was guilty with want and need, and the urge to see Dean again – just one more time, he lied to himself, knowing that he possibly couldn't keep it that way.

The moment the bodyguard opened the door and left though, Castiel felt all guilt and concerns dissolve effortlessly: He saw Dean lying on his bed, only dressed in worn-out, tight jeans, bare-footed; he was drinking a glass of whiskey and seemed completely relaxed. He turned his head to observe his customer, and he froze in his motions when he realized it was Castiel again. Castiel was pleased, thinking he had detected thrilled excitement flashing in the gorgeous green eyes, and his heart skipped several beats when he slowly entered the room and shut the door behind him.

Dean sat up and placed the glass on the nightstand, a smug smirk appearing on his soft lips. Castiel's eyes never left his when he pulled off his coat with trembling fingers. He thought he couldn't breathe any longer when Dean's eyes rested calmly on his, his gaze steady and welcoming. Castiel took several deep breaths and walked to the bed, sitting down on its edge cautiously. He could already perceive Dean's incredible heat seep through to him, warming his skin like fire. Castiel's eyes glided down Dean's bare taut chest, over planes of soft flesh clad in flexible muscles, and smooth tanned skin; he had to gulp down a lump of nervousness when the sight aroused him, a hot shiver prickling down his spine. To see Dean's chest rise and fall with every breath was enchanting, and ease of mind came over him.

It was like an electric shock when he felt Dean's slender fingers grabbing his hand and holding it gently in his. For a moment Castiel regarded their hands intertwined like this, Dean's thumb stroking the back of his hand endlessly. Castiel looked up gingerly, and he detected a soft smile on Dean's mouth. Startled he returned the smile and looked away again, incapable of staring into those bright green eyes longer. He felt his cheeks blush to a deep red, while his breathing quickened and his heart started beating a mad pace. Dean's delicate fingertips moved against his perfectly, and the man moved closer, his warm breath ghosting over Castiel's slightly opened lips. If he bent his head towards him one more inch they would have been able to kiss each other. Castiel allowed himself to raise his eyes to Dean's, and for a few painful seconds they looked at the other, flustered and impassioned.

Castiel took in Dean's handsome features, and something constricted his throat – memories of the last time he had been here made his head swim. His body seemed to vibrate forcefully when he remembered how he had touched himself with the vivid images of Dean. Dean moved even closer and his lips almost touched Castiel's. Through half-lidded eyes Castiel observed him, breathing in shuddering inhales, trying to withstand kissing him.

"It's good to see you again", Dean said quietly, and then he tilted his head to place a sweet kiss on Castiel's cheek. Castiel's lids closed and he inhaled the beguiling scent of Dean deeply.

**TBC**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I wanna thank you for sticking with this story and giving it a try – it makes me very happy and I hope I won't bore you to death. Secondly, I think I will be posting a playlist or listing of all the songs I used in this story once it's finished, because there will be a few more mentioned. If you're not completely averse classical music you should listen to the piano songs Castiel plays, I e.g. love them and I think they're not too incomprehensible compared to 'normal' music. Until the next update and tons of love! Yours, mos


	8. Chapter 8

Thank you for the kind reviews and the overall approval of this story so far! As always, feedback is appreciated...

**Chapter 8**

He trembled and sighed quietly when Dean's mouth wandered down from his cheek to his jaw to his throat, placing open-mouthed wet kisses on his skin. He felt teeth scraping over his neck, a skilled tongue tracing lines down to the neckline of his shirt. Dean nibbled at the protruding bone of his clavicle and Cas couldn't help melt against Dean's frame when the hooker's arms came around his waist protectively. He let his forehead fall against Dean's temple and brought his arms around his naked muscular back too, holding him cautiously. Dean stopped in his movements as Castiel pressed his head against Dean's and hid his face in the crook between Dean's shoulder and neck. For a while they sat like this opposite of each other, just holding the other man; Castiel did nothing else but breathe and feel, feel every fibre of Dean's body moving under his palms. His scent was pleasant, his warmth soothing, and Castiel felt calm for the first time this week.

"Are you alright?", Dean asked concerned, one hand moving to Castiel's hair, his fingers sifting through the dark strands tentatively. Castiel couldn't deny that he enjoyed those touches more than being healthy for him, and he grimaced at the thought of Gabe seeing him like this. Fortunately Dean didn't see his frown, because he wanted him to keep going the little ministrations. He nodded against Dean's smooth skin and disengaged from him slowly, embarrassed about his loss of control. Usually he was able to restrain himself, but as soon as he had seen Dean again, all of his attempts of composure had become futile.

"Just a rough week", he explained, loving the feel of Dean's palm sliding down his cheek. He placed one of his hands above Dean's to keep it in place, and his lids closed again when he bent his head towards the caress, concentrating on the texture of Dean's skin. A few breaths later Dean let go of him and laid down on his back again, and Castiel opened his eyes and followed him, laying down on his side to watch Dean. Dean smiled gently at him, his eyes darting over Castiel's features.

"You wanna talk about it?", Dean offered. Castiel let out a bitter chuckle and scoffed.

"What, about homicide or the mental chasms of humanity? Or perversions of sick criminal minds?", he said and a frown of confusion and apprehension appeared on Dean's forehead.

"Please don't tell me you're a serial killer", he said jokingly, but honest concern seemed to veil his mind. Castiel grinned and bit back a laugh. He could already hear Gabe's hysteric laughter at the mere thought.

"No, I'm a fed. I just see weird and disgusting things from time to time. And this week's been nasty. I've been having troubles shaking a few events off..."

Dean winked at him and cocked his head, a mischievous smirk gracing his lips. He let one finger trail down Castiel's clothed chest, the thin layer of his shirt dulling the thrilling touch. Castiel thought his fingertip was like fire, burning his torso efficiently, and he felt transfixed with longing for more.

"You know... I can think of a few things we could do to relax you... get your mind off of it...", he suggested, his words nothing but sweet provocative invitations. Dean's hand seized Castiel's waist vigorously and pulled him close; he turned around in a lithe movement and pressed his body flush against Castiel's. Again they were face to face, and so close that Castiel felt his lids flutter – the odour of Dean, mingled with the warmth of his body and the touch of their chests against each other, was enough to make him blush hard and become light-headed. He felt as if in a dream when he breathed in the other man's exhales. His lips were drawing nearer and nearer, and Castiel could hear the loud thuds of his heart inside his torso. When he drowned in Dean's meadow-green eyes he detected his pupils were dilated, dark with ravenous hunger for him. His nervousness returned quickly, not used to being looked at with that much obvious desire and he felt compelled to gently shove Dean an inch away.

Confusion arose in Dean's handsome features and he wrinkled his forehead at the unmistakable rejection.

Castiel bit his bottom lip, perceiving his hard-on throbbing against his black slacks almost painfully; his stature trembled with repressed yearning, his appetite for Dean clouded his mind. However, the intoxication of the intimate moment and Dean's availability impressed Castiel with awe. Of course he wanted to reach out his hand and touch Dean, and he longed for nothing more than his caresses and being near to him; but it also made him speechless and afraid with terror of wanting this so much so soon.

He had never been with a man, and though he craved for Dean, he didn't want to prey on him. Whenever he sank into those green eyes and registered his delicate smile, Castiel wanted more than brain-damaging sex. He wanted to envelope Dean in his arms and hold him there for a millennia, just to feel him breathe, just to hear his heavenly voice forevermore. This notion scared him, because it had never been like that in his life. Surely, there had been a few relationships before, commitment, warming love – but none of the women he had been with had stirred such an inferno in Castiel, burning him thoroughly and in this distortive manner. Dean was like fire, and he was certain he was going to burn himself. Dean looked rather pissed and Castiel understood he had to explain himself quickly to Dean before the man started getting mad at him.

"Don't get me wrong, Dean... I... I really want to...uh... do a lot of things with you. It's just... you're the first man I'm with, and, well... I need more time to get used to these new feelings... Their intensity kinda creeps me out", he confessed gently, and a bewildered smile veiled Dean's features, as if he couldn't believe what Castiel was saying. Castiel understood it was somehow ridiculous to tell a prostitute he was too petrified for having sexual intercourse with him, regarding they were laying side by side in a brothel's room on the man's bed– he felt deeply torn to pieces, because on the one hand he wanted nothing else but lose himself in Dean's body, his sweet mouth and his delicate fingers – on the other hand he couldn't even breathe properly when he looked at him, he simply felt scared shitless. He was confused and embarrassed, because something like that had never happened to him before. It was as if he had to explain to someone why he couldn't get it up.

Dean didn't take offence at it fortunately, he just framed Castiel's face with his warm hands and kissed his forehead tenderly, his lips staying on Castiel's skin just a second longer than necessary. They still touched Castiel's hairline when he found his speech again, his mouth moving against Castiel's hair ticklishly.

"What do you want to do then, tiger? You still have the better part of an hour left with me..." He disengaged a bit from Castiel to search his eyes, and the notion of tenderness in Dean's face was visible for Castiel when both of them watched the other man. Castiel smiled hesitantly, then he shrugged and suggested "We could just lie here... talk a bit... or... maybe... we could, you know..." He stopped himself when he couldn't get the words out, too shy to announce what he wanted, so he just let his fingers explain to Dean his wish, and they reached out for the attractive man's naked torso. Castiel touched him with reverence, learning his torso in detail. His longing was plainly discernable in the way he bit his lips, how his eyes fluttered shut for a second while his palm stroked along Dean's pecs, down to his flat stomach and then to his hips, just to repeat the movement several times. It felt so good to touch him, to feel him flex towards his hand...

When Castiel opened his eyes again he realized Dean was staring at him, his face struck with an incredulous emotion that resembled fondness, mingled with surprised delight. His mouth was agape, his breath escaping him in frantic intervals, and his eyes were so dark with want that it made Castiel's heart leap and thud ecstatically. He became bold and let his fingernails scrape over Dean's ribcage, just to pick up where he had ended; his fingertips continued their shy gentle touches, moving over Dean's chest with ghostlike caresses. Castiel studied Dean's face when the man bit his bottom lip and tensed up next to him, goosebumps appearing on his tanned smooth skin. Castiel was immensely pleased that he had this effect on him, and while he stroked him slowly but surely to frustrated madness, he felt he was getting harder and harder due to watching Dean becoming a mess of arousal. Dean sighed a heart-wrenching sigh and kept his eyes on Castiel when his own hands wandered down to his jeans, undoing them with shaky fingers.

"You don't mind... if I...", he asked with a rough voice, and Castiel briefly shook his head in denial, his mouth watering with the mere idea of Dean touching himself again in front of him.

**TBC**


	9. Chapter 9

**As always, your feedback is appreciated x) I currently finished chapter 20, so there will be more updates within the next weeks… I try to post every two days, but this week there will be only two updates because a Depeche Mode (yay!) concert and the Summerjam Festival interfere and I won't have internet for four days…**

**Chapter 9**

Dean freed himself of his jeans with rapid movements, he uplifted his hips to shove the fabric down his thighs. Castiel's mouth became dry like a desert as his gaze spotted the thick outline of Dean's erection, hidden underneath his strait black boxers. Dean bit his bottom lip to decrease the agitated groan rumbling through his throat when he slowly removed the last layer between the air and his arousal. Castiel watched him undress, completely enchanted and dumbstruck; he saw Dean's throbbing length was pressing up against his abdomen, leaking with precome. When Dean wrapped his slender fingers around it, Castiel's eyes wandered up, taking in the stunning expressions diffusing in Dean's face.

Dean's eyes were glassy, his regard never leaving Castiel; he seemed flabbergasted when he started stroking his length with slow languid pulls. His features spoke of desperate passion, among a pain and a devouring yearning that overwhelmed both men. Dean wrinkled his forehead and threw his head back into the pillow, exposing his throat to Castiel. Soft moans left his agape mouth, until they were left open with mute screams, his bottom lip trembling as well as Dean's whole torso as his hand sped up its pace. Castiel realized this would end soon if he didn't stop him, and before he knew it, he placed his palm flat on Dean's tremulous stomach, forcing him to look at him.

When Dean complied, his gaze was clouded with lust, devouring Castiel as his eyes darted over his face and torso, his strokes becoming more moderate. Fitful exhales escaped him, and his cheeks were flushed with arousal; for a while all Castiel could do was look at Dean while the man jerked off, his eyes transfixing Castiel's. A shaky low moan rang out and Dean writhed in the sheets, his head flinging from one side to the other, his chest started tensing up. Castiel gently moved his hand along Dean's ribs, seeing Dean's lids flutter and then close as he breathed in sharply. Again his hand was accelerating its motions, and Castiel heard himself giving quiet commands with his funeral voice. He had no control over it, but he wanted to see Dean like this as long as possible, so the words took over him, revealed his desire before he had the chance to give it some thought.

"Slow, Dean...Slow...want this to last...", he exhaled, feeling his own need pulse between his thighs vigorously. Dean arched his back and moaned loudly at this, his fingers clenching around his dick, shaking with the exasperated attempt to regain control over his body. Castiel opened the fly of his black slacks slowly, and the sound of the zipper echoed loudly through the room, attracting Dean's attention. Dean's eyes opened and lingered on him when Castiel's hand glided under his own shorts, fisting his hot arousal tightly. A soft moan dripped from his lips, his hand started massaging him gingerly. Dean's sight was so arousing that it made Castiel's head swim; his body convulsed with thrills of giddiness, his nerve endings tinged with too much sensitivity. He was so close, but he needed to lengthen the moment, so he masturbated slowly, in the same gentle rhythm Dean was using to please himself, and when Dean realized he was mirroring his movements, he moaned agitatedly, his cheeks reddening even more.

Dean's gaze became unfocussed, his eyes were welling with tears as he forbid himself to lose control; his whole body was spasm with need and lust, and the urge for relief. He moaned unrestrained now, his head vehemently pressed into the pillow while his hips started buckling up against his fist, searching for wonderful friction.

"Please, Cas... please... I'm so hard for you... You need to... let me come", he panted after a while, his lids shut – Castiel understood how everything was becoming too much, too tiring to withstand giving way to relaxation. His spine was tingling with the first waves of his oncoming orgasm already, and Dean's body breaking underneath the pressure of his own orgasm reaching out for him was almost unbearable. So he whispered "Come, Dean... come for me", and Dean smiled gratefully.

Castiel watched Dean come undone as his hand stroked him quickly, his thumb sliding over his slick head repeatedly. By instinct Castiel let go of his own throbbing erection to envelop Dean in his arms as he realized he was coming any second now. It was a new sensation, feeling Dean's hard-on pushing against his stomach while his own erection squeezed the man's abdomen as well, it made Castiel see stars, and he felt light-headed. He pressed his mouth against Dean's throat and bit the soft skin gently, his arms holding Dean's frame tightly when he felt the waves of Dean's orgasm crashing down on him. His chest was heaving gasps and loud moans as he came, his hands coming around Castiel and digging into the flesh of his back harshly.

Castiel enjoyed the trembling underneath him, Dean's happy sounds making him tumble down as well. He didn't care that Dean was bespattering his clothes nor that he came in his pants again – all he could think about were Dean's breaths, his sighs and moans, his perfect figure shivering in his arms. Castiel compressed his eyes when he felt hot wave after wave of his orgasm clutching him tightly; he rocked his hips against Dean as his body continued convulsing violently, warmth, lust and relief swirling through him maddeningly. Finally, both of them stopped in their movements and Castiel remained with his upper body on Dean's, both breathing heavily. He felt the man's fingers sifting through his hair time and again, gently stroking the strands. None of them said a word, too sated and relaxed for speaking.

Castiel's limbs were heavy, his body seemed slack, when he decided to roll off of Dean after a few minutes of content silence. He lay on his side and searched for Dean's face, and when they both looked at each other, he noticed the pleased smile on the gorgeous man's lips. He was beholding Castiel with such intensity that he thought he was never going to be able to forget those lovely eyes. A weird sensation churned in his stomach, and it resembled soothing warmth and a notion of being home so frighteningly that Castiel couldn't help but smile cautiously as well. When he was here with Dean, nothing else seemed to matter; they were here in a shielded place, safe in their own little world.

Dean's clean hand seized Castiel's, and when their fingers, damp with sweat, intertwined perfectly, it seemed to Castiel like their own unique composition; he couldn't think of any sounds when he got lost in Dean's features, but his heart played a tune that appeared beautiful and hauntingly to him. He wondered what melody he knew could be about Dean, what chord progression could describe his being, and the idea was so ridiculous and disgustingly romantic that Castiel had to laugh at himself softly. Dean frowned at that.

"Not of import", he muttered and placed a chaste kiss on Dean's soaked forehead. He tasted his salty sweat and licked his lips to absorb more of the aphrodisiac liquid. Dean beheld him with a knowing smirk and sighed a deeply contented sigh.

"So, any other plans for the next twenty minutes?", he teased and Castiel melted against the soft pillows. He perceived the exhaustion of the last week weighing down on him again, and tiredness overpowered him. Slowly he closed his lids and his fingers untangled from Dean's to gently stroke along the back of his hand, up to his forearm and the delicate skin of the man's wrist. He heard and felt Dean tense up next to him and he had to smile affectionately at that. It was true that he still had insecurities and anxieties about being physically close to the man, despite the aching desire eating him up, but those little gestures they shared were so simple and pleasing that they made his heart leap with nothing but bliss.

"I know this is not a dating agency, but... I'd really like to know you better, Dean... Tell me something about you", Castiel uttered his wish. The moment he opened his eyes again he saw a frown and a smirk of Dean, a weird mixture that revealed his uncertainty about Castiel's sincerity and his intentions.

"As long as you promise not to arrest me", he joked nonchalantly, and both of them smiled tentatively. Castiel nodded and let out a long exhale. Dean was slowly but surely giving him access, an insight to his self, and it delighted Castiel to the deepest core of his soul. He knew he was falling for Dean faster than reasonably, and he was getting attached to him already – he knew it was supposed to scare him, but he couldn't bring himself to care, whatever the consequences.

"I promise", he replied.

**TBC**


	10. Chapter 10

**See below for notes x)**

**Chapter 10**

"How do you want it?", Dean asked ambiguously, resting his head on his palm as he set his elbow up. In his bright green eyes a playful notion glimmered, and Castiel felt as if in a dream. He bit his lower lip to constrain himself; how much he wanted to kiss these fine pink lips, press his against them to kiss Dean fervently... However, the urge to get to know the person beyond this body became intolerable, and he smiled when Dean joked "Fun facts or a curriculum vitae?", making Castiel laugh softly.

They lay on each side, facing the other, while Castiel's hand kept stroking Dean's arm idly, lovingly. He was already becoming addicted to the sensation of Dean's skin tickling underneath his fingertips...

"Fun facts", he replied with a grin, and it was Dean's turn to laugh in his face unrestrainedly. The sound of his laughter made Castiel speechless, it was as warm as sunlight, as light as the wind, and it made him want to laugh too, yet he could not.

"Alright, here we go: I like banana ice cream way too much, I passionately hate the feel of wool in my mouth, and I'm allergic to cat hair. Your shot."

Castiel's eyes gleamed with joy of getting to know the tiniest things about Dean and he pondered what he was supposed to tell him about him. Somehow he had the feeling that, compared to Dean, he was dull and insignificant; nothing in his life seemed important enough to tell it Dean. However, he tried to answer as best as he could.

"Well, I'm obsessed with cheeseburgers, as long as they're good. I love buying groceries late at night, because the shops are empty then. I already chose the graveyard and the coffin I want to be buried in. Sorry, that makes me a creep, I guess", he laughed shyly, feeling the blush returning to his cheeks. Sobriety emerged on Dean's face, yet with a whiff of tenderness when he beheld Castiel thoughtfully, contemplating his words.

"Nah, makes sense to me. You say you're a fed, and if I saw crap all day long, I'd make sure I'd be buried in a nice coffin. No worries, I don't think you're a creep. In fact, I'm getting tested in the public health department every few weeks because of my job, and that doesn't make me an overcautious freak, does it?", he said with a smile, and Castiel felt at ease again.

"Fun facts seem dangerous", he deadpanned, "let's hear some hard data."

Dean snuggled up to him and wrapped one arm around Castiel's waist, keeping them close. His body warmth didn't help against Castiel's tiredness, and he let his forehead fall against Dean's, breathing in his warm exhales. By themselves his lids shut and he started breathing slowly, feeling Dean's chest moving against his.

"Dean Winchester, 26 years of age. Current job: auto mechanic, side job: prostitute. Family status: unmarried, single. I have a younger brother called Sam, he's currently studying law in Palo Alto, California. Is this sufficient or do you need to know more?", he said half jestingly, his voice so quiet that it nearly lulled Castiel to sleep. His head was buzzing with the new information about Dean; it was a refreshing surprise to learn he didn't work in the brothel 24/7, but it made Castiel wonder once more why he was literally working his ass off here in the first place.

"Actually, it's not sufficient, but I'll return the favour: Castiel Novak, aged 28. Current job: FBI agent, my partner is the cheeky bastard you know from the other night. I'm also not in a relationship or promised to anyone...I've too had a sibling, Anna, but she's dead for two years now... Sorry, I don't know why I said that. I never talk to anyone about her."

Castiel frowned, surprised at himself. It still hurt to even pronounce Anna's name, however the impulse to show Dean every tiny part of his being was so omnipresent that he couldn't really hold anything back. Dean looked at him with a knowing gaze, a melancholic smile touching his mouth. His fingers dug into Castiel's waist like a sign of comfort.

"Family topics are also dangerous, I guess", he offered, giving Castiel the ability to shrug it off. Dean pressed his forehead against Castiel's tenderly, his hand stroking his side soothingly. "Tell me a secret", Castiel suggested, and Dean smiled a mellow smile Castiel could not detect. There was a pause between further words and Castiel enjoyed being so close to Dean; he wanted this night to last forever, the mere thought of leaving Dean so soon seemed absurd. He chocked on his own breaths and his heart stopped for a daunting second at Dean's next words, spoken so tenderly and almost in a whisper that it made his hair stand on end.

"You make me want to draw again. I haven't drawn in years... I wonder if I can capture your face correctly... Your turn..."

Castiel withdrew slightly to be able to look into Dean's eyes again, smiling softly at him. He leant forward and kissed the man's cheek cautiously, savouring the clean taste of his skin on his tongue. He buried his nose in the short strands of Dean's hair, his mouth ghosted over Dean's ear. He admitted his secrets as he breathed into Dean's ear, only quietly, albeit with a steady voice.

"I'm glad Gabe made me come here, solely for the reason of meeting you. My head whirls with thoughts of you, I find myself searching for piano compositions fitting you...I've never met someone like you."

At this, he could feel Dean tense up and his breathing stopped for a moment; then he slung both his arms around Castiel's lean frame, holding the older man against him tightly. One of Dean's hand started sifting through Castiel's dark hair, while the other stroked the small of his back, his fingers idly fumbling with the hem of his shirt. They breathed against the other person, a delirious heat was taking over Castiel. He felt stupefied and muzzled with the raw openness with which Dean held him heartily in his arms, showing him with his body exactly what Castiel's words were doing to him. It should have been scary to be captivated in those strong arms, arms of someone Castiel barely knew, however the little voices of doubts became silent in his mind when he let himself go in their embrace, relaxing against Dean's torso.

He hid his face in the crook between Dean's jaw and clavicle, his hot breath moistening Dean's naked skin with his recurring stuttered exhales. Somehow Castiel felt at home, blissfully at ease, and yet as if barbed wire cut through his intestines, when Dean's sweet mouth placed a soft kiss against his temple. His warm breath was wafting in his ear and again a yearning was stirred inside his lower stomach that made it hard to think clearly.

"You're pretty deep of thoughts for a brothel's customer", Dean mumbled into his ear, his voice carrying a playful light tone to loosen the tensed atmosphere. Nevertheless his words were unable to hide the emotions of affection rattling through Dean, and a second later Castiel breathed in sharply when flashes of desire and lust made him tremble against Dean's body. The man was teasing him ever so cruelly, his teeth nibbling at the lobe of his ear, applying enough pressure to make him swoon. He heard himself sigh an agonized moan and his vision nearly left him, black dots started dancing before his eyes. His fingers desperately dug into Dean's back, keeping him close, searching for support.

Dean started writhing against him, his pelvis grinding against Castiel's, and he could clearly perceive Dean's hard-on pressing against his upper thigh. Castiel stifled a low moan, instead he moved his head to bite ungently into Dean's neck, feeling the man arch his back to be closer to him. Heat encased them, drawing nearer and nearer, until it finally closed in on them, leaving them panting and moving against each other frantically, their hands clutching the other's hips and ribcage. In his feverish state Castiel barely noted how hard Dean made him, all he could focus on was this wonderful friction, Dean's hands on him, touching his sides forcefully, his nails leaving bloody marks on his pale skin as his palms slid under his shirt.

Then Dean's hand was warily brushing alongside Castiel's erection, his thumb barely grazing the silken skin. Castiel sucked in a breath, cramping when he couldn't control his hips bucking against Dean's fingers, craving for more of the skilled touch. Dean's hand roughly pulled Castiel's boxers completely down then, freeing him of the item of clothing he had fixed half-heartedly after their first race this night. A shrill alarm was roaring within Castiel's head, similar to a headache, when Dean's deftly fingers wrapped around his length, as he started stroking him in a passionate slow rhythm.

He choked on his own breath, his chest quavering at the intense senses, aware of every of Dean's torturing caresses. His inner voice begged him to make Dean stop, as much as his body screamed for more, for an infinite continuation of this. Castiel frowned, torn between pleasure and unrest, and still his hips rocked into Dean's tight palm affirmatively. Soon it was over, ending as passionate and manically as it had started. Castiel bit his bottom lip, hearing himself moan loudly when he came into Dean's fist, rivers of hot cum throbbing out of his dick in distant intervals.

His body became heavy and limp, melted against Dean's frame easily, when Dean shuddered against him, coming hard and with a suffocated cry of pleasure. Castiel bathed in the glory feeling of his orgasm's afterglow, clinging to Dean wearily, when Dean's pelvis rubbed against his, riding out each wave of his ongoing orgasm.

They lay there for a few moments, holding on to each other tightly, while they did nothing but panting, together coming down from their climax like drug addicts from their high. A loud knock against Dean's door made the bubble of their dream world burst in the end, and Dean withdrew a bit to scan Castiel's face with a tender smirk. Castiel returned the look with a satisfied smile of his, then he bent forward to kiss Dean's sweaty forehead fleetingly.

They dressed and cleaned up quickly then, hearing the bodyguard's shouts outside growing ever louder. When Castiel was decently looking, he got up and turned around to Dean, who was still lying on his well-used bed with a smug grin; Castiel let his fingers glide through Dean's short cropped hair, trying to memorize the deep green of Dean's eyes as he drown in the dark orbs.

"See you next Friday", he said, and it sounded like a promise, making his heart bleed with bitter-sweet pain.

"Is this becoming a habit?", Dean laughed softly, making Castiel blush hard.

"Maybe", he grinned, walking out of the door.

**TBC**

**Has anyone ever tasted banana ice cream? Where I live you can't buy it but I would love to eat it hahaha...if you have any suggestions or you think there are some things I could improve, let me know! Next update will be on Monday!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Guys, you made me laugh pretty hard with all your comments on banana ice cream x) I hope you still like the story and I noticed, while I'm currently writing chapter 22, there should also be a warning about fluff, lots and lots of fluff... Thanks again for your lovely support and your interest! Feedback is, as always, highly appreciated!**

**Chapter 11**

The weekend went by painfully slowly, and agitation overcame Castiel day and night. He tried to distract himself continually from green eyes, a soft smile and those damn flexing muscles, the smooth skin on plains of wiling flesh… Dean seemed to take over his mind, the thought of him seeped through him and blinded out everything else, making it impossible for Castiel to calm down. His body still seemed to vibrate with the aftershocks of Friday, barely recovering as memories gnawed at his brain. He touched himself several times this weekend, always filled with raw want, burning, aching need, and when he gently moaned Dean's name into the pillow, jerking with the relief of another breathtaking orgasm, only then did his mind find peace for a while.

On Sunday morning Castiel decided to go for a run to weary his body so that he would be too tired for another round of arousal. The sun was barely up, but Castiel was used to it, being an early bird naturally. He was running through a forest, breathing in the spicy fresh air, feeling it tickle in his lungs. Murky fog lingered between the pine trees, encompassing Castiel and the surrounding area in a blanket of silence and solitude. Castiel heard branchlets scrunching underneath his shoes, mingling with the sound of his rhythmic ragged breaths. It felt good to challenge his body; however, he couldn't really enjoy his usual round as thoughts of Dean interfered with the peace of the nature reserve Castiel jogged through, cutting through his mind's eye like a sharp knife. Castiel bit his bottom lip and wiped away beads of sweat bedewing his forehead, when guilt weighed down on him.

A part of him asked him bitterly what the hell he thought he was doing, wondered why he was playing this excruciating game with Dean. He still had the opinion that he didn't want to be the man who walked into a brothel to sleep with a stranger in return for money – and he certainly didn't want to be the man who did this several times for his own pleasure. How could Dean not feel exploited? How could he dare to believe Castiel saw more in him, the person behind, and not just another willing body?

It made Castiel sick to fear Dean thought ill of him… He kept on running, his face bearing a serious, contemplative frown, as his own gasps mingled with the echoes of Dean's. He started doubting the "decent man tag" Gabe had given him. Maybe, after all, he wasn't as decent and as morally right as he had thought.

...

On Monday Castiel returned to work, still at variance with himself – he was already starting to convince himself of NOT going back to Dean on Friday, to let the whole topic drop. Nevertheless his heart hurt terribly at that idea, and pangs of pain hit his ribs with every thud of it. His rather gloomy mood was the exact opposite of Gabe's cheerful spirit when he entered their shared office, seeing his broad grin and his tanned skin. Castiel smiled a tiny smile and let Gabe talk about his vacation for the better part of the next hour. His tales about drunk tourists and a shabby hotel service made him laugh from time to time, and he felt slightly exhilarated, at last able to detach himself from thoughts about Dean for a while.

The week turned out to be just one horrible disaster; Castiel wasn't himself and acted overall confused and clumsily: He accidentally smashed his favourite coffee mug on Monday, on Tuesday he ran forcefully into a colleague he hadn't seen, deeply lost in thoughts, and on Wednesday he tripped over his own feet, falling down flat on his face, throwing a pile of documents down with him. He grumbled when he slowly got up and re-arranged the mess of documents on his desk. Out of the corner of his eye he noted Gabe's pensive eyes resting on him, and he could clearly feel how Gabe was about to explode – which he did two seconds later.

"What's wrong with you, Cassie? You're behaving… weird. And I mean really, really weird."

"Nothing", Castiel mumbled and sat down, focussing on the paperwork in front of him. Somehow he felt the urge to talk to someone about Dean, to lessen the pressure on his soul, but he didn't know if he could talk to Gabe about it. He felt ashamed and disappointed with himself, and he didn't want Gabe to see him like that. Gabe's silence revealed he didn't believe Castiel was alright, and the next time Castiel looked up he saw Gabe still beheld him with the same intense stare and serious frown. His rigid gaze made Castiel's resistance shrink, and he found something inside him crumble quickly. He sighed when he realized he had no chance against Gabe's curiosity, so he just shrugged his shoulders.

"It's Dean. The hooker from the other night", he confessed quietly. It was the first time he said his name aloud in front of somebody else, and not when he was masturbating with images of the other man. It felt as if he had disclosed a very intimate secret, because Dean's name was now connected to him with hours of pleasure and private affairs. Gabe furrowed his brow even more and tilted his head, clearly not understanding what Castiel was referring to. He crossed his arms over his chest and put his feet on the table, in the way he usually interviewed suspects.

"What about him?", he asked confused, and Castiel tilted his head; ashamed he felt how his cheeks blushed and a wave of heat churned through him. His knees tingled when he realized he could not go back from here. He'd already told Gabe too much, but maybe it was time to tell him everything that had been occupying his mind for weeks now.

"I've... I've been with him again last week", he said, and when he looked up cautiously he saw Gabe had raised both eyebrows, then he whistled approvingly.

"My, my, Cas. Never thought you'd get addicted to this so quickly", he joked, but Castiel was in no mood for jokes. He groaned and held his heavy head in his hands; he closed his eyes, gathering courage to continue

"That's not it, Gabe. I think... I think I'm falling for him, and I feel damn guilty about it."

There was an awkward moment of silence and Castiel didn't dare to open his eyes, didn't want to see Gabe's facial expression. He feared he would be disgusted with him, or that he would make fun of him, but nothing alike happened. Instead he heard Gabe speak again, and his voice sounded almost compassionate and kind.

"I don't know, Cas... Do you really think this is a good idea? A prostitute and a fed?"

It was even worse than jokes or rejection – Gabe's pity. And that even he had concerns made Castiel more desperate, telling him how fucked up his whole situation was. He let his head fall against his desk, resisting the urge to bang it against the tabletop over and over again.

"I know... I know", he whined, feeling the soothing cold structure of the table against his hot forehead.

"It's not just that I'm a fed and he's a hooker, I feel so bad for meeting him the way I did in the first place, you know. I really like him, and... well, he's driving me insane... but I have so many doubts, and I have such a sore conscience about going back to him like this."

He slowly straightened himself and his heart throbbed rapidly and vehemently in his chest when he dared to look at Gabriel for the first time since he had confessed his dirty little secret. A confused smile of bewilderment graced his partner's lips, sympathy clearly written all over his face.

"What do you mean, going back to him? You're planning on continuing this thing between you two?"

Castiel met Gabe's eyes for a few seconds, then he heard a soft sigh escaping his mouth automatically.

"I told him I'll be back next Friday. This Friday... I absolutely don't know if I should go. It seems wrong... I don't want him to think badly of me. But, well, I would already think badly of me if I was him. He can't possibly like me, can he?"

"Depends on what you did, you kinky bastard", Gabe joked, and Castiel smiled wearily. He must have looked so upset with genuine concern that Gabe sat up and bent over to Castiel to place his hand friendly above Cas', keeping it gently in place as his warmth and comfort took over Castiel. He was grateful for it and his smile became more honest.

"Seriously, Cas. I asked you this before – did it feel forced or one-sided? Do you really have the impression he's not enjoying himself when he's with you? And, you know,... I'm really happy for you, that you finally found someone again, someone you're interested in. Although it seems weird and a little difficult, maybe it's worth a shot. I mean, you're practically UNsexual around everyone, and if he is someone you can see yourself with, you should at least give it a try, don't you think? Why don't you tell him what goes through that pretty little head of yours the next time you're with him? Would be easier to just know, wouldn't it?"

Castiel contemplated Gabe's words for a while, staring at his partner for a few moments. His lips twitched to a shy smile and he felt his cheeks flush deeply. The very thought of telling Dean what he felt made him twitch with anticipation, apprehension and pleasure. He bit his bottom lip nervously, and when he spoke again he felt so uncertain and breakable that he could already perceive the weight of his fears pressing down on him.

"I don't think it's forced or one-sided... But... what if I tell him, and he doesn't care?"

Gabe squeezed his hand and let go, giving him a playful wink.

"If he doesn't, he's an idiot. Apart from that - the secret is to MAKE him care, Cas."

**TBC**


	12. Chapter 12

**First of all I'd like to thank you again for your continuing support <3 :-* I can disclose that the chapters will become longer because I'm unable to limit myself or the content I want to contain in one chapter haha sobs**

**Chapter 12**

Friday came and with it Castiel felt tenseness and a thrill of anticipation making his body stiff. The whole day through he behaved like a robot, barely talked to anybody, and sometimes Gabe or he himself caught him getting lost in reveries, staring out of the window dreamily. His head was preoccupied with slow piano melodies, the music set to images of Dean – it was all one blurry confusing chaos in his head, compositions mixing with each other, along to hectic changes of images of Dean – his smile, his eyes, his hands touching himself... Although Castiel felt struck with restlessness, he wanted to shout out all he felt, wanted to let everybody know that there was someone in this town like Dean Winchester. Someone everyone should know about, just to realize what treasure was concealed from them.

When it was time to go home and Castiel packed together, Gabe patted his shoulder encouragingly. Castiel turned around, incapable of replying to the kind smile Gabe gave him. The more he thought about tonight, the more he felt the urge to run – whether away or to Dean, he did not know, but he knew tonight would be important, maybe life-changing even, and he couldn't help be excited.

"Knock on wood!", Gabe smirked, then added, "well, you better don't knock on his wood, kiddo. Might give you some trouble in paradise", he grinned, and Castiel rolled his eyes. He playfully shoved Gabe away and scolded him to shut up, but he couldn't stop the grin that was coming to his mouth. Gabe's words were swirling through his head when he drove home, eager to put his plan into action - " _make him care, Cas, make him care" -_ he agreed with Gabe, the least thing he could do was try.

…

A few hours later Castiel was freshly showered and casually dressed. It was a mild spring's evening, and the summer was nearing, so Castiel just wore a navy blue shirt and over it a worn out plaid grey button down shirt, his light blue jeans hanging loosely from his hips. He deeply inhaled the warm air of the early night, seeing the sun set with yellow and orange rays over the horizon. The first stars twinkled at him when he started the motor of his car and drove to the brothel, making a short circuit on his way there.

The man at the counter gave him a startled look when Castiel stood before him once again. He chewed on a cigar as always, sizing Castiel up from head to toe, then his eyes came to rest on the small bucket Castiel held in his hands.

"Let me guess, Dean, one hour", the man deadpanned, and Castiel had difficulties hearing him, because the loud rock music was booming through the brothel's lounge, and the chattering guests weren't helping. So Castiel just nodded and gave the man his money, whereupon he was being led to Dean's room again.

When the bodyguard opened the door to Dean's room and left Castiel, all tension fell off of Castiel. He felt as if in a dream when he only had eyes for Dean, lying on his back much like the last time he had seen him. He wore a dark grey T-shirt and jeans, and he was bare-footed again as he lay on his bed. Castiel walked inside and shut the door, and Dean's eyes met his, flashing through his being like bright thunderbolts. Castiel felt electrified when he slowly approached Dean, becoming infatuated with the idea of a smile crawling to Dean's soft pink lips when he beheld Castiel's every motion.

Castiel slowly sat down on the bed, drinking in each pheromone of Dean wafting through the air – his body felt touched with the waves of heat coming from Dean's body. Castiel breathed in a shaky inhale, averting his eyes from Dean's. He was even more beautiful than he had remembered, stunning, gorgeous. His fingers felt numb with coldness, and Castiel remembered the source for that. He looked up again and tilted his head, grinning at Dean as he saw confusion appearing on the other man's face. Castiel searched for something in his jeans' pocket and produced two teaspoons with a proud smirk. He watched Dean's expression soften, and a sweet smile spread all over his face, making his eyes shimmer with tenderness. He took one of the spoons hesitantly.

"What? That is your plan for tonight? Eating banana ice cream with me?", he asked and exhaled a breathy laugh, making Castiel's stomach queasy with adrenaline and nervousness. He replied to Dean's laughter and heard himself laugh softly, too, then he concentrated on opening the small bucket of banana ice.

"Yes. I wanna talk to you and eat ice cream. Is that a crime?", he retorted playfully, winking at Dean. He felt utterly stupid and like a romantic imbecile, but he couldn't help it. Not when Dean stared incredulously at him like that, not when he seemed so touched and satisfied with Castiel's suggestion for the night. Castiel took a deep breath, feeling his self-confidence return to him, but on the other hand, he never felt too certain about himself when he was with Dean. He could just hope for the best.

"Well, don't get me wrong. That's nice for a change, but... that will be one expensive hour of eating ice cream", Dean said, his spoon digging into the creamy ice. He brought the spoon to his lips and tasted the first load, his lids falling shut as he savoured the taste, a low, appreciative moan rumbling through his throat.

Castiel watched him, feeling his throat constrict and his lower stomach convulse with heat – Dean's face was pure sin, his noises should have been forbidden. It seemed ridiculous that someone could look so hot by just consuming some ice cream.

"I think it's well-invested", he choked out. Dean opened his eyes again and beheld him thoughtfully for a few seconds, making Castiel blush in the process while he got lost in the two deep green orbs examining him.

"You're really something else, you know that?", Dean asked quietly, making Castiel's hair stand on end. A warm fuzzy sensation grabbed him and made him feel as if he was wrapped up in cotton wool. He gave Dean a lopsided smile, wondering if his last words had been a compliment or an insult. He took off his shoes and sat down cross-legged opposite Dean. Without a word Dean mirrored his position and pulled off Castiel's socks blatantly, so that their warm bare feet were brushing against each other from time to time. They bend over the ice cream bucket placed between them, sharing it with brittle smiles tugging at their lips.

Castiel was overwhelmed when he realized how cosy and easy it felt to sit like this with Dean and to eat ice cream. It was as welcoming and as natural as desiring him, and Castiel understood he definitely cared more about him than just physically. Of course, he felt immensely attracted to Dean, and he still wanted to kiss him passionately, but now he was just fulfilled with the need to get to know him better. Again their toes touched and Castiel let out a happy laugh when Dean's big toe moved against his, tickling him a bit. He darted a glance at Dean grinning at him, and it made Castiel's heart bleed with love.

"So, what do you wanna talk about?", Dean asked after a few moments of content silence.

"Huh, I don't know. Everything. Anything. Whatever you want. But, for starters, why don't you tell me what you do when you're not here or working at the garage you told me about the other day?", Castiel asked, and the atmosphere rapidly became animated, his simple question and innocent desire seemed to break the last remnants of ice between him and Dean. It was strange, it seemed more personal to just have a chat with Dean than to see him masturbate in front of him. Either way, Castiel loved both courses, because they were heading to the same destination, and that destination was solely Dean.

"Well, whenever I got the time I play my old guitar, look after my Dad and talk to my brother on the phone. I'm also into combat sport and I like to work out once or twice a week, just to keep myself fit and defendable. Guess I need to be, considering my current situation", Dean smiled melancholically. He shoved another spoon of ice cream into his mouth, letting it melt on his tongue delightfully. "That's pretty damn good ice, by the way", he commented, giving Castiel a wink.

"You told me you used to draw... why aren't you doing it anymore?", Castiel asked, his thoughts entirely captured on Dean alone. He loved the thought that Dean played an instrument as well, it also didn't surprise him to learn he was doing combat sport; he seemed like a guy that could easily accept some punches and deal blows as well. Dean's face fell and he looked down, apparently pondering about Castiel's question.

"I don't know... I just didn't feel like it anymore, you know? I used to be able to capture everything just right, and it was fun, and I completely merged in it, but... my paintings,... they became more and more painful to draw and it didn't make me feel better any longer, just sharpened what I was feeling. So I stopped. I miss it, sometimes, though. For example, last week, when I wanted nothing else but to draw your face..."

Castiel's heart leapt into his throat at that comment, and all he could think was that Dean seemed to like him, that maybe he found him just as stunning and refreshing in the same manner Castiel thought of him. He tried to focus on their conversation though, and when Dean's spoon clinked against his, he laughed timidly.

"Odd... after my sister's death, all I could do to distract myself, was to play on the piano. As if this was the sole reason that made me come to terms with it. It calmed me, and it still does whenever I feel upset. It's easier to devote yourself to notes and melodies than to reality...", he said ostensibly casually and calm, but something broke inside of him as soon as he had mentioned Anna, and he choked on his words, unable to continue. Dean let the spoon sink into the bucket and took Castiel's hand gently in his. His touch seemed to set Castiel's skin on fire, and he felt his breath falter when he got lost in Dean's intense stare; his thumb gently stroked over the back of Castiel's hand, and suddenly he felt so tranquil that the pain vanished into thin air. He smiled at Dean, wanting nothing more but to kiss him now.

"Tell me about your sister", Dean quietly demanded and Castiel found himself nodding slowly.

**TBC**

**So, we're back to banana ice cream haha (for the last time I swear). What do you think?**


	13. Chapter 13

**Good evening, everyone x) Today I will post two updates at once, because I want to lol x) I had an awful migraine attack today and I still feel ill grumble sigh, ugh, so I hope you appreciate that I moved my lame ass to the computer for you hahaha! Next update will be on Tuesday, and then we'll have some sexy times back wink wink (sorry I didn't mean to be a cock tease, but if you know me and my stories you will know how sappy I can get haha). Have a great weekend!**

**Chapter 13**

Castiel sighed, as he was trying to find the words to describe Anna or the way things had been before her death. Two years had passed since her passing away, and still it was sometimes hard to think about her, to let feelings of missing her freeze his mind. Through the years he had managed to remember her smile rather than her pale dead skin, her clear brown-green earthy eyes shining at him with so much joy, rather than her dull lifeless stare...

He smiled gloomily when he let his spoon fall into the bucket of ice as well; he gently laid his other hand above Dean's, who still held his right hand. Absentmindedly his fingers glided over the soft warm skin of Dean's hand, enjoying the smooth texture of his skin underneath his fingertips. He looked at their intertwined hands, and a lightness grew within him, a lightness that had something to do with the way Dean observed him warmly when Castiel briefly darted a glance at him. It made his heart throb loudly in his ears, overheated his face with painful sensitivity.

"She died two years ago, of bronchial carcinoma, or, simply put, lung cancer. She had started coughing blood , and that was the first indication that something was wrong. When she had received the diagnose she had told my parents and me that it was already incurable, and metastases had spread all over her body. So it had been not more than weeks or barely two months in the end we could share with her. She moved in with my parents again, and all of us basically dropped everything to spend what little time we had left with her... You should have met her, she was really one of a kind...", Castiel said quietly, and his lips shaped into a smirk and his eyes became dreamy, when distant memories overshadowed him.

He couldn't meet Dean's eyes, because he hated the pity he always received from people when he talked about Anna, so he just kept watching their fingers gliding over each other's hand, gently stroking their palms and their wrists slowly.

"Anna was four years younger than me, and since our childhood she had always been bursting with energy. She had been, you know, the cheeky bubbly pale redhead of our neighbourhood – she lived life to the fullest, she barely cared about school or her future. She was... the exact opposite of me, and often she taunted me because she went out on weekends while I barely did that, and she had innocent affairs and a wide circle of friends, and... she partied a lot, and... you know... I can still hear her joyful laughter in my ears. Everybody in our town loved her, and she could easily put you under her charm if you didn't look after yourself. She was just so easily getting along with everybody... and I still miss her, and I still think it's unfair that someone like her had to stop living so soon... She was only 22 when she died. And though she was younger than all of us, she dealt with her situation so gracefully, knowing she had no other choice but to accept it. She used to scold my parents and me during the last weeks, because she thought we were too nice to her, she said she didn't want us to change and rather keep us in mind the way we were, not the ass-kissers we made of ourselves."

Castiel chuckled softly when he remembered the way Anna had said these words, making him and his parents laugh with her, but they hadn't been able to hide the tears that were simultaneously streaming down all of their faces.

He paused for a second, feeling another surge of pain washing over him; he looked up and saw Dean observed him thoughtfully, stilling his motions as he grabbed his hand determinately to hold it in his. He felt traumatized when he replied to Dean's steady gaze, who bend over and sternly said that he was sorry for Cas' loss.

For the first time ever another person's condolences regarding Anna didn't feel pathetic, and Castiel didn't feel ashamed for enjoying Dean's sympathy. He smiled a lopsided smile, astonished that he was able to talk to Dean about her so openly, without fear chewing at him that Dean might not be interested or uneasy with his monologue. Castiel hated to feel sorry for himself, because he had always told himself to move on, and he was, but sometimes it was just too hard to keep going. He missed Anna so much, just the little simple things... He missed her laughter, to talk with her - and that he would never get the chance again to spend some time with her always depressed him hugely.

"I really don't have the intention to gain your pity or complain about my oh-so-cruel fate, but, you know... sometimes I can't stop thinking about how much I'd like to see her again,... and it's just hard to understand how this is doing her justice... As her older brother I had always tried to protect her, because she was so carefree and wild, and... I would have never thought that a disease would rob me of her..."

Castiel fought against the tears welling in his eyes and the lump of pain strangling his throat. It was a blessing soothing to feel Dean's thumb stroking his hand again, and suddenly, as he sat there with his head tilted down, he felt a warm kiss placed into his dark hair, right above his forehead. For a moment he closed his lids, relishing the pleasant action, and a long, exhausted sigh left his lungs. Castiel felt so tired as a result of his memories, the heartache always made him weak and vulnerable, sore with raw, overcharging emotions he could not handle.

Dean enveloped Castiel gently, one hand clasping Castiel's waist gingerly. Thunderstruck Castiel turned into stone in Dean's arm, the heat of his flesh radiating brutally from him, and when his cautious clumsy hug warmed Castiel, he couldn't withstand leaning against the other man's chest, his forehead falling to Dean's shoulder, where he pillowed it quite naturally. The half-empty bucket of ice was still between them, and to embrace each other while they sat cross-legged became quickly inconvenient; Dean laughed softly and disengaged from Castiel, and his deep green eyes where alight with a blazing, heated fire, that made Castiel breathless and giddy with infatuation. Without speaking Dean quickly put the ice away and laid down on his back, signalling Castiel to do the same. Soon they lay on their sides, facing each other, unable to stop looking into the other's eyes.

"If I imagine something like that happened to Sam...wow... I would possibly burst with wrath and pain."

Castiel was glad the focus of their conversation swung more into Dean's direction, because Castiel felt so exposed and powerless that he knew he wouldn't be able to pull himself together for much longer. He shifted his weight and moved closer, and Dean's and his lower leg rested on top of each other, their bare feet brushing against each other, whereupon Dean gently smiled at him.

"Are you two close, then?", he asked stupidly, hoping Dean would tell him more about his personal life. Dean grinned brightly at him, his eyes glowing so much with pride and love that it was contagious, and Castiel realized, thanks to Dean's sight he had to start smiling too.

"Close is a damn understatement", Dean explained. "I practically raised him, and sometimes I don't feel like his older brother, more like a father, you know? After our mom died, my dad was of no use,... he was, uh... absolutely unable to cope with her death and his two boys. We were, what, ten and six back then, and ever since, I looked out for Sammy, and we got along pretty well, though it was rough sometimes. And I mean, really, really rough. I always had to be the leading example for him, and I was never allowed to be just a kid, you know? But, as it is, I must have done a damn good job, because he's living an apple pie life now, and I'm really proud of him. He always dreamt of becoming a lawyer, and now he's almost done with his law studies..."

The more Dean talked about his younger brother, the weirder it seemed to Castiel that Dean was working in a brothel, and he made no secret of his thoughts.

"See, this is something I don't get. If you're brother is leading such a normal life, why are you even here? I mean, don't you have the opportunity to do the same?", he asked, hoping he hadn't crossed an invisible line between them. Dean's eyes widened at Castiel's question, clearly taken aback, but one second later he had composed himself again, and a melancholic smile touched his kissable red lips. The life in his eyes appeared dull and deadened, and his glance seemed unfocussed when he apparently remembered certain events.

"Like I said,... my dad was of no use after my mom's death, and it had been Sammy's dream to become a lawyer...", he explained, hesitantly licking his bottom lip. His eyes met Castiel's again and ease seemed to return to Dean, because his smile became honest, regardless of how small it had become by now.

"Sam's a smart ass. That kid had been awarded a scholarship, and he works in a coffee shop to earn his keep, because the scholarship doesn't cover everything, and the law school is expensive as fuck. So... it was obvious from the start that he would need a little help, and I took care of it. Hell, I have been for the last two and a half years."

As if realization hit him hard Dean shut his lids, and he looked so worn out and tired that it made Castiel's heart wrench with a tugging pain. All he wanted was to ease Dean's mind; he wanted to take the burden off his shoulders and hold him tight until there was nothing left but tranquillity, warmth and love.

"Couldn't have Sam applied for a student loan or something? It could've spared you the trouble...", Castiel wondered thoughtfully, observing Dean's beautiful face. His features were distorted with subtle desperation and some kind of melancholic gladness Castiel didn't comprehend.

"I didn't want him to ruin his young life with debts that would take years to settle. He was supposed to live carefree, and he is as much as possible." Dean opened his eyes again and a savage fire burnt in his green irises so forcefully, that it made Castiel speechless. Dean looked grim and fiercely resolved, his whole body seemed taut with willpower.

"I know it's hard to understand for others, but I know it's worth it. Whatever I did within the last years, it's worth it whenever he comes around for a visit and I see his geeky happy face twisted into nothing else but a broad grin. I'm proud of him, and he's perfectly happy, and that's all that matters to me... Wouldn't you have done the same for someone you love? Wouldn't you have given everything to make your sister happy as well, given the opportunity?"

**TBC**


	14. Chapter 14

**So, here's the second update... enjoy!**

**Chapter 14**

Castiel was paralysed when he slowly started to understand what Dean had done for his younger brother, what he was still doing for that his brother could live his dream. And he was just one of the other idiots that took advantage of Dean for his availability; he wondered how many of those men and women frequenting him actually knew they were exploiting someone who was doing this solely with good intentions and a too good heart. Castiel's head swam in a sickening way and he felt overheated when embarrassment reddened his pale cheeks, failing to remove his staring eyes from Dean's. He clearly saw that Dean was awaiting his reaction, his rejection – he probably mused that Castiel thought Dean was insane or disgusting, Castiel feared. He gulped an aching knot down his throat, that had been threatening to strangle him and took Dean's hand in his.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I shouldn't have come here in the first place, and now I feel even worse for being here with you. I think it's heroic and madly unique what you do for your brother, and that kid better appreciates this... I don't know if I had the guts to take such steps, but, on the other hand I would have done a lot of things to avert Anna's death, so...", Castiel explained calmly, his eyes scanning Dean's face for an intense long time to brand his beautiful features in his mind, because he swore to himself this was going to be the last time he saw Dean. He couldn't compensate for Dean's efforts with money, and he would never be able to make amends for coming here from the start.

He saw Dean's eyes narrowed with suspicion and when Castiel sat up and turned around, searching for his socks and his shoes, he felt a warm hand placed upon his shoulder to keep him in place. Castiel felt frozen on the spot, unable to breathe or move or turn around. He felt petrified with regret, lust and a slowly approaching heartache; his eyes watered when he realized Dean's fingernails dug into his boney shoulder firmly and then Dean moved to sit on the bed behind Castiel, his arms coming around Castiel's middle. He let out an exasperated sigh when Dean placed his chin on top of Castiel's shoulder, his breath fanning ever so lightly and heated against Castiel's temple, jaw and neck. He sucked in a breath and tensed up.

"Are you leaving? After our little heart-to-heart? Sorry, Cas... I didn't want to give you a guilty conscience. You don't have to have one anyway... you're far from my usual customers, and I like you... You're allowed to come back as often as you like", Dean said almost in a whisper, a dark chuckle rumbling through him at the end. Castiel felt every movement of Dean's body, because the younger man had pressed his chest against Castiel's back. A muzzy warm sentiment grew within Castiel's stomach and heated him from his head to his tingling toes, and a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. Relief spread in his chest and he felt his heart flutter swiftly the moment he understood Dean really liked him – he had just confirmed he liked Castiel, and that he truly wasn't like Dean's usual customers. It made Castiel hope for something that he couldn't clearly shape with his fantasy, but it sounded as if Dean wanted to see him again, and that was enough to make Castiel idiotically happy.

Dean's fingers started wandering under the hem of Castiel's shirt, gently stroking his warm belly as they glided over planes of flesh, and Castiel flinched, roused from his thoughts. Already Dean's teeth were playfully nibbling at Castiel's neck, biting into his throat every now and then when his fingers started roaming all over Castiel's torso; his fingernails left tiny scratch marks on Castiel's ribcage and Castiel let his head fall back against Dean's shoulder, clearly enjoying Dean's touches and badinages. Castiel couldn't control his body as it started to shiver now and then against Dean's chest, caught in his arms, because his palms stroked his sides, hipbones and pecs ever so attentively and appreciatively that Castiel felt desired, lusted for – and it hadn't been like that in a long, long while.

Dean was about to leave a dark hickey right under the hairline of Castiel's neck, his teeth worrying and bruising the delicate skin deliberately, and a low moan fled from Castiel as he tilted his head to grant Dean better access. Dean's fingers wandered down Castiel's stomach and were just undoing Castiel's jeans, then the warning bells rang shrilly in Castiel's head. He put his hands above Dean's and prevented him from carrying on. Again there was this thrill of fear mingled with arousal, the unnerving adrenalin rush of crossing line after line to make place for new experiences. And yet, Castiel could not, albeit he was already painfully hard again. The turmoil clutching his body tightly made it difficult to breathe or to think clearly, but he managed to choke words out to explain himself to Dean.

"It's not that I don't want it, Dean... It's just... not here, not like this. You deserve better... and I won't continue to be the man who pays you for this... You don't have to do anything, okay? I just... I just wanna talk to you. That's enough for tonight. It's really priceless and already more than I should ask for."

Castiel wondered if he was making any sense at all or if he simply talked like a drunkard, so he turned around to see Dean's face, and when he saw it, he knew he had affected him deeper than he had intended to. There was hurt written all over Dean's face, and he was breathing heavily, clenching his jaw. Tears were welling in his red-rimmed eyes and he smiled a sad smile that seized Castiel's heart forcefully. Before he knew it he had enveloped Dean in his arms and held him tightly pressed against his chest, feeling him move and melt against him as their bodies collided oh so perfectly. Dean's arms came around Castiel's back as well, one palm slid between Castiel's shoulder blades, the other remained on Castiel's lower back.

Castiel deeply inhaled Dean's arousing, bewitching scent, something that smelt of soap, woods and a sweetness he couldn't quite classify, but it reminded him of oversleeping on summer days and fresh flower fields in spring. He hid his face in the crook between Dean's neck and shoulder, his mouth softly touched the skin over Dean's clavicle, similar to a kiss, and he heard Dean's soft sigh in his ear. One hand of Castiel sifted through Dean's hair at the back of his head, repeating the motion endlessly, until he felt Dean holding him more forcefully, his fingernails burrowing in Castiel's back. For a while all they could do was sit opposite of each other and embrace the other man. Their chests moved together with every deep breath, and although Castiel was aroused, and his hard-on pressed against Dean's crotch somewhat awkwardly, he wanted nothing else but to hold the man just one minute longer. It felt as if he belonged here, as if his place was right here in Dean's arms.

His head was swimming with the things Dean had told him minutes ago, and he just couldn't believe that there were still people in the world that were sacrificing so much for their families and beloved. In his experience more bad than good things happened, and sometimes he felt bile rise within him when he had caught just another criminal. The sins and violence he had seen, the victims, forever cursed with their memories... sometimes it was hard to believe in the good in man, but at the moment, he was holding one example in his arms – Dean, who was doing his utmost to make his little brother's dream come true, never minding his own fate. It didn't make his own circumstances better, but he seemed satisfied that Sam was able to live as planned. Castiel could understand it to a certain degree. Finally he let go of Dean and tilted his head to search for Dean's gaze, and when their eyes met, he smiled tenderly at him, his hand coming up to wipe a single tear from his cheek.

Dean let out a breathy, shaky laugh and wiped with the back of his hand over his eyes, then he smiled sweetly at Castiel.

"Sorry", he mumbled, averting Castiel's eyes for a second. Castiel laughed a bit and his forefinger poked Dean's stomach teasingly, making Dean twitch and draw back with a gasp.

"What for", Castiel retorted, and when he realized Dean was withdrawing, he sat up and followed him to disregard his personal space. Dean lay down on his back again and Castiel sat down next to him, supporting his weight on one arm, while he put the other around Dean's waist quite naturally. He felt so close to him, on a physical and emotional level, that his insecurities became less and less perceptible. Dean's gorgeous green eyes met his and they smiled lovingly at the other.

"Anything else to tell apart from terrible family stories?", Castiel joked and Dean's clear laughter ringing out sounded like sweet music to his ears and he started laughing too, realizing how ridiculous the situation altogether was.

"Well, if you're into cars – I have a great car, my baby", Dean chuckled, and the vibe quickly became cheerful and animated. Dean enthusiastically told Castiel about his Impala with twinkling eyes, and Castiel's confused quizzical look seemed to upset the younger man so much that he scolded Castiel for his ignorance in a taunting manner. Dean explained Castiel a few details about the Impala and described her appearance to him, and although Castiel had no clue about cars, he gladly listened to Dean's monologue, because he was so passionate about the topic that it was quickly becoming interesting.

Before he knew it, they were talking about anything and everything, their changes of subjects was easy and comfortable, and Castiel felt more and more enchanted with the man laying in front of him. They talked about their taste of music, and realized they basically liked the same music, though Castiel declared he would never understand AC/DC or Guns N Roses, while Dean acted as if he had to puke when Castiel confessed he liked grunge as well. Dean had a copious knowledge about classical music, so he couldn't understand Castiel's rants about known virtuosi and composers and his love for dissonances. When Castiel explained discords were like the spice, the interesting taste to music like a certain seasoning to food, their topic changed to cooking, and Castiel had to confess he was merely talented, whereas Dean boasted with his skills in the kitchen, making Castiel hunger for the meals Dean described him.

So it went on and on, until there was a knock on Dean's door, and a manly voice told him he had 5 minutes left before the next customer was coming. Hesitantly Castiel got up and put on his socks and shoes, then he fixed his jeans and shirt and gave Dean a soft smile, seeing him look up to him expectantly. Dean sat up on the bed and crossed his legs, one hand of his ruffled through his hair, and it seemed like a nervous gesture to Castiel. He smiled when he tried to imagine someone like Dean could be as shy and insecure as he sometimes was.

"Will I... will I see you again? Or was today the last time?", Dean asked, and it made Castiel's heart skip a beat. He tried to swallow down the huge lump in his throat; his body was electrified with the mere idea that Dean asked to see him again, and by instinct Castiel searched for his wallet and produced his business card to Dean. Dean accepted it cautiously, a confused frown on his forehead that Castiel wanted to kiss away.

"I don't know, Dean. But you can call me or text me whenever you like... and...well, we'll see. That's the number of my cell phone, and I keep it close basically twenty-four seven", he said softly. Dean looked down at the business card in his hands and eyed it like a precious treasure. He nodded and mumbled "Thanks".

Castiel bent forward and placed a chaste soft kiss on Dean's forehead, letting his lips linger on the smooth skin for one more second, and he soaked in Dean's taste and his warmth before he finally disengaged – he feared if he wasn't leaving now he would never be able to. Dean's green eyes beheld him with a loving expression and the smile he gave Castiel was sweet and honest, and it was something Castiel was glad he could take home with him when he shut the door behind him.

**TBC**

**Thoughts? Comments?**


	15. Chapter 15

Awwww my lovely readers, I don't deserve your brilliant reviews and your support…! You can't believe how happy you make me and I pray to God I won't belie your expectations in the longer term, I hope you'll bear with me till the end hahahahaha x3 so, now that Dean has Cas cell phone number, I guess we all know what's about to come…

**Chapter 15**

Ever since Castiel had walked out of Dean's room, the world seemed changed, and he thought something inside of him had changed as well. He viewed his environment differently, couldn't stop it. It were the little things he hadn't paid attention to before, like the starlight and the silver crescent of the moon when he drove home, or the sound of the night's wind swooshing through the trees outside his apartment when he tried to sleep. He felt intoxicated and permeated with a calm joy that was pumping through his veins with every throb of his heart, with every breath of his lungs. The knowledge, how it felt like to hold Dean in his arms, to kiss his skin, to hear his confessions and his laughter, it was making Castiel fall apart with bliss, that couldn't be anything but love.

He felt it in his limbs, in his brain, in his heart – his whole being was fulfilled with longing for the other man, with sympathy and passion and raw sexual need. However, he didn't feel the urge to touch himself that night, Dean's words resounding in his ears were enough to please him and at some point they lulled him to sleep.

When Castiel returned to work on Monday he was confronted with Gabe's wide eyes and his cheeky smile, as expected. Castiel wasn't very averse from telling Gabe more about Dean, because, after all, he had to thank his saucy colleague for bringing him with him to the brothel those few weeks ago; otherwise he would have never met Dean. So Castiel had a heart and told Gabe the rough facts to satisfy his curiosity. However, he was completely failing to hide the blush that overtook his face, nor the happy smile or the gleam in his eyes while he was talking, and when he stopped for a moment to be confused about Gabe's knowing smirk, he tilted his head.

"What?", he grumbled irritated, and Gabe let out a hearty laugh.

"You really have fallen for him, Cassie. Dean this, Dean that... I'm happy for you, that's all. Was about time you found someone again, after Anna...", Gabe explained, and his face was altogether soft and friendly, so Castiel made no effort to play his emotions down. He just smiled back at Gabriel and thanked him.

…

During the next days Castiel and Gabe were busy chasing down a bank robber who had been successful in other states during the last months. He was known for taking hostages, and Gabe and Castiel had to support the local police when he robber had barricaded himself and a few hostages in a nearby bank. They had done nothing else but to surround the building for hours, trying to convince the man to give up, until Castiel and Gabe had received orders to sneak in the building and shoot the man. The robber was uncooperative and when the situation became sharpened and dangerous, he and Gabe followed their orders. When they were inside the bank, Gabe wasted no time and shot the man in the head, realizing one female hostage was already lying on the floor in a pool of blood.

When he was shot the police stormed the building and freed the hostages while Castiel administered first aid to the women in her thirties. She looked at him with a pained expression as he applied pressure to her bullet wound in her stomach, trying to stop the bleeding. A few minutes later the medics rushed in and helped him, and he was glad to learn they would be able to save that woman's life.

Their work was done a few hours later, they could take care of the paperwork tomorrow. It was already late when Castiel drove home; he parked his car in front of his apartment and was about to unbuckle his seatbelt when his cell phone vibrated with a text message. He got it out his suit pants' pocket and saw an unknown number had left the message, and when he opened it, a broad smile came to his lips.

_\- Hey fed, how was your day? I was drenched in engine oil, apart from that everything is just peachy. Dean -_

Castiel didn't bother overthinking when he was supposed to reply, he had never been a friend of those stupid dating rules. So he answered immediately to Dean's message, his hands still covered with dried blood of the woman he had helped today.

_\- Hello Dean. My day was bloody, but that's not unusual. I'm okay. Last Friday was a pleasure. Fancy a repetition? Cas -_

Castiel showered and went right to bed; it was late, but not that late, however he felt already tired. He winced with surprise when he lay in bed and his cell phone started ringing. Blindly he grasped it and answered it. It was Dean, and Castiel suddenly felt wide awake when he heard the soft voice of the man at the other end.

"Evenin' Cas...", Dean said with his husky voice, making Castiel gulp hard as heat swirled through his stomach. He clutched the phone tighter and relaxed against his pillow. It felt so damn good to hear Dean's voice again.

He had no idea why Dean called him, but on the other hand, he didn't care, because he had told him he could call him whenever he wanted to.

"Hi Dean. How are you? Everything alright?", Castiel asked nonchalantly, closing his lids to focus solely on Dean's voice and the little noises his exhales produced. It made a shiver run down Castiel's spine and he felt himself harden at the bare thought of Dean's breath meeting his skin.

"Yeah... better now... missed the sound of your voice", Dean quietly confessed, making Castiel smile softly.

"Weird, I just thought the same", he replied, and he could almost picture the effect it had on Dean, his green eyes probably widening with surprise. Castiel didn't exactly try hard to conceal his advances, now that he knew Dean liked him too and didn't think ill of him. It was strenuous enough that Dean was the first man Castiel had fallen for, he didn't want to complicate things even more with dancing around the bond they clearly had or the sexual tension vibrating between them.

"Where are you now?", Dean asked, and his voice sounded thick and dark with seduction, dark and smooth. Castiel let out a nervous shaky laugh, guessing the direction this conversation was heading to. He let one hand glide idly over his stomach, caressing his abdomen's skin to the sound of Dean's repeating exhales.

"I'm in my bed... where are you?", he replied, strangely rather excited than afraid. His abdomen convulsed with heat and Castiel writhed restlessly in the sheets that clung to his bare thighs.

"Same here... I'm all alone... bare ass naked... and I thought about you, so I called...", Dean teasingly said. Castiel felt desire trickle down his spine, his lower stomach was nothing but pins and needles at Dean's words. He imagined him lying in his bed, naked and oh so ready for him, his perfect hard dick throbbing against his stomach, his thighs parted for him. Castiel's hand wandered down and slid under his boxers where he wrapped his palm gingerly around his growing hard-on. He moaned softly into the line, awkwardly trying to hold the phone in the other hand.

"What, so that we can have phone sex?", he joked, but a second later another low moan escaped him unwillingly and he heard Dean suck in a breath loudly. A second later he was gently moaning too, and it made Castiel's legs twitch with lust. He slowly started stroking himself, his hand beginning a careful slow pace to jerk himself off. He bit his bottom lip, focussing on Dean's breath and soft sighs, figuring he was touching himself too.

"Yeah, something like that", Dean replied breathlessly.

"Talk to me, Cas... need... to hear your voice", Dean demanded a second later, and Castiel blushed. He had never been good with naughty sexual activities, but he tried his best for Dean. Somehow with Dean it wasn't as hard as usual to come up with salacious comments, because he really hungered for him, wanted to do all those things to him, and his mind's fuses were blowing anyway.

"What do you want to hear?", Castiel asked, touching himself more forcefully, his hand sliding up and down his completely hard length languidly. It felt so damn good to touch himself while he could listen to Dean – though he was not here next to him, it still seemed as if he was here, and it was intimate and more than Castiel had expected or dreamt of.

"That I'm touching myself to the sound of your voice, to the sound of your breaths?", he whispered, his voice constricted with want pouring over him, making his stomach's muscles flex and he arched his back to fuck into the air several times. Dean moaned repeatedly at the other end, and Castiel thought he could hear the smacking noises of his hand wanking him.

"Or what I would like to do to you?... Oh, there are thousand things I'd like to experience with you..."

His chest felt tightened and his dick throbbed against his working fingers when images flooded his mind. Dean on his back, his thighs spread so that he could slip into the gap. His kissable sinful lips opened in mute screams, his whole body trembling as they were moving together...

"I would clutch your waist and hold you tight... pull you against my naked body and let you feel me... my stomach against yours, my thighs meeting yours... my dick brushing over yours... my hands would come around your back, wander gently down... then grope your perfect little ass...", Castiel heard himself mumble, and it seemed to have the desired effect on Dean, because he was cursing and moaning in turns, a sweet trembling whimper was rumbling through the line. Dean's sounds went directly into Castiel's hard-on and made him hotter than he thought was possible. He tightened his grip around him and squeezed himself, his thumb stroking his sensitive head. His head was spinning with desire for Dean, and he wanted to possess him so badly it tore him apart.

"More, Cas... more...", Dean demanded, making a tiny smile appear on Castiel's chapped lips.

"I'd push you down on the bed, bend over your body... my palms glide between your sweaty thighs, and I wanna spread them, but you're already opening them for me, so willing... I leave scratch marks on your thighs, my fingers ghosting over your hard-on, I barely touch it... you arch your back to meet my hand, and I envelop you in my fist, closing around you so tightly, I squeeze and press... I start slow strokes... my other hand moves over your chest, caresses your smooth skin... my fingernails scrape along your ribs, leaving bloody marks... is this enough?", Castiel teased, wanting to hear Dean beg for more.

"Please... Cas... please...", Dean whimpered, his breath ragged and stumbling. Castiel felt a fire burning brightly in his abdomen, and he felt he was close. His spine was prickling with hypersensitivity, his dick was leaking with precome. He was so close... the first waves of his orgasm where coming, and Castiel felt it was getting harder and harder to breathe, only moans were coming out of his agape mouth. His fantasy went berserk and words sputtered out of him before he had the chance to hold them back.

"Oh... I wanna... I wanna shove myself into you so badly... I wanna feel you Dean... your heat around me, squeezing me, your legs around my back, keeping me close... I bet you're tight, oh you'd be so tight... and I'm so hard for you, I'd give it to you fiercely, slide in and out of you again and again until you scream for more... God... Dean... so close... Dean!", Castiel almost yelled, and then white lights danced before his eyes and he let the phone drop as he tensed up and spasms took over his body. He writhed in the sheets, hearing himself moan several times unrestrainedly when he came hard in his hand. For a moment he really thought he was buried to the hilt in Dean, and that he could feel his burning heat.

Relief and lust overwhelmed him, and for a few seconds he could do nothing else but pant and relax his limp body against the sheets. Slowly he picked up the phone again, hearing Dean's heavy breathing and a few moans that were still escaping the younger man.

"Dean?", he carefully asked, not sure if the man had come yet.

"God...Cas... I came... so hard... Oh God...", Dean panted as a response, and Castiel chuckled with utter joy.

**TBC**

How was it? Sobs and laughs shyly (oh, btw, I finished chapter 25 yesterday, so there will be at least 10 more updates within the next weeks!) Also, if you want to read my constant whining about the writing process you can find me on tumblr, username is also mistofstars there x)


	16. Chapter 16

**Thanks again for staying with me x) I won't post all chapters I've written so far at once, because I need some buffer to continue the updates steadily while I write the oncoming chapters in the background x3 Again, I have to warn of plenty amounts of fluff and sappy romantic stuff hahaha =D**

**Chapter 16**

The next seconds went by with shared silence, Castiel could hear Dean's breaths even out while his lungs calmed down likewise. His fingers still felt kind of numb and tingly when he clutched the phone tight, a small smile on his lips. He imagined Dean's satisfied body, completely slackened and whacked as he lay naked on the sheets. Castiel felt a deep demand to lay there next to him and hold him tight, to feel his sweaty body in his arms. He remembered Dean's smile so perfectly, and his lucid green eyes appeared in his mind's eye, seemed painted to his retina. He let out a soft sigh, listening to his heart pound against his chest ever so gently and slowly, but forceful, now that it had found a purpose again.

"You're beautiful, Dean... I wish I could be with you now...", Castiel confessed, aware of the raw emotions resounding in his voice as he blatantly uttered the words that were dancing on the tip of his tongue. His heart practically ached with longing for Dean, he couldn't stand one more minute without admitting his affection for him. He deeply inhaled a breath, hearing Dean was doing the same.

"I would snuggle up to you and hold you in my arms... I wish I could feel you against me now, Dean... your naked body against mine... I'd love to fall asleep with you", Castiel whispered, feeling the tiredness returning to him. A soft chuckle of Dean made him smile too. Castiel grabbed his extra pillowed and hugged it when he found a comfortable position, his eyes already shut tight. A yawn escaped him and his grip on the phone unloosened slightly.

"So you're into cuddling? I thought only girls wanted that after sex", Dean teased, making Castiel grin.

"Everybody loves cuddling, so you shut up", he retorted with a breathy laugh. Soon he became serious again.

"But I mean it, Dean... I wish you were here now... There's nothing better than to hold each other, when both are sated and relaxed, loose-limbed... sweaty and tired... God, I want to hold you so bad...", Castiel murmured, merely minutes away from falling into a deep slumber to dream of the younger man. Dean's voice at the other end of the line was the only thing that still kept him awake, if only barely.

"Hey, you're not falling asleep on me, are you? Am I that boring?", Dean asked a few seconds later.

"No, you're not. You're far from being boring... It's just... I'm really tired... it's been a long day, and I'll always start work pretty early... so... yeah... you basically knocked me out with your little phone sex call...", Castiel admitted with an embarrassed laugh, running a hand over his tired, tensed face.

"Sorry, Cas... I shouldn't have kept you awake. You should've said something", Dean responded in a hushed tone, guilt radiating from his words, making Castiel wince.

"And miss this? No chance. Hey, why don't we talk again tomorrow evening? I'll call you as soon as I'm home, around six or so", Castiel suggested without any ulterior motives. Just to hear the sound of Dean's voice again within the next 24 hours was enough to make him happy. Maybe he would be awake enough to actually have an extensive conversation with Dean without falling asleep after only a few minutes. Dean agreed and figured he'd be home by then as well, estimating with a mumble how long it would take to shut down the garage. His quiet "Goodnight, Cas", reverberated in Castiel's ears for a long while, and he took the tender sound of Dean's rough voice into his peaceful dreams.

…

Castiel couldn't remember the last time he had been so annoyed with work, this Tuesday felt like hell, and the hours seemed to drag on so slowly that it was starting to unnerve him. He and Gabe were working through the paperwork of yesterday's event, recording statements of witnesses and labelling scraps of evidence; one hour passed in which they had to answer the detailed questions of a FBI committee, and Gabriel had to explain why he had shot the bank robber.

Castiel wasn't all there the whole day, his mind wandering off over and over again to memories of Dean. His emotions seemed messed up like a hurricane and yet he felt somehow calm as if he was in the eye of the cyclone at the same time. He didn't know where these calls and meetings with Dean were heading to, but he needed to find it out. For the nonce he didn't give a damn about the possibility of getting too close to him, of ending up possibly hurt and heartbroken. He needed to experience with Dean as much as possible or he would become mad with the questions of the "what ifs". All he wanted to do was to call Dean that day, and when he finally returned to his apartment the first thing he did was to make the call he had been itching to do for hours now, falling down on his cosy couch with a thud and sigh.

He stripped off his shoes and sockets while he listened to the dialling tone at the other end, a queasy feeling awakening inside his stomach. What if Dean didn't want to talk to him? What if he was disturbing him at something important? Maybe he hadn't finished his work for today and Castiel was calling him in the middle of a job. Castiel was about to hang up, but then Dean picked up the phone with a rushed voice, and Castiel failed to let the tiny smile tug at the corner of his mouth.

"Hello, Dean", was all he could say, and then Dean started his little tirade, making Castiel chuckle quietly.

"Hi, Cas, is that you? Sorry it took so long... Jo wanted me to sign a few books of account and I only got home one or two minutes ago. She is... uh... I wanted to do it tomorrow but she's so stubborn and wouldn't let me go", Dean explained breathlessly. Castiel thought he could hear him close a fridge, and a second later he heard the sound of a beer bottle being opened.

"No worries, I just got home myself", Castiel said softly, finding it incredibly sweet that Dean was anxious Castiel could be mad at him. He heard Dean take a gulp and a relaxed sigh rang out at the other end of the line. Castiel mused Dean was treating himself with an after-work beer and the thought seemed appealing so he got up and fetched himself one as well. He barely drank, mostly whenever he was hanging out together with Gabe, so the six-pack he had bought a few weeks ago was still in his fridge.

"So, I guess Jo is your bookkeeper then? You never told me you're self-employed", Castiel asked, nestling on his couch again. Soon Dean started talking quite carefree about how he had taken over his Dad's garage a few years ago, how he had always planned on doing this during his teenage years. His dad had barely taken care of the garage and it was almost run down when Dean had assumed control, but now the place was buzzing with customers' orders.

"My dad and I repair the cars, Jo manages the accounting stuff half-time, because she also works at her mother's bar... and then there's also Ash, who accepts calls and orders the whole day and drives to people to repair their cars if possible, otherwise he tows the cars and brings them back to the garage. It's a good system we're working in, and it's enough to let us all live off it."

Castiel felt absolutely slackened and extraordinarily delighted to listen to Dean's voice and how he opened up to him so easily. He loved the way he told him about his work so rich in detail, and he tried to imagine Dean working with Jo and Ash and his dad, and it made him smile. He assumed Dean must have been really good at what he was doing, because the business was going well since he had inherited it from his father.

"Isn't it a little weird that your dad works for you, though the garage used to belong to him?", Castiel wondered.

"Nah, he's actually quite cool with it and respects my decisions, you know? I kind of saved his ass when I remodelled the business. After my mom's death he was barely able to keep it together, and at work he didn't seem to pay that much attention to his customers or his income. It was enough to pay his bills, but he was starting to become a poor bastard, so he seems more than happy now that I manage things. He seems proud of me and there were some rare occasions when he even said it, which is more of a concession of him than you could imagine,. My old man actually never talks about feelings or likewise things..."

Comprehension enveloped Castiel's mind and he almost choked on his beer the moment he understood what Dean was telling him. Dean, the 26 year old man, who worked two jobs to pull his brother through law school. Dean, who had rebuilt his father's garage because the man was unfit to do it himself, who had done such a competent job that four people could live off his efforts. It made Castiel's heart clench with a bittersweet pain that took his breath away.

"Dean... is there anyone whose ass you didn't save? I mean, how are you doing it? I hardly manage to handle my own life, but you... you're basically the glue to your father's and your brother's life."

There was a lengthy silence, and Castiel bit his bottom lip, wondering if he had overstepped the mark, but he simply wasn't capable of hiding his admiration for Dean's sacrifice and his outstanding support of his family members.

"They're my family, Cas. My Dad and Sam are more or less all I have, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for them. So it's no big deal, actually,... I just do what seems right to me."

Castiel smiled tenderly at hearing that, keeping to himself how jealous it was making him – he realized Dean would do anything for the people close to him, and he hungered for this attention, the knowledge of utter devotion Dean would be giving him. His heart was thumping frenziedly when he understood he wanted to give Dean as much as he was giving of himself to others. He deserved to be taken care of as well, he deserved someone who was willed to devote himself to him fully, and Castiel held in a breath when he felt he wanted to be that someone.

**TBC**

**Awww they're already so in love, aren't they? What do you think?**


	17. Chapter 17

**Sooo, I hope you're all still with me and I didn't belie your expectations? =D Your reviews made me soooo friggin happy, they always paint a smile on my face 3 So, now I'll be a good girl and post the next chapter, one day early, because I fear tomorrow I won't find the time to do it…**

**Chapter 17**

"So...uh... what about your parents? You guys in close contact too?", Castiel heard Dean ask, and he grinned when he realized Dean seemed flabbergasted about how he had revealed so many personal things to Castiel. It seemed like he wanted to distract their attention from this fact. Castiel's heart felt light and a warm prickling rumbled through his stomach; he loved every minute of talking to Dean, and to picture him on the phone, all nervous and agitated, made it difficult to breathe calmly. He sighed and sifted a hand through his dark hair, watching the evening sun shine into his living room as he considered Dean's question. Memories came back to haunt him, memories of his parents and Anna, and the day she had been buried. The tearful faces of his parents, how small and broken they had seemed as their hands held each other's tightly.

"We always got along pretty well... and our relation is good, I guess. Even so, I haven't seen them in two years – after Anna's death they sold the house and from their earnings they started travelling all over the world, you know... They told me they needed a fresh start and whenever I talk to them on the phone every few months or so, they do seem happier to me. I think they just needed time to let go of my sister..."

"Aww, man, that sounds horrible! They just left you alone... I could never leave the country like that, you know? Who's supposed to look after my dad and Sammy then?", Dean joked nonchalantly and Castiel smiled sadly.

"They didn't leave me, Dean. I'm a grown-up man... We all knew they needed a break, and because I understood, I had no qualms about letting them go... But I insisted they wouldn't sell the old piano, because I feared I needed it as my own therapy", Castiel chuckled after a pause. There was a moment of intimate silence between them, and Castiel listened to Dean's steady quiet breaths, assuming it was a sound he could get used to, something he would love to fall asleep with and wake up to. Heat churned in his stomach and he felt his blood colouring his cheeks swiftly.

"Play something to me, Cas", Dean suddenly said very quietly, and his voice sounded rough and breathy with tenderness, making Castiel's heart skip a beat. His fingers trembled at hearing the simple request, it seemed so ridiculously romantic and sweet that he couldn't help the smile that came to his lips. He got up and walked to his piano and placed the bottle of beer on top of it. He felt nervous, because he hadn't played for others in years, and he always feared he'd be making a mistake. He bit his bottom lip, searching for a song he wanted to play to Dean, and only a single one occupied his mind, he couldn't think of any other compositions.

"As you wish...", he mumbled and took one long swig from his bottle, then he placed the phone next to it, hoping the loud reverberations wouldn't make Dean's ears hurt with their echo. His fingers began to wander over the piano keys, a dreamy melody drawing from his fingertips. The sun's rays set down on Castiel's frame and underlined the fire that was sparkling in his blue eyes when he got lost in the melody, as it was rapidly mixing with images of Dean. His heart thudded gently to the rhythm of the music as he vanished in the chords and the harmony of Liszt's "Liebestraum No.3", daydreams coming to his mind's eye. He would keep to himself that the song's name translated meant nothing else but "lovedream"... A tiny smile graced Castiel's features the moment remembrances of Dean's kissable red lips approached him, made him breathless with a fiery desire that made his head swim. The composition neared its end and Castiel's fingers played the notes quieter now, his thoughts clinging to the idea of touching Dean's lips with his, to hold him in his arms and kiss him passionately. Never had Liszt's song made more sense to him than in that moment.

When his fingers clutched the phone again and he let out a hesitant "Dean?", he heard him exhale a breathy laugh. Castiel got up and lay down on his bed, watching the evening sky outside darken. The first stars covered the sky and twinkled at him, as if they knew the secret that was written all over his heart.

"I had no idea you were so... you sound like a God on the piano, Cas", Dean chuckled and Castiel blushed. He thanked Dean for the compliment and soon he told him how he had taken piano classes since his childhood, how it had been his parents' idea but during the years he had gotten fond of it, understanding how he could pour out his heart to the notes whenever he had felt the need to. Naturally he had gotten better during the last years, but he had less time now, since his adult life often interfered with idle piano sessions. Dean told him in return that he had taught himself how to play the guitar, an old thing his mother used to play. After her death he didn't want the thing to catch dust in some corner, so he had played it until his fingertips hurt and until he became more and more skilled due to his stubborn will to sound better.

Castiel finally found the courage to ask Dean specifically about his mother and her cause of death, and Dean spent the better part of the next half hour becoming talkative. His calm voice explained she had died in a fire at night in their old house, that the firemen had thought it must have been a gas explosion. He had only been ten years old and by instinct he had grabbed his younger brother and hauled him outside. He had wanted to go back inside the burning house to save his mother, but a neighbour had prevented him from doing so, hinting at the toxic smoke development that would make him unconscious too. The fire department and rescue forces had rushed in a few minutes later, but it was already too late for his mother. His father had been out with some colleagues and ever since he carried guilt with him, thinking he would have been able to rescue Mary if he had been with his family that night.

Dean's voice became uneasy when he confessed to Castiel that his dad had abandoned himself to whiskey back then, that he had drowned his sorrows in alcohol, so Dean had to take care of Sammy and himself all on his own. It had gotten better as time went on, but Dean couldn't hide from Castiel that he was still hurting with the awful memories of those rough years. Castiel could empathize with him so perfectly, knowing what it was like to lose someone and to see a family break apart because of it. When they hung up an hour later, Castiel thought he had gotten to know Dean so well in so little time, it made him dizzy with adoration and love. He craved for him not only physically but also emotionally, and he wanted to envelope him in his arms and kiss him more than ever. This night he lay awake for a while, unable to rest or to make his head stop thinking about Dean. He stared into the blue velvet darkness of the night, Dean's eyes appearing in his memory, but their beautiful green was veiled with a hunch of hurt, so much hurt behind his glance that it made Castiel choke with ache.

…

On Wednesday evening the air was lovely, a sweet smell of flowers and warmth lingering in the soft breezes. Castiel had been upset and pensive all day long, and he felt it in his bones that he needed a long run again to calm himself. His body felt edgy, bursting with energy that was close to over-sensitivity that was looking for an outlet. Castiel spent almost two hours running on his favourite forest path, and he sucked in the fresh air and the spicy scent of the woods. The tranquillity of the early evening and the solitude of this place transferred to him and his heart started beating its usual quick pace whenever he was running, not the hysteric fury beating it had pounded the whole day. For a while he was able to let go of all the stress that created painful knots in his head, and he could just be for the nonce.

He tried to search the courage within himself to put the idea, which had been clouding his mind all day long, into action. He knew by now what he wanted, and he wasn't afraid to claim it. But it had been such a long time since he had felt this way, and he couldn't help be insecure, the worst possibilities coming to him in his wild imagination like nightmares. When he returned home later, altogether wet through with perspiration, he didn't allow himself to hesitate furthermore. He just grabbed the phone and made the call that he had imagined in his mind within the last hours.

…

On Thursday, Dean called again and he and Castiel had a comfortable talk about everything under the sun. Dean told him he'd watch "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" tonight, whereupon Castiel noted he liked the book a hundred times better, to which Dean agreed, but he liked Jack Nicholson simply too much to care about the book. Soon they were exchanging what genres of movies they usually liked and it made Castiel smile fondly when he heard Dean laughing heartily at him for his love of westerns.

"You don't understand, you dumbass, westerns are brilliant!", Castiel exclaimed amused. "The rules are so simple, you have the bad guys and the good guys and the pretty girl. Plus, some cool action. How can you not like that? The old "Django" for example, he shot a dozen men with broken hands and only one pistol!"

Dean laughed even more at that and retorted he rather watched horror movies and thrillers. He made some innocent allusions that they should have a movie night one day and Castiel agreed quite naturally. During the next half hour Castiel realized something seemed to bother Dean, because he wasn't nearly as talkative and his replies came somewhat lagged as if his thoughts were miles away. Castiel decided to ask Dean if something was wrong, and for a moment silence rushed through the line.

"Nah, I'm fine... it's just... I got a call today that... that someone bought me for Friday, the whole night, you know? I should be friggin' thrilled, actually, but... it doesn't happen that often, and when it does, it's probably some disgusting pervert who wants to take his or her time to wear me out thoroughly."

Castiel didn't know what to reply to this, so he bit his bottom lip nervously, so much that it almost bled. His palms became sweaty and a pang of guilt was creeping to him, and he made a frown. He had never intended to trouble Dean with his plan, but the younger man seemed already terrified of tomorrow night. He battled with himself, wondering whether he should just tell Dean that he would be his only customer tomorrow.

"I'm sorry, man... I shouldn't annoy you with this, it's none of your problems", Dean apologized suddenly, sounding so wrecked it made Castiel want to drive to him and crush the man in a tight embrace.

"It's okay, Dean", he said in a rather suffocated voice. "You can tell me whatever you want and I'll listen."

He thought he heard Dean's tender smile through the line and goosebumps appeared on his forearms. A frenzy overwhelmed him when he perceived Dean's quiet "Thank you, Cas", and heat throbbed through his abdomen, making him light-headed. His whole body felt uptight, bursting with sensuality, and he was seconds away from asking Dean to repeat their phone-sex-thing, but Dean cut him off.

"Well, the movie is starting now... so... I guess I'll hear from you, right? Unless you decide to drop in this weekend", Dean bantered. Castiel couldn't exactly reveal his plan, so he just replied he would call him and he wished Dean a good night before he hung up. He blatantly ignored his growing hard-on when he turned on his TV to watch the same movie as Dean.

**TBC**

**As always, your input is highly appreciated! If you have any suggestions what I could improve or what you would like to read, let me know and I'll try my best3**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hi people x) thanks for your continuing lovely support, it makes me grin like the Cheshire Cat of Alice in Wonderland =D … and by the way, Nuwanda, I think it's great you like the song as well <3 Sometimes I listen to classical music but I think it's important that it's comprehensible for everyone, and I think all the compositions in this story are lovely and likeable...^^ apart from that, enough talk! Here's the next chapter:**

**Chapter 18**

Castiel struggled with himself the better part of Friday evening, however his body worked like a robot as he showered and dressed himself, deeply preoccupied with his thoughts and doubts. It had been meant as a carefree gesture, an excuse to spend more time with Dean, and now it felt like a considerable decision he had made. He felt so very bad for filling Dean's head with fears and anxiety for tonight, so he didn't want to keep him waiting for too long. He checked his appearance in the mirror of his entrance area, his blue eyes darting over his worn-out holey jeans and his baby blue button-down shirt. He found he looked rather like someone who was taking out his girlfriend to a fancy restaurant or a concert than like someone who was driving to a brothel to meet his favourite prostitute. He frowned and sifted a nervous hand through his dark strands, searching for something in his glance, something that would scream "STOP" at him, something that would scold him for the way he felt. But there was solely need written all over his blue eyes, their look appeared desperate and pleading to him, to just GO and stop thinking about it for too long.

Castiel didn't know how he had made it to the place without crashing into several cars, because he was so distracted he could barely drive like a human. When he entered the brothel he was enveloped in foggy heat of the usual Friday night, the place was buzzing with people and lightly clad men and women seeking their customer for the next hour or night. Castiel stood near the entrance and observed the dancing women, the lecherous glances of men and women alike, and he felt clearly that he didn't belong to the group of those people, though he didn't meant it in an arrogant way. He just knew that those people simply fucked for their own pleasure, disregarding a partner that was probably at home, or disregarding the desires and needs of the man or woman they were paying, and it made Castiel sick so much that he felt a sharp pain in his stomach. He wasn't like that, and he never wanted to be like that.

He was startled out of his gloomy thoughts when a stout guy came to his view and blocked the people out of his sight. He looked up and into the bulky features of the bodyguard whose face he had come to remember. The man told him that Dean was already waiting for him and he should follow him to his room. Every sensible thought left Castiel's mind at that and he obediently followed the man to Dean's room, a route that he knew by heart, which he could walk blindly by now. His mouth felt dry, his tongue caught to his palate, and his heart shuddered with each trembling breath that constricted his chest. He tensed up when the man knocked on Dean's door and opened it for him a bit, then he left. Castiel's hand clutched the doorknob, his nerves strained to the utmost. He opened the door completely and noticed blues-like rock music was resounding in the background of Dean's room.

The moment he stepped inside and shut the door behind him, all outer noises were cut out and he was simply taken aback at the given sight. Dean stood in front of him, his back turned to him. He was clad only in washed out tight jeans, underlining the perfect curve of his ass, and his naked back revealed the slim muscles framing his figure. He seemed lost in the music and unaware of Castiel's presence, as he was softly swinging his hips to the rhythm of the music, an half-empty whiskey glass in his hand. Castiel could barely see his face, but what he saw made his heart contract with agony of how beautiful Dean was: His lids were closed, his features seemed so relaxed and at ease and a tiny smile uplifted his sinful lips when he was dancing to the music, solely focussing on the song.

Castiel must have made a noise when he had shuffled with his shoes, unaware of the motion that had escaped his edgy body, and Dean turned around in surprise. His jaw dropped and his eyes widened quite staggered when his green eyes got a hold of Castiel, standing somewhat awkwardly in the room with a shy smile. Castiel saw even from the distance that Dean's look was a bit unfocussed, and he was swaying heavily. Out of the corner of his eyes Castiel detected the bottle of whiskey, whose remnants resembled only a tiny brown puddle. The dazed smile that crept over Dean's features slowly made Castiel understand Dean was very drunk. A part of him reasoned with him to go and leave him alone, he seemed already worn out and Castiel should just be glad he could give him the chance to take a night off – but then Dean walked to him with unsteady steps and his smile was so joyful and honest, reaching the bright gleam of his clear green eyes, that Castiel couldn't move one inch.

Dean's palms slid to Castiel's hips and he gently pulled him flush against his body, so that their faces were only a breath apart. Castiel drowned in the tender gaze with which Dean beheld him. His wonderful scent entered his airways and with every inhale he felt more and more intoxicated, unable to move away from this sweet warmth, those moist shaky exhales of Dean's meeting his lips repeatedly. Dean's fingers dug into the flesh of Castiel's waist and made his head swim, swirls of need throbbed through his abdomen. His eyes never left Dean's nor his mouth, and he bit his bottom lip, resisting the urge to kiss those goddamn hot lips. It seemed as if their mouths were magnets, seeking their fitting antipole, as if there was some gravitational force that brought their mouths closer and closer together with every heartbeat. Castiel longed for a kiss so badly that it tore him in two, and his whole frame shook desperately to close the gap between them – simultaneously his mind yelled at him that he was not like the others, that he wouldn't stain Dean the way they had, that he wouldn't cross the line Dean had drawn.

"It's you", Dean whispered finally, delight swinging in the undertone of his voice and sheer relief seemed to wash over Dean, all tension left his limbs; his sight cut deeply into Castiel's heart, and he cherished the fact he had this impact on Dean. A few seconds later Dean threw his arms around him and held him tight, his face buried in the crook of Castiel's neck and his shoulder. Hesitantly he replied to the embrace, his palms gliding up and down the warm smooth skin of Dean's back. He felt subtle muscles flexing under his innocent touches, and Dean let out a soft sigh which made his whole body tremble. He moved closer against Castiel, so that his naked chest touched Castiel's and they shared a few breaths in unison, the music a never-ending companion in the background. Castiel had missed Dean's nearness and he absorbed every detail of this moment, of holding him so close against his heart, of feeling his fingernails digging into the flesh of his clothed back time and again, clenching and unclenching.

_Is it you again outside, just banging on the front door?_ _You say you had enough, now you're coming back for more_ _But that's alright, I said that that's alright_

A slow blues-rock resounded and a man's voice sang, and Dean started swinging his hips again; Castiel had no choice but to go along with it, he gently moved his pelvis against Dean's and his feet became independent when they answered to Dean's stubborn inebriated lead as they began to slowly dance to the song, Dean's hands never leaving Castiel's back, neither was one of them ending their bone-breaking embrace. Dean's mouth touched Castiel's neck and his breaths bedewed Castiel's skin so sensually that he felt his cock harden, especially when their jeans rubbed together and caused a terribly heavenly friction, making him gasp quietly.

"Oh, it's you, Cas... it's you", Dean slurred again and again as if it was a mantra, and it was producing such a heat inside Castiel's stomach, the way he said his name made it difficult to breathe. He knew he should let go and run, run as fast as he could to prevent himself from more heartache than he was already feeling, but he couldn't – he just couldn't. He was tired of running, of denying, and so he held Dean even tighter and kissed his neck and shoulder gingerly, the hunch of his skin's salty taste lingering on his lips like a narcotic, it was making his lips numb.

"You can't do that to me, Cas... You're so good to me...", Dean whispered and when he did it, he uplifted his head so that he could breathe his hot moist breath into Castiel's ear, making him constrict violently as his body concentrated on each movement of Dean, so close, so dangerous, so stunning... Dean bit into his ear lobe and his teeth nibbled on it playfully, and before Castiel could protest, Dean's skilled mouth moved lower, left wet open-mouthed kisses on his neck. His tongue was darting out to lick the skin just above Castiel's shirt collar and Castiel's fingers seized Dean's back forcefully, searching for support as his knees went weak. A low moan escaped him when Dean's warm fingers crawled under the hem of his shirt and stroked his stomach and chest lovingly, with so much attention and expertise that Castiel became a groaning trembling mess under his ministrations. It cost Castiel all of his willpower to let his hands touch Dean's muscular fine pecs and to shove him gently away.

They were both panting and their cheeks were coloured with a bright red. Dean's swollen lips looked so kissable, and the frantic look he was giving Castiel made his heart bleed with every thud. He clenched his fingers into a fist to prevent further outbreaks.

"Not like this, Dean... not here... I told you, I won't pay you for this. I won't... I won't...", Castiel failed to explain, but Dean seemed to get him, because his face fell and he looked downright exasperated and oh so tired. However, his hands undid his jeans nevertheless and his eyes never left Castiel's when he undressed slowly and confidently in front of him, his motions languid and provocative, while he wore a fairly bitter expression. Castiel didn't know what to do, nor did he know what Dean was up to, but he simply couldn't avert his eyes from Dean as the younger man revealed more and more parts of his beautiful body. He stripped off his jeans and Castiel's eyes flashed over muscular, defined thighs and tanned skin, and Castiel wanted to bite into those thighs and see how sensitive Dean was there, what made him lose it and beg for more...

He saw Dean's fingers glide under the waistband of his black boxers and he pulled them down unceremoniously, having no scruples of showing Castiel his body naked from head to toe and his fully erected dick pointing upwards against his flat muscular stomach. Dean looked somber and melancholic when he turned his head away from Castiel's burning eyes, and Castiel's absorbed the appearance of Dean's naked body when the younger man lay down on the bed, his head partly resting against the headboard. Dean spread his legs a bit and he bit his bottom lip when his hand began to slowly wander down his chest, over the hills of his muscles and hipbones. Castiel's eyes followed this experienced wicked hand and he gulped hard when Dean's slender fingers enveloped his length in a hesitant cautious fist. Dean let out a heartbreaking moan and threw his head back, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. He touched himself with slow strokes and Castiel clung to his sight; it was so arousing and sinful to watch him like that, but it made Castiel so hard it gave him headaches. Dean's fingers didn't stop massaging and jerking him when he started to come to himself again, and when he met Castiel's eyes, Castiel could detect the raw hunger in them, the want, the painful need. Blackness veiled the bright green of Dean's eyes, and a little smile brightened Dean's face.

"At least let me look at you...", Dean demanded quietly, and Castiel nodded, taking one step closer to the bed.

"Come closer... I promise...ah... I promise I won't do anything", Dean whimpered while his strokes became more manic, firmer. His lids fluttered over and over again, and through half-lidded eyes Dean smiled so sweetly at Castiel that it drove the air out of his lungs. Castiel sat down on the bed somewhat hesitantly and confused, and Dean spread his legs even wider and pleaded Castiel to sit in between them, so that he could look him directly in the eyes. Castiel gulped around a strangling lump of longing and arousal and complied with Dean's wish. The moment he looked down at him, ever so willing and ready for him, his hand stroking his hard length slowly, Castiel felt an indelible thirst drying him up, and he mused Dean was the only water reservoir in a world that resembled a lonely desert. He watched his own trembling fingers, how he placed them on Dean's both inner thighs, and how they started stroking the soft skin up and down. He knew he barely kept himself together, and his defensive wall was coming undone quickly. Castiel wondered where all of this was heading to.

**TBC**

**Awwww sorry that this chapter ends there, the next one will hopefully make up for it! Don't behead me please! The song in this chapter is from ZZ Top by the way, it's called "A fool for your stockings".**


	19. Chapter 19

Awww THANK YOU again for your awesome reviews and sorry for the last cliffhanger, I know, I'm horrible with cliffhangers…! Uh… I dunno what to say regarding the next chapter haha… please bear with me hahahaha… and… I have to call attention to the rating of this story again to be sure...

**Chapter 19**

Dean's eyes beheld a glassy look as he seemed to get lost in Castiel's features. The air crackled with the attraction between them, the atmosphere was heated, while Castiel did nothing but panting shuddery gasps and Dean stroked himself ever so gently and slowly, albeit skilfully and aimed. Castiel could feel the tension of Dean's muscles underneath his fingertips, which caressed the supple flesh of his thighs infinitely. A frisky twinkle gleamed in Dean's gorgeous green eyes and Castiel couldn't suppress the careful smile that came to his lips.

His eyes darted over Dean's naked body again and again, unable to take their pick on just one part. The sun-kissed skin shimmered with the first layers of sweat in the dim orange light of the room; Dean's chest heaved heavily while his lungs let out breaths whose sounds became more and more high-pitched. Castiel ingested the sight of his strong upper arms, his slender neat fingers doing their work so efficiently and masterfully. His stomach showed flexible muscles, though it wasn't quite a six-pack. Castiel detected Dean's abdomen and his thigh also included tissue that wasn't muscular but rather floppy, however it didn't destroy Dean's overall view, it underlined his beauty even more. He was perfect the way he was, shaped with muscles and lean limbs and likeable parts of healthy body fat.

Dean groaned lowly at once and his unoccupied hand flew to the button border of Castiel's baby blue shirt. Clumsily Dean opened one button after the other, his eyes never leaving Castiel's as if he was seeking for his consent, and the way Dean bit his bottom lip tensely, Castiel didn't find the courage to deny him this little concession. He shooed Dean's fingers away and replaced them with his own, unbuttoning his shirt quickly. In doing so he revealed the pale skin of his lean torso, and in a trice Dean's palm touched his pecs approvingly. Castiel searched for appreciation in Dean's eyes, and when he found them, hooded and heavy with lust, he succumbed to his own appetite. He lay his own hand above Dean's and moved it down, over his chest, his ribs, his stomach, hinting Dean to touch him. This was okay, Castiel thought, this was a safe zone. He couldn't resist the sweaty warm palm moving over his skin so lovingly, it felt too damn good. He watched how Dean's lids closed and he moaned, he threw his head back and exposed his throat trustfully to Castiel, his hand roaming over Castiel's bare upper body fervently, while his other hand massaged and stroked his dick harder and harder.

Castiel let his hands cling to Dean's boney hips, his fingers dug into the soft flesh desperately, while he was trying to withstand the urge to ravage Dean. His whole being screamed for the man, so willingly stripped in front of him. Dean managed at some point to open his eyes again, and Castiel felt his hand leaving his rib, and his eyes widened in utter astonishment when he saw where Dean was moving it to. It wandered nonchalantly between his legs, under his testicles and Castiel was already guessing where this was heading to when he tilted his head to watch how Dean's forefinger slowly vanished inside his tight heat inch by inch. Castiel gulped down the painful lump in his throat, wishing frantically it was him who could bury himself in between those perfect cheeks, who could shove himself up to the hilt in Dean's vice-like narrowness. He wanted to burn himself so badly in those fiery walls enclosing him...

Dean hissed and gasped a quiet "fuck!", among other curses that left his mouth promptly, almost inaudible. Dumbstruck Castiel observed how Dean circled his hips and his forefinger moved back and forth, pushing in and out of him slowly. Soon Dean was loose enough to let two fingers glide inside, and he was writhing uncontrolled in the sheets when he started fucking himself with his own two fingers, while his other hand stroked him incessantly at the same time. Castiel didn't know what to do, Dean was nothing but a hot mess of lust and desire, and so he could just watch him come undone more and more. His head was swimming when he heard Dean's tortured sobs, his eyes were tightly screwed up, his mouth stood agape while silent screams and erratic pants exited his trembling lips.

Surges of passion swept over Castiel, his stomach felt tightened, his chest constricted. He felt his own hard-on twitch in his too tight slacks, his abdomen convulsed repeatedly with twinges of prickling lust. All at once Dean stopped in his movements, as if he had regained his composure. He beheld Castiel with a weird expression in his eyes, and they seemed frighteningly calm and certain, more sober. Dean let go of his dick and his fingers left his hole, and before Castiel knew it Dean bend over the bed and searched for something. Soon he lay down again, but this time he bend his spread legs and his fingers fiddled with two objects, which Castiel soon identified as a bottle of lube and a black dildo. Castiel felt petrified on the spot - his heart slammed frenziedly in his chest, his shaky breaths made his head swim – he studied Dean in his collected movements, how he slathered the dildo generously with lube, however he detected Dean's whole body shook with arousal, he saw his hard-on was painfully erected, jerking against his abdomen unrestrainedly. The mere thought of what was to come made Castiel gasp and moan lewdly, he had no control left over his body, black dots started to dance before his eyes. Not even in his wildest dreams had Dean done such a thing to himself.

With one slow move Dean let the first inches of the lubed sex toy glide inside him, and the loud moan that left his mouth at that shook Castiel to his deepest core, made him gasp for air. He couldn't tear his eyes from Dean's fingers holding the toy, letting its broad head slide inside him several times, creating such a naughty and arousing sight for Castiel that he felt he was close, so close to coming in his pants again. Castiel almost held his breath when his eyes met Dean's fervent gaze, and he saw how dark and lust filled his eyes had become, how Dean fought against the urge to shut them. Dean panted heavily, his whole body seemed to tremble like one hot mess. Castiel heard Dean hiss with gritted teeth and he returned his gaze to Dean's hole, watching how the dildo disappeared to the hilt inside of him with one slow movement and Dean's whimpered, agonized sigh resounded in Castiel's deep red head, he felt the hot blood pumping in his usually pale cheeks. He saw how Dean slowly started to fuck himself down on the thing, his pelvis rotating and buckling slightly, while his fingers shoved it deeper and deeper inside, so much that Dean's thighs twitched with over-sensitivity Castiel gulped hard, unable to tear his eyes from the arousing sensual sight.

He didn't dare touch Dean, the man seemed already so edgy and explosive that it made Castiel awestruck. His gaze wandered up, crawled over Dean's clenched stomach, his taut pecs, to his strong jaw and his glassy green eyes beholding Castiel thoughtfully.

"I wish this was you...", Dean murmured as his eyes clung to Castiel's, and just the mere thought of doing this to Dean, to make him come loose and wild like this, threw him over the cliff. He seized Dean's hips violently and pulled him closer, and the heat of his sweaty thighs warmed his body as well. A knowing countenance veiled Dean's face and he was smiling ever so tenderly when he saw Castiel was coming any second now. Castiel felt a fiery blaze burn in the pit of his stomach, and his fuses blew – a thunderous orgasm flashed through him, his spine tensed up, and he rode out wave after wave of blissful relief; a long hiss left his mouth while his jaw dropped to his bare chest, he couldn't even care about the fact that his fingernails had grabbed Dean's hips so forcefully that he had left bloody marks on his bruised skin.

When he slowly came down again he caught a glimpse of the last spasms of Dean's climax, the younger man's eyes had rolled to the back of his head and his untouched hard-on spurted out hot white streams of come that were painting his lower stomach. His fingers still worked the dildo inside him as he fucked himself through his orgasm, and Castiel felt frozen when he heard Dean moan "Cas... God... Cas", as if he was the one who penetrated him so eagerly. A few seconds later Dean looked at him again, completely satisfied, and the happy gleam in his hazed eyes cut deep into Castiel's heart. Gently Dean removed the slick dildo, and a low groan escaped him as he let it fall to the ground carelessly. Dean's hand reached out for the tissues on the nightstand nearby, he cleaned himself up while ragged pants still escaped him. In his stunned state Castiel felt even more drawn to Dean, the urge to kiss him resurfaced in him – but he respected Dean too much to disregard the only rule he had ever imposed on him.

Instead, he let himself lower down and he slowly embedded his body on Dean's naked frame, wet through with perspiration and quickly chilling down under him. The touch of their naked chests against each other was electrifying, so intimate as they felt each of their breaths move against each other. Castiel never wanted to leave the warmth of Dean's skin, wanted to remember the sensation of this smooth skin pressed against his. He wrapped his arms around Dean's sides and pillowed his head on Dean's shoulder, feeling him melt against him easily. He heard a soft sigh, and its draft brushed against the hair of his temple. Then Dean's arms enveloped him too, he even put his legs above Castiel's, and he squeezed Castiel appreciatively, pulling his body as close as possible.

Castiel felt happy, a haze of heavenly fulfilment pounded through his mind as he breathed in Dean's unique fragrance, as he felt his naked body underneath him, holding him tightly, safely. They fit perfectly together, and Castiel understood this was the place where he belonged. The way Dean's fingers sifted through his hair while Castiel listened to his steady heartbeat, the way his palm slid underneath his shirt to stroke his back absentmindedly, showed Castiel that Dean must have felt similar, that he was important to Dean too.

His head was dizzy, images of the last minutes grasped him over and over again. Castiel felt as if he was in a state of shock, too overpowered with the experience he had just made. Dean's drunkenness and the exhaustion of his activities must have been probably enough to let him fall asleep several minutes later, with Castiel still on top of him. Castiel sucked in each soft breath Dean made, hypnotised by the beautiful lulling sound. He perceived Dean's sleepy warmth made him tired as well, and he couldn't convince himself to struggle out of his lax embrace, so he allowed himself to take a nap also. They had the whole night for themselves and no one was going to bother them.

**TBC**

Uh, what do you think? Next update will be on Friday!


	20. Chapter 20

**Hi my lovely readers and followers x) are you still with me or am I boring you to death? x) I just want to let you know that I had another breakdown of my car yesterday and some guardian angel made me come home in one piece, seems like someone wants to see me dead haha… but, since nothing too awful happened, I'm able to post this chapter – hope you enjoy it!**

**Chapter 20**

Castiel awoke in the middle of the night, disoriented and with a terrible stiff neck. In the background the same CD resounded, apparently on replay, and the dim orange lights that blinded him made him remember where he was. There was sleepy warmth underneath him, and a soft loose-limbed body. Castiel uplifted his body a bit, he shifted his weight on his palms and looked down on the naked sleeping man beneath him. A small smile crept to his lips, he got lost in Dean's heartbreaking beauty. In his sleep Dean seemed younger, less troubled, and the worry lines of his forehead had vanished, the wrinkles of his eyes were smoother. Castiel felt privileged to be able to see Dean in this vulnerable state, he was sure not many people were allowed to see him like this.

Castiel's mind drifted off to the heated session they had shared a few hours ago, while the blues-rock songs kept playing quietly in the background. His heart constricted painfully when he remembered the complete absence of fear in Dean's behaviour, he had been so trusting, so devoured by an insatiable yearning... His burning gaze still made Castiel shudder, a wave of excitement prickled down his spine. The longer he stared at Dean's relaxed features, the more he understood the depths of feelings he had for the man. In his understanding it was obvious that Dean wanted him, that he trusted him. What he had done, how he had exposed himself so confidently... Castiel was sure no other man or woman who had entered this room had received such a treatment, at least not that willingly and unasked for. He wondered what he was to Dean, if the fragile bond between them meant more to him than just a sexual exchange, if he thought of him as often as Castiel thought of him.

Now that he was so close to him, and Dean looked so angelic and calm, Castiel wanted to kiss him so much it cut like a rusty razor through his intestines. Just to press his lips against those soft plump ones, just for once... He guessed it was probably too much to ask for. He had received so much of Dean, things he mused had already been too unfamiliar for the man – that he had wanted to talk to him, that he had wanted him to come instead of making Castiel come,... maybe all of this was unchartered territory for Dean too – and Castiel wanted to ask of him one more thing, craved for the simple caress of a chaste, innocent kiss... He bit his bottom lip as his eyes clung to Dean's perfect, kissable mouth. No, he scolded himself, he wouldn't disrespect Dean. He would wait patiently until Dean would approach him regarding the matter. He told himself it was enough what he had received so far, hell, more than he could have ever hoped for. Who was he to hassle Dean when he had sworn to himself from the start he would not be like all those other guys and women?

Dean awoke underneath him, rolling in the sheets with a groan. His eyes flew open and met Castiel's, and he greeted Castiel with a small smile. Castiel had no words for the moment – once Dean's lids revealed the perfect green orbs, to which there were no fitting adjectives, he felt composed and happy again. He knew it was cheesy, but he would never tire of looking into those irises, watching how the light refracted in them, how millions of emotions skittered through them. He kissed Dean's forehead gently, savoured the soapy smell of his hair and the salty taste of his skin, then he rolled off of him and dressed himself wordlessly. Soon Dean emulated Castiel's deeds and put his clothes on. Castiel thought there was a strange vibe between them – on the one hand they interacted intimately, how they exchanged shy and mischievous glances while they dressed – on the other hand Castiel felt as if they had overstepped a line, and now they had to label themselves rather as lovers than as customer and provider. He wondered how they would proceed from here on. He just knew he couldn't maintain these encounters, neither wanted he to – not under these circumstances.

He got up and Dean tied his shoes, apparently leaving for the night as well – he still swaggered terribly and he failed to cord his laces as his inebriated fingers tried to make knots. Castiel exhaled a breathy laugh and knelt down in front of Dean and shooed his hands away, he gently tied his shoes and felt a soft kiss pressed into his dark hairline. Warmth pumped through him, and words were dancing on the tip of his tongue, words with which he wanted to tell Dean how appreciated his presence was, how Castiel burst with feelings for him.

"Let me give you a lift. You can't drive like this, and I won't let you call a cab", Castiel murmured quietly instead. When he uplifted his head and searched for approval in Dean's hazy glance, he saw a sweet smile on these kissable lips and Dean nodded slowly and replied a simple "Thanks." A minute later they stepped outside and Dean staggered next to Castiel in front of the brothel – the chilly night's air met them, the air was damp with the late springs' weather. Castiel felt immediately awakened, but Dean shivered, as sleep-deprived and drunk as he was. They sat down in Castiel's grey Toyota, a small car Castiel had grown rather fond of. When Dean fastened his seat belt Castiel noticed Dean scoffed and gave him a broad grin. Castiel felt a frown on his forehead when he backed out of the parking space and drove along the empty streets.

"What kind of fed drives a Japanese women's carriage?", Dean teased and Castiel let out a laugh.

"One that's not too good when it comes to tiny parking spaces. No, seriously", he insisted when Dean laughed heartily, relaxing against the uncomfortable seats. "I really suck when it comes to that. You should see all those company cars I dinged up", Castiel explained with a smile.

"You should've learned driving in a real car, like my baby", Dean said. "Without power assisted steering, every inch of pavement will brand itself into your memory. I'll show you her someday and then I'll give you lessons for free."

Castiel smiled broadly at that, trying to picture what it would be like to drive Dean's beloved car. He saw how Dean fidgeted with his car radio, and he found a suitable station that played quiet rock love songs. A corny guitar solo resounded in Castiel's small car while he focussed on the streets, and Dean gave him directions every now and then. Apart from that, they were silent, and Dean seemed sleepy; the company was soothing and Castiel was blissfully happy. To drive with Dean through the night and to listen to sappy slushy songs was somehow the perfect moment for him, to feel his love for Dean pump through his veins like an endless river. Sometimes Dean's fingers fled to Castiel's thigh and stroked along his clad limb, and then Castiel would give Dean a lopsided smile which would be answered with a tender glance.

They made it to Dean's apartment complex within 15 minutes, and Castiel realized Dean lived in the same part of the town, presumably only a few blocks away from his dwelling. He turned off the motor when Dean showed not the slightest inclination to unbuckle his seatbelt and to leave him. Dean's eyes darted over Castiel's face several times, nervously it seemed, and Castiel found it endearing, especially after all those naughty things they had done with each other. How could a look be so shy, a smile be so tentative, when Dean was also so sexual and wild? He wondered what was taking place in Dean's head, what he was thinking, and Castiel felt the wish to read his mind. Then Dean retrieved a folded sheet of paper out of his jeans pocket, and he held it out for Castiel to take it. The expression of his eyes was serene and resolved. Castiel hesitantly took the page and unfolded it slowly, he felt Dean's stinging regard upon him.

The moment he opened it and realized what he was holding in his hands, Castiel turned into stone. He noticed a joyful twinge in his chest and warmth flooded him, a warmth that touched the foundations of his heart. He could not hide the touched smile nor the tears welling up in his eyes – his throat constricted terribly, an aching lump of affection wanted to choke him. There he saw his own face on the white sheet, a rough sketch of his face drawn with lead pencil, but though it was a rough sketch, it was unblemished. He could make out every fine line, his nose, his mouth, his forehead, even his ruffled hair, everything was correctly captured. His eyes were shut and the expression of his face seemed sensual, as if he was having sex in that drawing, and he blushed when he tried to picture the state Dean had been in when had drawn it. It was obvious that someone who thought dearly of him had drawn this, and he knew what it meant to Dean to draw again.

He turned around to Dean, searching for fitting words, but he could only smile through the tears that were staining his night-chilled cheeks, an awkward, flustered laugh escaped him. Dean's tender gaze made him twitch with delight, he noted Dean beheld him with a knowing expression, and he didn't budge when he saw, as if in slow motion, how Dean raised his arm and his hand enclosed the back of Castiel's head, pulling him closer. His fingers sifted through the dark strands and Dean bent forward, his breath ghosting over Castiel's agape mouth. He got lost in the adamant gaze of Dean's eyes, as they beheld him, he could only notice the dilated pupils and Dean's fresh odour seeping through his pores intoxicantly.

Dean finally tilted his head and closed his lids, his lips touching Castiel's gently. For a second they held perfectly still, inhaling the other man's scent, savouring the feel of their sensitive mouths brushing against each other. Then Castiel felt Dean's fingernails scrape over his scalp and they both lunged forward, letting out all the pent-up desire devouring them. They kissed as if it was the first and the last time, their mouth gliding over each other's passionately, applying fine amounts of pressure to each other skilfully. Castiel knew it shouldn't affect him so deeply, because it was just a kiss, but he dispersed in the perfection of the moment. This was all he had wanted, all he had ached for, and now Dean was kissing him so fervently, in a destructive frenzy, and Castiel never wanted it to end.

They disengaged for a second, only to gasp into the other man's mouth, then they were crashing together again. Castiel's hands framed Dean's cheeks and his jaw, he tilted his head to deepen their kisses. He opened his mouth slightly to let Dean's slippery tongue slide together with his, and he moaned faintly at the galvanic flash cutting through him. Strangely, the heat that streamed through his abdomen was not only of a sexual nature, yet also of an emotional one, and Castiel feared for the safety of his heart. It had been such a long time since he had felt this way, and never with this untamed ferocity. At long last Dean broke away from Castiel, and through half-lidded eyes he observed Castiel, both of them were panting and their lips were swollen, glistening with the remnants of their kisses.

Dean smiled a tiny smile and pecked Castiel's lips one more time. He unfastened his seatbelt and got out of the car, leaning down to wink at Castiel cheerfully, and Castiel could not resist to grin at him.

"Night, Cas...", Dean said and shut the door, and when he walked to his apartment building, Castiel recognized Dean's way of walking was feathery, as if he was pacing on fluffy clouds, as if a weight had been lifted from his burdened young shoulders.

**TBC**

**Lololol, their first kiss in chapter 20, huh? What do you think? Am I still on the right track? ^^**


	21. Chapter 21

-Gasps, sighs, smiles- Thank you once more for your awesome reviews, they're really encouraging me 3 I started writing this for my own pleasure, but it excites me to the utmost that I seem to be able to make those lovely idiots in this story tempting for you too x)

Now, let's see where the two are heading to...

**Chapter 21**

It must have been love, Castiel thought. What else was it supposed to be? He sat in his car, slain with the sensations floating through him, his forefinger idly pressed against his lips. They still tingled with the pressure of Dean's kisses, they seemed bruised and wonderfully used, and Castiel thought how much he had missed this. To kiss somebody and to put all his feelings into it, to bath in rivers of joy coursing through him, so that he solely wanted to scream out loud how good it felt to share this with someone. He thought he was disembodied, because he could actually watch himself as if he was having an out-of-body experience – warmth seized him from head to toe when he saw himself smile an agitated, affectionate smile, regardless of how small and careful it was.

When his eyes stared at him through the rearview mirror, he recognized the bright gleam of his blue eyes beamed at him through the late night. There were drying tears on his blushed cheeks and Castiel barely understood it was him in the mirror. He looked so changed, so frighteningly _happy_ , it made him rigid with fear, because now he realized he couldn't lose Dean. He couldn't lose this happiness. The terrible possibility of this dystopia hovered in the back of his head, and it caused him to breathe heavily. He could not lose Dean, not after the divine experiences he had made with him.

His gaze traveled to the sketch in his lap and he felt the love for Dean pump through him forcefully. His cheeks blushed even harder and his heart constricted painfully. He couldn't shove the thought aside that he mattered to Dean, that Dean had thought of him, that Dean had deemed him important enough to start drawing again. It felt brilliantly to be important to someone again, even more so if Dean was that someone. Castiel's head swirled with brisk sounds that interweaved with each other to hectic music-constructions when he finally started the motor and drove home.

When he lay in bed a few minutes later, he could still hear the sweetest and cleverest compositions his head had ever created, and Dean's kisses were the inspiration for them. He knew he would never be capable to catch those melodies and to commit them to paper – they would never come close to the perfect sounds in his head.

Castiel lay awake for endless, sleepless hours, he simply couldn't come down. Dean's beautiful green eyes laughed at him through the dark, like rays of light, which brought hope and _oh_ , sweet love. He had to smile when Dean's bright laughter resounded in his ears; visions of his perfect body displayed just for him made him rock hard, and when he touched himself slowly again that night, he thought he could hear Dean's sighs, his moans, intertwined with his own. He trembled against his hand, and again his fingertips twitched with the phantom-feel of Dean's body underneath, his flexing muscles moving underneath him. When Castiel came a few strokes later, an agonized sob escaped his agape mouth, and he writhed in the sheets when hot surge after surge of his orgasm struck down on him. Images of Dean reappeared in his imagination, and Castiel knew for sure – he was lost, completely absorbed in his love for Dean. He needed to have him, otherwise his life would become dull and one horrid, unbearable routine.

…

Castiel was on the verge of lunacy, because Gabriel seemed hellbent on working as busy as a bee, ignoring the darts he had been throwing at him with his eyes unwittingly. Usually Gabe was more or less laid-back when it came to work, and as a team they had always managed to finish things on time, but Gabe had to rework some files because there were some details missing. Castiel was itching to tell Gabe everything about Dean, surprisingly on his own accord. He needed to tell him because otherwise it just felt like a dream, as if none of it had actually happened. He needed to share his excited infatuation with someone, or he feared he would burst with his nervousness. Gabriel didn't notice the tense frown of Castiel nor the deadly stare, but he heard the annoying clicking of his ball pen and uplifted his eyes to give Castiel an exasperated glance.

"What?!", he exclaimed at long last and Castiel let out a breath he hadn't noticed he had been holding.

"We kissed. Dean kissed me", Castiel blurted out quickly, feeling his eyes slightly widen as if he was still confused and surprised that it had actually happened. Gabe smirked.

"Good for you, you little slut", he retorted and chuckled and Castiel couldn't even be annoyed with him, he heard himself laugh carelessly as well, surprised by the happy sound of his vocal chords.

"Gabe, I really think this could evolve into something serious...", Castiel announced quietly, and his heart decided to beat a frantic pace as the realization hit him hard. He and Dean could actually become a couple... He drank in the tender gleam that appeared in Gabe's eyes, and the lopsided smile he gave him, he seemed to be sharing his rapture.

"What are you still doing here, then? You're only stopping me from finishing these files. Go meet him for lunch or something and let the adults do their job. No one will notice your absence for one or two hours", Gabriel proposed teasingly. Castiel felt a grin come to his face to distort it in a brutish manner – he must have looked like a love-stricken teenager who couldn't keep still, and, admittedly, he also felt like one.

"Thanks, Gabe, that's a good idea...", he said and retrieved his cell phone, starting to type a text-message. He stopped when he heard Gabe's unnerved groan and when he looked up he saw he was actually rolling his eyes at him. He didn't know what he had done to upset Gabriel, however his partner pointed at his phone incredulously to make himself clear.

"Really, Cas? An SMS? Are you such a girl that you don't dare to call the guy?", he mocked, curling his lips.

"Shut it, I wouldn't get one sensible sentence out. I do this my way", Castiel replied with a broad grin.

_Hello Dean_ , he typed, wondering if it sounded too stiff, _can you break off for lunch? There's this pleasant diner I want to show you. Cas_

Barely a minute elapsed and Castiel got his reply, his fingers nervously opened the message.

_What, like a date? Are you asking me out?_

Castiel laughed quietly to himself, he could imagine the sound of Dean's mischievous voice perfectly. If Dean played the bold feisty game, then he could play that game as well. So he just typed one single word:

_YES._

This time it took longer to get an answer, and Castiel was already worrying if he had misunderstood the chemistry between them, if he had made all of this up. Maybe he was just filled with delusions that made him believe there was something going on between them. Thankfully his cell phone vibrated with another message before he could ponder harder about it - it only contained an address and Dean's request to pick him up whenever he was ready to. Castiel got up and grabbed his wallet and ID card. He answered to Gabe's raised eyebrows with a delighted grin that spread from one ear to the other, then he stormed out of the door. To Dean.

…

Castiel steered his Toyota to the parking area of the auto repair shop, the pebble gravel scrunched underneath his tires. The shop was located in the industrial zone of the town, but due to unmistakable road signs along the way Castiel had managed to find it immediately. He got out of his car and smiled to himself when he saw the logo of the garage illuminated in the bright sunlight of the late spring's noon. It was a grinning cartoon character holding both thumbs up, "Winchester's car-fix" was displayed in yellow letters against the red background of the board. Castiel's eyes scattered around the premises, searching for Dean. Everyone seemed to be working inside the garage, so he approached the noises and the sound of talking voices. A radio whirred somewhere and Castiel heard a woman laugh heartily.

He adjusted his blue tie and hitched up the sleeves of his white button-down shirt. Slowly but surely the summer's heat was nearing and he already dreaded the horrid months in which he was forced to wear a suit thanks to their dress code. The sun was constantly burning through the thin fabric of his black slacks, and he wished it was already evening so that he could get out of these clothes and have a cold after-work beer. He rounded the corner and caught a glimpse of Dean bending over a car while a blond-haired young woman, apparently Jo, stood next to him and talked quietly to him, a broad grin painted on her pale pretty face. Castiel hadn't even the chance to become jealous, because he had spotted Dean's jolly smile that lighted up his whole face while the woman spoke, so that his eyes revealed the charming crow's feet Castiel had come to love.

The woman detected him and her jaw dropped when her eyes rested on Castiel's as if she had seen a ghost. She nudged Dean gently and Castiel could hear her say "He's here", then she winked at him and walked away, a faint blush coloring her cheeks. Castiel had no time to worry about the weird behavior of the woman, because Dean approached him with the possibly happiest smile he had ever seen on him. He wore a blue black jumpsuit that was stained with spots of oil. Now that Dean was standing almost in front of him, barely three feet away, he wondered if he was supposed to kiss him or if he shouldn't do it because things were still so vague between them and they were at Dean's workplace. Dean, however, didn't seem to have the same worries, because he bent forward and kissed Castiel's cheek lovingly, his lips remained on Castiel's stubbly cheek for a short while. Castiel inhaled Dean's sweaty and soapy scent; he shuddered when the waves of Dean's warmth swept over him, and heat churned in his stomach. His heart threatened to jump out of his chest, and its rapid pounding made him quite dizzy. Dean disengaged from him and smiled a mellow smile at him, a soft expression in his eyes.

Castiel realized this was the first time he saw real daylight break in the eyes of Dean, it made the green color shine out even more. Castiel thought he hadn't seen such a lovely shade of color in his whole life, and he wanted to kiss the lids encompassing those precious gems desperately. Dean's hand searched blindly for his and he took Castiel's hand in his, squeezing it gently. Their fingers intertwined automatically, and Castiel was unfit to tear his eyes from Dean's. Dean breathed out a quiet "Hi", to which Castiel echoed his own smiley "Hi". Inwardly he scolded himself, he was a grown-up man who couldn't even form proper sentences, just because he got lost in the beautiful features of Dean's appearance in the sunlight.

"Ash, he's _gorgeous_!", the woman's voice suddenly rang out in the background of the garage, making both of them wince in surprise. Castiel frowned and wondered if the woman was talking about him, and then he heard Dean groan exasperated and he rolled his eyes quite annoyed. Quickly he pulled down the zipper of his jumpsuit, revealing the jeans and the light gray T-shirt he was wearing underneath. He gave Castiel a meaningful stare when Jo's laughter was audible again.

"We better get out of here, before the whole clan closes in on us", Dean suggested, and Castiel found he couldn't hold back the breathy laughs coming out of his mouth when Dean grabbed his hand and they both escaped to the Toyota at a quick pace, hearing Dean laugh as well.

**TBC**

Awww I like Jo in this x) Maybe we'll read more about her in later chapters... and... By the way, posting another chapter now right away because I feel they belong together...


	22. Chapter 22

So, there it is, the second update. Like I said, I think chapter 21 + 22 belong together somehow... also, I'm not sure how much time I'll have on my hands next week – we have a stupid staff outing, I promised to visit my parents, and I also have to collect my car from the workshop sobs... so... please don't be alarmed if I might post the next update a little late next week...!

**Chapter 22**

The ride to the diner Castiel had in mind didn't take longer than ten minutes, and Dean turned up the volume of the car radio quite naturally – again loud rock music was booming through the small car and Castiel had winded down both windows of the Toyota. Pleasant cool wind was combing through their hair, played with the hems of their light shirts and Castiel was sure this was how flying felt like. He felt weightless, incredibly at ease, while they sped down the empty road, and whenever Dean grinned impishly at him or regarded him with a thoughtful tender side glance, Castiel thought wings were growing on his back. Once they stopped at a red light and Castiel actually shut his lids to savor the vivid sensations vibrating through his edgy body. He heard his heart throb loudly within his ears, and he felt Dean's body radiate heat so close next to him, while some old classic rock music played vigorously in the car. Castiel smiled to himself – the moment didn't last longer than a few seconds, but he felt so alive, so joyous, that he feared he would be bursting with senses overflowing him.

They parked in front of the diner and when Castiel turned off the motor he couldn't resist watching Dean's reaction when he laid eyes on the shop. It was kept in the fifties' style, one could see that the floor was paved with a black and white checked pattern, the corner booths and the barstools were clad in red leather; pink and yellow neon lamps illuminated the counter, though it was clear day. Castiel smiled secretly to himself when he saw Dean's eyes widen and a happy grin came to his lovely lips. He turned around to meet Castiel's eyes and before Castiel could count to three he felt a soft chaste kiss pressed against his lips, moistening his mouth only briefly. Confused he let his tongue dart out and he licked his bottom lip to taste Dean's kiss, the phantom pressure of Dean's mouth still tingling on his skin. He imitated Dean when he unbuckled his seat belt and got out of the car. They walked the few feet to the entrance door and Castiel held the door open for Dean, a little smirk twitching around the corners of his mouth. Dean looked at him quite perplexed and Castiel thought he saw the hints of a faint blush crawling to Dean's cheeks. He seemed a bit flustered and smiled when he walked past Castiel through the door.

"Cas, are you trying to woo me?", he joked amused and Castiel followed him. Castiel laughed to himself and poked Dean in the ribs friendly, answering in his deepest and most severe voice "Maybe", to which Dean laughed a breathy laugh too. They sat down in a booth; it was pleasantly cool in the diner and only a few guests were occupying the other seats. Dean grabbed the menu card, but Castiel put one hand above Dean's and stopped him from reading the dishes. Dean's bewildered eyes met Castiel's, and Castiel couldn't contain the smile growing within him.

"You should really try their apple pie. They make it with vanilla ice cream and the perfect amount of cinnamon, it's just delicious", he heard himself rave, and Dean grinned and put the menu card aside, leaning back against the comfortable seat cushion. He beheld Castiel with a mellow look, their hands were still tangled up with each other, and Dean's thumb idly caressed the back of Castiel's hand. Castiel felt breathless, thoughtless, completely lost in Dean's presence while they calmly looked at each other, drowned in the other man's face, as green and blue irises collided.

"How do you know I have a weakness for apple pie? You're scary", Dean kidded with a soft voice. The waitress approached them before Castiel had a chance to consider an answer; she wore a black petticoat and a fitting white dotted blouse, and she was indeed running on authentic roller skates. Dean ordered the praised apple pie and a coke, and Castiel chose a strawberry milkshake and a sandwich – due to the warm weather he wasn't really hungry. When the waitress skated away Dean didn't even budge to gaze after her (and she was pretty sexy), and Castiel felt strangely confirmed and proud about that, because Dean solely had eyes for him.

"So, what is it with this Jo-woman? Why did we practically run away from her?", Castiel asked and Dean bent forward and took both of Castiel's hands in his. Castiel felt the heat emerging from Dean's palms, warming his hands as well; Dean's fingers brushed against Castiel's wrists and he looked deeply into Castiel's eyes with a conspiring expression dancing in his bright green eyes. Castiel was enchanted, he found he couldn't withstand the gorgeous sight in front of him.

"I tell you a secret, fed – Jo wants to hook me up with all the world and his wife for _years_ now, and she's quite adamant about it. She was absolutely flabbergasted when I told her you would come around and pick me up, hell, I think she almost fainted. Bet she thought I was joking until she really saw you", Dean chuckled lowly.

"What, so you're single for a long time, or...?", Castiel asked pretty astonished. It seemed ridiculous that someone like Dean was taking the solo trip for a longer period, it seemed even unbelievable. Dean gently smiled at him and his gaze wandered to their intertwined hands. Dean caressed Castiel's fingers and wrists affectionately, his fingers drew tiny patterns on his skin; it tickled and made Castiel's forearms tingle comfortably. He tilted his head to search for Dean's eyes, but the man kept looking down, it appeared incredibly shy to Castiel.

"I can't afford attachments, Cas. For Christ's sake, I'm working at a brothel on weekends, it's not something people are too crazy about. Also... in the last years I never met someone who seemed worthwhile enough to give it a try. And the women and men Jo tried to set me up with were just, I dunno", Dean explained and ended with an embarrassed laugh. He raised his head and observed Castiel with an intense stare that made Castiel's bones melt. Heat arose in his cheeks and he felt that he blushed very, _very_ hard. They were completely absorbed in the other when Dean's hands encompassed Castiel's and when he squeezed them gently, his eyes never leaving Castiel's.

"You're the first person I kissed in years...", Dean admitted quietly. Castiel's heart skipped several beats, his composure quickly faded away, his jaw dropped. He remembered their first kiss perfectly in every detail, and to think this had been the first kiss for Dean in years made it so heavy with meaning that Castiel became light-headed. He knew what this meant, what this implied, and he could detect in Dean's eyes that he was thinking the same thing. Though it was unspoken, the heated atmosphere between them and the long stares they shared said enough. The waitress startled them out of their thoughts and brought them their dishes. They disengaged their hands to make room on the table. As soon as the waitress was gone Castiel smiled tenderly at Dean.

"So you're indicating I'm worthwhile enough?", he teased and Dean grinned and set his coke down.

"You're very sweet, but don't start flattering yourself", he retorted, making Castiel grin as well.

"What about you? Were you seeing someone?", Dean asked, the sincere urge for knowledge resonating in his voice. If Castiel hadn't known it better he would have assumed Dean was concerned that there was someone else in Castiel's life he deemed more important than him.

"No, not in years... the last relationship I was in ended pretty ugly. It was around the time my sister was in her dying condition, I was incapable of worrying about my girlfriend, I only cared about Anna and my family. Which was, admittedly, quite selfish, but I couldn't help it... Our relationship was already brittle back then, and she didn't understand my behaviour or my need to spend so much time with my family. Ever since Anna I... I basically buried myself deeply in work, and I withdrew from the whole dating stuff, I didn't really care about it anymore... and then I met you", Castiel heard himself sputter thoughtfully.

Dean stopped attacking his apple pie and again their glances clashed with each other, and the hint of a grin graced Dean's mouth while he was chewing his pie. Castiel thought it was weird how easily he could talk about himself or whatever was preoccupying him whenever he was in Dean's company. He could lose himself smoothly in their conversations, because Dean was so accessible and responded so swiftly to him – it seemed like a dance they mastered skilfully as they danced together, as if they were fish swimming through the ocean – all of it felt natural and as if it had been planned for them, like they were destined to meet and to interact with each other. It felt perfect and the frenzy it caused between them, the way it heated up the air they were breathing, was almost palpable.

"Sorry, Cas. I didn't want to put that frown on your face again... You always look so grumpy and gloomy, and, you know what? Sometimes it's cute, but I rather see you laugh."

Castiel bit heartily in his sandwich, enjoying the taste of it with a quiet moan, and at that he saw a weird twinkle coming to Dean's eyes, a semblance of appetite, lust, a hunger that was meant for Castiel alone, and he almost choked on his sandwich. Heat was churning in the pit of his stomach, making his abdomen convulse – just the mere look of Dean's dilated pupils made him harden.

"Then make me laugh", he challenged Dean once he slugged down the bite. A sweet smile adorned Dean's mouth and his eyes lightened up. Soon Dean was telling him imbecile stories about his and Sam's childhood – he talked about the stupid prank wars they had fought with each other, and Castiel was laughing freely. A vivacious gleam burnt in Dean's eyes when he grinned from one ear to the other, as he continued telling Castiel how he and Sam had become the worst rascals in the neighborhood because of the evil mischief they had caused.

Castiel was crying tears, he was laughing so hard, when Dean told him the story how he and Sam had attempted to steal apples from a neighboring property, and how that mission had gone incredibly wrong - Sam had fallen from the fence and they both had landed in a sludge of rotten apples, and Dean had to carry Sam home because he had sprained his ankle. Needless to say they didn't fancy apples for the next weeks, and Dean had to take care of Sam twice as much because the kiddo couldn't really fetch things for himself.

"This apple pie is alright, though", Dean deadpanned and Castiel's whole body shook with laughter. He sighed an amused laughter when he saw Dean was joining his laughing fit; when they came down a few minutes later Castiel was wiping the tears out of the corner of his eyes, still grinning broadly. Dean's hands came up and fiddled with Castiel's tie; Dean loosened it and pulled it off his collar; Castiel still smiled when he felt Dean's fingers unbuttoning the first buttons of his white shirt, it was such a loving gesture and Dean beheld him with a tender expression. The world around them faded away and only the two of them seemed to exist in this diner. Castiel bathed in the amused expression that lingered on Dean's face, how the sunlight streaked through his hair and his clear green eyes.

He noticed how Dean's breathing hitched and how stuttered it came out, his warm moist exhales clashed against Castiel's bottom lip. Dean let go of Castiel's shirt, and they shared a long look while Dean was still leaning over the table.

"You're beautiful like this", Dean said quietly, he put one warm palm on Castiel's shoulder. "A smile suits you better than this eerie frown of yours... I like the way you look when you come loose", Dean almost whispered.

Castiel blinked a few times, trying to make himself understand that this here was really happening, that Dean's words were honest, that this wasn't a hallucination. Blindly he found Dean's other hand on the table and put his above, then he leaned forward and almost closed the gap between their mouths. Dean's eyes were darting over his face, his mouth stood slightly agape.

"Seems like you're having this effect on me", Castiel replied boldly, then he slowly approached Dean's face, and their lids shut slowly, and Castiel claimed his mouth with his own. Within fractures of a second they were kissing unrestrainedly, their lips brushed against each other, applying pressure time and again. Dean tasted of apple and cinnamon and Castiel loved it, he tilted his head to grant him better access to his mouth. Dean submitted beautifully to Castiel's tongue, which darted out and glided along the seams of his mouth, Dean opened his mouth and let Castiel's tongue slide inside the moist hot pit of his mouth; their tongues touched and Castiel felt his dick harden while Dean kissed him fervently. It was probably inappropriate to kiss one another so desperately in public, like they needed to get a room asap, but Castiel didn't find the strength within him to stop. It was heady, desperate and sloppy, and he loved every second of it. Finally they broke away from each other, and Dean observed Castiel through half-lidded eyes. They were heavy with lust, and Castiel gulped down a huge lump of arousal and nervousness that was strangling him slowly but surely.

"Shame, but I think we both got to get back to work", Dean reasoned quite breathlessly, his voice sounded husky, coated with lust. Castiel noted Dean's body seemed to tremble slightly and he wasn't feeling better himself – he was absolutely overwrought and overwhelmed. By all means, Dean was right, though – he had to bring Dean back to the garage and he had to return to his bureau and Gabe. With a piteous sigh he nodded and got up.

...

The ride back to Dean's workplace was quiet, almost contemplative, albeit not unpleasant. Dean's hand innocently wandered to Castiel's thigh over and over again, and he squeezed it gently. Whenever Castiel risked a sideglance at him, he saw Dean had his eyes shut while the wind was sifting through his hair gingerly, a small smile was painted to his gorgeous lips. It seemed like he enjoyed the moment and the last minutes of their time together, as if he was absorbing every detail of it, and the idea made Castiel drunk with bliss. He wished he could spend more time with Dean; he would listen to everything he wanted to tell, he would kiss him and worship him like he wanted to. There were so many things on Castiel's mind, so many plans he had for Dean and himself...

At long last they arrived at Dean's garage and Castiel parked the car a fair way off the building to avoid prying eyes. Dean opened his eyes sleepily and Castiel got out of the car to open the passenger door for him. Dean began to move and followed Castiel outside, mumbling "You really _are_ trying to woo me", making Castiel grin. He saw how Dean leaned against the car's frame, presumably unwilling to leave yet. Castiel was barely aware of his motions, but he took one step forward and moved into Dean's personal space; his hands came to rest on Dean's hipbones and he pinned him determinately against the car.

Dean looked up into his face, a calm expression mingled with a rather nervous one, and Castiel felt how he could only reply with a feisty, resolute glance. Everything inside of him screamed for Dean, he wanted him, he needed him, and he was going to claim him. He let one of his hands cup Dean's face, and he watched Dean's lids flutter and close when he let his thumb stroke over Dean's plump bottom lip, then his forefinger idly caressed Dean's jaw. He could feel the stubbly skin underneath his fingertips, and the sensuality written all over Dean's face struck Castiel hard. His hand slid down to Dean's throat, ghosted over his Adam's apple, and Castiel found he couldn't restrain himself any longer – a soft moan escaped Dean's lips, and he looked so admirable, so seductive, that Castiel had to bend forward and kiss him furiously.

Dean replied to his kiss with the same amount of desire, and soon they were exchanging heated, breathless kisses. Castiel thought he was becoming hooked on the unique taste of Dean, or the way his supple lips moved against his. He felt Dean moan appreciatively against his mouth, and it made Castiel's lower body twitch with anticipation. He couldn't really control it when his crotch moved against Dean's, he started to slowly grind himself against his jeans, and it caused a wonderful erotic friction. Their kisses became less chaste, and Dean started nibbling at Castiel's bottom lip, whereupon Castiel felt himself harden terribly. He pressed their groins together, a low moan rumbling through his throat. Dean's put his arms around Castiel's neck and drew him in , his fingers twirled Castiel's dark hair fondly.

They disengaged after a while and remained in their positions. Dean considered Castiel with a strangely severe countenance, no smile was visible on his kiss-swollen lips, and when he kissed Castiel again, there was an urgency to it that made Castiel's knees go week and he almost swooned. Stars were dancing in front of his closed eyes, a firework awoke inside of him when he got lost in Dean's passionate rough kisses. He would never get enough of this, would never feel sated. When Dean got away from him he pecked his lips once more, and he smiled a tiny smile the next time their eyes met.

"Fancy a repetition of today? I kinda liked it...", Dean asked with an adorable shrug, and Castiel grinned and leant forward to kiss Dean fleetingly again. He felt Dean's smile against his mouth.

"How about Wednesday evening? This week seems to be quite relaxed, and maybe I'll have time after work. I could give you a call if you like", Castiel offered, and his fuses blew with a loud crack in his head when he realized he would be seeing Dean again, that he wanted to have another date with him. Apparently he must have done something right. Dean clicked his tongue and winked playfully at Castiel. He moved so that he could free himself easily of Castiel, then he kissed him slowly, less desperate. Castiel responded to it and savored the feel of Dean's skilful kisses, the way it made his hair stand on end. When they disengaged he saw a satisfied luminescence sparkling in Dean's eyes, and his sweet smile was contagious.

"I'd love that... see you, Cas", he said, and he turned around with another wink. Castiel watched him walk away, unable to take his eyes off Dean's slender form while his mouth burnt with the consuming memories of Dean's fervent kisses – his hips were swinging enticingly from left to right, his bow legs were slightly spread; slowly but steadily his strong back became smaller and smaller and with a heavy sigh Castiel collected himself and got into the car. He was barely of use within the next hours, but Gabe didn't scold him, on the contrary, he gave him sympathetic happy smiles instead.

**TBC**

Huh...comments? Thoughts?


	23. Chapter 23

**Hi my darlings! Wow, I don't know where the time has gone…like I said before in a PM, yes, something is about to happen, but I will spoil you with a little bit more fluff and romance during the next chapters, because I like happy Destiel. By the way, I wrote this chapter quasi two times because I was dissatisfied with it. So I really hope it's *okay* now… have fun!**

**Chapter 23 2nd**

Castiel groaned an exasperated sigh when he bent over the printed form he had to fill out. There were possible connections to a case Gabe and him had been working on, unfortunately in South Dakota, which meant they had to get their asses to the other state asap. Their secretary had booked the next best flight, so they would be on the plane tomorrow morning. Castiel already dreaded the coming days, knowing he would work day and night to find links and traces of the serial killer they'd been trying to tie down for weeks. Gabe seemed excited, he always loved to travel, and Castiel wanted to punch the happy smirk out of his face. He had come to love his apartment, and his absence only meant he couldn't see Dean as often as he wanted to. It was the worst timing ever for a business trip. He sighed and patted Gabe's shoulder, wishing him a nice evening – since today was Wednesday, he would be able to meet Dean as he had suggested, and he dearly hoped that he could have at least one relaxed date with him before he would stick his head into work for the next days, somewhere in South Dakota.

Just when he had gotten out of the shower and started searching for clean clothes, his cell phone vibrated and he saw it was Dean calling. He toweled his dark wet hair while he answered the call, sounding rather rushed, and he frowned with a displeased mien. Just for once he wanted Dean to think he was composed and nonchalant in his presence or when they phoned, but he just couldn't help being awkwardly nervous, edgy and totally confused. Sometimes it made him wonder why someone like Dean even spoke to him, even paid attention to him, it felt altogether undeserved and ridiculous.

"Hey, Cas, am I interrupting something? You sound,... uh, busy", Dean joked and Castiel was torn between shame, rage and amusement. So maybe he panted a little bit, and maybe he was sweating because he had showered too hot – but that didn't mean he had been touching himself, or whatever it was that was running through Dean's perverted head. Castiel felt he was already grinning before he had made his mind up about the way he felt.

"Hi Dean, no you're not, I'm fine... Just trying to find something to wear. I just got out of the shower", he answered innocently, knowing he was beginning to tease. He heard Dean gasp at the other end of the line and heat churned in his lower stomach; his heart began to flutter, and when he caught sight of his eyes in the fogged mirror he saw his eyes had become glassy, heavy with want. Dean's voice and his little staggered exhales did something to him, made him want to touch himself indeed. Absentmindedly he let one palm slide over his lean torso, down his ribs, over his abs and almost down to where he needed it most, but Dean's dark chuckle made him stop.

"You're such a tease, Cas", he groaned, making Cas wince with anticipation and arousal. "In my humble opinion you can absolutely stay like this, I'll just come around and show you what I think about your style of clothing. What do you think?"

Castiel bit his tongue, the idea alone of Dean coming into his apartment while he was bare ass naked, made him nervous and downright turned on. Fantasies of Dean gripping him tight and going down on him right here in his steamy bathroom came to his mind, and Castiel was growing painfully hard. Gingerly he wrapped a hand around his cock, enveloping the sensitive muscle in a tight grip. He compressed his lips, trying desperately not to make a sound when he started stroking himself with a slow pace. God, Dean's mouth around him, sucking him hard, his skilled tongue licking the underside of his erection, moving from his leaking head to his balls... Castiel winced when he felt his abdomen convulse, a wave of lust overshadowed him; he heard Dean's continuing breath in his ear, and it made him remember that Dean was still on the phone and that he hadn't answered him within the last seconds. Terrified he paused, searching for words. What if Dean had heard him, what, if he had realized what Castiel had been doing?

"Listen, man, I was just joking. No need to get all tongue-tied on me, okay? How about you pick me up in half an hour? There's a place I want to show you, if you like..", Dean soothed him and Castiel was so grateful that his little dirty secret hadn't been revealed. He nodded, then he remembered Dean couldn't see it.

"No, Dean, I wasn't... I... Okay, sounds great", he replied clumsily, scolding himself for sounding like an imbecile.

When they hung up a few seconds later, Castiel dried himself completely, ignoring his fully hard erection. He needed to focus, and he knew he'd be of no use once he finished what he had started, and Dean would probably be disgusted with Castiel's inability to form proper sentences. So he dressed, deciding for a comfortable pair of jeans and a black button-down shirt. He checked his appearance several times in the mirror, pondering if Dean would like it; he combed a nervous hand through his dark hair, trying to fix it to no avail. Unnerved he gave up and left his apartment, hoping Dean would accept Castiel's looks.

The moment Castiel parked in front of Dean's apartment complex and he detected him standing on the curb, already waiting for him with the brightest grin enlightening his face, all the minor fights of Castiel's day were forgotten. Dean looked absolutely like sex on legs – he wore a well-fitting tight jeans, a cream-coloured Henley shirt that clung to his muscular torso perfectly - from his broad shoulders over his defined pecs and his toned stomach, it was, as if he was wearing nothing, and Castiel's mouth watered – he was barely seconds away from drooling because his jaw had dropped slightly, but Dean got in the car and distracted him so that he could get a hold of himself again. He harrumphed, a little embarrassed as he realized his cheeks were reddening. He saw the cheeky smile on Dean's face and the sinking sun's light refracted in his gorgeous green eyes. He looked so breathtakingly beautiful, and Castiel could only exhale a gasped quiet "Hi". Dean fastened his seatbelt, then he leaned over and scanned CastieL's face, a little smirk still painted on his full pink lips.

Their eyes met and Castiel found he couldn't breathe any longer; Dean's face came closer and closer, then he tipped his head and closed the abyss between them. Castiel felt Dean's tentative kiss on his lips, sensually and with a promising hint of more and Castiel dared to let his hands frame Dean's face. He opened his mouth and let Dean's tongue slide against his, and quickly the atmosphere heated up; shots of pleasure and fervent desire rattled through Castiel and he was holding on to Dean's strong jaw and his soft cheek desperately. He tilted his head and guided Dean's through their frantic kiss, and Dean submitted beautifully to Castiel's lead. Their tongues danced together, Castiel's fingers wandered to Dean's short-cropped hair, and their lips pressed against each other skillfully.

Castiel was quite stunned when they pulled away, Dean's pupils were dilated, his lips wonderfully kiss-swollen and Castiel was sure Dean's face was tinted with a faint red. It made him cringe with pride that he was able to devastate Dean in this manner, and it was incredibly hard to draw back and keep his hands to himself. Dean's smirk reappeared and he beheld Castiel with a knowing sideglance, as if they were sharing a secret. He made himself comfortable in the passenger seat and asked an accented casual "are we ready?", and Castiel started the engine, more than just flustered and all of a tizzy. They drove along emptying streets, the rush-hour traffic long gone, and Dean gave him directions while the car radio blared in the background. They didn't exactly speak a lot, and it should have been unnerving, but Castiel found the silence between them felt cosy, far from uneasiness. Sometimes he caught Dean staring at him, and when they both noticed it, Dean gave him a mellow look that made Castiel's bone melt, and then their hands found together on the gear box – Dean's palm was so incredible warm that Castiel still felt its heat on his whenever Dean removed it so that Castiel could drive unhindered.

They were driving towards a woodland, which seemed familiar to Castiel, because it was close to the nature reserve he always jogged through. The sun was slowly but surely setting, coloring the cornfields with a lush yellow light, and Dean's eyes were gleaming like emeralds whenever a sun's ray touched his face, illuminating his beauty in an enticing manner, and Castiel struggled to drive and keep them alive at the same time. They stopped on a farm road, at the edge of a broad-leaf forest. Dusky twilight was springing from tree to tree, and when Castiel got out of the car, Dean walked towards him with a conspiring glance, taking Castiel's hand wordlessly in his.

Crickets were chirping in the fields and shrubberies, the evening's wind fanned through their hair gently. Castiel

felt bemused and unthinkably calm. Dean emanated such a confidence and tranquility that Castiel couldn't help feel that way too. Dean's smile became tender and with his free hand he stroked through Castiel's hair lovingly.

"No one ever comes here", he said quietly, then he led Castiel into the woods; Castiel felt as if they were in a fairytale, sleepwalking in a deep slumber, the vibe of this place seemed unearthly, enchanted. The canopies of leaves rustled charmingly in the soft breeze, and the evening sun bathed the whole quiet area into a moony golden color The air smelt of flowers and of spicy woods, and the branchlets crackled underneath their careful steps. Neither of them spoke a word, and Castiel had the hunch that if they uttered one word the fragile bubble of this magical place would burst abruptly and brutally. He scanned the empty forest for a living being, but Dean and him were the only ones, slowly but steadily walking deeper and deeper into the forest. Dean held his hand tighter, and Castiel let him lead the way; astonished he understood how much he trusted Dean, he would let him guide him anywhere, and he would come along without compunction.

After a while they came to a clearing, and Castiel was blinded by a sudden light source in front of him. Dean stopped and put one arm around his waist, then he pulled him close to his side and kissed his cheek tenderly. Castiel could feel his slight stubble brushing against his skin and how Dean was smiling against his cheek. When he turned his head to look at him, he saw Dean was bathed in the last strong light of the sun, and he appeared divine to Castiel, like an angel, and his beauty and his smile overthrew him vigorously.

"We're there", Dean announced, and soon they were walking down a slope to a small forest lake, whose surface glistened in the sunlight, as if millions of diamonds and gold pieces had been thrown into it decades ago. Castiel stopped in his tracks right at the edge of the water; the lake seemed cool and its waters were crystal clear; fascinated he let the toe of his shoe touch the water's surface, then he was startled out of his thoughts when he felt Dean's arms coming around his middle, his chin placed on top of his left shoulder. Castiel inhaled deeply, savoring the sense of Dean's chest pressed against his back, his arms holding him loosely, his pelvis right against his lower back, and his steady, warm however slightly moist breaths fanning against his throat, his jaw, his temple.

In silent agreement he lay his hands above Dean's, and together they studied the surrounding area – the lively green of the trees and the shrubberies enclosed them, a few birds sang melancholically in the distance, and the sun was shining down on them with its last light. It seemed to Castiel like they were trapped in a frozen image – time seemed irrelevant, all of Castiel's everyday worries faded away while he observed the landscape and while he squinted against the sun's reflection on the water. He inhaled the fresh air deeply, felt how it expanded in his lungs. It made him feel alive and purified. This place seemed holy, like a confessional box, and Castiel felt so small and so significant at the same time that his heart wavered between pain and rapture.

"Look at that", Dean quietly said, his hushed words making Castiel's hair stand on end. Goosebumps were spreading on his skin the longer Dean spoke, his voice coated with a soft undertone that sounded like raw sexual appetite to Castiel. "To me this place is a haven of tranquility..No one's here, only the patient forest around you, and the lake to soothe you... I think it's perfect. Whenever I'm here, it always calms me down. It's like nothing's really that important to make a fuss about it, you know? It's, I dunno, like I can see clearly here. Like I can judge what matters and what not", Dean explained thoughtfully, and Castiel nodded, agreeing with Dean non-verbally.

All at once Dean's hands were untangling from Castiel's lax grip, and he started to move them under the hem of Castiel's black shirt. Tentatively Dean's warm palms slid over Castiel's taut stomach, his fingertips stroking along the sharp protruding bones of his hips. Castiel immediately turned into stone at Dean's cautious caress, tensing up in his casual embrace. Dean's teeth bit gently into his neck, making Castiel groan and press his back against Dean's chest. Intolerable heat streamed through him, and he winced when he realized how hard he already was. Dean's teasing bites didn't help, and the way his fingernails bluntly scraped over his belly didn't make things exactly easier. He breathed hard as Dean bit his earlobe quite frisky, his hot skilled tongue glided down his neck, leaving wet trails on its way.

"There's one thing, though, that I want to know...", Dean whispered and his hands groped Castiel's hips unashamed, holding him tight and in place. Castiel shuddered when he felt Dean's hot breath ghosting inside his ear, and when he felt his shaky exhales trembling against the crook of his neck; his knees were becoming weak and he sighed an agitated sigh, his body screaming for relief impatiently.

"When we talked on the phone today... were you touching yourself? Were you thinking about me?", Dean asked lowly, while his fingers undid Castiel's jeans slowly, playing with the fly and the button gruesomely languidly. Castiel bit his bottom lip, suppressing a loud moan that wanted to escape him. Fuck, Dean was making him so hot, so hard...! His head was already swimming, he could feel the hard throb of his dick against his boxers, the tip of it wet as it moistened the fabric. He groaned and arched his back unconsciously, savoring the sound of Dean's voice, soaked through with sex; he enjoyed the firm grip of his hands on his waistband, but he wished he would take the next step, though he couldn't exactly picture what he wanted him to do. He nodded, admitting that he had indeed been thinking about Dean, and an ashamed blush heated up his pale cheeks. He heard Dean hiss, then his tongue was on Castiel's neck again, his teeth nibbled at Castiel's sensitive skin.

Eventually Dean opened his fly and moved his jeans down slightly. Petrified Castiel realized Dean was sliding one hand slowly underneath his black boxers, searching for his aching, fully hard arousal. He gulped down a lump of nervousness that had been constricting his throat. His eyes fluttered shut the moment Dean enveloped him in a hesitant grip, his thumb rubbing tentatively over Castiel's leaking sensitive head, spreading precome over his dick with a few slow strokes. Castiel gasped and his hips buckled forward, urging Dean wordlessly to keep touching him there. However, Dean detached his vice-like grip, making Castiel wince and almost whine frustrated at that, but then Dean's forefinger ghosted over his whole length, fondling every detail he could make out, like the pulsating vein on the underside of his erection, or the wrinkled skin of his foreskin – carefully he pulled it back, and Castiel tensed up, feeling himself harden even more. A wrecked sigh came from his swollen lips and Dean resumed his idle caresses, never really coming to the hand job Castiel ached for.

"Were you fantasizing about me? What was I doing...? Did I stroke you like this?", Dean asked, one hand jerking Castiel in all seriousness, so that Castiel tossed and turned in his arms, his moans falling unrestrainedly from his agape mouth, he was becoming a mess due to Dean's ministrations. Dean's other hand wandered up his torso, leaving scratch marks on his ribs, then his thumb squeezed one hardened nipple tauntingly, Castiel felt his body flex and move towards Dean's teasing hands, he had absolutely no control left over himself. When Dean tightened his grip around his erection, Castiel cringed, remembering Dean had asked him something. He nodded his head in denial, wondering where this talk was heading to. He would never be able to tell Dean what he had dreamt about, he could never tell him that he wanted him to suck him off...

With a start Castiel realized Dean let go of him and wandered around him, coming face to face with Castiel. It was immensely difficult to look into those dilated green eyes and to withstand their wild regard, seeing the hunger and the lust for him mirrored in the burnt out green. Dean beheld him for a few seconds, then Castiel saw him getting on his knees, the meadow, moss and scattered leaves giving way to his weight easily. He gulped hard when Dean looked up at him, his glance hooded with desire, and Castiel was unable to look away or to stop the younger man when he shoved down his black pants, revealing his angry red hard-on pointing upwards against his flat abdomen. Perplexed Castiel observed Dean licking his bottom lip, making it glisten with his saliva, and Castiel felt a greedy need awaking inside of him; he wanted to fuck this gorgeous mouth, wanted to claim it as his own, wanted to feel the tight narrowness of this wet hole. Dean was breathing hard, his eyes never leaving Castiel's, and he approached Castiel's dick with his mouth oh so slowly, while Castiel watched him in anticipation of what was to come.

"Or maybe,... you dreamt I was doing this, didn't you?", Dean's hoarse voice said, dropped several octaves deeper. Castiel merely nodded, and then Dean closed his lids, wrapping his lips around Castiel's head gingerly. Dean's hands were holding Castiel's hips, keeping him in place, and it took all of Castiel's willpower not to push forward into that wonderful wet heat. Inch by inch Dean took him deeper inside, moving his tongue alongside Castiel's dick, and Castiel felt himself pulsate against Dean's tight throat. Slowly Dean started to suck him off, his head moving up and down, from his hilt to his head; his tongue licked his sensitive head, his teeth carefully gnawed at his throbbing muscle. Castiel groaned and sighed and shuddered whenever Dean deep-throated him, enjoying his skilled, playful caresses. God, it felt so good... He couldn't remember the last blow job he had received, but this one was outstandingly brilliant. He let his fingers glide through Dean's blonde, soft hair, tugging at some strands delicately, and at that, Dean hummed against his dick, making Castiel's knees go weak when he felt the vibration against his painfully hard erection.

Meanwhile Dean's hands were all over Castiel's body, groping his naked buttcheeks unabashedly or his abs and his back, and all of it only played a part in contributing to throw Castiel over the cliff. Slowly but surely he felt the treacherous twitches in his arousal, and the bottom of his spine started to tickle with a scorching heat that swashed in tidal waves over him. His abdomen convulsed and he felt Dean picking up his pace, sucking him with all he had; Castiel tightened his grip on Dean's skull, feeling the man move against him, then all air was punched out of his lungs and he heard an agonized sob leaving his lips. God, he sounded so desperate, so sensual, so aroused...! His orgasm took over him, and he rode out wave after wave, feeling his thighs twitch and Dean gulp down his come quite naturally.

When Castiel came down slowly he found he was still panting, and Dean's fingernails were digging into the supple flesh of his hips. He was looking up into Castiel's eyes with a little smirk, peppering his bare abdomen with airy, tiny kisses. Castiel felt thunderous emotions coiling up inside of him when he looked at Dean, who had given him exactly what he had needed, what he had dreamt of, and he dropped to his knees as well, taking Dean's face into his hands. Something broke in Dean's eyes, and his cocky self-confidence quickly vanished when Castiel approached his face with a determinate expression dwelling in his features. He drew Dean in, gently applying pressure to his cheeks, their lids fluttered shut, and their lips crashed together in a heated, intimate kiss.

Castiel could taste himself in Dean's mouth as their tongues slid together, and it made him moan appreciatively; Dean tilted his head and deepened their kisses, he disengaged slightly from Castiel's parted mouth to gnaw at his bottom lip, then their mouths meshed together again. Dean's fingers sifted through Castiel's hair, twisting some strands between his fingertips When they broke apart a few minutes later, they looked at each other for a few moments, their chests heaving, their hair disheveled, their lips dark and swollen through their frantic kisses. Castiel saw Dean's eyes were still glassy, but also somehow watery, flooded with emotions welling up in him, and it constricted Castiel's chest painfully. He enveloped Dean in a tight embrace, holding him close to his heart while he stroked his back up and down over and over again. He felt Dean's answering arms coming around him too, clinging to him forcefully as if he was holding on for his dear life. Castiel buried his face in the crook between Dean's broad shoulder and his neck, inhaling his beguiling, calming scent. He felt his heart pound loudly and wildly in his chest, and if he concentrated strongly enough, he could hear and feel the soft thuds of Dean's heartbeat responding to his indefinitely.

**TBC**

**Well….? X) JFYI, I planned the next chapters I want to write and there will be continual updates within the next weeks, but I fear, as you can see the chapters become longer and longer, there might be only 2 updates within one week – let's see… x) next update will be this Saturday! So… any thoughts on this chapter? x3**


	24. Chapter 24

**Did anyone else freak out because of the cockles thing this week? The promo stuff for season 9 and Misha's gishwhes hints? My God...! Anyhow, I'm quite busy these days, but I try to keep the updates coming! Wow, okay I admit I rewrote this chapter also, like chapter 23... but the struggle with this story ended after chapter 24 … so... I hope you like it and bear with me x)**

**Chapter 24 2nd**

At some point within the next minutes, Castiel sat down and pulled Dean into his lap; Dean continued hiding his face in the crook of Castiel's shoulder and neck, and Castiel held him in a tight embrace. It felt incredible to hold each other like this, it seemed so familiar, so downright lovely, Castiel never wanted to let go. He kept stroking Dean's strong back absentmindedly, while he focused on the steady exhales blowing against his revealed collarbone.

The weight and the heat of Dean's ass in his lap were mind-blowing, and Castiel's fingers desperately dug into the flesh of Dean's clothed back while his dick was being squashed between those firm round cheeks of Dean's butt. He was searching for support in a world that was starting to spin madly, in which the boundaries to sanity and composure had been cut; Dean was the one who made him fall, but he was also the only one who kept his body and soul together. Without him, he would become a slave to insanity, he would lose his senses. How had he fallen for Dean so hard? How, in all the world, was it allowed to become so attached to somebody?

Dean uplifted his head and searched for Castiel's eyes, he slung his arms around Castiel's neck quite naturally. A soft smile soothed Dean's features when he detected the raging wildness in Castiel's eyes and he leant forward to let his forehead rest against Castiel's. Castiel closed his eyes, he deeply inhaled Dean's beguiling scent, savored the feel of his forehead's smooth skin touching his permanently.

Castiel's hands resumed their caresses and they glided up and down the younger man's back soothingly; he felt Dean pillowed his forehead on Castiel's shoulder again and he sighed quietly, and Castiel smiled secretly to himself. It felt so right, so goddamn pure and untainted to hold Dean like this, to feel him this close upon his body; his arms around Castiel's neck, his chest moving against Castiel's with every slow breath, their crotches touching and melting together heatedly... Dean's fingers strengthened their grip and got lost in the dark fields of Castiel's hair, and Castiel's heart screamed at him, that they were _clinging_ to each other, that this was too _intimate_ , that it was too _risky_ to get this close to someone – but Castiel scolded his heart and silenced it, knowing there was no turning back now, and he held Dean even tighter, so that it became difficult to breathe, however none of them complained.

…

It was getting dark and Castiel's bones began to protest about the position they were sitting in. He withdrew in their embrace and caught Dean's eyes staring at him through the twilight, a strange fire flaring in them. Through the oncoming gloominess of the night he saw Dean's tender smile, and he replied to it calmly. It was weird that he didn't feel ashamed about coming undone in his company, nor that Dean had seen him in the most intimate ways imaginable. When it came to Dean, he wanted to lay himself bare in front of him, he wanted him to know every secret and every story that was glued to his soul, because he wanted Dean to know _who_ he was. In the same vein, he was dying to get to know Dean from A to Z, it seemed like a worthwhile purpose in life. Without him, Castiel's days had become dull and lifeless, the minutes and hours were often a never-ending agony; just to be able to look into his eyes now, gleaming with the first silvery light of the stars and the moon, made Castiel unspeakably satisfied and intoxicated with love for the younger man.

Dean's hands touched Castiel's chest, their warmth most welcome on Castiel's night-chilled skin. His breathing hitched the moment Dean moved forward and tilted his head, their mouths crashed together to a slow, museful kiss. Castiel closed his lids, then he kissed him with all the love he felt for him, trying to convey all the unspoken words and praises to him he was struggling to voice. Dean let him kiss him, and Castiel ate his fill on those plump, tempting lips. He sucked in Dean's bottom lip with his own, only to nibble at it with his teeth. Boldly he placed his arms around Dean's neck and drew him in, their kisses became frantic again, their erratic exhales fanned against their blushing cheeks. Dean disentangled himself briefly from Castiel, and when they shared a pensive long look, Castiel felt dumbstruck – Dean's kiss-swollen lips were pure sin, his dilated pupils scanned over Castiel's face as if he wanted to devour him, and Castiel realized he was getting hard again.

As if in slow motion Castiel saw a tender smile grow on Dean's wet lips, then he saw how he approached him, an expression of pained sensuality veiled his features; he shut his lids slowly and pressed his lips against Castiel's in a rather chaste kiss – their mouths merged perfectly together, and they were taking their time to memorize the texture and the taste and the pressure of the other's lips in detail. Castiel didn't know how many minutes were passing, for a while they were unable to stop their kisses, learning what the other liked, where to nibble, where to suck, where to press – it was altogether breathtaking and heart-wrenching – the little sighs Dean made, the quiet moans he breathed into Castiel's mouth,... it tightened his chest and he wanted to sit here the whole night to continue kissing him.

When it became too cold on the forest's ground and the damp air seeped into their bodies, they managed to get up and Castiel dressed quickly; Dean gave him mischievous sideglances and a sweet smirk that left Castiel all breathless and giddy. Hand in hand they walked back to the car, like silent nightshades in the woods, and Castiel felt so young and adventurous again that his heart leapt into his throat. With a semblance of hysteria and humor he started running and dragged Dean along, and he heard himself laugh freely while they stumbled over tree roots and their clothes were being shredded by thorny shrubberies – they didn't bother about it, though, and the adrenaline pumped through Castiel's system when he felt the squeeze of Dean's sweaty hand holding his and when he laughed heartily too. Carefree and mindless like children they ran and ran until they came to the end of the forest and stopped in front of the Toyota, and they gasped for air while they laughed at the same time.

Castiel unlocked the car and opened one of the backdoors, and when he got inside, Dean followed his lead.

He shut the door as he sat down next to Castiel, and they excluded the night and the world outside. In an instant Castiel lunged forward and his hands framed Dean's face – he looked him deeply in the eyes, absorbed the wonder he detected in the green dark orbs, then he kissed Dean stormily and impetuously. His every thought was attached to those relenting soft lips and Dean's quiet moans resounding in the small space of his car. It was clumsy and a bit uncomfortable, but he pressed Dean against the door and the backseat and Dean wrapped his legs around Castiel's hips, their lips parted only briefly in doing so. The atmosphere between them heated immensely when Castiel started rubbing his crotch against Dean's, and Dean replied to the seductive roll of Castiel's hips also; he arched his back and pelvis and whenever their jeans slid together it caused a divine friction that had them both moaning and gasping in the other man's mouth desperately.

Dean's hands wandered under the hem of Castiel's shirt, and it made him squirm towards those knowing hands; Castiel was eager to touch Dean's skin as well, so he dared to let his hands slip underneath Dean's cream-coloured henley. The sun-kissed soft skin must have burnt his fingertips, because they prickled somewhat numbly while they moved over hills of defined muscles and planes of submitting flesh. He couldn't saturate himself when the abs of Dean's stomach flexed against his hands, nor when he groped the pecs and the ribs of the man underneath him quite blatantly. How long had he wanted to do this? Touch Dean, mark him as his, and feel him fall into pieces while he melted through the subtle caresses Castiel gave him...? It satisfied a greedy hunger in Castiel that had been gnawing at him, and for once he was tranquil and happy to the utmost. They were both semi-hard, but Castiel didn't feel the urge to go further than this, still too satisfied from Dean's ministrations a few hours ago; Dean seemed pleased with the way things were going as well, so they kept making out like this for a good while until they were both breathless and tired and their whole bodies felt absolutely wrecked and oversensitive.

Castiel supported his weight on his hands resting beside Dean's body, and when he subdued his famine for him for just a second, he let go of his mouth and withdrew a bit. He observed the frisky shimmer of Dean's eyes regarding him while he looked down into his lovely face. Outside it was deep in the night, and Castiel wondered how many hours they had spent here in the forest or in his car, it seemed like eternities, aeons even. A little yawn escaped him and he saw Dean grin amusedly. Castiel smirked and shrugged his shoulders apologetically.

"Sorry, I guess it's late, and I still have to get the packing done", he excused himself. He sat up and tugged Dean's legs above his thighs, so that they both were able to use the backseat in the most comfortable way.

Dean's hand grasped his and held it loosely, and Castiel was sure he heard him inhale nervously; his eyes darted over Dean's face, he detected the slight furrow of his brows and the worry lines coming to his forehead. Castiel couldn't shake off the idea that he had said something wrong, because the expression of Dean's glance on him looked hurt, startled even, just _wrong_. In what he hoped was a reassuring gesture he put his other hand above Dean's holding his, and he clutched it as tight as possible.

"What packing? Are you going away on a trip?"

Castiel cursed inwardly the moment he realized they had neglected talking with each other basically the whole evening; they had been too absorbed in each other's body and the infatuation clouding their minds, and only now, at the end of the day, did they come to this point. He smiled sadly at Dean and nodded.

"Yeah, me and Gabe are leaving tomorrow for the sake of an investigation. We have to take a plane to South Dakota at 9 a.m. and, depends on how promising the circumstances are, I fear we'll be staying there at least for a few days. A week, tops. It's not unusual for us to travel several times a year, but I've been becoming lazier and lazier to do the packing", he admitted with an embarrassed laugh. He saw Dean was chewing away on his bottom lip, his posture far too contemplative and strained for Castiel's liking. Dean's eyes brushed warily over Castiel's face, scrutinizing it for a few horrid seconds, and Castiel felt all warmth leave his body when Dean released him from his sharp observation. Dean beheld the night and the empty landscape behind Castiel's head, while Castiel still tried to figure out what he had said or done to upset Dean so obviously.

"You and Gabe...", Dean started suddenly, his voice raspy and trembling with uncertainty, making Castiel flinch when he finally conceived what was going on in this pretty head next to him. He couldn't help but let his head fall back against the backseat, laughing aloud at what Dean was implying.

"Dean, don't be ridiculous. He's just my work colleague, and we're old buddies, but that's it", he explained.

"On top of that, I think his new girlfriend Kali would scratch out his and my eyes or anybody else's eyes if someone was stupid enough to approach Gabe. She's quite a fury", he chuckled. Dean sat up and the light returned to his eyes; in the velvety darkness it was difficult to be sure, but Castiel thought he saw a faint blush tinting Dean's cheeks, and the way he ruffled a hand through his hair and looked down appeared so awfully shy and sheepish to Castiel that, yeah, he was certain Dean had been jealous, and that he was deeply ashamed about it. He laughed again and put one arm around Dean's waist; he leant towards him and nuzzled his nape, breathing tender kisses against the sensitive skin. In a heartbeat he felt Dean relax against him and his arms embraced him in return.

Dean's hot breath fanned against his ear tantalizingly, his mouth barely touched his auricle, but the hinted contact of Dean's plump lips on this sensitive part of Castiel was promising, making him quite awake again.

"Still, I wish I could spend as much time with you as he does", Dean muttered under his breath, and Castiel found himself hugging the man in his arms brutally at that, understanding the significance of Dean's confession only too well. Dean wanted to spend time with him, because he mattered to him, Dean was jealous of Gabe... and he responded to Castiel's body in the same hopeless manner, making Castiel wonder if they were ever able to let go of each other.

"When I come back I'll ask you out, how does that sound?", he proposed, sounding more confident than he actually felt like. Dean nodded against his shoulder and buried his face in the dark fabric of Castiel's shirt, his steady exhales moistening the black texture of it. Damn the investigation, Castiel thought, and damn working life in general. All he wanted was to hold Dean like this until his limbs would faint – he longed to spend his time in his company, it seemed cruel to waste his days and hours with nerve-wracking interviews, corpses and sites of crimes. However, he had chosen this life and this job and the issues that came along with it, because he had always felt the obligation to help and to reveal evil – he was selfless enough put his own needs aside in favor of the greater good, but somehow it was now harder than ever. The thought alone to leave Dean tonight made his throat clump with an unspeakable dolor.

Dean chuckled in his arms, and Castiel felt the vibration of it rumbling through his whole body, he smiled gingerly to himself, pleased to hear the happy sound coming from Dean.

"Nah, I'll invite you over to my place and then I'll cook you one of the dishes I tempted you with", Dean laughed. They pulled apart and stared into each other's eyes for a few seconds, both drinking in the mellow gleam sparkling in their irises. Dean brought his thumb to Castiel's jaw and tipped his head, and he kissed Castiel thoroughly and heatedly, leaving Castiel breathless and shuddering against those perfect lips. He moaned appreciatively when Dean's fingers carded through the hair above his temple and when his palm slid to the back of his head to lead him through their lengthy kiss. He was applying just the right amount of pressure that made Castiel move against him, and Castiel thought he would never be able to leave him tonight, to be without his kisses for even an hour.

When their kiss came to a natural end, they breathed against moist lips raggedly, Dean's hand still lingered on Castiel's nape, keeping him close. Through half-opened eyes and thick lashes he looked up into Castiel's face, a careful smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"Deal?", he asked and Castiel pecked his lips with a smirk.

"Deal", he confirmed contentedly.

**TBC**

**Awwww I'm sorry I know not too much happened in this chapter, but the next chapters will contain more plot, promised... anyhow, you're still with me?**


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

They ended up sitting in Castiel's car, parked in front of Dean's apartment complex, talking for several quarter-hours. None of them wanted the evening to end, and Castiel was swearing inwardly that he had to get up early tomorrow, recognizing out of the corner of his eye that the car's clock was already wandering to 1 a.m.. They were babbling about various topics, ranging from books they had read or bands and movies they liked, and Castiel was growing fond of the hearty laughter he provoked when he told Dean he liked Twisted Sister and hair-metal in general, defending his taste by reciting some of their songs' lyrics. Dean, in his stead, made Castiel cry tears with laughter when he confessed his fear of flying and how he had puked three times during an interstate flight that took only two hours.

"I don't understand how you manage it", Dean said with an exhaled laughter, wiping the tears out of his eyes.

"I drive everywhere, absolutely everywhere. You wouldn't bring my ass into another plane, not for a million bucks."

Castiel grinned and shrugged his shoulders, unable to wipe the broad grin off his face.

"I don't have a choice, apart from that I also fancy the tomato juice they serve", he explained; he laughed the moment he saw Dean retched and acted as if he had to throw up.

"Oh, I think I've got to go now, before you continue talking about healthy vegetable beverages, ugh."

Castiel refused to be impressed by Dean's statement, he just looked him deeply in the eyes for a few seconds, his hand brushing over Dean's broad shoulder nonchalantly, his thumb idly drawing small patterns on his shirt.

"I think that's the third time you said you had to go", he teased, and Dean laughed again; briefly he leant forward and kissed Castiel's cheek several times, it felt awkwardly affectionate and sweet, and it made Castiel smile. Dean withdrew slowly from him and took Castiel's hands in his, a tiny smile dancing on his mouth; they were completely absorbed in each other, drowning in the joyful light of their eyes, while they held hands gently.

"What will you do while I'm gone?", Castiel asked quietly, a lopsided smirk crawling to his lips. His lids fluttered the moment he felt Dean's fingers stroking the back of his hands and the delicate skin of his wrists; it was difficult to keep his eyes open when these wonderful, cautious caresses made his heart flutter and his skin tickle. God, he was incapable of saying goodnight to Dean, he never wanted to miss these lovely touches, this gorgeous sight, talking to him about nothing and everything at once...

"Well, there's work, and then there's work, oh... and Sammy promised to visit me, so I guess I'm booked out."

It brought a bitter taste to Castiel's mouth, when he remembered that not everything in his or Dean's life was just love, peace and harmony. Castiel still had to arrest a serial killer, and Dean was still working in the brothel at the weekends. He wished he knew a way how to find another solution for Dean's problems, but he feared he wasn't having the right to tell him what to do and what to stop – they only knew each other for roughly six weeks now, and though these weeks had seemed all in all life-changing and extremely important to Castiel, he felt it would be inappropriate to judge Dean for the way he was handling things. So he just bit his tongue and choked down the huge aching knot, which was strangling him slowly but surely, the mere thought that Dean would be together with other men and women this weekend driving him insane. He needed to put these thoughts aside, they were of no use – so he just clenched his jaw and forced a smile when he looked at Dean, feeling his heart break, piece by piece. It was unjust that a good-hearted, young man like Dean was forced to let others defile him, that Castiel wasn't allowed to keep him all to himself.

"I know it sounds cheesy, but, you'll call, right?", Dean questioned hesitantly, the nervousness seeping through his words, and worry flared up in his dark green eyes like a fickle flame; he looked down somewhat shyly, making Castiel's chest cringe with affection and love for the man – how could he think he wouldn't call him? How could he even dare to imply he wasn't important enough to him? In an instant Castiel lunged forward and his hands framed Dean's night-chilled cheeks gently; he covered Dean's sinful plump lips with slow, passionate kisses, putting all the emotions welling inside of him into his feverish kisses. He felt Dean relaxed against him and how eagerly he answered to his kisses, sighing softly into his mouth. Dean's fingers crawled to the lapels of Castiel's shirt, tugging adamantly at them to draw him in, and Castiel let Dean lead him through every of their sensual kisses. Their mouths kept saying goodnight to each other, it was palpable that they wanted to remember this for the oncoming days, in which they'd be forced to be separated from each other. Breathless they pulled apart, panting against the other's wet lips, and they stared into each other's dilated eyes for a lengthy moment.

"Dean, I swear to God, if you don't leave right now, I'll eat you up on the spot", Castiel grumbled, conjuring the most adorable grin to Dean's glistening lips, and a knowing expression veiled his eyes when he unbuckled his seatbelt. "And yes, I'll call, of course I'll call!", Castiel grinned, exasperated about his inability to leave Dean yet.

With a laugh Dean leaned forward and kissed Castiel's lips chastely, and so sweetly that Castiel felt absolutely dumbstruck. When he opened his eyes again, Dean had gotten out of the car and winked at him, then he said "Night, Cas", and shut the door. Castiel watched him walk away with bouncy steps and Castiel blindly grabbed his cell phone and pressed his speed dial memory. He laughed loudly as he saw how Dean stopped in his tracks, looking down on his phone with an irritated frown – he laughed even louder the moment when Dean declined his call and blew him a kiss with a broad grin. At long last Dean entered the building and disappeared from Castiel's view.

…

During their business trip there were multiple occasions that made Gabe roll his eyes for the umpteenth time, and he often groaned annoyed – Castiel knew he was to blame, because it mostly happened when he was smiling happily whenever he received an SMS from Dean, or when he clumsily wrote an answer. He knew Gabe wasn't really unnerved, because whenever he gave him a quizzical long glance, he saw a tender smile appeared on his partner's pursed lips, and he mumbled something like "infatuated muttonheads, the both of you", or he nudged Castiel's side friendly. He was glad, though, that they had gotten two separate rooms, because it was becoming clear during their very first night in South Dakota, that Dean and him would be having late-night calls, neither of them able to sleep, like lovesick lunatics missing their other half. Castiel had to whisper and speak with hushed words, because the walls to Gabe's neighbouring room were painfully thin and badly soundproofed.

His low, funeral voice seemed to have a certain effect on Dean, because Castiel could hear him curse about the sound of his voice, and how hot he thought it sounded, and it didn't take long for Castiel to make out the gasps and high-pitched moans at the other end of the line. He bathed in Dean's stuttered confessions, what he would love to do with Castiel, and Castiel touched himself to the sound of Dean's voice harshly, to the images the younger man created in his head. He had to stifle several loud moans, remembering he had to be as quiet as possible; it was hard to keep his voice low when he told Dean in his stead what he had dreamt of, how he ached to feel his kisses and his knowing hands again, and that he couldn't wait to be back in town. He was so lost in the moment and the sexual chemistry Dean and him shared that he barely had time to digest the easiness with which he could talk and act these days. Useless to say Castiel's working days were horrendously lengthy, his lack of sleep painting dark circles around his eyes, and though he looked as pale as a corpse, the bright smile on his face and the vivid gleam in his bright blue eyes left no doubt to anyone that he was perfectly happy.

Saturday came and, blessedly, it was a quieter day for Gabe and Castiel – they sat in the café of the hotel, summarizing the results of their investigations here, searching for further witnesses and places they should check out. Castiel groaned and sipped his second cup of coffee, massaging his aching temples; he was beginning to feel overworked, and his neck and shoulders were incredibly sore; Gabe didn't seem to feel better, and in the late afternoon he pushed the large stack of paper on the table aside, patting Castiel's shoulder as if he wanted to wake him up.

"Know what? We should totally have a few beers tonight at the expense of the firm, what do you think?", Gabe suggested, a mischievous smirk blooming on his face, and he clicked his tongue and wiggled his eyebrows. Castiel let his shoulders slouch, wondering how the hell he was supposed to stay awake and have a drink with Gabriel as well – he knew it would only end in a drinking orgy and awful headaches the next morning. Gabe moved closer to him and put a heavy arm around Castiel's shoulder, searching for his eyes as he tilted his head.

"Cassie, you need a break. I've been hearing you talking to Dean-o for the last two nights, and somehow it's all cute, but it's also kind of eerie, unhealthy, don't you think? I mean, look at you! You look like the living dead!"

Castiel let his forehead fall down on the cool table, and for a few seconds he just concentrated on breathing, feeling Gabe's hand moving up and down his back comfortingly. He appreciated Gabe's concern, but there was nothing he could say or do to stop his sweetest downfall - he was already addicted to Dean, and even more so, he absolutely worshipped every minute he could talk to him – apart from that he couldn't stop thinking about him, and he knew damn well what that meant.

"I love him, Gabe...I've fallen head over heels in love with him. So I guess the sleep deprivation is quite natural", Castiel confessed with a tired grumble, and Gabe's hand stopped and froze in place on his back immediately.

"Excuse me if I'm wrong, but you sound not too happy about it, or am I just imagining it?", Gabe pried bluntly. Castiel straightened himself and gouged holes into the table top, thinking about Dean and what he was feeling for the man, intermingling it with their living situations and professions. He sighed a gut-wrenching sigh, sensing worry arise within him, overshadowing the weightless joyful emotions that were pumping through him ever since he had laid eyes on the tantalizing, mind-blowing man that Dean was.

"Dean is the best thing that happened to me in years, and I'll be damned if I ever let him go. I know what I want and I will put my back into it, but... I just can't shake off the thought where he is at right now, what he's doing or better, who he's doing it with when I'm not around. Is it selfish that I want him for myself wholly?... I don't know, Gabe. I'm far away from complaining, and I appreciate what I have with him at the moment. I just hope he feels the same..."

For a while both of them were silent, and Castiel was glad for Gabe's company, it felt good to pour his heart out. Gabe patted his back in a friendly way and packed their stuff together, winking at Castiel cheerfully.

"You know, it sounded like you were saying something, but all I can hear are accumulating reasons to get drunk. What do you think?"

Defeated Castiel let out a long, long sigh, then he turned around to Gabe and mischief appeared in his eyes.

…

"Gabe, I _kill_ you! If you _ever_ mix vodka in my drinks again I'll _skin_ you with an old blunt knife", Castiel slurred angrily, while he and Gabe staggered along the hotel's corridor, leaning against each other clumsily for support. Gabe let out a hearty laugh and clutched Castiel's waist amicably, shaking him cheerfully.

"Ah, come on, man! You needed to let some steam off, and now, look at you! The whole world's funny again, isn't it?", he teased, unfortunately not as drunk as Castiel. The whole world wasn't funny, it was a damn carousel, throwing Castiel around mercilessly. His feet felt numb and his head too light, as if it was plotting to grow a pair of wings and fly away – the lamps on the sidewalls were already too blinding for Castiel, flashing painfully before his eyes, and he was glad when he could get inside the pleasant darkness of his own room. He shoved Gabe half-jokingly, half fed up, away and wished him a sarcastic "Good night", then he shut the door and fell down on his bed, an utter nervous wreck by now. Absentmindedly he loosened his tie and removed his shoes and socks. His fingers were awfully lacking any sense of fine motor skills, and after he had managed to open a few buttons of his white shirt, he gave the rest up with an indifferent shrug.

All of a sudden his cell phone vibrated in his black slacks, and he produced it clumsily, realizing that it was two in the morning and that it was Dean calling him. His heart skipped a beat, the worst occurrences coming to his mind – why would Dean call him on a Saturday night, when he was apparently working in the brothel?

He answered the phone, unable to hide the staccato breaths that he exhaled in tensed intervals. Not even alcohol seemed to ease his tongue; however, a part of his nervousness vanished when he heard Dean's rough voice greeting him with a soft undertone resonating in his words.

"Hey, Dean, what's up?", Castiel asked quietly, struggling to keep the treacherous slurring out of his voice. He relaxed against the pillows and felt the oncoming tiredness of his inebriation settle in; Dean's steady soft breaths weren't helping either to keep him awake.

"Ah, nothing, Cas. Just the usual. Had to kick a guy out who wanted it quite brutally and received a nice laceration on my forehead, but apart from that, everything's back to normal. In a few minutes I'll leave for tonight, I just... needed to hear your voice again to cheer me up. Hope you don't mind the late hour..."

In an instant, Castiel was wide awake. He sat up on his bed, only to feel a throbbing headache running through his brain, and the world was swaying back and forth, making him quite nauseous. He gulped down hard and clutched the phone tighter, trying to find his speech again, absolutely horrified.

"D-Dean, are you alright? Are you – are you safe? Please, tell me you're taking a cab home. And if you ever see this son of a bitch again,...", Castiel rattled on, only stopping the moment he heard Dean's soft chuckle to his surprise.

"Cas, what can I say? It's a dangerous gig, but I'm a big boy, I can take care of myself. Hell, I already did. The guy decided to take his chance and I took mine, we basically beat the shit out of each other, but that's it. I'm just a little upset and a little disappointed in mankind, but that's nothing new. Now, I suggest you tell me something that's good news or anything that's not about the wicked ways of jerks, what do you say?", Dean joked, and he really sounded barely harassed, so Castiel let out a deep sigh and relaxed again, still somewhat unsettled that Dean had been hurt by some random asshole while he was getting drunk with Gabe.

"Gabe and I are making good progress here, and I think we'll be back in Lawrence next Monday or Tuesday. Oh, and I've just decided I'll spoil you rotten when I'm back, you deserve some time out...", Castiel purred in a deep voice, practically hearing the grin he was placing on Dean's lips. Castiel felt his breath falter when he realized how thick the atmosphere between them had become again, and it made his heart pound rapidly against his ribs over and over again. He flushed when he heard Dean's amused sigh at the other end of the line, the tiny wavering tremble audible in his words.

"Hmm, that sounds promising, Cas... and how would you spoil me?", Dean asked, sounding absolutely tempting, his voice dripping with affection and desire, making it hoarse and terribly gentle. Castiel bit his bottom lip, suppressing an appreciative grunt that was threatening to leave him unasked as an itching wave of heat tickled through his abdomen, and he grinned sheepishly.

"I guess you're not exactly the type for bubble baths or picnics, right?", he teased to buy some time to think.

"Yeah, that's true. I'm helplessly addicted to extensive massages, though", Dean admitted giggly, and Castiel felt an immense weight fall from his shoulders when he heard Dean became more and more eased by the minute. A needy craving to be with him right now made him light-headed, and the mere thought of kneading his strained muscles in detail was enough to make him dizzy; his toes and his fingertips tingled in anticipation, as if they were already reacting to Dean's fervent body warmth, as if he could actually feel his smooth skin and his lean flesh underneath his roaming palms.

"Thank God, at least one thing I'm quite good at", Castiel responded, an affectionate gleam in his glance.

"You better prove it, because I'll keep you to your word", Dean laughed, and Castiel could hear him shut a door, he was probably leaving the brothel, and soon Castiel heard his shoes scrunching over the pebbles outside the building. A second caller seemed to be in the line, because Castiel could hear a constant signal noise ringing out, making him frown.

"Is this for you or me?", he asked, hearing Dean chuckle breathlessly.

"It's most likely my brother Sammy, wondering when I'm coming home. Told you he was going to visit me", Dean explained, drowning the annoying sound with his voice until it stopped. "Conveniently, whenever he's around he also wants to catch up with old friends and not only with his lame-ass older brother, so I don't see him in the evenings – spares me a lot of explaining I would have to do otherwise, but I hate lying to him, even if it's only regarding my whereabouts."

"Well, it's totally understandable", Castiel agreed pensively, wondering if Dean had told anybody in his circle of friends and acquaintances what he was doing to pull Sam through law school - he highly doubted it. Dean seemed like a lone wolf who rather coped with problems on his own; all the more Castiel appreciated that Dean was opening up to him so freely, sharing his thoughts and sorrows with him quite trustfully. He was so lost in his thoughts that he hardly noticed Dean sighed and that silence had lingered between them for a few seconds.

"Listen, Cas...", Dean said gently, producing restlessness in his bones, a wave of longing and affection splashed over him. He smiled gingerly, relishing the way Dean pronounced his name... it sounded so intimate, so close...

"Thank you for lending me a sympathetic ear, I really needed that tonight. I don't know, it's weird... whenever I talk with you I feel like my problems are laughable, you make everything seem so easy and... I just wanna thank you for listening."

"Any time you like, Dean, I'll be there, answering your call", Castiel said with a smile, his heart permeated with the humble gratefulness Dean had shown him. It did him a world of good to know he could help Dean, that he appreciated their conversations just as much as he did; Castiel felt feather-light, he basked in the lovely feeling that was tightening his chest, underlined his intoxicated condition; he smiled dizzily when his eyes fell shut. They ended up purring sweet nothings to each other, exchanging corny comments about each other's eyes, morals and kisses – they hung up when Dean reached his apartment, and Castiel could feel it in his bones how good-humoured and soothed Dean was feeling by now, due to their phone talk. In his drunken state, Castiel lay in bed, unable to sleep yet. He focussed on the soft thuds of his heart, completely soaked through and bleeding with the love it felt for Dean. Even if he wanted to, he wouldn't be able to wipe the fond smile off his mouth.

**TBC**

Soooo… what do you think? Things will gather speed during the next chapters, promised x) next update will be on Friday!


	26. Chapter 26

Thank you all for your ongoing support and your lovely reviews, they really make my day every time I see another x) I hope you like the next chapter… *wink wink*

**Chapter 26**

He was a wreck. A total, helpless wreck; his composure was long gone, and Castiel tried to sweep the debris of it together, when he took deep breaths again and again to calm himself. He felt his fingers tremble and the cold sweat ruining another of his best shirts. Exasperated he pulled it off and let his eyes scan his wardrobe for anything else he could wear tonight, something that would feel comfortable and flatter his looks more importantly. He had tested the silken sanguine shirt, a white shirt and a navy blue suit vest, a simple blue-striped shirt – all of it to no avail: He had either soaked them with soapy sweat or had stared at himself in the mirror for too long, his glare scrutinizing his appearance skeptically. Damn it, he wanted to look handsome tonight! It was Wednesday evening, and he was supposed to be at Dean's place in half an hour. Of course, he was frigging excited, and thrills of pleasure ripped through him like an ongoing brutal explosion – but on the other hand he wanted to break his closet into pieces and sob desperately. He was absolutely losing it, the mere thought of seeing Dean again making him go haywire.

With a disapproving grunt he grabbed the close-fitting black shirt and a plaid dark blue button-down shirt and put both on, feeling disappointment rattle through him, tightening his throat. When he observed himself in the mirror though, a tiny tender smile came to his lips – he looked natural like this, the outfit definitely suited him; he ruffled a hand through his hair, a sigh left his mouth. He had wished for something more spectacular than worn-out jeans, a shirt and an opened button-down, he had wanted to impress Dean with a perfect suit or another clever outfit, but no, he just looked like a lumberjack. He wondered if Dean had the same difficulties finding something nice to wear, but then again, Dean was so handsome, he was probably one of those guys that could wear anything and look good in it. An unnerved groan left him when he gave up and threw his arms in the air in defiance, grabbed his car keys and left his apartment.

Castiel counted inwardly to ten, urging his heart to beat a healthy beat, not with these crazy, frantic thuds. _Bada-dum. Bada-dum. Bada-dum-dum._ He was standing in front of Dean's apartment door, absolutely paralyzed, and his fingers clutched the bouquet of flowers he had chosen for Dean tightly. He cursed and bit his bottom lip, asking himself what he had been thinking to get Dean such an impressive bouquet, consisting of yellow gillyflowers, white petunia and orange gerbera, among the usual green stuff. What the hell had he been thinking? Dean was a man, a manly man, a man who most likely hated flowers (if that was even possible for any human being), and Castiel wanted to puke when he feared for Dean's worst reaction as he waited for him to open the door. When it did, Castiel's jaw dropped, it felt like a wonder of the world – dimmed candle light glowed behind Dean's figure, flattered his skin and his gorgeous green eyes, touched his hair lightly. He looked frighteningly stunning, breathtaking, admirable. From what Castiel could make out in his dreamlike state, he saw Dean was wearing black slacks and a greyish slimline sweater, and Castiel was immensely relieved he wasn't underdressed.

Dean's beaming smile beheld a touch of confusion and a slight frown appeared on his forehead. They gaped at each other in wonder, not having seen each other in the span of a week, and they were unconsciously forgoing words of welcome, they were so taken aback by each other's sight. Then Dean bent forward and tilted his head slightly to peck Castiel's lips, observing him thoughtfully for the second during which their chaste kiss lasted. Castiel felt electrified when Dean's lips pressed carefully against his, and he melted against his mouth and savored the sense of the touch, the sweet taste of Dean, the way tiny waves of his breaths met his cheeks and chin. He observed how the green orbs became dark, how Dean's lids fluttered slightly, became hooded with lust. They parted for a second, then Dean's smile widened, and a joyful notion made his eyes shine with something so very tender, that it shook Castiel to his deepest core – in a heartbeat they were swooping down on the other man again, their mouths kissing and worshiping in passionate, heady kisses, moving together in an effortless way. Castiel's legs turned to jelly when he felt Dean's sweet sigh trembling against his mouth. He felt light-headed and utterly dizzy when their tongues glided together, playing and massaging the other boldly, making Castiel's slacks way too tight. For the first time in days he felt _eased_ , and the worries quickly packed their bags and headed off on vacation, making place for _Dean, Dean, Dean._

His head was swimming and they were both breathless when they parted from each other, their eyes moving over their faces and bodies hungrily, making Castiel feel tidal waves of arousal, the way Dean looked at him. Dean grinned sheepishly at Castiel and opened the door further to let Castiel inside. Castiel noted his own cheeks were heated, probably glowing in a bright red, and he was glad Dean didn't comment on it. Once Dean had shut the door behind him, Castiel remembered the bouquet in his hands and gave it to Dean in the most embarrassed way, looking down when he mumbled "for you". He felt Dean taking it from his hands, his fingers deliberately brushing over Castiel's. A second later Dean had his arm wrapped around Castiel's waist, dominantly pulling him flush against his body, so that their torsos meet in a hard line. Castiel's heart skipped a beat, contracting painfully in his chest, the moment he looked up into Dean's face, and Dean was meeting his eyes with a steady gaze, amusement tugging at the corners of his mouth. His fingers dug harshly into Castiel's waist, drawing him in, while his other hand held the bouquet at arm's length.

"You're so fucking sweet", Dean rasped hoarsely, and Castiel's insides thawed at that point. He tried to answer Dean's smile with his own, but felt he could not make his muscles move, he could not think or breathe or do _anything_ when Dean approached him again and kissed him so skillfully that he was becoming hard and so soft at the same time. Oh, _how good_ it felt to let Dean's mouth ravage him, to let him take control over him again... He realized how much he had missed the younger man, and that he was starving with yearning for him, slowly but surely. His stomach suddenly growled with a more sober, physical hunger, and Dean laughed into their kiss, making Castiel grin in the process. They pulled apart unwillingly, and Dean chuckled.

"You're beautiful", Castiel heard himself blurt out, and his heart leapt into his throat with horror. God, he was such an idiot! He was barely keeping it together, and now he was blathering like some pathetic dork. Ashamed, he let one of his hand wander to his nape and rubbed it nervously, he tilted his head and grinned sheepishly at Dean, completely overwhelmed with Dean's looks, his lovely smile, his attractive scent. Green eyes twinkled at him enchantingly in the golden candlelight and through thick lashes Dean observed him pensively.

"I mean, y-you look splendid tonight", Castiel stuttered, inwardly rolling his eyes at himself – so now he couldn't even pronounce sentences correctly? He had sworn to himself not to let it get to that point in the first place, and he had failed miserably. However, Dean's mellow look and his affectionate smile eased his troubled mind.

"Flowers _and_ compliments wow", Dean said kindly, thankfully not in a mocking way, and Castiel relaxed a bit. Dean pointed his head at a dark wooden table in the room that was closest to the entrance room. Castiel peeped into the room, bending over the white doorframe. He whistled impressed – it must have been the living room; a comfortable-looking sofa, a TV, a weird multicolored rug upon the laminate floor, grey-blue walls – and of the course the table, on which dozens of tealights burnt, their tiny flames dancing animatedly. The table was already laid, and Castiel winced in surprise when Dean patted his back kindly.

"Are you hungry? I think I exaggerated a little... I made three different dishes, just in case you don't like fish or if you're lactose-intolerant or allergic to nuts, and please, _please_ don't tell me you're diabetic, because the desserts are-"

Castiel burst into laughter and turned around to take in Dean's face, seeing, to his grim satisfaction, that Dean appeared also somewhat edgy – while Castiel had tried on various shirts, Dean had been incapable of deciding what to cook. It was simply endearing, and he couldn't stop laughing at their weird, pitiful behaviour, apparently both of them feeling the need to please the other; his laughing seemed to be contagious, because Dean joined him within a second, chuckling heartily, then he shoved Castiel's shoulder playfully.

"Sit down, and I'll get everything", he ordered and Castiel sighed amused, wiping a tear of laughter out of the corner of his eye. He complied and sat down at the table, glancing around Dean's living room. Dean rushed in and out several times, bringing plates with food, and soon the table was crooking underneath the weight of the dishes: steaming bowls with rice, a yellow-milky fish curry, something that looked like a stew with lots of vegetables and roasted chicken, and Castiel laughed again when he detected traces of pine nuts, and, at long last, a bowl with mixed salad and French rolls. Then, of course, there was also dessert: a red fruit custard, small cakes and chocolate fruits. Castiel was already stuffed from looking at those ridiculous amounts of food - it would've been enough to feed a whole football team!

"Dean, that's absurd! Who's supposed to eat all of this?", he laughed and Dean sat down opposite of him, shrugging his shoulders helplessly. Dean put his elbow on the table and rested his chin in his hand, watching Castiel looking at him tenderly, a tired smile flashed over Dean's lips before he pursed them.

"To be honest, after all this cooking I'm not even hungry anymore", he admitted with an embarrassed laugh, making Castiel convulse with loud laughter. He took a fork into his hand and grinned broadly at Dean, glad that the situation was coming loose so easily. He was so glad to be in Dean's company again, that nothing really mattered anymore – his clothes, his behaviour, what he said or did, none of that bothered Castiel, he couldn't waste a thought on these strenuous subtleties, not when there was Dean, sitting in front of him, looking absolutely beautiful. Castiel was lost in the moment, in the sensation of their togetherness, and a vibrant feeling of felicity bubbled hotly within his chest.

"For all the special trouble, I think it's only decent and fair if we taste everything you cooked. What do you say?" Before Dean had a chance to reply, Castiel poked into the fish curry and let the fork vanish in his mouth. He grinned at Dean while he chewed, giving him a thumb up. As soon as he had swallowed, he continued with the vegetables, then the rice, making Dean laugh exasperated when Castiel dunked the French roll into the rice, not giving a damn about any reasonableness.

"That doesn't even go together!", Dean exclaimed, copying Castiel's silly behaviour nonetheless. Mostly pleased Castiel observed Dean eating his roll with sticky rice on top of it, shaking his head and making a disgusted face. Soon they were working their way through each dish, more or less having only a few bites of everything so they wouldn't become impossibly stuffed. Castiel couldn't hold back the appreciative moans coming out of him whenever he tried something new, his taste buds bursting with flavors – Dean was indeed a talented cook, and Castiel wanted to bath in those delicious dishes. While they were chewing and testing the meals, their conversation easily thrived, starting with simple topics, like how their week apart had been. Castiel told Dean about the few points of interest he had seen in South Dakota, and Dean raved about Sam's visit and how good it had been to spend some time with him again, because it felt so familiar to be around somebody he had grown up with. Castiel felt something flicker through him at that, a sore pain filling him, when Anna's smile and her earthly eyes reappeared in his mind; he smiled sadly and pushed those thoughts aside, trying to be happy for Dean instead.

Often their hands met innocently on the crammed table, brushing together gingerly, and when their eyes met, Castiel could see the most charming smile on Dean's lush lips, and he marveled at the weird sentiment lingering inside him – he felt _happy_ , deliriously happy, and the way Dean looked and laughed and talked to him animatedly made Castiel realize – Dean was happy too. They were having white wine during their dinner, and after his second glass, Castiel was pretty tipsy, though he could still think clearly. So when Dean dipped his forefinger into the fruit custard and held it out for Castiel, a rather challenging glare on his face, he quivered with anticipation, understanding that this evening was quickly heading into a very sexual direction. Maybe it was the alcohol, which helped him relax and made him feisty, however he paid no heed to it when he bent over the table and looked up into Dean's face seductively, letting his tongue lick the custard off Dean's finger.

He watched Dean staring at him flabbergasted, his mouth stood agape, and it seemed he had stopped breathing. Castiel suppressed a salacious smirk and took Dean's finger into his mouth slowly, his lips wrapping around it lewdly. He started sucking on it and let his tongue glide over it, his eyes never leaving Dean's resting on his. He saw the effect it had on Dean; his pupils dilated with each second, Castiel elicited a surprised moan from Dean, seeing him shudder and pulling his finger gently back. Castiel released it with a filthy squishing sound, grinning at Dean in what he hoped was an inviting, enticing manner.

"I think we're through with dinner, right?", Dean croaked, his voice all breathless and husky, making Castiel's skin crawl. He nodded vigorously and both of them smiled tentatively at each other, anticipating what was coming next, but none of them seemed to dare taking the next step. Dean got up clumsily, somewhat nervous. His eyes darted over Castiel's face briefly, never lingering on his observing glance, in what appeared simply _shy_ to Castiel, the idea making him speechless.

"So,... do you want to take this conversation to the bedroom?", Dean asked with a smirk, his hand wandering to his crotch slowly, cupping it with his palm, and his lids fluttered when a dark moan escaped him at that. Castiel's heart leapt into his throat, only now aware of the obvious bulge in Dean's trousers. With an incredibly dry mouth he got up too and nodded, his steps leading him towards Dean on their own, his every thought bent on him. By instinct he reached out one hand to touch Dean, but Dean took a step back, a cheeky smirk on his lips, a provoking twinkle in his eyes. He walked backwards, making it impossible for Castiel to touch him, finding the way to his bedroom by heart, and while he walked, he pulled his sweater over his head and let it fall down, revealing the close-fitting white undershirt he was wearing. Castiel followed him, hypnotized by the divine, sinful sight – his eyes drank their fill on Dean's defined, muscular arms, the abs and taut pecs flexing underneath the white shirt. When they came to the doorframe of Dean's bedroom, Dean stopped and doffed his undershirt as well, throwing it carelessly on the ground. Blatantly Castiel gawped at Dean's lean torso, his eyes roaming over the sun-kissed, freckled skin, wanting to taste and feel it so bad it made his fingers twitch.

There was only so much self-control Castiel could maintain, and in an instant he lunged for Dean and pressed him with his back harshly against the doorframe, his hands framing Dean's face, and before long their mouths crushed together and they kissed passionately, devouring the other man unrestrainedly. Castiel felt Dean's naked chest meeting his, breathing in the same quivering way, and the younger man's fingers slid into his hair and pulled him closer as their tongues wrestled sensually slowly with each other. Castiel seized Dean's thigh and lifted it up, so that it was coming around his waist effortlessly; their crotches moved together, and he felt the hard outline of Dean's cock sliding against his, making his knees go weak at the intense friction it caused. He moaned into their kisses and his other hand slid to Dean's bare hipbone, his fingernails clawing at the soft skin violently. Their lips parted, both of them panting heavily, and through half-lidded eyes they beheld each other; Castiel kept rubbing his pelvis against Dean's, shuddering with every thrust of his hip making their clothed erections glide along each other.

"God... I need you, Cas", Dean spoke under his breath, making Castiel gasp and his hair stand on end. Dean's words caused a consuming fire of lust within Castiel, setting him alight, as it brightly burnt inside of him, branding his stomach with a hurting pit of longing. He was crushed with the weight of his craving, assailing him like a wild animal of prey. Overwhelmed Castiel kept thrusting against Dean's crotch, grinding against him; paralyzed he watched how Dean's eyes kept rolling to the back of his head, and that he threw his head back when their erections pressed against each other, making Castiel dumbfounded with want. Ecstatically Castiel observed Dean's face, veiled with torturous sensuality, and how he bit his bottom lip agitatedly – still, he was unable to avoid the quiet whimpers resounding voluptuously in Castiel's ears, leaving a clank in his head.

"You've got me", Castiel heard himself reply, feeling breathless, thoughtless. All he could do was worship the moment they were in, it felt as if he was in a hazy daydream – all of it was somehow too unblemished to be real. In his tipsy, aroused state, Castiel was almost indifferent to the subtle fear welling inside of him, he rather surrendered himself to the _need_ pumping through him, the need to ravage Dean, to claim him for himself _now._ So he tipped his head and leant in, leaving airy kisses on Dean's jawline, nibbling at the boney parts – he felt Dean react to it, tilting his head to grant Castiel better access, his hands coming around Castiel's frame to keep him close, his fingers holding his hips. Castiel felt encouraged and started trailing down, nuzzling Dean's warm, perfumed neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses on his throat, sucking at his Adam's apple carefully – he sensed the vibration of another low moan right against his lips as it rumbled through Dean's throat – and the grip on Castiel's waist tightened nearly painfully.

Suddenly there was Dean's hot breath entering Castiel's ear, and his face was so near, it made Castiel rigid with hot peaks of arousal pumping through his whole body. He was so _aware,_ aware of Dean's lips brushing against the skin of his ear, of his quiet words, the quaver in his voice...

"I swear, if you don't get out of these clothes right fucking now, I'll rip them off of you", Dean growled, and Castiel felt dizzy, not sure whether he was supposed to laugh or moan, but his knees became weak and he felt altogether wrought up. It was immensely hard to let go of Dean and to take a step back, but it was worth it, when Castiel slowly pulled off his unbuttoned shirt, letting it slip down over his well-muscled lean upper arms – he saw what it was doing to Dean, the man seemed mesmerized by Castiel, and it felt like a caress to his soul when he saw the moved look with which Dean beheld him. In those dilated eyes he saw the appreciation he had ached for, the reassurement he had needed, to know Dean really wanted him in the same way. He had no qualms when he imitated Dean's former behaviour, walking into his unlit bedroom backwards, his eyes never leaving Dean's when he slowly pulled his black shirt over his head, tussling his hair in the process.

He had only tossed his shirt away when there was Dean, standing in front of him, oh so close, so goddamn close. He kept staring at Castiel through the murky twilight as his hands rushed to Castiel's slacks, unbuttoning them with rough, skilled movements, pulling Castiel's waist closer against his in the process. Their mouths brushed together and they kissed slowly; Castiel could feel Dean pulling his slacks down while they kissed, exposing the pale flesh of Castiel's hips and his abdomen. He quivered when Dean's palm glided over his erection, only covered with the thin layer of his black boxershorts, their kiss ended abruptly. God, it felt simply amazing, the implied touch of Dean's hand against his hard-on, teasing him, an appreciative hum running through Castiel's mouth as he pressed his lips tightly together. Dean continued stroking him idly, and Castiel devoted himself to undoing Dean's slacks as well, taking his time as he pulled down the zipper thoughtfully. His mouth watered the moment he paid attention to the little hairline on Dean's toned abdomen, running underneath his white underpants. Determinately Castiel shoved Dean's slacks down, gaping at the thick outline of his cock against his pants, and his heart throbbed a troubled, angry beat.

In an instant, Castiel fell down on his knees, marveling at Dean's hard clothed length beweding the cotton of his boxershorts with precome. His hands came to rest on Dean's hips, and he bent his head as a ravaging desire made him insane; he open-mouthed along Dean's erection, gnawing at it hungrily – it was addicting, the feel of the hard muscle twitching and moving underneath his lips, filling with hot blood as Dean hardened even more. Castiel had never given a blowjob, but now he realized how much he wanted to please Dean, how much he wanted to feel his cock inside his mouth. His fingers were trembling when he slowly yanked off Dean's pants, his eyes resting on his abdomen. Then he saw Dean's impressive hard length, standing upright in front of him, the head angry red, the sensitive skin unwrinkled, now that the cock was swollen and fully erect. Experimentally Castiel wrapped on hand around the base and let his tongue dart out, licking the bead of white precome. It tasted not the way he had expected it to, rather soapy and with the aftertaste of skin and sweat, but altogether not unpleasant.

Castiel decided to give it a try, so he wrapped his mouth around Dean's erection, letting it glide into his mouth inch by inch. He heard Dean moan loudly above him, and his hands got lost in Castiel's hair, grasping his scalp and his dark strands desperately. It was weird, to feel his mouth suddenly so full with Dean's member, and he was so big he couldn't even take him in completely, but quickly Castiel understood he had to breathe through his nose, as he started sucking Dean off in a gentle rhythmic pace. He heard Dean moan and gasp again and again, and it made Castiel painfully hard as well, hot flashes rumbling in his abdomen. He appreciated the sensation when he let his tongue glide over the throbbing vein on the underside of Dean's erection, feeling his cock respond to his tongue and harden more and more, and at that, Dean whimpered lewdly, his fingers tugging at Castiel's hair tightly.

"Cas... do that again", Dean breathed, and Castiel complied obediently, most delighted to unravel Dean. He took his time to lick Dean's dick from head to the hilt thoroughly, then he let his tongue glide over the sensitive slit, feeling and seeing Dean's thighs tremble and the frantic groan that raged through Dean's whole body made Castiel light-headed. While he continued his caresses, he saw Dean's abs began to constrict and Dean's breaths became erratic, high-pitched. He felt Dean was close, because his fingers in his hair were shaky, his nails scraping over Castiel's scalp mercilessly. It should've been scaring, the brutal way in which they satisfied each other, but it turned Castiel on, the harsh manner with which Dean came undone, holding on to Castiel as if he was dying, and it stimulated Castiel to pick up speed and to suck Dean off eagerly. He deep-throated him as often as he could while he let his tongue massage the underside of Dean's twitching erection. Then, all at once, there was a gasp and a violent shudder taking over Dean's body, and he came hard inside Castiel's mouth. Castiel felt Dean's cock convulse and his warm come filling his mouth in spurts, and he swallowed it without thinking too hard about it – he let Dean relax for a few seconds, then he slowly released him and wiped his mouth, looking up into Dean's reddened, flustered face with a proud smirk. So, apparently, he wasn't utterly useless when it came to blow jobs, and he fathomed he wasn't disgusted by it furthermore, he absolutely enjoyed satisfying Dean this way.

In a heartbeat Dean fell down on his knees too and beheld Castiel kneeling in front of him with dilated eyes, a tender expression veiling his sight, and it stabbed Castiel right in his chest. Dean's palms enveloped Castiel's blushed cheeks tentatively and he drew near to press his lips against Castiel's in a chaste, soft kiss. Their mouths moved together, consuming the other heatedly, still unsated and craving for more touches, more caresses, more intimacy. Castiel loved the way Dean kissed him, he was never sure who was controlling their kisses – sometimes Dean submitted to the force of Castiel's mouth, sometimes he felt Dean applying more pressure and Castiel found he tilted his head at that, letting Dean come as close as possible. He sighed a content sigh when they parted, both breathless and smitten with the love and devotion rushing through them. A mellow look gleamed in Dean's clear green eyes, shining at Castiel through the half-light. Dean's palms began to touch Castiel's bare chest chastely, his hands ghosting over planes of lean flesh soothingly. The simple touch rekindled the heat inside Castiel's abdomen, and he realized, he was still sorely hard. He observed Dean watching him, taking in his body from head to toe, a seemingly pleasing smile coming to the red kiss-swollen lips. His eyes wandered up to Castiel's face again, staring at him for several seconds.

"Sleep with me", Dean demanded with a husky voice, turning Castiel into stone – then he felt Dean's lips on his again, kissing him oh so cautiously that Castiel thought he had to burst with all the emotions overthrowing him.

**TBC**

I'd love to have the sex with you x) Aaahh omg I know, I know, I'm horrible! Sorry for this stupid cliffhanger, duh…


	27. Chapter 27

Wow, hello people! Did I do something wrong? I miss some of my commentators sniffles I hope you're still here! Anyhow, my bad conscience makes me update this chapter tonight lol, and still so so sorry for this awful cliffhanger; Honestly, THANK YOU for your kind reviews, I read them over and over again and I really appreciate them so friggin much... especially tonight, because I have to write a difficult chapter for this story... I think I'm going to get drunk. Have a lovely weekend...!

**Chapter 27**

He nodded into their kiss and felt Dean's smile moving against his mouth. His head was swimming, his heart beat with wild thuds. The thought alone to be buried inside Dean's tight heat, to press inside him, it made his breaths rattle, his brain flacker with terrible greed. Their kiss came to an end, and Dean disengaged from Castiel and got up, removing his pulled down slacks and underpants in one smooth movement. Flabbergasted Castiel allowed his eyes to roam all over Dean's naked body, loving the attractive sight, and when he got up, he felt as if he was in a dream, almost numb with all the sensory impressions overpowering him. He followed suit and stepped out of his opened slacks and removed his boxershorts. It felt somewhat awkward when they stood in front of each other in the blueish twilight, devouring each other with their eyes, not touching, just looking and panting. Their exhales were shaky and filled with nervousness, gleeful anticipation. Memories were brought back to Castiel – the first time he had seen Dean, the first time he had seen him come, their first kiss – his laughter, his low voice telling him private stories, his eyes looking at him with the same gentle expression they contained now. Who would have thought that they would end up here?

Castiel took a step forward, closing the gap between their bodies, and he wrapped his arms around Dean's waist, drawing him in, so that their bodies touched in one line. Face to face they gave each other time to adjust to the sensation of just _feeling_ the other man's body collide with their's. Their thighs brushing against each other, their private parts pressing together in the most intimate way, their bellies glued tightly together, and Dean's arms around the small of Castiel's back as well, his fingers drawing idle patterns on his naked skin. Castiel sighed and let his forehead drop against Dean's, feeling the aching throb running through his erection – the sense of Dean's body against his, it was too arousing, too incredible. It was exciting and it seemed so downright trusted, the way they were standing in Dean's bedroom, about to make love to each other, however taking their time to appreciate a simple naked embrace... Castiel thought their bodies were bound together with a threadbare ribbon, mirroring how brittle his heart was becoming whenever he was close to Dean. He had no control left over himself, he was at the mercy of Dean, and if Dean decided to ever break his heart, Castiel would be hopelessly lost.

Filled with sexual appetite Castiel let his hands glide down to Dean's butt, cupping the round muscular cheeks gingerly, then he started squeezing them appreciatively, feeling Dean's pelvis move forward against his. Soon they were kissing again, and Castiel's hands kneaded Dean's ass greedily, while Dean began to stroke Castiel's boney back with timid motions, his fingers barely brushing over the pale skin. Their tongues met and slid together, their kiss became so filthy, so heady, that Castiel's heart leapt into his throat and he clung to Dean's body forcefully. They parted for a second, and Castiel could detect a small smile on Dean's lips, glistening with the remnants of their kiss, and there was a feverish emotion in his darkened green eyes, making a hot shiver running down Castiel's spine. He gulped hard, unknowing what to do with the unbearable hunger and love for Dean making his head swim. The vibe between them was tense, the air sizzled with the sparks flying between them, the sexual attraction almost tangible. Dean's flat palms came to rest on Castiel's pecs and suddenly he shoved Castiel away, and in an instant Castiel fell on Dean's bed behind him.

He felt the mattress move when Dean came to him, crawling towards him with catlike movements. Castiel's mouth stood slightly agape when Dean sat down on his lap, swinging his legs over Castiel's, his hands caressing his torso incessantly. Castiel sat up to claim Dean's mouth as his own again, feeling him hum and sigh against him over and over again. It were the sweetest sounds preparing Castiel's downfall, and he got lost in Dean's lips moving against his, how his erection was placed between the crack of his ass, the buttcheeks pressing it teasingly. Dean's teeth nibbled at Castiel's bottom lip, sucking it in hungrily, and his hips starting rotating in maddening motions. Castiel squirmed at that, feeling his pelvis respond intuitively to it, moving upwards to thrust against Dean's fervent flesh. Dean let go of Castiel's mouth, apparently too distracted by Castiel's rhythmic thrusts and the way their cocks slid lewdly together, Castiel saw him burying his face in the crook of his neck – he perceived Dean's moist breaths dampening his skin, how his lips touched his nape, then his mouth moved along towards his ear. Dean's arms came around Castiel's neck, clinging to him as he rode Castiel's lap with frantic movements. His hot breath ghosted inside Castiel's ear, making him stiff and still his body for a moment.

"You've got to prepare me, Cas... won't be able to take your hot hard cock inside me otherwise... you're so huge, so hard for me...ahhh... I can feel you", Dean whispered seductively, his voice oozing with sex, and Castiel tensed up, giddiness overtaking him. He felt Dean's body bend, and that he was fetching something with outstretched arms behind him, still sitting in Castiel's lap. When he got it he returned and took Castiel's hand in his, laying a small bottle of lube inside his palm. Dean tilted his head and searched for Castiel's eyes, and for a moment, Castiel felt frozen, like he was drowning in Dean's steady gaze, while he felt the minor weight of the lube in his palm. Finally he got a hold of himself and opened the bottle with trembling fingers, and he besmeared his forefinger with it generously. He reached around Dean and looked up into his face, wanting to see the effect he would have on Dean, and he saw how the younger man was twisting his bottom lip with his teeth in anticipation, his eyes resting thoughtfully on Castiel's. Castiel's other hand moved around Dean's frame as well and grasped his left buttcheek, drawing it gently aside when his other lubed finger found his entrance.

With as much restraint as he could maintain he let his finger slide slowly inside, breaking through the first rim as he felt scorching and _so fucking tight_ heat around him, and Dean was promptly tensing up above him, a hiss leaving his mouth. Castiel kept looking into Dean's eyes, seeing them becoming glassy and unfocussed, darkened with lust. He appeared inhumanly beautiful to Castiel. When Castiel shoved his finger inside to the hilt, he felt Dean's insides squeeze around it, keeping him in place. There was sweat on Dean's forehead and he smiled fondly at Castiel, relaxing his body slightly. Carefully Castiel gave Dean time to adjust to his invasive finger, then he started rotating it in small circles, widening Dean's hole bit by bit. He observed Dean biting his bottom lip brutally and how his lids fluttered when Castiel started moving his finger inside of him, pulling it out and ramming it into his tight hole repeatedly. Dean let his chin drop to his chest, a concentrated mask covering his face, his mouth agape in silent screams as Castiel dared to push two fingers so very slowly inside, not wanting to hurt Dean. God, Dean was so tight, as tight as no one Castiel had ever been with, and it punched the air out of his lungs, he was seeing black dots at the mere thought of being crushed by this scorching narrowness. When he was sure Dean wasn't in pain anymore, he began fucking him with his fingers, his gentle pace soon changing into a rough one, and Dean's forehead fell on Castiel's shoulder. He heard Dean moan, an agonized sob ringing out, making Castiel stop in awe.

"No... no, don't stop...", Dean gasped breathless, biting down Castiel's nape for a second. "It feels ah... it feels so good, Cas...", Dean panted quietly, overwhelming Castiel with yet another wave of heated lust splashing over him. He proceeded shoving his fingers inside Dean, yet this time he crooked his fingers, searching for the rough nerve bundle he had heard of – he felt something bud-like deep inside Dean, and when he brushed his fingertips gently over it and Dean winced on top of him, a high-pitched mewl escaping his mouth, Castiel knew he had found it. Resolutely he pressed his fingertips against this nerve bundle, and he felt how Dean shuddered upon his lap, moving his ass down so that Castiel could touch him even deeper. A relieved moan fled from Dean's lips; with his arms wrapped around Castiel's neck, his chin pillowed upon his own chest and closed lids, Dean began to move, and with a slow, testing tempo he fucked himself down on Castiel's crooked fingers. Constant whimpers escaped him, and Castiel loved the way his brows were furrowed, highly focused on each tremor that shook his body each time Castiel's fingers brushed over that spot, making Dean twitch and whine desperately. It was quite a turn on, and Castiel thought all of his blood must have traveled to his dick – he couldn't remember the last time he had been that hot for someone, or when he he had been this bursting-erect. Dean seemed to feel it too, because he was rotating his hips to glide over Castiel's hard-on, letting it slide along his sweaty, heated skin.

The moment Dean opened his eyes and stopped in his actions, he found Castiel's eyes resting on his, and a small smile was conjured to his lips. His arms let go of Castiel's neck and again he took something into his hand that lay behind Castiel, Castiel's fingers still deeply buried inside of him, unmoving for the moment; Castiel gulped down a hard lump of anticipation, when he detected what Dean had fetched. With shaky fingers Dean concentrated on opening the wrapper of the condom, taking it out carefully. He let the foil fall to the ground nonchalantly. Castiel withstood Dean's untamed glance, still unbelieving that this was really happening; he cringed and gasped in surprise when Dean rolled the condom over his erection with skilled movements. Castiel had barely a second time to get used to the slippery tightened sensation blanketing his pulsating member, when he watched Dean pouring some lube into his palms, warming it up quickly. His hands returned and slathered Castiel's hard-on generously, taking their time to rub from his hilt to his head eagerly, repeating his motion as if he couldn't stop. Castiel sucked in a breath, his chest constricted – Dean's hands on him where causing a havoc, a tumult arose inside him. He was already so sensitive to every touch that he feared he would come or pass out before they could even start.

Dean stopped and sat up, shifting his weight on his knees, his ass hovering over Castiel's erection in the cruelest, most tempting way. Castiel observed Dean lowering his head, his clear green eyes painfully close to his face, darting over it with an amazed smile dancing in his eyes, gracing his mouth. Then Dean lunged forward and kissed Castiel breathtakingly, putting so many feelings inside his kiss, that Castiel could feel to his bones how appreciated he was, how much this moment meant to Dean. They parted, gasping for breath – through half-closed lids Dean looked at Castiel, and Castiel thought he was drowning in the deep green, in the way Dean's pupils had become dilated, how his hectic breaths fanned against his face.

"I've wanted to do this with you since the first day I met you", Dean quietly said, punching Castiel right in the chest with affection. Castiel's eyes widened when he felt Dean's arms coming around his shoulders again and when he saw Dean lowered himself slowly, directing himself towards Castiel's erection. Castiel was aware enough to pull his fingers out of Dean, then he grabbed one of his buttcheeks vigorously and drew Dean nearer, steering him onto his hard-on. At long last he could feel the throbbing head of his dick finding Dean's entrance, already slippery and twitching in want of him. His eyes rested on Dean's as the tip carefully breached the tight ring of muscle, dipping inside. Their pace was terribly slow and by the time Castiel pressed into Dean inch by inch, the younger man was already shuddering from head to toe and hissing every now and then – Castiel observed Dean's concentrated frown, his brows furrowed, his lids shut, his lips tightly compressed, while Castiel buried himself deeper and deeper in this heavenly hot vice-like flesh. Dean lowered himself on Castiel's lap for the last inches, his nails digging into Castiel's shoulder blades painfully. When Castiel bottomed out, they both grunted appreciatively, holding perfectly still for a minute.

Castiel tried to relax and to breathe deeply through his nose, yet he could not, and the quivering exhales he emitted matched those of Dean, warming his face repeatedly. Dean opened his eyes again and they got lost in the sight of each other, because this was the most intimate thing they could share, as far as they had never gone before. Wonder seemed to be painted all over Dean's face as he regarded the effect it had on Castiel, it must have been visible that he was perishing with the intensity of the act. It was a shock to be inside someone again, Castiel thought, it had been quite a long time. It had never been like this, never this wild and blunt – there were no romantic gestures, but devouring looks, there wasn't the soft stroke of a palm, no, there were Dean's nails scraping over his shoulders brutally instead. So when Dean kissed him, lacking the finesse and making up for it with a savage assault of his tongue, Castiel responded only too pleased to it, his tongue combating with Dean's in heady kisses. Then Dean started to move upwards, Castiel's length sliding out of the clutching heat for a bit, and when Dean crashed down on Castiel again, the world was spinning around. The high-pitched whimper escaping him would have made him blush, but he could solely focus on Dean kissing him, beginning to ride his heavy dick with a tentative pace, and it was driving him insane. His fingers found their grip on Dean's hips and for a while he allowed him to fuck down onto him – they had stopped kissing, too breathless to continue, and now Dean's eyes were locked on Castiel's as he took him deep inside again and again, controlling the pace and the depth of their collision with a mischievous glimmer in his eyes.

The smug expression on Dean's face stirred a strange, grim will for dominance and control inside of Castiel, and he wanted to see Dean lose it, in the same manner in which Castiel was tumbling down, until he wouldn't even _dare_ to look at Castiel in this way. In an instant Castiel placed his feet on the ground and his arms came around Dean's back, then he shifted his weight and let Dean fall into his arms towards the ground, so that the younger man wouldn't be able to ride him any longer. From below Dean looked up into his face, his body bent at an angle of roughly 45 degrees, and the confusion was written all over his eyes as his thighs wrapped tensely around Castiel's waist to prevent him from falling down – the confusion quickly vanished when Castiel leant down and uplifted his pelvis to thrust into Dean with as much force as he could bring up. Dean choked on his own breaths and his eyes rolled to the back of his head. He arched his back and met Castiel's steady deep thrusts with rolls of his hips, lolling in his arms with tortured whines. Castiel loved every minute of it, and the way Dean _trembled_ whenever he shoved himself inside, sliding almost completely out only to ram his whole length in again. He saw Dean's cock was fully erect again, jerking against his abdomen whenever Castiel made another thrust. Through half-closed eyes Dean looked up into Castiel's face again – through the half-light Castiel could see the desperation, the bewilderment, while Dean panted in Castiel's arms, and it satisfied Castiel to the deepest core of his heart. He felt and watched Dean's insides cringe around him and he quickened his pace, seeing Dean screwing his eyes shut forcefully, biting down on his bottom lip until first drops of blood were visible.

A tremendous shudder overran Dean, he moaned loudly, huskily, his second orgasm this night washing over him. Castiel wasn't prepared for it, the way Dean's insides _squeezed_ him, forcing him to come hard as well, when hot wave after wave of Dean's relief tightened his entrance, milking Castiel in an unyielding manner. His fingers seized Dean's back vehemently, holding him and holding _on_ to him, as they both basked in the intense glow of their orgasms, lust flowing through them like one boiling ocean. It were only seconds, but it felt like eons to Castiel, the moment he laid eyes on Dean's beautiful body, relaxing and giving in to coming so sensually, one of his hands stroking himself through the intervals in which his white come painted his abdomen. Dean's lids fluttered open, and when their eyes met, Castiel knew, he never wanted to be anywhere else or with anyone else. The tiny smirk, the blush tinting Dean's cheeks, the way he breathed ragged breaths – the baffled expression of his eyes, it all was too loveable, cutting through Castiel's heart bestially. He used the strength of his upper arms and uplifted Dean again, making him sit in his lap again, his diminishing erection still deeply buried in Dean's fervent, loosened, slick heat.

He had no words to express what was going on inside of him, so he cupped Dean's cheek gently with one hand and looked him steadily in the eyes, hoping Dean could read his mind. The coy smile coming to Dean's lips and the mellow look he gave Castiel in return, revealed more than any of them would have ever been able to express, and for now it was sufficient enough. It felt as if they both knew what the other man meant when their mouths moved together in a passionate, slow kiss. They embraced and held on to each other tightly – Castiel didn't give a damn about his cock sliding out of Dean after a while, nor how Dean's lubed ass besmeared his upper thighs. The nearness they shared, how their chests collided with every slow breath, the warmth of their bodies enveloping each other – that was, what mattered, that was, what perfection felt like. Castiel bathed in the bliss floating through him and he held Dean tighter, leaving tiny kisses on his shoulder and neck, hearing Dean hum appreciatively.

**TBC**

Safe sex, yay! Well, what do you think? From now on, there's no more holding back, so be warned about the smut and the sob-stuff...


	28. Chapter 28

Awww omg, guys, you are so fucking sweet...! I will never never ever complain again lol... I received so much feedback within the last days, I felt like Kevin Tran ("What's happening!?"). Thanks so much, you really help me with your support! I know, we all have something akin to a life outside the fandom (really? Do we?) and it's sometimes difficult to find the time for it all... so, I'm on vacation now (yeah!), so I post this chapter today – the next update will be, I guess, on Friday. I can disclose I think the story will be finished with roughly 40 chapters... enough talk, curtain rises yada yada yada x)

**Chapter 28**

Only vague thoughts gave Castiel the memory about how they had ended up here in bed, Dean's cheek pillowed on his chest, his arm draped around Castiel's waist. The possessive leg of Dean between his own, keeping him close, Dean's side pressed against his, brushing Castiel's ribcage with every steady breath. Somewhere along the line Dean had gotten up and Castiel had knotted the used condom, ditching it in the bin in the vicinity to Dean's nightstand. Dean had left the room and had returned with a wet cloth, and when he had joined Castiel in bed, he had cleaned their bodies of any possible remnants of their lovemaking, a mellow gleam in his eyes when he beheld Castiel's slack body while he cleaned him tenderly. It didn't take much, just a pleading question of Dean as his eyes met Castiel's - "Will you stay?" - and Castiel had nodded, explaining he had a day off tomorrow – then they had lied down in unison, their naked bodies coming together in a wordless, understood agreement, as if it had always been just like this. Now Castiel's palm glided over Dean's back idly, absentmindedly – he smiled to himself, witnessing how Dean fell asleep bit by bit, his breaths becoming more shallow and prolonged as they moistened the skin of Castiel's chest.

Tiredness wanted to assault him, but he couldn't let go of the day yet – he wanted to remember every detail of it, longed to brand it into his brain. Just so that he could reminisce about how completely happy he had felt today, and that he would recall how soft and warm Dean's body in his arm had felt. Castiel was afraid he could miss the tiniest thing about Dean, he wanted to relish his company just a second longer. He feared not to catch how Dean's weight would become heavy due to his sleep, he feared he could miss whether if Dean mumbled in his sleep or if he was a man who dreamt a lot or if he slobbered while being unconscious – as ridiculous as it sounded, Castiel didn't want to miss a single thing about Dean, and so he fought with his burning eyes and his drowsy mind to stay awake for a while longer. Eventually he understood Dean was asleep, his body going limp inside their lax embrace – Castiel closed his lids, quite exhausted, and he focused on Dean's soothing calm exhales, lulling him into sleep unwillingly. He didn't know when he gave in to his body's needs, but at some point his consciousness left him, and he joined Dean in his slumber.

With a start Castiel awoke in the middle of the night – it was dark inside Dean's bedroom, and the bed was uncomfortably empty. Castiel sat up, pressing the balls of his hands into his eyes, trying to wake up. He heard a rattling noise somewhere in Dean's apartment, and when his field of vision cleared, he could spot a faint light coming seemingly from Dean's kitchen. Castiel got up, a hasty glance on the alarm clock telling him it was past three a.m., and he staggered towards the light, coming to a halt the moment he spotted Dean – doing the dishes, only clad in boxershorts, while the dim light beautified his appearance even more. There were several Tupperware containers on the table, harboring the dishes they hadn't finished, and Castiel smiled secretly to himself, remembering the mess of mixed up food in his stomach only too well. He walked towards Dean, frowning at the tension, which was clearly visible in the younger man's shoulders. He stopped right behind Dean, harrumphing to make himself known, a breathless laugh escaped him when he saw how Dean winced in surprise and turned around.

Only now Castiel realized he was still bare ass naked, and Dean grinned impishly, letting his eyes roam over Castiel's body only too eagerly. He kept washing up a plate while he feasted on Castiel, his steady regard slowly coming to rest on Castiel's. A heartbeat passed, and Castiel's eyes wandered down to Dean's lips; a consuming desire awoke inside of him, and before he knew it, he had leant forwards and covered Dean's mouth with his, shutting his lids. For a second they paused, relinquishing the lead in favor of the other, then they lunged at each other, both drinking in the other man desperately, kissing and sighing into each other's mouth needily. Castiel let his hands frame Dean's face, and he pulled him closer, moved him against his lips, and they melded together perfectly – nothing mattered, nothing but the two of them, and the intimacy they shared, the affiliation both of them clearly felt.

Oblivion overran Castiel, and for a while he couldn't do anything but kiss Dean again and again, worshiping the delve of his lips, the structure of his sensitive mouth, the way their tongues slid together sensually, leaving goosebumps on Castiel's entire body. The moment they disengaged and watched each other through half-lidded eyes, Castiel could feel a sweet smile come to life on his mouth, and he pecked Dean's lips once more. He nudged the younger man's naked rib kindly and walked to Dean's side, taking a tea towel. He dried up the dishes while Dean continued cleansing them – not a word slipped through their mouths while they worked together in utter peace – but often their eyes met and they smiled at each other tentatively, and Castiel felt his heart beating a wobbly pace, its thuds ferocious and intoxicated with love.

A few minutes later they were done, and Dean drained the sink and washed his hands, and Castiel copied him – their wet hands slid slippery together when they used the soap dispenser. An embarrassed laugh fell from Castiel's mouth, and it quickly died on his lips, the moment Dean took his hands gently in his and washed them with small rubs and fondling touches. With a dropped jaw Castiel beheld Dean, who looked down at their intertwined hands, a touched, affected glance in his eyes, and in wonder Castiel mused how he had deserved someone like Dean, someone who seemed to care so dearly about him like he cared about Dean. They were standing so close, that Castiel could smell the clean scent of Dean's skin, that he could sense his body warmth radiating from him, blanketing his own body like a cloud of infatuation, a fog of suaveness. Castiel smiled, feeling Dean's hands sliding together with his, while he enjoyed the sight of his face – the little stubble on his cheeks, the unkempt bed-hair, the skin tone wavering between suntan and paleness – and the summit of Castiel's attention – Dean's gorgeous, big green eyes, dipped in a multicolored spectrum, the center to his every thought and emotion.

Castiel was under Dean's charm, and he leant forward and kissed Dean's cheek slowly, letting his mouth linger on the smooth skin for a while, breathing him in. It was insane how easily Dean could undo him, his mere presence was sufficient to make Castiel lose his mind. His nose brushed against Dean's face, and he deeply inhaled his saucy smell, lust traveled directly down his spine to his dick. He felt Dean tense up and that his breaths began to falter – before he knew it, Castiel had wrapped one wet hand around Dean's waist, pulling his side towards him as his fingers greedily grabbed the flesh. He heard Dean turned the tap off and then he turned around to him, so that they were face to face. A smug grin was raised on his lips and Castiel pursed his lips, and he stood up on his tiptoes a little to compensate the minimal height difference between them when their mouths met. They kissed extremely slowly, as if they had all the time in the world, with the promising hunch of _more_ that could happen between them. Prickling heat boiled within Castiel's stomach, and both his hands held Dean's waist while he dispersed in their kisses, his fingers curled around the hipbones and the soft flesh. When he let go of Dean for just a second Dean huffed amused against Castiel's lips, looking at him through half-closed eyes.

"I think you still have to prove your skills regarding massages", Dean quietly said, a lewd glimmer in his eyes.

Castiel grinned and tried to act unimpressed at Dean's aggressive advances, instead he smacked his ass offensively and said "Let's get back to bed then, and we'll see what I can do for you". In an instant one of Dean's hand got a hold of Castiel's and he led him back to his bedroom, his hips swinging subtly from side to side, and Castiel didn't even try to resist checking out Dean's smashing backside. Once they were inside the dark room, Castiel asked if Dean didn't have candles or something likewise, and he insisted on Dean lighting those few he had in the drawer of his nightstand, chuckling quietly when Dean complained about Castiel being an incurable romantic, but complying to his wish nonetheless. The tiny flames illuminated the room, and Castiel was glad he could see the light dance in Dean's eyes and how it touched his almost naked body, underlining every muscle, every bone, every tiny wisp of hair. They smiled at each other when they climbed into bed, and Castiel knelt at the end of the bed, feeling too aware and awkward about himself when he took in Dean's sight in front of him, the self-assured smirk of the younger man unsettled him quite a bit.

"Roll over, on your stomach", Castiel demanded, broadening the smirk of Dean.

"Wow, Cas, never let anyone tell you you're not direct", he retorted, then he turned around and lay down on his stomach, and he rested his side of the face on one forearm. Like this, Castiel could see half of his face, and he felt calmer when Dean shut his lids, waiting for him to start. Castiel moved and shoved Dean's thighs apart, relishing the fact how Dean didn't even bother and opened his legs up to him so that he could sit in between the gap. Then he placed his palms on Dean's shoulders and started applying pressure, his fingers kneaded the tense muscles in controlled circles. Dean made a praising sound, something between a hum and a moan, and Castiel let his fingers hike to Dean's outer shoulder blades, where his upper arms met the bone, and Dean groaned enthusiastically, when Castiel used quite some force to relax the tendons and the taut flesh.

"God, you're pretty uptight. What the hell happened?", Castiel asked, savoring the slackened expression veiling Dean's face, how calm he appeared under Castiel's simple ministrations. He loved he could please Dean like this, that he could give him a treat, which was apparently long overdue. Dean smiled a tiny smile, but kept his eyes shut.

"Guess it's just my nerves. I have a fitful sleep, I can never sleep through the night. 4 hours straight, tops."

Pensively Castiel let his palms glide down Dean's back, and he massaged the flesh above his ribcage, right next to his spine, and Dean's brows furrowed, his mouth opened sensually. He moaned loudly, sounding somewhat relieved while Castiel continued working on this terribly stiff back.

"Oh Gooood, that's good,... ah, don't stop,... yeah, right there", Dean whimpered and Castiel couldn't help but grin at the suggestive sounds and words emerging from Dean, how he was coming undone due to a versed massage technique. Castiel shifted his weight and pressed down on Dean's back with his knuckles, hearing the bones move back into their correct place, and Dean sighed high-pitched, hell, he was almost _mewling_ appreciatively. It made Castiel nervous in a good way, and he lessened the pressure of his touches – idly he let his fingertips stroke Dean's whole back in repeating motions, knowing the soothing effect it usually had on others. Self-satisfied he smiled when he heard Dean's relaxed sigh and when he saw how he snuggled up against his pillow to find a more comfortable position.

"Is this the reason why you were awake in the middle of the night, doing the dishes?", Castiel asked, picking up his neglected massage, kneading the supple flesh of Dean's hips and the small of his back, drinking in every of Dean's agitated grunts and groans. Dean seemed to be losing it completely, unable to tone down the sounds coming from his mouth, nor was he capable of keeping his body still – he writhed underneath Castiel's strong, skilful hands, an utter, carnal mess.

"Partly", Dean admitted and shrugged his shoulders. The frown on his forehead told Castiel something was wrong, that something was preoccupying him, and he didn't seem too over-eager to share his thoughts. For a while they were silent and Castiel focused on Dean's back – he could feel underneath his fingertips that all the tension was gone, and Dean seemed deeply relaxed. Castiel smiled as he detected Dean's happy smile while Castiel's fingers stroked his whole back up and down in reassuring movements. Dean took in a deep breath, then he blurted out with the thing overshadowing his mind.

"I freaked out, okay? I woke up, and you were there, sleeping right beside me, and I... I just couldn't believe it", Dean silently said, and Castiel kept his hands still for a second, not sure what to make of Dean's words. Dean must have realized he had some explaining to do, so he kept on talking.

"It made me understand how much you mean to me... and it scares me sometimes. No one came this close to me within the last years, and I lose my usual wariness around you so quickly... it's just... sometimes it feels like a dream and it's hard to believe that this is real... this thing between us, Cas,... I really want to give it a try."

Dean's voice had become barely a whisper the longer he spoke, and Castiel felt a warmth seething within his chest. He bit his bottom lip, absorbed Dean's carefully chosen words – he had failed to hide what Castiel meant to him, and that he wanted them to become something serious was more than Castiel had ever dreamt of. It electrified him from head to toe, and he choked on his breaths, too emotionally smitten to reply. Soon he bend down over Dean's slackened body, and he kissed his neck cautiously, letting his open mouth glide over the freckled, sensitive skin of Dean's crook of the neck. He noted Dean became rigid underneath him, as Castiel's bare chest ghosted over Dean's back, scarcely touching it. He knew Dean could feel his semi-hard dick gliding over the curves of Dean's perfect firm clothed butt, but it was beyond Castiel to worry about it. Boldly he let his mouth wander to Dean's ear, and he breathed in it hotly, and to his delight he felt Dean squirm in response to it, tensing up and holding his breath, seemingly attentive to every of Castiel's motions.

"The feeling is mutual", Castiel whispered into Dean's ear, hearing the suffocated sound of his own voice, trembling with feelings taken over him. Rapidly the atmosphere heated up, and their bodies reacted to it immediately. A raw need throbbed through Castiel and he found himself licking a wet trail down Dean's back, his palms were simultaneously gliding down the lean sides of Dean's ribs. He felt Dean rising up against his body, how a whole-body shudder overpowered Dean. Castiel buried his teeth in the blonde man's left shoulder blade, gnawing at the protruding bone desperately – his hands had come to a halt on Dean's ass, and he massaged the two muscular globes hungrily, shoving down his pants. Dean uplifted his pelvis and wiggled out of his boxers, so that they fell on the ground – then he moved his ass towards Castiel, wordlessly he allowed him to come closer, to keep going with his rough groping. His cock slipped in between the crack of Dean's bare ass, and Castiel pressed it against it, hearing Dean's aroused moan at that. He remembered what it had been like to shove himself inside the man, how tight and scorching hot he had been. Castiel shuddered at the thought of that, feeling himself harden to full length brutally, and the aching throb returned to his erection.

A weird lust for domination arouse inside him, and when he drew back a little, he saw Dean had buried his face in the pillow – he supported himself partly on his forearms, and Castiel's mouth watered due to the muscular, fine line of his back, how submissive Dean looked, his legs wide spread, his ass in Castiel's hands. He looked so ready, and Castiel wanted to breach him, wanted to give it to him in a rough way, so that he wouldn't even be able to remember his own name. His fingernails dug into Dean's buttcheeks, leaving slight abrasions on the soft skin, and Dean moaned into his pillow, raised his bottom to let Castiel's erection slide against it in the most filthy way. Dean rubbed his ass along the twitching dick, and this time, Castiel felt his own lids flutter shut, too overwhelmed with the taunting motion, and he held on to Dean's butt breathlessly, hearing himself moan softly.

"Where's... the lube?", he growled in a voice that sounded barely like his, three octaves lower. When he opened his eyes again he saw Dean fumbling in the drawer of his nightstand again, handing Castiel the tube blindly. Castiel's fingers were quavering, he was so aroused, as he opened the cap and coated his fingers with the liquid. He bit his bottom lip when he let his eyes dart over Dean's body, displayed gruesomely seductively in front of him. Dean hissed the moment Castiel let one digit glide inside him, a wave of pleasure washed over Castiel as he realized Dean was still loosened from their previous encounter. Impatiently he withdrew his finger, then he pushed two fingers inside, hearing Dean whine most aroused. Dumbstruck Castiel observed him, how he trembled every time Castiel pulled his fingers back and thrusted them fiercely back inside – Dean spread his thighs wider, welcoming Castiel's fingers, and at some point he started rotating his hips, unrestrained moans left him. A wild hunger devoured Castiel, and before he knew it, he had grasped Dean's short hair and pulled his head back, the moment he shoved three fingers inside, and Dean cried out loud, choking on his own gasps. Castiel held him in this merciless position as he fucked him with his fingers, loving the sensual expression he could make out on Dean's face as he took in as much as he could from this angle.

He felt his fingertips brushed over Dean's sweet spot, and Dean cringed, a tremor churning his whole body. The way Dean sighed, the way he moaned and fucked himself down on Castiel's crooked, invading fingers, it made Castiel light-headed and flabbergasted. He was startled, surprised at himself, because usually he wasn't like that, usually he could control himself and be tender and share slow caresses – but Dean simply made him lose it, and he wanted to make Dean lose it too. Castiel drew his fingers back, his gaze focused on Dean's entrance, reddened and spread and oh so ready for him. His erection pulsated terribly, and he took the condom out of Dean's drawer, rolling it over his dick carefully. He was already so close, and now Dean had moved so that he knelt in front of him, his head rested again on his forearms, his face blocked from Castiel's eyes. Quickly Castiel slathered his cock with lube, eager to be inside Dean again.

"Please, Cas... Please... get on with it, I... aaahhh", Dean begged, but then Castiel had grabbed his hips and the tip of his cock slid slowly inside his hole, widening it even further as he glided inside torturously slowly, enjoying the moment of the initial tightness. Paralyzed Castiel saw where his body joined Dean's, how his erection vanished inside this tiny hole, gripping him forcefully. For a moment he thought he'd pass out, as he buried himself deeper and deeper in this perfect heat – when he was completely inside Dean, his balls touching Dean's ass, Dean lowered himself and spread his legs, taking Castiel even deeper inside, as deep as possible. God, he was so greedy for Castiel, and Castiel felt slain by his need, too. Dean's insides were jerking against Castiel's erection, clutching him in a violent vice.

In a heartbeat Castiel picked up a murderous pace, slamming inside Dean, and the groans coming from their mouths in unison were almost animal-like. One of Castiel's hand kept Dean's waist in place, and he moved him down onto his cock whenever he thrust inside, forcing Dean to stay as close as possible as he possessed him, and Dean let him. It was downright scary, the way Castiel lost control over himself, and how he wanted to unravel Dean – he watched himself, how his other hand wandered up to Dean's mouth and how he covered it harshly, preventing Dean from moaning out loudly. He heard Dean's agitated sob, felt, how he moved against Castiel's erection thrusting inside him – then his knees gave out and he fell down on his torso; Castiel removed his hand from Dean's mouth so that he could breathe freely again, and his hands held Dean's hips tightly. He felt he was close to his orgasm, and the way Dean shuddered and moaned and buried his head in his pillow, and how he tightened around Castiel's erection, made Castiel assume he was close too.

So Castiel seized Dean's hips violently and pounded inside him with all he had, letting his cock slide almost completely out only to dive back in again. Dean was sobbing, whimpering, writhing underneath him, his left hand clutching the pillow desperately.

Castiel wondered if it were his own breaths, that resounded in his ears so loudly, but before he could know it for sure, he felt the first waves of his orgasm running over him. He held on to Dean's body as he moved within him, then Dean moaned loudly, and his entrance narrowed forcefully around Castiel's erection, locking him inside. He couldn't move as Dean's body kept him in the small confines, massaging and milking him through his orgasm as he emptied his load in the condom, in Dean's infernal heat. Through half-closed eyes Castiel could see Dean losing every thought of control, and he mewled while he fucked down on the mattress and back against Castiel's erection, coming hard.

Then, all at once, they stilled. Castiel lowered himself on Dean's body, his arms coming around Dean as he was still deeply buried inside of him. They were huffing and puffing, their chests breathing erratically. Castiel closed his eyes, as the world was moving back and forth, making him dizzy – he heard his own heartbeats loud and fast like a jungle drum, banging against his ribcage desperately. His cooling off skin was glued to Dean's, their sweat mingled in a filthy, however quite cosy manner. It was madness, all of this. How ferocious their lovemaking had been, how easily Castiel had lost himself in the layers of Dean's body – it was like they were meant to be together, as if their bodies had always waited for their missing piece. With a sigh Castiel picked himself up and knelt behind Dean, sliding out of him carefully, hearing Dean groan, all worn out. Castiel deposited yet another used condom in the trash bin, and when he walked back to the bed, he stopped for a moment. He was transfixed with bittersweet affection when his eyes took in Dean's sight – the man was still laying on his stomach, his legs slightly spread, Castiel's red fingerprints all over his hips and ass, his back moving with every of his deep breaths. Sweat was shimmering on his skin in the candlelight, making it seem like his body was made of gold. He was simply beautiful, and Castiel knew he adored him wholly.

Castiel blew the tealights out, one by one, his regard resting on Dean's relaxed face as he exterminated every source of light. Dean appeared exhausted, slackened, enormously relieved, unaware that he was still lying stark-naked in the sheets, used and knackered. His eyes were closed, and a wee smile adorned his lips. Castiel was almost sure he was already asleep, and it made his chest burst with a grim pride, that he had been capable to do this to Dean, to wear him out so thoroughly, that he couldn't stay awake for five more minutes.

He lay down beside him in the dark, and for a while he listened to his steady exhales, watched, how his frame moved up and down with every breath. It was downright mesmerizing. Castiel took Dean's respiratory sounds into his sleep, inexplicably reassured to the bone.

**TBC**

Honestly, I don't know what possessed me while writing this chapter, lol...


	29. Chapter 29

People, you are all too damn amazing wow! x) thanks a bunch for your lovely reviews, I never get tired of checking my mails for your comments! Well, another update so early, because I'm in a terrific good mood and I have time on my hands! So, no, Dean is not always going to be the bottom (what!), but most of the times cough cough... Now, be warned, this chapter is uhm... I don't know what this chapter is (emotional? Insane? Emotionally insane?), but uhm,... be warned lol x)

**Chapter 29**

An annoying alarm clock bleeped somewhere, and Castiel opened his heavy lids, not even half awake. There was some movement in the apartment, and when Castiel turned on his back, and when the soft sheet clung to the back of his thighs, he remembered where he was and what had happened. He began to snooze again, every feel for time leaving him, and in the background of his awareness he heard some clatter and quiet cursing from time to time. Suddenly, there was a weight next to him, and the mattress was brought down. Slender fingers were sifting through his hair gently, making Castiel stir and wake up a bit. Through a dreamlike haze he saw Dean was sitting beside him, freshly showered and dressed, and he looked down at him with a mellow look and a loveable smile written all over his kissable mouth. Castiel smiled too, knowing, that everything was alright between them.

"Morning, Cas... I've got to go to work. Make yourself at home...", he said softly, then he leaned down and pressed his lips against Castiel's, giving him a chaste, slow kiss. Drowsily Castiel inhaled Dean's clean scent and answered to the kiss, applying as much finesse and gentleness as he could, hearing Dean hum against his mouth, and he sounded terribly pleased. Then Dean pulled pack and once again his fingers carded through the dark strands of Castiel's ruffled hair. A terrible weight returned to Castiel's eyes, and he closed them unwillingly. He heard a door close and he sank into deep oblivion, catching up on the sleep he had missed within the last week.

A few hours later Castiel awoke, and the sun was already high in the sky. It was mid morning when he took a shower in Dean's bathroom; he was masturbating lazily at the thought of Dean's naked body, soaking wet in the same shower stall, his hand stroking up and down his thick length while the water jet splashed down on him. He came with a muffled moan, feeling somewhat ashamed and startled about his stamina these days. It was, as if he was making up for the last years of being a single. Usually he had rarely or never touched himself, but things had become quite different since he knew Dean. There was this burning desire eating him up, this insatiable thirst for the man, and after yesterday, he didn't even know how he could survive without being inside of him, without their bodies conjoined intimately.

Castiel took his time when he was dressed; he had found some toast and ate a slice of it, while he sauntered through Dean's apartment. He knew the bedroom quite well by now; the comfortable bed in the middle of it, the beige, time-worn acoustic guitar Dean had talked about leaning against a wall; the small nightstand next to Dean's bed; Castiel didn't mean to pry, but he saw a book on one of the shelves, with a bookmark in it. He took it in his hands and laughed when he recognized what it was – Ken Kesey's "One flew over the cuckoo's nest". So, apparently, Dean had returned to the book after their phone call a few weeks ago, and the idea warmed Castiel's heart soundly. He smiled to himself when he regarded the bookshelves and the CD collection in Dean's living room, letting his fingers glide over those records they had talked about, feeling close to Dean again. It was past twelve when Castiel shut the door to Dean's apartment behind him – it was weird to be in Dean's apartment without him, and the silence in the rooms had unsettled Castiel, so he had left.

…

Castiel spent the afternoon sorting out his own apartment – compared to Dean's, it seemed like a mayhem had taken place in his dwelling, and so he did his paperwork (alarming piles of important documents and invoices), then he did the laundry (he barely had clothes left to wear for the next days), and after that he mopped the floors and the furniture. He told himself the tidying up had been long overdue anyway, but he couldn't drown the noise in his head, which taunted him that he was only doing it because of two aspects – one, to calm himself down and to take his mind off everything – two, because he inwardly hoped Dean would visit him one of these days, and he didn't want him to suffocate under a mountain of garbage and dirty laundry. When he had done all of these things, it was only late afternoon, and the sun's rays shone through his cleaned windows, while he paced through his bedroom, restless.

He felt he was wearing a deep frown – all of it because a riot raged within him, making it hard to breathe, hard to keep still. He was edgy, and he didn't know why – his whole life came crushing down on him, and he thought how everything seemed so wrong, so misplaced. A need for a change seized him violently, and it made him sick to his stomach. Every once in a while, one or two days in a year, he got this feeling he couldn't shake off, which depressed him immensely – the feeling, that something was wrong, and that he needed to break out, run away, do _something_ to make it go away. The thought, that he was wasting his life, that nothing mattered, that he was unimportant and insignificant to the world. Just a bundle of bones and flesh, a functioning manikin in a world of sins, crimes, blood and violence. Easily wiped out, replaceable just like everybody else. He breathed in shakily, and his vision blurred as hot tears began to well up in his eyes. He held his aching head as the world began to spin maddeningly; nausea clutched his stomach tightly and in a heartbeat he ran to the bathroom and threw up into the toilet, his chest heaving.

He held on to the toilet seat, his knuckles white, as he vomited, tears running down his cheeks. When he was done, he flushed the toilet and crawled to the sink, rinsing his mouth with shaky fingers. He lay down on the cool tiles, his lids falling shut. Why now, he wondered, listening to his agonized sobs, feeling the tremors running through his body, making him tremble forcefully. It had been so long since his last breakdown, so why now? Everything had started to take shape, everything was falling into place. Dean's sweet smile appeared in his mind, the mellow look of his eyes as they regarded Castiel. Paralyzed Castiel let his brain go crazy as it overflew him with images of Dean, with phantom-sensations of feeling his body, his lips move against his own.

The echo of his voice resounded in his ears, and Castiel froze on the spot, motionless, as a desperate horror trip washed over him. He broke out into a cold sweat, fear grasped him mercilessly. He stared numbly at the ceiling while his world began to collapse. Dean's fascinating sight drifted away, and a pain spread through Castiel's stomach as other images seeped through his mind. Desecrated corpses, separated limbs, sticky, cold pools of blood. Stained knives, ripped clothes, the flicker of insane eyes, evil grins behind bars. Castiel shut his eyes, panting in fear, as the images changed again – he saw a meadow, a red-haired young girl blowing soap bubbles, wearing a white dress. He heard her joyful laughter, and a single tear joined his dried ones as he smiled weakly, his fingers holding on to the tiles underneath him, as he gave in to the happy memory. But then young Anna vanished, and Castiel saw her dead eyes staring at nothing, her pale white skin, white and cold like marble. Her gravestone, his weeping parents, how he had clenched his hand, feeling an unbearable weight on his shoulders, knowing how hard it would be to ever smile again.

And then, just like that, the pain and the fear left him as other memories came back to him – he saw himself and Dean in the brothel, lying down face to face, talking animatedly. Their lips coming together for the first time. He heard his own heartfelt laughs when they had lunch in the diner. How they made love, how their bodies came together effortlessly... Castiel opened his eyes, struck hard as realization overcame him. His whole world revolved around Dean now, he had made him see the light again, he was the reason Castiel felt happy again. And the fear he had felt, the panic constricting his chest – it had come back to him, because he was afraid of opening up to someone again, afraid of losing Dean. The mere thought was terrible. Castiel got up, wobbly on his legs. He stared at himself in the mirror with a scrutinizing look. His facial expression wavered between a grim smile and a glance of affection.

…

The pleasant breeze of the evening tugged at Castiel's shirt as he walked through the park, watching the couples and youths hang out on the lawn, people walking their dogs, seniors sitting on the benches, enjoying the mild weather. He felt the warm sun, more bearable, now that the night was approaching. He walked to the end of the park, clutching the bouquet of yellow roses, intermingled with some blue forget-me-not, as he entered the doorway to the local graveyard. The silence of this place enclosed him as he made his way to Anna's grave, knowing the road by heart. It was odd, just a few hundred yards behind him people were living their lives normally, unaware of the dead buried here, unaware of the pain their loss had caused. He took in the surroundings, enjoying how the trees rustled in the wind, and how the gray twilight diffused between the graves; the place was quickly plunged into a dusky yellow, nightfall was near.

He stopped in front of Anna's grave, pulling up some weeds that had spread over the brink of the grave. A photo of her was embedded in the gravestone, showing her smiling and as beautiful as ever. Castiel laid the bouquet down under the stone and got on his knees. Inwardly he was praying Anna was okay, wherever she was now, and he hoped there was place like Heaven, to where the good souls went, and that there was a God looking out for her, that there was a God who cared. Sometimes, he believed it was true, but mostly he was unable to do so, when his working life showed him how cruel humans could be, how twisted their minds were. Castiel stared at Anna's picture, a small smile appeared on his lips. Gently he let his fingers brush over the stones framing her grave. In his mind he started telling Anna everything she had missed out on. It was dark when he finished, and he realized he had spent most of his time telling her everything about Dean.

Again he smiled when he promised her to come back soon and when his fingers stroked over the gravestone.

"If you saw all that happened, you know I love him, right?", Castiel asked her in his mind. He observed Anna's face on the photo through the blueish night's light, and it seemed to him as if her smile became alive, as if it grew on her lips and merged into a knowing smirk.

…

At the end of this strenuous day, Castiel lay on his sofa, watching a ridiculous documentation about monster trucks absentmindedly. He wondered if he should call Dean or if he should give him some time to himself. As if Dean had read his mind, Castiel's telephone rang, and when he answered the call, Dean's soft voice greeted him. It was soothing to hear him again, after all these turmoil that Castiel had battled with, and he relaxed against the cushion and silenced the TV.

"Hey, Dean...what's up?", Castiel asked nonchalantly. For the first time in hours he felt some of the tension inside of him disappear, and it was related to knowing Dean was at the other end of the line, listening to him and knowing he would be interested in whatever Castiel would tell him.

"Not much, just got home from work. Ha, you should have seen Ash, Jo and my dad. They were all holding their tummies when they called it a day. I fed them the leftovers from our dinner, and they were all pretty stuffed, but satisfied", Dean said with a chuckle. It didn't take long for them to wipe away the tiny peaks of tension between them, and soon they were talking freely; however, Castiel avoided telling Dean in detail what had happened to him today, he didn't want to sound pathetic or insane. Unknowingly they babbled for over an hour, and Castiel felt fatigue falling down on him, holding him close with its firm claws. He yawned, incapable of suppressing it, and Dean laughed at him.

"So... when will I see you again?", Castiel asked, too tired to hide his need of being with Dean again. There was an awkward pause of silence, and it made Castiel quite insecure, so that he gnawed at his bottom lip nervously.

"Listen, Cas... I want to see you too, okay? I really want to... but, I've got to work this weekend, like every weekend. I don't know how or when-"

"You could come around tomorrow night when you're done", Castiel interrupted him, biting his tongue as he realized what he just had proposed. It sounded selfish and completely suggestive in the wrong way and he stammered the next words to explain himself rapidly.

"I mean, don't get me wrong. You could drop in and... I don't know, just stay overnight. It would be comforting to sleep next to you, I promise, nothing more, I just want to feel you lying next to me again, okay? And the next morning I'll bring you breakfast in bed and pamper you."

He heard Dean sigh a long, gut-wrenching sigh and he smiled to himself.

"God, what did I do to deserve you?", Dean said softly, making Castiel's hair stand on end, and his heart picked up a swift pace, thudding vehemently against his chest. He fiddled with his hair nervously, twisting some strands in between his fingers.

"No, you shut it. I don't deserve _you_ ", he retorted playfully, hearing Dean laugh.

"Listen, smartass. You're perfect, alright? And you can _um and err_ all you want, but you're still perfect to me. And _yes_ , I would love to come by after work, but I warn you, it will be late, probably around one or two in the morning, mind you."

"Sounds good enough to me. So, tomorrow night it is, then?", Castiel asked, a fuzzy ball of giddiness growing within his stomach. It was incredible to hear Dean thought he was perfect, it made him all antsy with joy.

"Yeah... can hardly wait... I'll send you an SMS. Until tomorrow, then", Dean hoarsely confirmed, sounding breathless to Castiel. "Night, Dean... sleep tight", he said, a soft smile on his mouth when he heard Dean's gentle "You too", then they hung up.

…

Castiel was all tingly inside when he put clean sheets on the bed this Friday evening. He even placed an extra blanket on the other side of his bed, just to show Dean how welcome he was, and that he didn't have to struggle the whole night for the blanket with him (because Castiel was sure he was a blanket-robber unconsciously). It made him smile affectionately as he paused and regarded his bed, thinking that he wouldn't sleep alone this night, that Dean would be there with him to share the bed. To calm his nerves, Castiel numbed himself with bad television, and he downed a few glasses of whiskey, feeling the burning liquid relaxing his body. He staggered into his bedroom around half past twelve and doffed his shirt and jeans, slipping underneath the nice-smelling blanket, only clad in his boxers. He was half-drunk when he slowly fell asleep, his hand held his cell phone tightly and close to his face, so that he would hear when Dean texted him. The knowledge that Dean would soon be here, that his body warmth would transfer to his limbs, made Castiel smile and so calm that he quickly dropped off.

He had only drowsed for what seemed less than one hour, then his phone vibrated several times in his hand, and he struggled to wake up. With tiny, narrowed eyes he read Dean's text-message, letting him know he'd be at Castiel's place in twenty minutes. After ten minutes of fighting with himself, Castiel climbed out of his cosy, warm bed, dazed with sleep as he walked to the bathroom. He drew a bath for Dean, musing he probably wanted to clean himself after the physical contact with his customers. A heartsick feeling clouded Castiel's mind, he just couldn't let go of the thought where Dean had been tonight and who he had been with. He wanted him all to himself, and he hated that Dean had to endure all of this every weekend. Gabe's words resounded only too clearly in his head, doubting that it was a good idea, a fed and a hooker...Castiel sat down on the edge of the bathtub, hearing the water fill the tub, and he poured some bath foam in it, laughing to himself when he remembered Dean had said he wasn't the type for bubble baths. So Castiel decided to add zest to it and he got up and searched for tealights, which he positioned all over his small bathroom as he lit them. When he was done and switched off the electric light, he considered his work, as the dim candlelight filled the room warmly. He hoped Dean would appreciate the gesture.

The doorbell rang and Castiel got up to answer the door. His jaw dropped the moment he laid eyes on Dean, clothed in jeans, a black shirt and a red plaid, opened button-down. His body was just fine, as always, but when Castiel's eyes wandered to Dean's face, he saw the plain exhaustion in his eyes, and how weak the smile was he fought to give Castiel. He let him get inside and shut the door; in an instant he had grabbed Dean and pulled him in a tight embrace, his heart bleeding with sympathy for the younger man. He appeared so worn out, so sorrowful; Castiel held him, his hands gliding over the planes of Dean's back soothingly. He felt Dean melt in his arms, leaning against him as he let go and responded to Castiel's hug, drawing him in as well. Castiel smiled as he perceived how eagerly Dean clung to him, as if he was the solution for everything, as if he was his tower of strength. He tilted his head and kissed Dean's ear.

"Hello, gorgeous", he whispered quietly into it, hearing Dean's chuckle rumble through his body.

"Gorgeous yourself", Dean replied and pulled away from Castiel, and now the light in his eyes was less dim. Dean bent forward and tilted his head, his lips aiming at Castiel's; their lids shut and they kissed each other firmly, reassuringly. Their kiss was slow and lengthy, and somewhat innocent due to Castiel's sleepy state. Their mouths slid together, glided over each other, only to press together again and again. It felt like coming home, and Dean's warmth and his unique scent and his gentle kisses were all Castiel had ached for. They let go, quite breathless and overwhelmed. Castiel smiled gingerly and pecked Dean's lips once more.

"I know you're not into bubble baths, but I prepared one for you. Hope the water's still warm", Castiel mumbled, lowering his eyes to the ground when he felt embarrassment blushing his cheeks. Dean's palm came up and cupped Castiel's cheek tenderly, and when he looked up again, his mouth stood agape as Dean's piercing, fond regard cut right through his chest.

"That's awesome, Cas, thanks."

They smiled at each other, and Castiel took Dean's hand in his and led him to the bathroom. He heard Dean whistle in awe when Castiel opened the door and the candlelight danced towards them, the smell of soap wafting through the air. Dean's thumb stroked over Castiel's back of the hand in small circles, and Castiel moved to kiss his cheek lovingly.

"I go back to bed. If you need anything, mi casa es su casa", he said with an honest smile. Dean turned around to him and enveloped him in a long close embrace, holding him against his broad chest. Castiel's lids fluttered shut and he drank in the sense of Dean's body moving against his, however sleepiness gained the upper hand and he yawned heartily against Dean's shirt, making him laugh fondly. A kiss was pressed into Castiel's dark hair and Dean mumbled he should go to bed already, that he would follow him soon.

…

There was some movement in the bed a while later, and Castiel awoke halfheartedly as he felt the mattress shift and Dean approaching him from behind, sliding under his blanket. Castiel was laying on his side, and Dean followed suit; one of his arm came to rest around Castiel's waist, and Dean snuggled up to him, his steady breath fanning against the bare crook of Castiel's neck. He awoke a lot when the perception of Dean's naked, warm chest sliding together with his back made a hot shiver run through him. He held perfectly still when Dean's crotch fused with his ass, when Dean's thighs and knees bent in the same shape as Castiel's legs, so that their bodies were connected wherever possible. A fire grew within Castiel's chest as he concentrated on Dean's body warmth sweeping over the planes of his skin, how each of his fibers blanketed Castiel's, as if they were one.

It felt incredibly cosy and familiar; Dean smelt of the bath he had taken, his limbs were still warm, his skin was smooth. Castiel smiled most satisfied, and he found he was wishing it could always be like this, so simple, so unblemished. He placed his hand above Dean's, which was resting flat on his stomach, and he squeezed it slightly, to let Dean know he was awake, even if on the brink of falling asleep again. Dean's nose brushed against the crook of his neck, and he inhaled deeply, as if he was drinking in Castiel' scent. His nose wandered to the hairline of Castiel's nape, and he rubbed it against the soft strands; Castiel was sure he felt the smile of Dean's lips as they pressed against his sensitive skin, leaving small kisses on his neck. For a while they lay there just like this, jammed together on the spacious bed.

Castiel listened to the steady breaths behind him, to the rhythmic thuds of Dean's heart resounding loudly in his ear, as if the reverberations of it thundered through the mattress. Apart from that, it was quiet in the room. Dean's thumb stroked over the back of Castiel's hand soothingly, providing a tiny caress, which Castiel loved. He shut his lids and focused on the warm stream of happiness washing through his system, and his fingers enveloped Dean's and held them tightly. Suddenly, there were words floating through the silence, breaking it with their gentle tone. Castiel became rigid, held his breath.

"I love you, Cas... I really love you", Dean quietly said. Castiel gulped down a lump of affection, his heart skipped several beats. He froze in Dean's embrace, overjoyed and yet incredulous. He let go of Dean's hand and wiped over his eyes with the back of his, brushing the upcoming tears away. Then he turned around, and in the night's light he could see Dean observing him with wide eyes, an agape mouth, and plane vulnerability written all over his face. Of course, he had just opened his heart to Castiel, hoping for the best. Castiel's lips forged a touched, brittle smile, and he took Dean's face in his hands and looked him deeply in the eyes.

"I love you too", he said firmly, relieved to voice the words that had been lingering within him secretly, and it seemed to him that all tension left Dean at that, that ease coursed through his veins as if he had been absolved of all his sins. Dean sighed and his lids fluttered when he saw Castiel bent forward and approached him; then their mouths came together, and they kissed passionately, conveying their hearts to each other through their mouths. Castiel kept Dean's cheeks in his palms and steered him through their kisses; once more, they were consuming each other's lips, sucking and bruising, only to let them slide together again, so that they could exchange innocent, heartfelt kisses. When they finally pulled apart, Castiel found he couldn't avert his glance from Dean's gorgeous sight. So they stayed like this, observing each other's face, absorbing the happy gleam of their irises and the little smiles creeping upon their kiss-swollen mouths. At some point, Castiel had grasped Dean's hand, and they fell asleep like this, facing each other and holding hands loosely.

**TBC**

Soooo, what do you think? I don't care (a lie, I always care) if you think their ILYs were rushed, because they know each other for weeks now, and it was love at first sight x) right? I'm flustered x)


	30. Chapter 30

Ahhh, you're all just wonderful! Thank you once more for your lovely support! It is really, really helping! Especially now, I'm struggling with the current chapters (just finished chapter 36). If there's anything you'd like to read or if there are some mistakes I made or whatsoever, just let me know, and I'll try my best.

**Chapter 30**

The next morning Castiel was awake first, and he sneaked out of his bedroom on tiptoes, to grant Dean the sleep he obviously needed. It was almost 10 a.m. and if Castiel hadn't been mistaken he was sure Dean had slept through the whole night, unlikely for his sleep pattern. He took a hot shower, neglecting his usual, incoherent sing-song that emerged from his mouth whenever he showered, in order not to wake Dean. He returned to the bedroom a while later, clad in fresh boxershorts, balancing a tray carefully, which he sat down on the nightstand. Croissants, various fruits and plenty of coffee would have to be sufficient for their breakfast. At the smell of coffee Dean was waking up, and Castiel lay down beside him, smiling at him when the younger man opened his eyes sleepily, looking incredibly squished and tousled, and Castiel let one hand ruffle through the mussed bed-hair. Dean grumbled and sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Apparently, he wasn't a morning person like Castiel, and his sullen behaviour made Castiel laugh on the inside. He poured some coffee into a mug, asking "Sugar and milk?", to which Dean replied "one sugar cube, please". Out of the corner of his eyes Castiel saw Dean rubbed his hands over his face, trying to wake up; he sighed and accepted the mug Castiel held out for him, a peaceable smile on his mouth.

"God, how long did I sleep?", Dean asked, nipping at the hot coffee. Castiel looked at his alarm clock.

"More or less nine to ten hours", he told him, trying to sound nonchalantly; he laughed though, when Dean choked on his coffee and his eyes met Castiel's in surprise, widened in absolute disbelief.

"Okay.. that hasn't happened in years. Remind me to sleep by your side more often", Dean deadpanned. Castiel poured himself some coffee and grinned at Dean's comment as he stirred his coffee, so that the milk and the sugar cubes (he had a sweet tooth) would dissolve.

They ended up feeding each other their breakfast foolishly, munching away on strawberries, blueberries and the crumbling croissants, and often they stopped to kiss each other sweetly. Castiel laughed happily into Dean's kiss while the man dashed away the crumbs on Castiel's naked chest, twisting his nipple playfully. Something changed in their careless demeanour when Castiel laid his thumb on the corner of Dean's mouth, wiping some crumbs gently away; their eyes met, and Castiel marveled at the vivid green of Dean's orbs, glowing in the morning's sunlight clearly, beautifully. Awestruck by Dean's mesmerizing looks, Castiel let his forefinger glide down the delicate cheekbone, over the tickling stubble; his thumb drew small patterns on Dean's jaw, then he placed it on Dean's soft bottom lip, loving the way Dean got lost in his calm touches, how he closed his lids quite overpowered. The memory of a song resonated in the depths of Castiel's memory, a tune long forgotten, as he swooped down on Dean and pressed their lips fervently together.

He held Dean's face in his hands as their mouths meshed, coming together in stormy kisses; Castiel dispersed when he felt how many emotions dwelt within their kisses, how many unspoken words and confessions were traveling from one mouth to the other. The song in his head became louder and louder, drowned out Dean's exhales or the smacking noises of their heady kisses. Castiel paused for a second, keeping his lips pressed to Dean's, when he figured out what it all meant, why the melody was playing in his head like a never ending lullaby. His chest tightened painfully, his heart ached with hurt and pleasure – he retreated slightly, his palms still cupping Dean's face. When he smiled at him, and Dean's bright green eyes seemed to glow with love, a hint of gold shining in those irises, Castiel was sure, it was the solution to his week-long search, the fitting tones he had looked for.

"I know now of which song you remind me", Castiel blurted out, and his cheeks reddened in embarrassment. Flustered he disengaged from Dean's lax embrace and got up on wobbly legs, rubbing his neck shyly, as he walked to his piano, seeing Dean's eyes were following his every move attentively. He sat down on the bench seat in front of his silent piano, and his slender fingers touched the cold keys hesitantly. It had been a long time since he had played this composition, and his fingers wandered from one triad to the next, searching for the right notes without making a single sound. Then, as he had found the F sharp major, he started playing, Yiruma's famous "River flows in you", the melody fell easily from his aspiring hands. Castiel got lost in the melody, too focused on memories of Dean taking over his mind, and the song underlined the gorgeous sight in his mind's eye, putting a tiny smile on Castiel's lips, as he saw Dean's mellow look, his charming smile.

Castiel's heart began to flutter lightly in his chest, and the song gathered strength and the piano's vibrations wafted tangibly through the room; Castiel thought he heard Dean's bare feet advancing him, as he played the composition by heart with closed lids. He was certain he could feel Dean's body heat barely one meter next to his, keeping still while he listened patiently to the piano. Castiel was absorbed in delight and a bittersweet melancholy that went hand in hand with loving Dean, and the composition reflected his feelings for Dean perfectly; Castiel hadn't played this song in such a long while, because its beauty often overwhelmed him, it was unbearable, insufferable, as it touched the deepest foundations of his soul – it touched a sore point within him which he usually hid from most people; Dean uncovered it effortlessly, and Castiel realized he had allowed himself to become approachable again, but in doing so he had also let emotions in that were difficult to handle. The song and the way he interacted with Dean reminded him of the person he had been many years ago, less gloomy, less burdened, less withdrawn.

His throat hurt with ache, tears were welling in his eyes, as Dean's face, his laughter, his words, his touches - his _everything –_ merged with the song, too moving to handle it, too fascinating to ignore it. Castiel's fingers were trembling when he ended the song, awestruck as he realized how deep his love for Dean had become.

He drew a deep breath and turned around on the bench to look up into Dean's face. His lover held his own hand pensively over his mouth, and the look he gave Castiel was vulnerable, wild in a strange way. Their eyes met and Castiel withstood the piercing gaze, hearing his heartbeat thump loudly in his chest.

"This song... that is you", Castiel said affirmatively, and his hands seized Dean's bare waist and held it, his thumbs gently brushing over the skinny part of Dean's body. Dean's hand moved from his mouth to Castiel's cheek, and he cupped it, and smiled at Castiel tenderly. The expression of Dean's fable-green eyes was muzzy as tears came to them too, and the grip of his fingers on Castiel's face became firmer, almost in a brutish way.

"No...No, Cas. That's not me. I'm not like that", Dean mumbled, then he looked away and let go, about to turn around. In no time Castiel had gotten up and he had grasped Dean and pulled him in a tight embrace, holding him as close as possible. Their naked chests touched, and they shared deep, slow breaths as their bodies moved together. Castiel let his slender fingers comb through Dean's short-cropped hair, and Dean's fingernails burrowed in Castiel's back, pressing their torsos nearer together. Castiel felt lunatic, most overjoyed, as they held each other and as he peppered Dean's neck with endless feather-light kisses.

"If you saw yourself with my eyes, you'd understand", he said quietly into Dean's ear, feeling him stiffen in his arms. Dean slightly disengaged from him, their arms still wrapped around each other – Dean's face was wrapped up in amazement, a thrill of pleasure shot through Castiel's stomach the moment he detected the tiniest smile on Dean's lips, and a blush that beautified his face even more. He looked marvelous, like a fresh spring flower that had just blossomed, and Castiel had no words left when he tilted his head and closed the distance between them. Their mouths touched and kissed each other's passionately, and Castiel felt the resistance and non-acceptance in Dean shrink with every of their thorough kisses, as if he began to comprehend what Castiel had meant with the song.

It didn't take them long to end up in bed again, as Castiel gently shoved Dean down on the mattress; both of them were laughing when the itchy crumbs of their breakfast delved into their skin. Dean's laughter became breathy, then it stopped and changed into breathless whispers and high-pitched sighs, as Castiel had his way with him. He took his time to cherish Dean's body, kissing and licking and biting his torso, every sensitive spot he was coming to know. He gnawed at Dean's clavicle, let his fingernails bruise Dean's smooth skin, and the man underneath him was slowly starting to lose it. Though they groped each other and though most of their kisses and bites were rather rough, a different notion seemed to have filled their heads, seemed to waft through the air. Their first times had been untamed and underlined with pent-up desire – this time they allowed themselves plenty of time, exploring their bodies in an unashamed, exciting way. Castiel loved the way Dean was writhing and sweating in the sheets, pressing his body against Castiel's sucking lips, his teasing tongue, his scraping teeth. Dean's hands were entangled in his dark hair, tugging at the strands quite desperately when Castiel went down on him, taking his rock-hard length into his mouth. Castiel was pleased with himself when he realized he was getting better at this, finding the ways to please Dean easier now.

A good while later, he moved himself inside Dean at last, pressing into him slowly. Their eyes were fixed on each other's as Castiel glided deeper and deeper inside, his hands clutching Dean's spread thighs firmly. He gave Dean the chance to adjust to his invasion, and it was glorious, brain-damaging, to just feel the other while they looked at each other, panting and gasping in shock and pleasure. Then he started a gentle pace, and their eyes still met, though Dean's began to flutter with every of Castiel's deep, slow thrusts. It was hypnotizing, and the aura around them was thick with love, lust and need. Castiel heard how uneven his own breaths became, and yet he maintained his strenuous steady pace, sliding almost out of Dean only to press himself even further inside. Their bodies morphed into one, as they moved together, relishing the divine friction, the compression of their muscles against each other. At some point Dean's eyes rolled into the back of his head, and he uplifted his pelvis to ride every of Castiel's deep strokes, shaking with pleasure. Castiel's eyes were fixed on Dean's sensual sight, their hands stroked over planes of flesh frenziedly. It was obvious they were making love and nothing else, and the idea fulfilled Castiel with a weightlessness that made him forget everything – everything in the world but Dean. He devoured moan after moan coming from the younger man's agape mouth, and his thumb brushed over the plump bottom lip.

It appeared like a strenuous task when Dean opened his eyes and met Castiel's regard, the cautious smile that came to his lips was contagious. Castiel let his hand sift through Dean's hair and he bent down to kiss Dean briefly while he kept moving into him.

"I love you... I love you", he moaned, and Dean's insides clenched around him, making it hard to hold his oncoming orgasm back. Suddenly there were Dean's nails on his back, clawing at his skin, and their lovemaking became savage and fast again. Their mouths melted together and in between sighs and moans were dozens of their spoken and unspoken "I love yous" - whimpered, whispered, groaned. Their bodies fused together as they threw each other over the cliff, tumbling over the last remnants of their control. They reached their climaxes together, watching the other come undone and lose it, as their bodies shook with hot waves of lust and relief.

Later Castiel lay on top of Dean, unable to move – they were both spent and groggy, but satisfied and happy. Their sexual stamina was almost embarrassing, because during the next hours all they did was having sex over and over again. In the shower, with Dean's stomach pressed against the cold tiles and Castiel's teeth sucking on the crook of his neck while he jerked Dean off, at the same time shoving himself deeply inside the younger man. They were snuggling on Castiel's couch for the better part of the late noon, and then there was Dean's hand wandering under the elastic band of Castiel's pants, and a few minutes later Dean was riding Castiel on the comfortable couch, while bad television whooshed in the background. Castiel was exhausted when they lay in bed again, enjoying their last hour together, before Dean would have to leave to get ready for his shift at the brothel. Dean was dozing, his arm wrapped around Castiel's chest protectively, his cheek pillowed on Castiel's shoulder somewhat awkwardly, but still pleasant.

A dull cheerlessness grew within Castiel, as his eyes searched for the alarm clock several times; he was counting down the minutes he had left with Dean, before he would have to go again. Doing, what made Castiel jealous and what started to leave aching bruises on his heart. As he held Dean close to his body for the better part of an hour, he understood he wanted to save him, that he wanted to find a way that would allow Dean to stop his second job. He veiled his emotions though, when Dean woke up – his bleary face was just too adorable, and it made Castiel chuckle when he kissed Dean and the man grumbled sleepily against his pliant mouth.

….

During the course of the next two weeks, Dean and Castiel found an easy pattern in which they were dating. Surprisingly, their lives mashed together without much fuss, and Castiel was confused about his own behaviour. He caught himself smiling dreamily, or laughing more often; though his grumpy self was a huge part of his being, he was less and less somber, he even made Gabriel laugh every now and then, which was normally a very rare occasion.

Castiel didn't even try to feel awkward during the few times Dean stopped by around lunch time and handed him a homemade meal in a Tupperware box. He was pretty sure he had seen Gabe grin at that, and his grin even broadened when Dean had leaned in and kissed Castiel's cheek sweetly, only to be surprised with a passionate kiss Castiel gave him in return, feeling both his and Dean's knees weaken, while Gabe whistled impressed in the background. So maybe he was showing Dean off, and maybe he grinned proudly and told Gabe to shut up, but who could blame him? Dean was making him happy, and to know he had the same effect on the younger man (just the way Dean's eyes were practically _glowing_ with joy and love!) was simply terrific.

Whenever Castiel found the time he picked Dean up from the garage; it was endearing to see Dean actually blush while Jo teased him, persisting Dean had hidden Castiel from her so that he could have him all to himself, and Castiel laughed when he saw Ash chewing his gum and winking at him friendly, nodding his head into Jo's and Dean's direction, eye-rolling. He was glad he was welcomed so openly, as if he and Dean had been together for centuries, and it was stunning how everything felt so easy and trouble-free. One evening, though, he met Dean's father John, and he was pretty nervous when the black-haired man squeezed his hand as if he wanted to crush his bones. Dean was fiddling about with some auto parts absentmindedly, and Castiel could see the tension written all over Dean's face as he beheld the interaction of John and him, staying in the background.

John was asking him a fairly amount of serious questions, like an inquisitor, and Castiel answered as best as he could. He felt like a teenager who had to pass the parent's test to take a girl out to the prom night, and slowly but surely he began to feel slightly uneasy under John's scrutinizing look. The man had a rough aura around him, and Dean certainly had taken a leaf out of this book, but John was also somber, and this trait seemed familiar to Castiel. He bore the same sadness in his eyes Castiel often felt whenever he thought of Anna, the same pain he could sometimes see flare in Dean's gorgeous green eyes – the look of someone who had lost something dear to him; so he wasn't as impressed or as meek like somebody else would have been, because he thought he could understand John's questions – how long he knew Dean, what he did for a living, how his relationship to his family was, and so on and on – it wasn't out of curiosity or for the sake of polite small talk. John was checking Castiel's intentions, if he was a good company for Dean – and most of all, Castiel mused, if he was possibly about to hurt Dean in any way.

Whatever John had failed to do within the last years, and regardless of how poorly he had lived his father's role, he _was_ trying to protect his son, he _was_ interrogating Castiel to make sure he was good for Dean, and Castiel mused he liked him, that he understood him in a grim way. Dean however whined at some point that John should let it drop, that he was old enough to decide with whom he would spend his time, and John's features softened at that, and he seemed to realize how much he had put Castiel through the mill. He laughed a bit embarrassed and apologized, shaking Castiel's hand again. Then Dean came to Castiel's side again, and he slung his arms around Castiel's neck, ignoring the amused scoff of his father blatantly, as he kissed Castiel greedily in front of John, Ash and Jo, indifferent to their thoughts. Castiel laughed into their kiss – John said, if Dean ever let go of his mouth again, he should come over for dinner someday, and Castiel held up his thumb to show his approval.

It would have been close to ridiculous or embarrassing, how they spent their time together – it was as if they were trapped in a cheesy, trashy love movie, but neither of them seemed to care, because they were simply too enraptured with each other's company: They watched a bunch of the movies they had talked about, getting to know the parts where the other laughed or winced, and they held hands and cuddled quite unabashedly, often either of them fell asleep on the other, too tired due to their long working week.

Castiel convinced Dean to jog with him through the forest, which ended in Dean complaining and sweating, and Castiel going down on him right there between the trees and shrubberies. Dean, in his stead, made Castiel join him as he trained with his sand bag in the separated shed of the garage. Halfheartedly Castiel tried to imitate Dean's forceful kicks, and though he was good at fist fights, he terribly failed as he tried to kick the sand bag with his shins. At the end of the evening Dean had been crying tears, he was laughing so hard, while Castiel cursed that his legs hurt terribly – finally Dean showed some mercy and fell to his knees, and a few moments later he was sucking Castiel off, making up for his efforts in the most pleasing way.

Many nights they were sleepless, restless even, as they lay side by side, regarding the other's face in the velvet blue of the night. Then they were talking quietly, holding hands and stroking each other softly, as they shared the most intimate details about themselves with the other man, as trustfully as possible for a human being. To top it all, the sex was simply amazing, sometimes hot and ravaging, as Castiel pounded into Dean's body vehemently; sometimes their lovemaking was slow and sensual, filled with a hunger that bordered to greediness, and often they lashed into the other out of the blue. Whenever they were done, huffing and puffing after repetitive rounds of carnal intercourse, Castiel felt light-headed, and filled with a bliss that was close to perfection. To see the happiness in Dean's eyes as he regarded him after it, was more than he could handle, and he always thought he would have to burst because he was so happy his heart threatened to jump out of his chest.

All in all the passing two weeks felt like a dream to Castiel, and he was suspicious of all this felicity – he feared something would happen, something, that would end this easiness, that would smash him mercilessly. All of it was simply too good to be true, and Castiel felt grimly confirmed the night he and Dean had their first severe fight.

**TBC**

Hm, I think it's obvious to say the dynamics will change a bit within the next chapters (but don't worry, this story will have a happy ending)... now, what do you say? Still satisfied or slain with my romantic, sappy writing? x)


	31. Chapter 31

Hellooo my lovely readers x3 thank you again for your ongoing support and your great reviews! Uhm... now, I have to warn of slightly darker themes in this chapter, but I think they're not that severe..? x3

**Chapter 31**

It was a Saturday evening, and Castiel was leaning against the door frame of his bedroom, watching Dean putting his boots on, lacing them up as he knelt on the floor. Like every other weekend, Dean had to return to the brothel tonight. It had become a habit, that Dean came to Castiel's place after it and fell asleep next to him. Like this, they could see each other on weekends too. Castiel had come to love the sight of Dean sleeping next to him, and often his eyes lingered on the unconscious man, as he absorbed his features enlightened by the morning sun's light. Now the atmosphere between them was tense, and none of them spoke a word, too preoccupied with their own murky thoughts. Castiel was only dressed in his black pants, out of decency he had donned at least something after they had slept with each other. The warmth of the long awaited summer heated his skin, though a fresh breeze of the evening blew through the opened window. He crossed his arms over his bare chest, feeling a terrible ache within him breaking him. The distracted look on Dean's face worried him.

"Do you really have to go?", Castiel sighed and got away from the door frame, towards his lover, who now got up and gave Castiel an exasperated sigh in return. Dean shrugged his shoulders and smiled gently at Castiel.

He placed his hands on Castiel's protruding hipbones as a calming gesture, and he tilted his head slightly to look deeply into Castiel's attentive eyes.

"What would you have me do? You know I'm not doing it for my pleasure", Dean quietly said.

"I don't know... I already made you an offer", Castiel replied, though he knew it would be going nowhere. Dean's hands left him and he rolled his eyes annoyed, chuckling humourlessly as he kneaded his temples as if Castiel's words were causing him a headache.

"Cas, damn it, I told you I don't want your money. I can take care of myself quite well, so please stop it. A few more months, that's all I have left to endure, and then everything will be normal again", Dean muttered with closed eyes; when he opened them again to look at Castiel, his face seemed pale, his glance filled with exhaustion, and yet a tender touch that cut deeply through Castiel's heart. Dean held out his arms as if he was surrendering to Castiel, and the small smile on his mouth soothed Castiel's sickly rapid heartbeat.

"Do we really have to argue about this now?" His voice had become low, almost pleading, and it made Castiel feel guilty. Nevertheless he couldn't stop himself, wanted Dean to understand him to the full extent.

He stepped up to him so that their bodies were merely half a meter apart, and he looked up into Dean's face.

"It's just... I hate the knowledge that somebody else will be with you tonight. It makes me so goddamn angry and I wish I could have you all to myself. I don't want to fight, I really don't want to. But you have to understand this situation is difficult for me to bear", he confessed calmly, his eyes never leaving Dean's. His words seemed to set something in motion within Dean, though, because there was suddenly a fierce mien wrecking his face and his eyes stared wildly at Castiel, unbelieving.

"Do you really have to start this now, Cas? Now? It's already hard enough for me that I've got to go. Do you think that's enjoyable for me? Don't even start making me feel guilty about this, I already carry enough shit around with me!", Dean raged, his voice becoming louder the longer he spoke. Awestruck Castiel observed him in his anger, and he felt his eyes widened at Dean's furious sight. Castiel held up his hands peaceably, looking at Dean as if he was a haggard animal.

"Dean, I'm just trying to tell you that I want to spend more time with you, and that the mere _idea_ of you with somebody else disgusts me. Just for once I think it would be nice if I could fall asleep _with_ you and sleep late the next morning, without having to worry about who's taking advantage of you the next night!", he explained; desperation was seeping through his veins, because this conversation was quickly heading into the wrong direction, and he had never meant to bother Dean with his feelings. It was terrible how twisted his words must have sounded to Dean, because the wrath within him seemed only fueled by Castiel's statement. He approached Castiel, their faces were barely ten centimeters apart, and he felt flustered when he saw the intense fire in Dean's eyes devouring him, a humourless smile was painted to his soft red lips.

"Don't you dare thinking you're alone in this, Cas. Whoever I'm with, you're always there with me. All the fucking time, you're in my head. This is also hard for me, I hate it too. I'm thinking about you all the time, you're the only reason I can even get it up. So don't tell me you're the one who's annoyed that you have to share me, because I'm the one who's getting fucked and exploited!", Dean growled, and he yelled as he spat out the last words, making Castiel flinch from him.

"No, Dean, that's not what I meant! I didn't want you to think I don't see your point of view, I really don't, it's just-", Castiel stammered helplessly, incredulous that this fight between them was really happening. Dean beheld him with a long stare while he spoke, and if Castiel hadn't known it any better, he was sure he saw disappointment in Dean's eyes, and it made him choke on a ball of ache strangling his throat. Dean stopped him with a wave of his hand and wagged his head a small bit. Then he sighed and smiled sadly at Castiel.

"Know what? It doesn't matter, I've got to go. We can talk about this later...", he interrupted Castiel, then he leaned in and pecked Castiel's cheek, and Castiel detected the lack of feelings in his kiss, and he stood perfectly still, petrified as he realized the anger was still buried inside Dean. He simply couldn't move his numb legs as he saw Dean turned around and walked through the door, shutting it behind him as he slammed the door quite carelessly. Then Dean was gone, and though Castiel was able to breathe again, he felt irritated tears welling up in his eyes, as he clenched his hand and stared at the door for a while, trying to come to terms with what had happened a few minutes ago. Dean was gone.

…

Castiel felt beat to death, the pain inside of him seemed to blur his senses. He sat on his couch in the dark, and his eyes were staring unfocussed into nothing while the television babbled in the background. Where had all those happy memories gone to? All he could see in his mind's eye were Dean's angry features, the deadly flash of his narrowed green eyes – he could still hear his yelled words like an echo resounding in his ears, a sound too shrill to withstand. Whenever flashbacks of better days with him returned to his mind, it felt like a sharp wave of agony running through his body. It hurt to remember Dean's laughter, his vigorous eyes, or the way they had made love all those uncountable times. The same restlessness Castiel had felt a few weeks ago closed in on him, preyed on him, and he felt his heartbeat quicken unhealthfully.

Cold sweat came to his forehead, absentmindedly he brushed it away with the back of his hand. His fingers were shaking, nausea expanded in his stomach. In panic he realized he was panting, and fear clutched him tightly. Not again, he thought, not another breakdown, he begged. In an instant he had gotten up and dressed on wobbly legs. He couldn't stay in his apartment, not when the ghosts of Dean haunted him – regardless of whether they were sad or blissful. A few minutes later he had left his home and was walking through the mild summer's night, his hands deeply buried in his trouser pockets. The evening's air did him good and he found he could breathe slower again, and his heart returned to a more moderate pace.

However, the restlessness within him still scratched on his soul and wouldn't leave. He knew he was in a dangerous mental condition, which would make him bold and irrational. Still his feet didn't protest when they led him to a loathsome part of the town, which he would have avoided usually. He wasn't afraid when he walked towards a bar he knew from countless investigations; Castiel felt in his bones the poisonous wish for a fight; he hungered for fists thrown against him, he longed for a drinking bout that would leave him unconscious and make him forget his own name – anything that would allow him to forget the pain inside, a pain that had something to do with the way Dean had looked at him, how he had left him, with such a disappointment written all over his face.

The moment he stepped inside the shabby bar, the atmosphere inside changed and all the conversations ran dry; Castiel could feel all pairs of eyes resting on him attentively as he made his way towards the counter. Strangely, he was unafraid, as he sat down on a barstool, though there were enough thugs in here to beat the living daylights out of him; he laid eyes on the keeper of the bar, who beheld him with a perilous smirk and a gruesome, deadly glimmer in his eyes – Alastair, the mastermind who was frightening the town for years. He had a hand in drug and arms trade, scared the storekeepers with protection money, and Castiel couldn't even begin to count how many people he had to bring into a witness protection program because of him. The few people who had dared to confess all they knew had never been enough to take Alastair into custody. Castiel knew of quite a few scandalous deeds Alastair had committed, and he felt personally disgusted that he was still on the loose. The man was a murderer, a ruthless rogue, and he knew quite well that Castiel tried to convict him and that he lacked of unmistakable evidence, which explained the smug grin on Alastair's mouth.

"Agent! What can I do for you?", Alastair asked with feigned innocence, and Castiel heard the guests were resuming their talks. He let his eyes linger on the monster for a few seconds, showing no signs of anxiety.

"Give me a double whiskey", he growled, and Alastair actually complied and poured him a glass.

"On the house, agent", he fluted and Castiel scoffed, an incredulous chuckle escaped him. He downed the drink in one swig, and relief traveled through his system when the burning sensation revived him from head to toe. Gabe would kill him if he ever got one whiff of him being here, all alone on top of that. He harrumphed and was about to order another double, when Alastair bent forward, his arms resting on the counter, so that he was dangerously close to Castiel. Their eyes met and Castiel observed the gloomy expression in those dark wells of his eyes as they beheld Castiel thoughtfully.

"Tell me, fed... You come here... all alone? Do you think that's wise?", Alastair said quietly, threateningly. Castiel withstood his perilous glance, though he felt his self-assurance shrink. He knew he was capable of defending himself, but he was outnumbered. Maybe it hadn't been his best idea to have a drink here.

"Don't know. I've done dumber things... Just let me tell you this, Alastair. One day I'll see you behind bars. And then you won't smile that evil grin again."

Now it was Alastair's turn to laugh darkly, and it discomforted Castiel a tiny bit when suddenly two bulky bullies appeared to both of his sides, cracking their knuckles as they looked down on him; he could feel their tower-like stinking bodies next to him, and his eyes met Alastair's again.

"Until that day, Mister Novak, I suggest you take leave, my friends here show you the door."

…

Castiel cursed inwardly, when the two thugs seized him and brought him outside, then they clobbered him with a few skilled punches; he stood no chance against them, and the alley they were in was dark, so no one could see him. A punch in his guts, and he slumped down, fell on his knees. A blow against his jaw, and he wavered, as his sense of balance left him. A pain, like a hot white flash, grabbed him and made him delusional. The alcohol pumped through his veins, while he lay in a cold puddle of rainwater and dirt and just let it happen, and one of the men kicked him in the pit of his stomach several times. He groaned when they were finally done with him, and he was glad it had been quickly over. They left him all alone on the ground, and it took him a few minutes to get his vision straight again. His head was swimming and his limbs ached, but the dull throbbing ache within his stomach was the worst. He writhed in pain a few times and held his tummy, a tortured hiss left him when he scolded himself for his stupidity; he had searched for a fight, and now he had gotten the bruises and the aches he had asked for. He was without any proof that any of this had happened, but the damage on his body.

A grim will awoke within him, though, as he slowly picked himself up and got up weak-kneed. The fear and the panic he had felt narrowing his chest a few hours ago were gone. It was clearly recognizable for him what he had to do, and what he wouldn't allow to happen. He would put Alastair behind bars, sooner or later, and he would work his ass off to accomplish this. More importantly, he wouldn't be impressed with the fight Dean and him had – what they shared was so dear to him, he simply couldn't let him go. He would crusade for their relationship, and he would make sure Dean belonged to him further on. Castiel walked home, a settled expression veiled his face, as he staggered through the night and held his hurting ribs and stomach with one hand.

…

Castiel stayed awake this night, the tiredness he usually felt was long gone, he had overcome his dead point. He wondered if Dean would come to his apartment after his shift, or if he was too fed up with him to face him tonight. He had given Dean the spare key to his place quite naturally last week, and had received Dean's in return. It felt laughable to remember the sweet kisses they had shared afterward, how they had whispered trustful words into each other's ears and held the other man in a tight embrace. A dark emotion shaded Castiel's mind, and he felt a somber wish to possess Dean in the same manner he did whenever he wasn't in the brothel. It made him sick and chilled to the bone to imagine the things Dean had done today, with whom above all. He was so withdrawn into his self and his own embittered world, that he couldn't even watch TV – the whole place was quiet and dipped into the night's light. Only the moon illuminated parts of Castiel's home with silver and white dots and rays here and there.

His eyes glanced at the clock in his living room, it was nearly two a.m. He basked in the slowly ceasing pains of his body, as if they were steeling his will. All at once he heard a key opening the apartment door quietly, and someone entered his home. He got up and saw Dean in the entrance hall, stopping in his motions as soon as he had seen Castiel in the darkness, standing still like a statue, looking at him mutely. Castiel observed Dean putting the key aside and sliding out of his shoes. His eyes darted briskly over Castiel's face, and he thought he could see a tiny smile on Dean's lips – those lips he hadn't kissed in hours, and at that realization hit him hard, he thought he was starving, in want of Dean's caresses.

"Jeez, Cas, you scared me to death! Why are you still awake?", Dean asked nonchalantly and took off his jacket. He had just hung it up, as Castiel felt his body move towards Dean, still as deadly and as silent as possible. Something had taken over him, the switch inside his head had been flipped. He was seeing red, and all his thoughts were bent on Dean alone; he stopped in front of him, and their eyes met through the dim light of the night. He saw Dean frowned and the smile vanished from his mouth. Castiel breathed in several scents that were lingering on Dean's body, and it drove him mad. His heart thudded forcefully in his chest, as he observed himself, how his hands came to rest on Dean's clothed pecs and how he shoved him against the nearest wall ungently. Insanity rained down on him and clouded his thinking, as he beheld Dean's eyes widen as they searched for his. He pressed their bodies together in one harsh line and came as close to Dean's face with his own as possible. The stench of somebody else was gross and it formed aching knots in Castiel's stomach. A sweet flowery perfume, which indicated a woman, and a musky, spicy smell that made Castiel think of a man – they mixed with the clean odour of Dean's sweat and the usual lovely scent of his body. Castiel's blunt fingernails delved into Dean's clothed upper body, keeping him in place while he invaded his personal space. Dean's eyes flickered nervously and he licked his bottom lip, his eyes never leaving Castiel's.

"Cas... what's wrong? You're scaring me", he asked faintly, his voice failing him as it crumbled into a hoarse whisper. Though it was dark, Castiel could clearly see the exhaustion, which strained Dean – his body seemed tense and slackened at the same time. In a heartbeat Castiel tilted his head and plunged his nose into the crook of Dean's neck, sniffling at his soft skin, while his fingers wandered down to his hipbones, clutching them tightly. He felt Dean constricted every muscle the longer Castiel inhaled his scent, mingled with those unfamiliar ones.

"I can smell them all over you...", Castiel growled, and Dean actually winced when Castiel pressed his groin against Dean's in a slow, sensual roll of his pelvis. Dean placed his palms gently on Castiel's upper arms and tried to push him away, but Castiel didn't budge an inch. The heat, which radiated from Dean's skin, was addictive and before Castiel could stop himself, he let his teeth scrape over the sensitive skin of his neck.

"It's because you didn't let me have a shower first", Dean groaned, clearly struggling with Castiel's dominance. Castiel disengaged to some degree from Dean's warm body and captivated Dean's eyes with his own, fighting for the upper hand as their wills fought with each other. Unknowingly Castiel let his palm glide over Dean's jaw, over his Adam's apple and down the smooth skin of his throat, feeling Dean gulp anxiously as his thumb brushed over the pulse point of his neck.

"Don't conceal it from me, Dean... I want to know... I need to know what they did to you... what you did", Castiel insisted; instantly he fell down on his knees and undid Dean's jeans with harsh, fast movements. He pulled down his jeans and his boxershorts in one skilled action, hearing Dean hiss above him. Castiel briefly looked up and saw Dean was regarding him with a strange expression in his dark green eyes, an emotion that wavered between fear and arousal. Then Castiel concentrated his attention on Dean's private parts again, recognizing Dean was already semi-hard through their little combat. He leaned in as an awful famine destroyed him; he needed Dean, he needed to have him and to possess him, to see him come undone due to his ministrations, and his ministrations alone. Castiel leaned forward and let his tongue dart out, and he licked along his half-erect length, trying to classify the taste that came to his mouth. Dean indeed whimpered at that, and uplifted his pelvis so that Castiel had better access to his growing erection. He sucked on Dean's solid member, and the taste on his tongue became clearer. He ceased from Dean's dick and panted whiffs of his exhales against the wet area, seeing Dean lolled against the wall so that the warm breaths met his erection over and over again.

"You wore a condom with sour apple flavour, didn't you...", he mumbled. His hands seized Dean's hips and held them still. He raised his head and met Dean's eyes looking down on him, and his nails dug into the supple flesh of Dean's abdomen. Dean's lids fluttered and his mouth stood slightly agape, and Castiel could feel the tremor shaking through Dean's body as he tried to remain still. Their eyes were fixed on each other, and for a few lengthy moment it seemed that this was all that they could do – breathe and gaze at one another, while the world around them came falling down.

"You slept with that woman, am I right?", Castiel gnarled lowly, and Dean nodded slowly.

**TBC**

Aaahh now it may seem like dub-con, but I can promise, no dub-con, Dean is willing hehe... next update will be on Thursday or Friday I think x) I have to drive through my country the whole Wednesday, at least 6 to 7 hours travel time... x3 sooo, what do you think? Comments? Thoughts?


	32. Chapter 32

THANK YOU for your lovely reviews and your continuous support! Posting this now because I'm quite excited after I finished chapter 38 yesterday, and I've been all itchy ever since... Also, I'm pursing my lips while reading your lovely reviews, and I understand you already know me too well! Of course they're not talking about their fight (looks at Inferification incredulously, you know me, you really do! x3) ... now, this next chapter is... uhm... well, "mark me down as scared and horny", and full of possessiveness? Please, don't be alarmed, in the end everything will be fine...

**Chapter 32**

A ferocity overmastered Castiel and the beast of jealousy took possession of him. He snarled and attacked Dean's erection again, taking him into his mouth while he swallowed the awful lump of hurt down. Tears were welling in his eyes, tears of a wrath that gave him a fright, because he wasn't understanding himself anymore. He had become an addict and his love and need for Dean had seized a hold of him, making him insane. He sucked Dean off ferociously, and while Dean moaned lewdly, Castiel felt that Dean's knees weakened and that he was barely able to stand upright any longer. So Castiel got up and took Dean's hand in his and dragged him along behind him towards his bedroom. He noticed Dean's fingers were trembling against his, and only now he became aware that he was breathing heavily too and that his fingers were also somewhat shaky.

When they were in his bedroom, Castiel pushed Dean down on his bed and yanked off Dean's jeans and pants and his socks at one go, feeling Dean's burning gaze resting on him. A strange sadness obscured Castiel's mind when he took in Dean's sinful sight on his bed, and when he imagined how he had slept with that unknown woman a few hours ago, knowing she had laid eyes on him in the same way. It petrified his heart and fueled the wrath within him. While Dean lay idly in the sheets, Castiel started undressing with calm movements, stripping in front of Dean – those green, dilated eyes absorbed him, sized him up, and the fascination that seemed to grace Dean's features felt soothing to Castiel, reassured his wrecked heart. He was glad that the hematomas of Alastair's thugs would only appear within the next hours, so Dean wouldn't ask inconvenient questions. Once he was naked, he sat down on the bed and crawled towards Dean on all fours with cautious motions, his eyes never leaving Dean's. It was, as if he was approaching a wild animal, as if he was his prey, and he knew he had to be careful to avoid an escalation of the dangerous situation they were in. Just one false move and all of this could end soon and ugly.

He sat down on Dean's lap and felt his fully hard erection slide between his buttcheeks; he groaned as a desire awoke within him, that he didn't comprehend, but it was simply stunning, taking his breath away. He had tried to imagine what it would be like if Dean ever penetrated him, and he choked on his breaths the moment he felt him so intimately close to his entrance. His hands crawled underneath the only piece of clothing Dean was wearing, his shirt, and he let his palms move over the lean flesh of his torso. His thumbs stroked Dean's sensitive nipples, and Dean was closing his lids; he arched his back and moaned, his hands fled to Castiel's hips and held him in position. Castiel bent down so that he could bite Dean's neck vigorously; he heard Dean sigh and his fingernails bruised Castiel's skin ungently. He felt the effect his teasing bites had on Dean, as his cock hardened even more and pressed against Castiel's naked ass greedily. He could already perceive the wetness of his precome beweding his skin. Castiel was highly turned on as he moved his mouth so that he could breathe into Dean's ear hotly, feeling the man underneath him writhe and stiffen.

"Did you enjoy fucking that woman?... was she tight?", Castiel exhaled, noting the shiver that was running through Dean's body. It made him hard as well, to feel Dean react to him so effortlessly. God, he had missed this... Not even half a day had passed since their last time together, and his body was screaming for more. His fingernails scraped over Dean's ribs, and he felt him flinch, only to move towards Castiel's touches again. Dean nodded his head in a negative gesture, and Castiel straightened himself so that his face hovered directly over Dean's. He saw the desperation in his eyes, the sexual lust flaming in those dilated pupils, devouring Castiel at one bite. Every sensible thought left Castiel, and he tilted his head and covered Dean's lips with his own, kissing him with all he had, knowing, this was the only part of Dean's body that belonged solely to him. Their tongues slid together in the most filthy way as they massaged the other, and Castiel drank in each of Dean's muffled moans dying in his own mouth. It was hot and frenzied, and Castiel feared his heart would be leaping out of his chest. During their savage kisses he took Dean's hand in his and guided it behind him, down towards his ass. He felt Dean freeze as he moved Dean's fingers determinately to his entrance, forcing one of his digits inside with his own.

Their mouths parted and through half-lidded eyes Castiel observed the effect he had on Dean. He concentrated on Dean's forefinger sliding inside of him as he applied pressure to Dean's finger. Dean looked at him somewhat shocked, overwhelmed. Castiel had fingered himself for the past week, trying to estimate how it would feel to be taken by Dean, to be sliced by his erection pressing inside him. He could endure that one invasive finger without much ado, but it was different than his own fingers working him loose – it felt more intimate when it was somebody else doing this to him, and he noticed his insides were clenching around Dean's circling finger, holding him in place. He smiled seductively at Dean and moved his mouth over Dean's, so that their lips ghosted over each other in a hinted touch. His heart raced dizzily and anticipation and lust made him rock-hard. He felt his erection squeezed against Dean's abdomen, and he was sure he saw Dean's eyes dilated even more.

"I am tighter...", he whispered, his mouth brushing against Dean's, and he relished the tortured whimper escaping Dean at that. Castiel fumbled with Dean's middle finger and took it resolutely, then he shoved it inside of him alongside Dean's forefinger. It burnt in a brutish way, but it also felt so fucking good... Castiel bit his bottom lip and heaved a sigh. Dean's fingers started to move within him, scissoring him with a skilled pattern. His eyes shut themselves as he was overrun with sensations he had never felt before. Dean's fingertips touched something inside of him that made him see stars, and a firework exploded within him. He heard himself moan loudly, and by instinct he rotated his hips so that he was fucking himself down on Dean's penetrating fingers. The sight with which Dean beheld him was simply hypnotising, the wonder he could make out in those gorgeous green eyes... He stopped Dean's movements and held his wrist, and again he kissed him frantically. He hungered for him in more ways imaginable, and he needed to feel him inside of him. When they parted, he stared into Dean's eyes for a few seconds, loving the sound of his erratic breaths while he responded to his glance. "You're also the first one who'll enter me... I don't think you can say the same about her, can you?", he heard himself gasp, and again Dean shook his head. Castiel sat up and let Dean's fingers slip out of him, leaving a weird emptiness behind. His whole body was shaking with tension and longing as he turned around and fetched the lube and condom from his nightstand, perfectly aware of Dean's eyes on him.

Castiel had no doubts within him when he pulled Dean's shirt over his head and shifted his weight on Dean's lap so that he could slip the slippery condom over his enormous erection. Ungently he pushed Dean down again, feeling the terrible grimness reklinded within him; then he slathered his erection with plenty of lube; he felt he was drowning in Dean's fiery eyes and the way he beheld him while he bit down on his bottom lip vehemently. Quiet moans were finding their way through his compressed lips as Castiel lubed his own fingers to wet his quaking entrance for Dean. Then he enveloped the hilt of Dean's erection with his fist and shifted his weight on his knees so that he hovered above him in the most tempting way. Their eyes were glued to each other when Castiel slowly moved down and when Dean's cock breached the first rim as he penetrated him. Dean threw his head back and his hands held on to Castiel's pelvis desperately, Castiel enjoyed each of his cried out moans. It hurt awfully the more Castiel took Dean inside, absorbing him inch per inch. He was slicing him open and it burnt and pressed against and within him – but it also felt shamefully good. Castiel realized he needed to be filled, and though Dean felt so huge and thick within him, it set something ablaze.

Tentatively Castiel rotated his hips and fiddled around with the depths of Dean's erection gliding inside him. He rode him slowly, only to take him deeper and deeper inside, until he was buried within him to the hilt. They both groaned and stilled their motions, their eyes searching and finding the other. Beads of sweat stuck to Dean's forehead and he seemed to hold back every movement to go easy on Castiel. Castiel smiled meekly at that idea and began to move again, feeling devastated when he felt Dean twitch and press within him. The ache soon disappeared and Castiel could let go of the pain to let hot waves of pleasure wash over him. He would have never thought that it felt this way... His jaw dropped and he heard his own ragged breaths resounding loudly in the bedroom. Dean's hands were roaming all over his body, touching and caressing him wherever he could. Castiel felt his cheeks reddened and his chin fell to his own panting chest. He shut his lids as the world began to rotate and focused on Dean's erection pressing against that one sweat spot inside him that made him loose-limbed and cry out in pleasure.

Intuitively he rode Dean's dick and shifted his hips so that he could squeeze that spot over and over again, and when he opened his eyes slugglishly, the expression of Dean's eyes regarding him hit him hard and he felt all air leaving his lungs. There was so much love visible, so much sensual agony, and Dean was actually tossing and turning in bed while Castiel took him inside of him repeatedly. Castiel had almost failed to notice how Dean's fingernails had left bloody marks on his torso and that he was also shaking from head to toe. He used the strength of his legs and decided he wanted to see Dean lose it, and so he quickened his pace and let Dean shove himself inside him with all he had. Dean whimpered at that and his mouth fell open in silent screams as Castiel had his way with him and made him moan and beg for more. Beads of sweat were falling from Castiel's forehead, surfaced on his whole body, and he noticed Dean was sweating too. Their limbs were glued together as their thin layers of sweat intermingled stickily; Castiel felt most satisfied as he realized he was making Dean his again. Now _his_ scent clung to Dean's front and his private parts, rinsing the unfamiliar smells away.

One notion danced in the back of Castiel's head, though, an idea that upset him and brought him down to earth. He smiled knowingly when he beheld Dean writhing underneath him as he rode him with long, forceful strokes. He could get used to the sensation of Dean's erection gliding inside his narrowness, how it broadened his entrance, only to leave him almost empty again. Dean sucked in a breath and Castiel knew he was close; a faint blush stained Dean's cheeks and when he looked at Castiel through half-closed eyes, Castiel saw how blurry his vision was, how heavy and veiled with lust. Dean's fingernails scraped over Castiel's moving hips, searching hysterically for support.

A deafening moan reverberated in the room, and Castiel could actually feel its vibrations rumbling through his whole body. He shuddered deliriously happy when he saw Dean screwed up his eyes and when he realized Dean came within him, euphoria flowing through him as his abdomen convulsed and as Castiel rode out every of Dean's deep thrusts. He felt Dean's erection twitching inside of him, as Dean was squirting his come into the condom. Castiel bit his bottom lip sensually while he regarded Dean bathing in the glow of his orgasm, he was a wonderful sight for sore eyes, and the way he tossed and turned while tortured moan after moan left him, made Castiel almost come too, but he forced his body to stay controlled. The dismal thought within him made him furious again, to know he hadn't retrieved Dean completely yet.

It ached when he rolled off of Dean and when his lover's still erect cock slid out of him; Castiel lay down behind Dean with a grunt and forced himself to forget about the stretching, burning hurt within him, because his own length still throbbed heavily between his thighs; he had been so close when Dean had penetrated him, and it was still difficult to refrain himself from coming. Dean seemed comatose through his strong orgasm, still trembling with the aftershocks of it, and he didn't struggle when Castiel nudged him gently and rolled him on his side resolutely, so that Dean's bare back was facing him as he lay behind him.

Fascination overran Castiel when he observed the fine muscular line of Dean's back – his broad shoulders, his slim waist, the wicked curves of his perfectly shaped ass... His mouth watered with a greed he did not understand, and he felt how his hand traced down Dean's spine many times, enjoying the structure of his smooth, lean flesh; he saw how Dean's skin was graced with goosebumps, and how he held incredibly still, filled with tense anticipation. Castiel let his fingers glide down between the crack of Dean's ass, and he moved them lower, and Dean sighed high-pitched, pushing his pelvis towards Castiel's searching fingertips.

Castiel moved closer, so that he could nibble at Dean's neck teasingly; his chest met Dean's back, and his leaking cock pressed against the arc of Dean's butt; they both groaned quietly, and Castiel dared to let one finger dip inside Dean's hole for an inch, hearing him hiss and feeling him become rigid. Castiel bit into the crook of Dean's neck forcefully, a terrible appetite for Dean pulsated through him. He could still smell the other man on Dean's skin, and it made his stomach churn. He felt light-headed and ill as the thought of someone else entering Dean, _his_ Dean, permeated his mind, and he clenched his jaw strongly. He shoved his finger inside until the hilt, and Dean winced and mewled agonized as he welcomed him within his body.

Castiel bit his bottom lip as anger flared in his heart; he understood Dean was still loosened, and he was certain he wasn't the one to blame. Infuriated Castiel pulled his finger back and rammed two fingers forcefully inside, and Dean whined vehemently, it sounded as if he was tortured between passion and pain. Castiel's heart beat insanely against his torso, as his fingers cut Dean open; it enraged him unthinkably to feel how broadened Dean's hole was, he could easily rotate his fingers without feeling much resistance. Before he knew it his other hand had seized Dean's hair clumsily and he dragged his head back brutally, and Dean stiffened. For the eternity of three appalling seconds they stilled, and listened to their ragged breaths, Castiel's two fingers buried inside Dean, his other hand tugging at a fist full of soft hair.

"Did you let that man fuck you?", Castiel gnarled, overmastered by the damned demon called obsession taking over him. Dean nodded briefly, and Castiel thrust three of his fingers slowly inside of Dean, loving the way Dean made a long-drawn moan, how he tilted his head back to let it fall against Castiel's forehead sensually. He felt Dean's entrance squeezing his fingers repeatedly, taking them deeper and deeper inside, and it made Castiel's head swim vigorously.

"You're still loose...", Castiel heard himself murmur, and he began fucking Dean with his long, slender fingers. Dean squirmed and sighed somewhat relieved, and it shook the very foundations of Castiel's heart. Even now, as he was savagely slicing him open, Dean relished his brute ministrations, got lost in the way Castiel's fingers moved within him. It touched Castiel deeply, and he felt a sore pain tightening his throat, wondering what it would take for Dean to turn his back on him. Hysteria poured over him and clutched him firmly, and it made him spat out the next words, and Dean tensed up once more. He didn't know if it was a suppressed sexual kink speaking through him, or if it was his inability to let Dean go, he just knew he needed him, and that it made him berserk that someone else had taken advantage of him tonight.

"You know... since my predecessor prepared you... I bet I could push myself inside you easily, couldn't I?" Castiel let his fingers slide out of Dean, and he bit his bottom lip as he watched the silent figure in front of him, as he felt Dean's body warmth wafting across to him. His heart beat a frantic pace, and there it was again, the feeling between sadness, lust and fear. He saw how Dean reached out his arm and when he turned his hand back, he was handing Castiel the condom blindly. Dumbfounded Castiel took it in his numb hand and observed Dean resuming his position. Suddenly they were strangely silent; Castiel's eyes were glued to Dean's round ass as he opened the foil of the condom and rolled it over his erection. He wondered if Dean had been so compliant with the other man as well and blind fury flooded his mind. Determination took over him as he seized Dean's sweaty thigh and pulled it back towards him, so that he could penetrate him easier.

For a second he hesitated as he examined the pearls of sweat on Dean's shoulder blade, among clear goose bumps, which spoke volumes. Then Dean's dark voice rasped "Do it", and Castiel figured he couldn't withstand that invitation any longer. He shifted and held Dean's thigh up and apart, then he let the broad tip of his length vanish inside Dean's hole slowly. They both moaned the further Castiel glided inside, his member filling Dean steadily. Castiel clenched his jaw to keep himself together. Dean was incredibly hot, and the warmth around his throbbing cock was fantastic; he still felt the force of his muscles struggling to allow him inside, and the way Dean cursed and hissed by turns showed Castiel he wasn't as prepared as he had thought. He asked himself if that man had hurt Dean, if Dean had even enjoyed it a wee bit. All of a sudden something inside of Castiel changed, and he felt calmer again, his thoughts were composed. A gloomy understanding for Dean embraced his heart, and he felt sympathy and rage for his lover. His compassion for Dean outweighed his envy and selfish possessiveness, and Castiel almost swooned, he felt so bad.

The drag around his erection squeezed him with an abrupt flinch and he returned his attention to the present moment; He could solely concentrate on being buried inside Dean, it was all that mattered. He stopped moving when he had pressed himself into his hole completely, and Dean seemed grateful for it, because his long sigh sounded relieved. He let go of Dean's thigh and when it came down on Dean's other leg, Castiel's erection was being squished sensually, and Dean's muscles narrowed around him. Castiel reached out for Dean's hand and held it in his as he spooned him; he pressed feather-light kisses onto the sweaty, moist skin of Dean's glistening back, licking the beads of sweat eagerly away, tasting the younger man on his tongue. He wanted to make love to him, wanted to compensate for whatever the stranger had done to Dean. He started a slow pace, as slow as he could go, and he thrust inside his lover with gentle, considered moves. Dean sobbed agitatedly and pressed his ass against Castiel's invasive crotch, mirroring the heavy, however moderate strokes of Castiel's cock. A lewd groan rumbled through Castiel's throat and he held Dean's hand tighter on Dean's hips, to prevent him from sideslipping. It was soothing to see his own streams of sweat spattering Dean's precious skin, as he annihilated the smell of the unknown man and made Dean his again.

He left teasing bites on Dean's crook of the neck, feeling him freeze, then Dean tilted his head and moaned obscenely. Castiel's hand left Dean's and clutched the firm globe of his buttcheek and shoved it a bit aside, so that he could watch himself press inside Dean's heat over and over again. The perspiration ran down Dean's spine in small rivulets and dropped on Castiel's working length in a filthy, intimate way. He moaned at the presented picture and used more force to push into Dean, hearing his pleased, high-pitched moan at that.

"That's how it's supposed to be, Dean...", he sighed breathless, and his fingernails dug into the flesh of Dean's buttcheek, leaving red crescents on his smooth skin. He was close, so goddamn close... He felt his eyes narrowed and the blurred vision of Dean was like a sweet hallucination. He picked up speed and moved more energetically inside his lover. In his trembling state he felt his own hand come around Dean and unroll the used condom on his dick, enjoying that he was completely hard again. He began massaging his erection in time to his thrusts, sensing the spasms conquering Dean's worn out body.

"My sweat on you, your sweat on me", Castiel whispered, and wild images came to his mind's eye – Dean's length buried inside of him, how he shoved himself into Dean's body in return, their fingernails working like claws, their mouth left open in mute screams... He could only pant and cry out in pleasure as he came inside Dean, losing his eyesight for a few seconds as he rode out each hot white wave of tormented lust. He felt Dean bursting into his second orgasm as well, splashing Castiel's hand enveloped around his cock, as hot spurts of white come leaked out of him, his insides massaging him and closing in on him. They were shaking as heat waves usurped them, blanketing them, and Castiel let go of Dean's softening length, and his fingers intertwined with Dean's as both of them savoured the sensation of their ongoing orgasms. For a while they held still and enjoyed their togetherness, their bodies still intimately conjoined, and Castiel let his nose inhale the sweet scent of his and Dean's body fluids mixed with each other. Then Dean spoke again, and his voice sounded shaky, upset even.

"I don't want anyone else, Cas... you're the only one...don't let this thing come between us", he said quietly. The pain these simple words caused was unbearable, and Castiel gently pulled out of Dean. Quickly he stripped off the condom and knotted it, then he let it fall to the ground. His hand grabbed Dean's side, and he pulled him gently, but resolutely around, so that they were lying face to face. With agape mouths they stared at each other in the half-light of the night, realizing how dependent and addicted they had become. Castiel blushed as he believed no one knew him as thoroughly as Dean, be it carnal or emotional. His hand reached out for Dean's face, and he cupped his cheek lovingly. Tentative smiles came to their lips, and Castiel felt strangely reassured and tranquil. He leaned in to kiss Dean passionately, taking his time to bruise his lips.

They parted after a while, thirsting for air in their lungs. Their eyes were fixed on each other, the smile on Dean's face became brisker, when Castiel let his hand wander down over Dean's throat, his shoulder and his pecs, finally finding Dean's hand again and holding it loosely with his.

"I love you, Dean", Castiel sighed, regarding the moved tears welling in Dean's gorgeous green eyes. He let his forehead fall against his lover's, and he closed his lids, focused on Dean's ragged exhales. Dean squeezed his hand.

"I love you so much...", Castiel reassured Dean, and he smiled the moment Dean kissed his lips fleetingly.

"I love you too, Cas... only you", Dean replied earnestly, comforting Castiel's uptight heart. They fell asleep a few moments later, overwrought beyond imagination. They were too tired to tuck themselves up or to dress or to even shower quickly – there was something about the way of falling asleep with his lover's perspiration clinging to his skin, Castiel thought drowsily. A tiny smile came to his lips when he understood Dean was soaked in his sweat as well, and for now it mended the wounds he had felt.

**TBC**

Ah... gasps, do you hate Castiel now? Please don't sobs sobs... what do you think?


	33. Chapter 33

Sweeties, I'm a little traumatized right now, because I finished La Grange today, so please bear with my confused blathering... (there will be 39 chapters overall). Now, regarding the last chapter... phew, I received some mixed reactions for it, and I know it was pretty daring, but I'm glad you didn't stone me to death for it haha. Some of you even seemed to like it (lol)! THANK YOU for your amazing reviews, they never fail to make me happy! I hope I can make it up to those who were a little irritated by the last chapter with the next chapter... X3 blows kisses at you all!

**Chapter 33**

The next morning, Castiel was awake first. His body felt terribly groggy and used. He stretched himself and blinked against the late morning's sun, his eyes fell on Dean sleeping beside him. A small smile crept upon his mouth as he watched his lover, such a peaceful expression softening his features. The bed was an utter mess – there were stains of dried come on the sheets (and all over Castiel's and Dean's stomachs), two used condoms and spots of lube. Castiel was somewhat grossed out, especially with the smell of his own body, so he sneaked away and let Dean sleep a little while longer. He was a bit sore and his careful gait would have made him laugh otherwise, but his ass felt as if on fire, and he was certain, a hot shower would help him lose that inconvenient, burning sensation. It was heavenly, to let the hot water sprinkle his used body, and for a while he just stood under the spray and enjoyed the massaging effect of the water. At some point, he heard movement in his apartment, and bare feet toddled on the tiles of his bathroom, approaching him.

Dean appeared in front of the shower, stark-naked and unashamed of it as always, and they smiled lovingly at each other; quite naturally, Dean joined Castiel and soaped himself pragmatically, washing away the sweat and the remnants of their last night together. Their eyes met, and Castiel could see the hesitation in Dean's glance, mingled with some mischief and a careful smile. The younger man's look wandered down, checking out Castiel's lean body bluntly, and Castiel felt his cheek redden, as he saw how Dean bit his bottom lip sensually, and as his pupils widened, darkened with lust. Then Dean's eyes fled to his, a sudden horror emerging from his regard, and his hands seized Castiel's hips and held them tightly.

"How did that happen?", he heard Dean ask through the roaring of the warm, falling water, and he sounded worried, alarmed even. Castiel felt his brows furrowed, as he tried to understand what Dean was alluding to, and he looked down at himself, examining his body puzzled. Then he saw the blue and violet-black bruises on his lower stomach and on one of his sides, and he remembered the kicks and punches of Alastair's thugs, and he winced, unenthused about it being revealed to Dean like this. His heart simply dived. He needed to be honest with him, but how to say it? He searched for the right words, with the intention of not upsetting Dean further, and for a few breathtaking moments, they stared at each other, wet and naked and utterly inable and unwilling to hide anything from the other man, while the water traveled down their bodies endlessly. Dean's fingertips were pressing into Castiel's flesh, urging him wordlessly to explain himself.

"I... I was looking for a fight yesterday, after you left. It was, ugh, kind of my way to whitewash my feelings with physical pain", he admitted meekly, averting his eyes embarrassed from Dean's, as he saw the grim disapproval in Dean's eyes, and such a heart-wrenching sympathy lit in his gaze, mingled with too much love, that it simply choke Castiel with affection. He looked down, and mounts of warm water rained down on his body. He was ashamed of himself, he felt cheap and like a child, his deed seemed irrational and ridiculous to him today. Suddenly, there were Dean's slender fingers on his scalp, shampooing his hair with gentle, massaging, circular movements. Flabbergasted Castiel uplifted his head and drowned in the tender gaze, with which Dean regarded him, a tiny smile gracing his sinful lips. He massaged Castiel's hair some more, and Castiel's lids almost fluttered, as he enjoyed the simple, charming ministration.

Dean tilted his head and bent it forward, and his wet lips covered Castiel's innocently; Dean started kissing him softly, albeit thoroughly, and his fingers in Castiel's black hair steered him through their kisses. He could taste the clear water on Dean's lips, as they ensnared him, and his legs turned to jelly as he melted in Dean's sweet, loving kisses. Breathless they pulled apart, and Dean looked Castiel deeply in the eyes, making his heart jump into his throat. He felt paralyzed, as if Dean's kisses contained a narcotic and an aphrodisiac simultaneously, and all he could do was breathe in and out and feel the warmth of Dean's exhales moving against his bottom lip, he still stood that close in front of him. Dean's fingers started washing the shampoo out of his strands, stroked through the mop of frizzy hair with a gorgeous smile, which made Castiel speechless.

"Please don't ever do that again... can you promise me that?", Dean asked at once, his eyes resting on Castiel's again. His heart hammered wildly in his chest, bounced unrestrainedly, and he found himself nodding eagerly, consenting to Dean's request thoughtlessly. Enthusiasm flared brightly within him, as he saw Dean's smile broadened, and it turned into a sly smirk, as Dean fell down on his knees and started kissing Castiel's bruises gingerly. A shocked gasp escaped Castiel, and Dean looked up immediately, asking Castiel if he had hurt him. Castiel heard his own, choked "No", and Dean grinned like a Cheshire cat, continuing his careful kisses and nibbling bites on Castiel's battered torso, making Castiel tense and stiffen with arousal, as he held on to Dean's wet shoulders firmly.

Things calmed down between them easily this day, an unspoken agreement lingered in the air – it was a Sunday, and they could spend plenty of their time in bed (though Castiel insisted to change the bed sheets first, making Dean laugh lightly). They ignored the perfect summer weather outside, the blue sky and the pleasant warmth, to make love to each other several times that day. Their hunger for each other was reassuring, and Castiel thought he had to break with all the love and pleasure coursing through his body. He let Dean take him right after their breakfast, and this time their lovemaking was slow and gentle, and Castiel adored the way Dean took care of him, how he made sure Castiel didn't hurt and felt good. Later on, he pushed inside of Dean laying on the cool floor – they had listened to some music and stroked each other tentatively, the love and devotion for the other man illuminating their eyes, and things had developed into a heady make-out session. While he thrust inside Dean, their eyes met, and they both smiled tenderly at each other. The whole day through their behaviour towards each other was affectionate and loveable, and there was no rush in their touches and caresses. It seemed to Castiel that they took their time to show their lover how much they felt for each other, and each kiss, hug and melt-together of their bodies confirmed the love throbbing through their hearts.

The late noon converted to an early evening, and they still lay on the ground, Castiel draped over Dean's naked chest. He drew small, thoughtless paintings on his lover's smooth skin with his fingers, and they watched silently how the sun's rays lengthened while classic rock music kept playing in the background. Castiel knew Dean had to go soon, that he would have to work another shift in the brothel. It still tightened his chest in an unhealthy way, but he was somewhat comforted since yesterday's night. To know he was the only one Dean loved, that he was the only one who had been let inside Dean's life, it was something no one could take away from him, from them. Dean's hand stroked along Castiel's bare shoulder, and he heard the man underneath him sigh softly. Castiel felt drowsy through the pleasant heat of him warming him, and he would have fallen asleep on Dean had circumstances been different.

"Cas...I've got to go...", Dean said quietly, and Castiel forced himself to sit up. Sleepily he smiled at Dean lying on the floor, and he dared to sift a hand through his short-cropped blonde hair, loving how Dean closed his lids and leaned into his touch sensually. The sun's rich golden light beautified Dean's features, and Castiel found he couldn't withstand his lover's sight, so he bent down and pressed his lips on Dean's, worshiping him through passionate kisses. The lyrics resounding in the background of their perception underlined the undying craving Castiel felt for Dean, and he was deliriously happy when he realized Dean responded to his kisses with the same hungry manner.

_Your love's coming to me, like a wolf howling at the moon_

_But that just doesn't do me, if I can't get you soon..._

_I'm calling for someone like you, that I just wanna do love to..._

_Baby, baby, I need you tonight..._

They pulled back breathlessly, observing the other's face, and Castiel's thumb stroked Dean's cheekbone tenderly. He inhaled a quivering breath, his eyes were locked on Dean's. He would have given everything to spend the rest of the evening regarding how the sun's light refracted in those brilliant green eyes...

"It's alright, Dean... I mean, it's not alright, but it's okay", he heard himself blurt out, and a mischievous smirk came to Dean's kiss-swollen, red lips.

"So you're not going to assail me tonight when I come home?", Dean joked and Castiel smiled amused and slapped Dean's naked chest sillily, making Dean laugh. Castiel felt something inside of him bloom - the way Dean had said "home" melted in his tongue and he drank in the bright glow of Dean's eyes. They really had become an union by now, and Castiel thought there was nothing they couldn't overcome. He kissed Dean's lips fleetingly and felt his grin against his mouth, and a lightness bubbled inside his stomach, blinding out the darkness within his mind.

"I can't promise you that", he growled playfully, making Dean grin and blush simultaneously.

…

John had invited Dean and Castiel over for Monday evening, so that they could have the dinner John had promised them. Sam would be there too, because he had a few days vacation between his exams. Castiel had showered after work, then he picked Dean up from the garage, completely flustered when he saw the knowing grins of Ash and Jo, he even blushed when Jo teased him why he was dressed up so formally. He grumbled something incoherent that he was just wearing his usual everyday clothes, and Dean laughed at him – so maybe the blue-stripped button-down was a bit overdone, especially with the fine dark blue silken tie, and maybe he had combed his hair ridiculously austerely, but he knew Dean liked it that way, because he had told him so the other day. And the black slacks he wore, well, that was nothing special, but the black, shiny leather shoes were possibly exaggerated as well. Mainly, because Dean wore just a pair of washed-out jeans, comfortable, dirty sneakers and a sanguine T-shirt, which clung perfectly to his slim figure. His hair was disheveled, and he appeared wild and young, the complete contrast to Castiel's stern presence.

Dean grinned broadly when he approached Castiel. He kissed him briefly, but tenderly, and Castiel felt some of the uneasiness inside of him fade away as he kissed him back. Dean smelt of engine oil and fire, mingled with his unique sweet scent, and Castiel inhaled him deeply, his chest widened as Dean's odour raced through his lungs. When they parted, Dean's eyes glimmered affectionately at him, and Castiel found he couldn't hold back the tiny smile, which came to his lips. He watched as Dean uplifted his hand and stroked lovingly through his dark hair, ruining his perfectly combed hair, as he roughed it up with a short laugh. Castiel tried to get away from him, but then Dean's hands were touching his tie, and he was so fascinated with the gentle expression veiling Dean's face, focused on his tie, that he couldn't stop him. Dean undid his tie and pulled it from his collar, then he opened the first buttons of Castiel's button-down, revealing the smooth skin above his protruding clavicles. Dean's eyes met his, and for a moment they drowned in the other's sight, seeing the setting sun's light break in their irises.

"No need to impress someone, Cas... you look better like this", Dean explained with a rough voice.

A stupid grin graced Castiel's mouth, and he greedily drank in the happy smile which Dean gave him.

"I can always try", he argued, then he squeaked in surprise when Dean stuck out his tongue and pinched his buttcheek playfully.

…

John opened the door and welcomed them warmly, pulling Dean into his arms (and Castiel laughed when he heard Dean grumbling somewhat embarrassed into John's shoulder), and patting Castiel's shoulder kindly. They stepped into the clean, scarcely furnished apartment, and Castiel let his eyes wander through the interior space – everything looked so sterile and unhomely, as if John didn't spend a lot of his time in here. He wondered if it was perhaps down to the fact that he once had had a home with his wife, and since that place was lost and burnt down, maybe he had never felt the urge to refurnish again. Dean didn't seem to mind it though, and he sauntered naturally into the kitchen, and a man's voice yelled joyously "Dean!", and Castiel could hear Dean say "Come here, you son of a bitch!". Confused Castiel looked at John, who smiled at him and shrugged his shoulders.

"The other Winchester, you know? God, I hope I made enough food, Sammy could always eat for two", John enlightened Castiel, then he walked towards the kitchen too, and Castiel followed with hesitant steps. He figured he would meet a voluminous, food-ravening person, presenting himself as Dean's younger brother – when he accessed the room though, he had to throw his head back to actually look into those giant's face. He was goddamn _huge_ , and Castiel wondered how he could be younger than Dean or even related to him. He had brown hair, the middle between Dean's dark blonde and John's black hair, and his eyes were multicolored, greenish, brownish, it was hard to say. He wasn't voluminous, not at all, but slim and athletic, and Castiel already envied him, because he knew enough people that could eat like a horse and not gain a single pound.

Friendly eyes observed him curiously while those thoughts ran through his brain, and Castiel saw the similarity to Dean in the honest smile Sam gave him. The youngest Winchester reached out his hand and introduced himself simply as "Sam"; Castiel took his jumbo hand and shook it, feeling incredibly awkward, as he said his own name. Family gatherings always seemed strange to him these days, because he hadn't have any within the last years – and to meet the brother and the father of the man he loved and slept with, it seemed absolute odd, but also as if he was appreciated and welcome.

Dean already moved to sit down on the round, wooden table and patted the chair next to him, wiggling his eyebrows meaningfully at Cas. Sam sat down as well, opposite to Dean, while Dean's eyes remained on Castiel. John was messing about with the stove and cursed silently, and Castiel was the only one standing stupidly in the room, not sure if he should take a seat as well.

"Cas, sit down, god damn it!", Dean finally said unnerved, and Castiel could see the smirk coming to Sam's lips. There was a mischief in the youngest Winchester's eyes, which told Castiel he could easily get into trouble and end as the victim of his pranks if he didn't watch out for himself. Anna used to play tricks on him all the time when they were children, so he knew that expression in Dean's sibling's eyes far too well.

"Can I help with anything?", Castiel asked into the room, remembering his good breeding. John turned halfway around while he stirred something in the pot, and he smiled at Castiel, unraveling the knots of nervousness, which were still laying at the bottom of Castiel's stomach. "You can fetch a beer for those who want one?", John suggested, and immediately he heard Dean and Sam say "Here!", and John shook his head, then he pointed it towards the fridge, and Castiel got them all a bottle of cold beer. Then he sat down beside Dean and chinked his bottle with him. Dean sighed relaxed and put one arm around Castiel's shoulder, drawing him in. Castiel saw how Sam's eyes widened slightly as he observed Dean showing his emotions so freely, but Sam bit his bottom lip with a grin and seemed to hold back any comment, especially when Dean's glaring eyes met his as a mute warning.

"So, Sam... I hear you're almost done with your studies?", Castiel asked to distract them from the situation. Dean groaned and threw his head back, upon which Sam laughed and Castiel made a dazed frown.

"Oh, you didn't really ask him that, baby...! Once he's started babbling about law school, he won't stop!"

Sam grinned impishly at Castiel and shrugged his shoulders, admitting "it's true". Castiel refused to be impressed about Dean's comment, and so he urged Sam to tell him about his finals and what central theme he would pick for his final paper. They listened to Sam's enthusiastic rant while they nipped at their beers, and Castiel smiled secretly to himself when he realized Sam could be as passionate about something as Dean, and the joy that sparkled in his eyes made him understand why Dean had sacrificed so much to make his brother's dream come true. Sam had a childish, innocent joice around him, his aura resembled a kind naivete, which easily brought out a protective instinct in other people – though Sam was a huge man, Castiel was able to relate to Dean's deeds and his will to protect him; it would have been a shame to see such a light-hearted man crumble, because he wouldn't be able to pursue a goal, a simple, modest dream.

John served the meal at last, and Castiel was impressed as he learnt the stew was a Moroccan recipe, and once he tasted it, he knew Dean had inherited his cooking skills most definitely from his father. He made no secret of his thoughts and commended the meal, making John grin and wag his head at Dean.

"Where the hell have you met such a well-behaved man? It's so out of character for you", John chuckled and Dean actually blushed and stuffed his face strangely quietly, which wondered Castiel. He mused what John had meant with his words, and since the atmosphere was so eased he dared to ask him about it.

"What, so you're telling me Dean has only ever met the ruthless, scary ones?"

John was about to say something, but Sam stopped him as he detected the obvious discomfort overshadowing Dean's mind, and he gave Castiel a sickly sweet smile and Castiel's eyes darted to Sam and Dean in turns.

"Let's just say, never someone as decent as you", Sam announced vaguely, and Dean proclaimed "Amen!", making all of them laugh lightly. Castiel decided to let the topic drop, because he assumed there was some back-story to Dean's discomfort, and it could wait until they were alone again.

Their conversation rapidly thrived and their topic changed to safer subjects, and Castiel found himself telling the Winchester's how he had ended up as an FBI agent instead of a care-giver (his mother's plan for him), and he indeed made all of them laugh when he told them about the first weeks in the boot camp of the FBI – it had been rough weeks, and there had been multiple prank wars, and Castiel had failed a few training sessions majorly, landing flat with his face in the mud or getting stuck on barbed wire, so that his supervisor often yelled at him furiously. Dean was holding his tummy while he was laughing heartily, as Castiel imitated his former supervisor's tirade, and he joined Dean, as he chuckled too.

He could see the cheerful glow in John's eyes as he beheld his eldest son coming loose around Castiel. While they continued their conversations, Castiel could often feel John's eyes resting on him, bearing a knowing, mellow expression, and he had to avert his eyes then, because he could feel the blush reddening his cheeks. It seemed to him that John silently gave him and Dean his blessing, and it fulfilled him with a peaceful joy.

The evening was getting late, and they had more beer, and their talks became more animated and hilarious. They were all incredibly stuffed, though, and Dean seemed drowsy. Castiel knew his lover must have been exhausted beyond imagination, especially through the two jobs he was working for years now – soon he felt Dean's head falling upon his shoulder, and how Dean supported his warm torso against Castiel's side. Proudly Castiel put one arm around Dean and pulled him closer, smiling tenderly as he heard him yawn. He pressed a kiss into his fresh-smelling hair and stroked his upper arm gently. The next time he looked at John and Sam, speaking with each other quietly, he saw they beheld them with strange, affectionate glances and soft smiles. He frowned and asked himself what gave them the reason for these facial expressions, and Sam detected his confusion and clarified the situation to him.

"Dean fell asleep on you", the youngest Winchester said with a lopsided smirk and with a low voice. Castiel was permeated with love and bliss as he heard that, because it was always a sign of trust and easiness to him when someone could sleep next to him; of course, Dean and him fell asleep next to each other almost every night, but that Dean had no qualms about it here, at his father's place, surrounded by his family members, was somehow even more endearing. He shut his lids for a few seconds and concentrated on the heavy, slow breaths of Dean, how his chest moved against his side with every in- and exhale, and he savoured the feeling of just holding him while he slept in his arm.

"I've never seen him so relaxed around _anyone_ ", John spoke pensively, awakening Castiel out of his own world. He let his eyes scan John's and Sam's faces, trying to understand that he was the reason for Dean's state, and that he must have been some sort of exception in Dean's life. He could already feel the museful mien he was wearing as he thought about this, then he startled the moment he felt John's hand grabbing his, which still lay on the table, and pressing his fingers appreciatively.

"I'm happy for him, for you both. You seem to make each other happy", John said with a firm look, and Sam nodded thoughtfully, as if he was agreeing to this.

"Yeah, Cas, I don't know what you did to him, but I've never seen him like that", he confirmed. An awful lump of affinity strangled Castiel, and he gulped it down; he was too moved to reply to that, so he could just smile and hold Dean tighter, understanding how precious it was what he and Dean had. It honored him to hear he was the one who made Dean happy, and that Dean hadn't had something alike within the last years; however, it also hurt him unimaginably, that someone like Dean hadn't been worshiped and adored the way he deserved to be, and he wondered why it had taken so long for Dean to find someone again. As he had explained to him a few weeks ago, Jo had tried to set him up with others multiple times to no avail, and his second job had always been a difficulty... Castiel thought, that had been the main causes for Dean to live as a single, but since tonight he wasn't so sure anymore – that Dean had met others, who hadn't been as decent as him, made him worry there was more to this topic.

A good while later, Castiel decided, it was time to go home, because all of them (except for Sam) had to return to their jobs the following day. Dean was all sleepy and clingy when Castiel woke him up cautiously, and as they stood in the hallway again, about to say their parting words, Dean leaned against Castiel's body. His arms were slung around Castiel's neck, and he pillowed one cheek on Castiel's shoulder, mumbling drowsily "goodnight and thanks" to John and Sam. Sam grinned cheekily and shoved Dean's shoulder ungently.

"I didn't know you were such a cuddler", Sam teased, whereupon Dean muttered "shut up" and leaned in closer to Castiel, making both John and Sam laugh and Castiel smile amusedly. They took a cab home to Castiel's apartment, because they were both tipsy, and assumed they would collect the car the next day.

This night, Castiel made love to Dean intensely, devoting himself to every part of his body even more than usually and making him come undone thoroughly. At first, Dean seemed bewildered about Castiel's determination to lay the focus of their intercourse on him alone, but at some point Castiel had entangled him so skillfully, that he saw Dean gave in to his caresses mindlessly. More than ever he wanted to show Dean how beautiful he was, how loved and adored, and he took his time to leave kisses and love bruises all over his body, and he let his fingertips ghost over Dean's sensitive weak spots, not in a taunting, but in a stimulating, soothing way. When he moved inside of him and got lost in Dean's dilated eyes fixed on his, he thought the world had stopped turning for a while, so that they had all the time they needed to make love to each other. Castiel loved how Dean became a sobbing, moaning mess underneath him, bruising the skin of his back with every slow, deep thrust. He watched him come hard, and his whole body trembled as he came inside of him too, and he held Dean's slackened, sweaty torso against his own as he felt each warm surge of his orgasm fulfilling him with euphoria.

Again, Dean fell asleep in his arm, and Castiel was satisfied as he listened to the rhythmic pattern of his deep breaths. He reflected the day and couldn't allow sleep to close in on him yet. He was immensely glad Dean's family accepted him and that they all got along. Nevertheless, a dark shadow clouded his mind, made it unable to relax completely. He was worried about Dean and the quaint insinuations he had heard from John and Sam about Dean's former love life. On top of that, he felt unsettled, an itchy sensation bothered him, as if it was scratching at his brain painfully. Today had been an eye-opener to him; to see how Dean and his brother interacted, how they had talked and laughed with their father, even though things had never been peachy, as Dean had told him – it made Castiel think about his own family again, harder than ever, and he realized something was missing in his life. His heart ached terribly, and tears welled in his eyes, as a brutal melancholia took possession of him. He tried to imagine what it would be like if he could introduce Dean to his parents as well – the mere thought, that it wasn't possible these days, made him feel extremely alone and forsaken. Just to think that Anna would never meet Dean, and that they would have probably gotten along just fine, detonated the dam inside of him, and silent tears were streaming down Castiel's face.

A grim smile came to his lips, when he realized how much things had switched completely – Dean slept these days peacefully and all through the night, while Castiel often had difficulties with falling asleep; sometimes he awoke startled and disorientated in the middle of the night, and then he studied Dean in his sleep, and it never failed to soothe him – how his chest moved infinitely, how calm his face looked, how beautiful and angelic he was... Too many worries about him plagued Castiel, and it made him restless and filled him with an anxious sadness he never allowed to seep through to anyone. Dean was not supposed to know that Castiel was worried about Dean's safety, be it during his shifts at the brothel, or regarding his soul's condition. He was sure, sometimes it touched Dean deeper than he dared to admit, because every now and then his eyes wandered off and became unfocussed, as if memories were haunting him – but when Castiel asked him what was wrong, Dean always shrugged it off with a lopsided smile.

Now another notion crushed him with its weight, as he longed to present Dean to his family as well; he wanted his parents to know that he had met someone important, someone who had changed his life, who had redefined him altogether. Castiel lay awake for a few more minutes, urging himself to calm down again. He was just tired out, he convinced himself. It did him the world of good to snuggle up to Dean and to feel the heat of his naked body warming him, as if he was unconsciously consoling him. He held on to Dean tightly, as if he was his anchor tying him to his sanity, and a great part of his pain was uplifted from his troubled heart. The drying tears on his cheeks were brushed away, as he buried his face in Dean's soft, short hair and inhaled his pleasant scent.

**TBC**

Sooo, what do you think? Darlings, I'm trying to figure out when to post the remaining 6 chapters... I don't want to shanghai you with them... We're talking about 25 000 more words coming...any suggestions for the intervals in which I should post them? Until then, let me know what you think! Your opinions are always cherished...!


	34. Chapter 34

Uhm... I know I just posted a chapter yesterday, but I'm bored... hehe... thanks again for your lovely reviews x3 yeah, I'm sad too that there are only that few chapters left, but uhm... in the end everything will be fine x3 I received some funny suggestions, and no, I won't post every two hours lol! Hahaha uhm I think I will post every 2 or 3 days again...! Sorry in advance for the next chapter, but come on, you knew this was coming. Have a great Friday / weekend!

**Chapter 34**

Castiel hadn't seen Dean all day – it was Friday, and Dean was working his shift at the brothel. Castiel spent the evening watching a horror movie Dean had recommended him, and while he drank a beer, he laughed about the stupidity of the shown group of youths, because they thought it would be a good idea to split up to search for one missing friend. If he had learnt anything through those horror movies, you were never supposed to split up. He shook his head and found it unbelievable that Dean actually liked this movie. He was on his second beer, when the phone rang. Startled Castiel saw that it was ten p.m., it was weird that someone called at that time. Moreover, he didn't know the number, which was appearing on the display. Confused he picked up the phone and answered the call, saying his name into the receiver. In a second he understood it was Dean calling him, and he sounded absolutely pissed, making Castiel frown.

"Cas, you better get your ass here asap! I think you have some explaining to do", Dean snapped at him. Castiel's frown deepened and he felt his eyebrows furrowed in bewilderment – what had he done wrong?

"What do you mean? Why aren't you at the brothel? And where should I meet you?", he sputtered.

"I'm in prison, Cas, the lovely Douglas County jail. You have three guesses why. Now, I suggest you pay me a visit right fucking now, because I definitely won't have this conversation on the phone!", he heard Dean yell angrily, then the line went dead, and Castiel could only listen to the bleeping, repetitive sound. His thumb felt numb when he hung up too and turned off the TV. Darkness surrounded him, as he sat on the couch, deathly silent and frozen. Adrenaline rushed through him, and he felt a painful knot inside his stomach. What had Dean meant with his words? Why did he think Castiel had something to explain, that could make him understand why he was in prison? Just the thought alone that Dean was mad at him, for whatever reason, let Castiel's heart leap into his throat and made him feel fear, desperate, horrible fear. He couldn't stand it when he displeased Dean, and the last weeks had been so joyous, so perfect, that it felt like a hard punch into his guts, as if fate was laughing right into his face.

More sober, pragmatic thoughts filled his mind, as he got up on wobbly legs. He was slightly inebriated and only dressed in clothes for casual wear. If he wanted to see Dean, he would have to dress, and he would bail him out of prison if he showed up as an FBI agent, so he needed to get it together. He ignored his shaky fingers and the awful, aching throb in his head, as he staggered to his bedroom and changed his clothes into a formal suit. Before he was done, he thankfully had the presence of mind to call a cab, because in his state he was unable to drive. The wait for the cab was horrendous, and Castiel tried to avert his glance from his reflection in the mirror of his entrance hall. His eyes were widened in shock, and he saw how pale his face had become. All he could think about was Dean, why he was in prison, and why he was angry with him. For Christ's sake, why did this have to happen now? Somehow Castiel thought this was all a bad joke, a nightmare, and if he tried hard enough he would wake up, next to Dean, and instead of his angry words, he would see him smile at him. If only this was a simple nightmare...

The drive to the jail didn't take long, because it was late and the streets were almost empty. Castiel was so lost in his forlorn thoughts that he couldn't even be bothered with making small talk, and the cab driver didn't seem to mind, only gave him curious looks. He payed him and walked inside, right to the reception of the prison – he knew this place quite well, so the lady, who smiled at him, recognized him before he had even produced his badge.

"Agent Novak! What can I do for you?", she asked him kindly and he managed to smile at her soberly.

"Evening, I'm looking for a prisoner, who has been brought in here a few hours ago, I guess. His name is Dean Winchester..." Immediately she checked the data on her computer, then she told him the section of the building and the cell number. She explained to him the usual safety instructions, and he really had to bite his bottom lip so as not to shout at her – he knew all this stuff inside out, and he knew she was just doing her job, but he wanted to see Dean, nothing else. When she was done, she nodded to a stout, grim-looking guard, who was supposed to accompany him.

"Could you inform me of what happened?", he asked, and again she had a look at her computer screen, her eyes were quickly reading the scarce information. He saw her forehead wrinkled, then she gave him a confused look.

"Seems like your department did this, agent. Your colleagues arrested him and a bunch of other men and women and shut up a brothel outside of town. Seems like they are going to investigate the owner tomorrow, the prostitutes are being held here for only a night, by all appearances. We see sex workers often here, and we can't really do much against them, they either pay for their bail the same day or they're being released the other day for lack of evidence. If you want to, you can take over command regarding Mister Winchester, otherwise we will release him tomorrow."

He thanked her and let the guard lead him to the cell, gulping down the lump of nervousness and pain. So apparently Dean thought Castiel was to blame for this – how the hell was he supposed to make him believe it wasn't like that? He didn't know what to say, or how to persuade Dean he was not behind all of this. They stopped in front of a thick metal door, the guard withdrew a few steps back out of decency. Castiel opened the observation slit and saw Dean sitting on the bunk bed, holding his head in his hands. He seemed to be alone in the cell, and the ray of light from the floor fell on his face – the cell was dark, and when he uplifted his head and turned it to meet Castiel's eyes, Castiel felt petrified and alarmed because of the expression in Dean's illuminated eyes. There was no compassion in his glance, no kind emotions, just rage, fierceness, and some sort of desperation. He saw Dean got up and walked up to him, so that they could look at each other through the slot in the door. If he didn't know it better, he'd assume it was something akin to hate, which seethed in Dean's gorgeous green eyes, and to be the receiver of such a look was downright scary and hurting Castiel in too damn many ways.

"Know what, Cas? I had a higher opinion of you. Couldn't you have waited another few weeks, at least?", Dean snarled through his teeth, his jaw was clenched.

"Dean, I have no idea what you're talking about. Honestly, I just heard what happened a few minutes ago!", Castiel defended himself; it ached badly, what Dean had said to him – that he even considered it as an option that Castiel had betrayed him, was disappointing and didn't do their relationship and their profound bond justice. Maybe Dean was so enraged about his cover being blown that he couldn't think clearly, and so he searched for a scapegoat, and Castiel was at hand. Still, it was no excuse, and Dean's eye-rolling and his humourless scoff infuriated Castiel too.

"You don't believe me", he stated dryly, feeling the cracks of his heart the longer he stood here in front of Dean, the door separating them (which was probably sensible, the way Dean wasn't himself at the moment).

"I don't believe a word that's coming out of your mouth. I mean, why should I, Cas? I trusted you, I opened up to you, and look what happened! I'm behind bars, for the sake of another goddamn investigation. That is what this has been all about, am I right? You used me, so that you could get more details about the brothel, so that you could close it all down. And while you were at it, you thought you could have a little fun with me, right? God, I can't believe I've been so blind!", Dean ranted and raved at Castiel, his voice becoming louder.

"Don't be ridiculous, Dean! How dare you think that? How dare you say that? I'm not the one who sent you to prison, you owe that to yourself!", Castiel heard himself spat back unrestrained, overwhelmed with the fear, the anger and the hurt gripping him tightly. He was paralyzed when he saw the effect his words had on Dean, the man became frighteningly quiet and stilled in his motions, his eyes came to rest on Castiel's. Castiel inhaled a shuddery breath, drowning in the savage expression of Dean's eyes as they observed him, and how Dean bit his bottom lip angrily, appearantly trying to calm himself. Castiel was about to apologize, because this was not the right time for sermons, and it was easy to blame Dean for everything when he wasn't the one behind bars, but then Dean spoke again, and his voice was so dark, that it made Castiel's flesh crawl.

"So you think I deserve this, do you? I tell you something, agent – was it necessary to show everything on TV? What shall I tell my dad or Sam when they see it on the breaking news? When they see my face filmed and me being led away handcuffed? Congratulations on your solved case, Mister Novak. I think we're done here."

Castiel's heart screamed at him, as it broke into million pieces. He stood there dumbstruck, unknowing what to do, what to say, to avert this obvious ending between them. It was a calamity, and Castiel felt shaken to the core; hot tears were welling in his eyes as he saw Dean turned around and sat down on his bed again, resuming his former position, as he held his head in his hands, staring at the ground – he seemed utterly lost and hopeless to Castiel, and he wished to open that stupid door and take him into his arms and tell him everything would be alright. But he knew it would be a lie – his secret had been revealed to the world, and his life would change from here on, and Castiel was certain, he wouldn't be able to change that. Still, he was also concerned about himself and their relationship, because Dean was commiting an injustice to him, and it made Castiel despair. His lover was simply not allowed to think that, to blame him for something others had done. He had to understand that Castiel wasn't at fault for this disaster, he had to make him see he still loved him and that he would see him through this difficult time. But how to say it, how to make him believe? Castiel's throat was corded up with pain and an awful, huge knot, that made it hard to speak.

"Dean...", he just heard himself beg, and there was so much agony in his voice, that it made his knees weak. Dean just _had_ to hear that undertone, he had to realize how much Castiel hurt...!

"We're done, Cas...", Dean choked out barely audibly, and it touched the deepest foundations of Castiel's heart. Why were they doing this to each other?, he wondered. They clearly loved each other, and this misunderstanding could be solved, couldn't it?

"Dean, I-", Castiel urged, trying to explain himself and to calm the situation, but a fire was rekindled in Dean once he voiced his name again, and Dean turned his head towards him and flashed his eyes at him, incredibly intensely.

"Don't you get it, Cas? We're done! Fuck off! I never want to see you again!", Dean bellowed.

Castiel felt his jaw drop, and it seemed he turned into a pillar of salt. His own eyes must have widened in shock, and he must have trembled awfully, because he felt a hand on his shoulder, the hand of the guard, who asked him cautiously if they should go. He could not tear his eyes away from Dean as they beheld each other thoughtfully. How had it come to this? So much love, all the amazing days and nights they had spent together, washed away, and now replaced with nothing but forlornness and anger... Castiel perceived the hot streams of his pouring tears bedewing his cheeks, and he was certain he saw tears welling in Dean's eyes as well.

"Please just go...", he heard Dean say, then Castiel steered his own feet to turn around and walk away, too hurt to allow feelings coming near him. He felt like a robot the further he walked away, and Dean's painful sobs resounding in the corridor narcotized all of his senses – it was simply too much to process it. The lady at the reception desk gave him a startled look, standing up quite surprised as she laid eyes on him.

"Agent, are you alright?", she asked concerned, and her kindness made Castiel smile meekly at her; he wiped some tears away with the back of his hand, feeling the tremors shaking his whole body cruelly. He nodded and said a suffocated "Goodnight", then he walked out into the night, and the last bits of his composure escaped him instantly once he breathed in the night's clean air. He heard himself sob uncontrolled as his steps lead him further away from Dean. Realization set in, that their fight had really happened – it was over. The few weeks of their relationship, simply gone like that. Castiel felt ill, his thoughts caused him a serious nausea, so he stopped on the roadside and held on to a street lamp as his body collapsed, and he threw up into the nearest shrubberies. Endless rivulets of tears were streaming down his face, and he felt really damaged, exhausted and injured – the pain coursing through him was unbearable. He wished he had someone to talk to, someone to pick him up and bring him home safely, but his family was gone, and he didn't want to disturb Gabriel – also, he didn't want to admit his failure, and that Gabe had been right from the start. A hooker and a fed simply weren't a match made in heaven, it was meant to go wrong. He should have known better.

He didn't give a shit about his morals as he bought a bottle of whiskey in a 24/7-kiosk, and as he drank straight out of the bottle while he walked down the deserted streets. He still couldn't stop crying, and his body was nothing but a stature of paralysing pain. As if the weather was showing its sympathy for his situation, the clouds bursted and drenching rain fell from the night's sky, soaking Castiel from head to toe. He had no idea where he was going to, because his life was shattered into thousand pieces, and nothing really mattered anymore. By themselves, his feet led him to the cementary, and he swayed to Anna's grave automatically. Castiel was dead drunk and completely wet through, as lightning and thunder coursed through the firmament, enlightening the graveyard eerily with flashes of white light. Gusts of a warm wind rumbled through the trees and bushes and tugged at Castiel's clothes. Desperation seeped through him as he saw the photo of Anna smiling at him through the night. He fell to his knees, into the mud, and the half-empty bottle of whiskey fell out of his intoxicated hand.

He buried his face in his hands and sobbed unrestrainedly, feeling utterly forlorn and alone. He had no one to share his pain with, but dead Anna, and just the glimpse of her understanding, approachable face had been too much pity, and it made him comprehend the seriousness of the situation. He had no control over his body left, as he swayed back and forth, his torso was convulsing with every sob; the rain still poured down on him, the wind played gently with his hair, as if it was trying to console him, and the bright flashes of light cut through the night's darkness, as if they wanted to bring him some light in the dark – but Castiel was too lost to see or feel any of this. Memories of Dean came to him, and in his mind's eye he saw his beautiful face, and the cheeky smile, golden sunlight refracting in his lucid green eyes. He would never see him again, certainly not like this. He remembered how it had been to make love to Dean, how his laughter had sounded, how many countless hours they had talked to each other, forgetting everything in the world. Only they had mattered, and Castiel had passed his life to Dean entirely, and now Dean was out of reach for him. He had taken Castiel's life and purpose with him and their happy memories were tainted now – the angry glare of Dean's furious eyes returned to Castiel's memory, and he choked on his breaths. How could they ever get together again when there was so much hatred thriving inside of Dean?

"I failed, Anna... I failed", Castiel heard himself moan agitatedly, and he let his hands drop and regarded Anna's photo for a long while. He became all silent and composed while he told her in his mind what had happened, imagined how she would reply to him. Once he was done, he came to the conclusion it had been stupid to get so attached to somebody again, to allow someone into his life again. The last years had shown him that everybody left at some point, that nothing lasted – he should have known the thing with Dean would end in tears, and now he paid for his recklessness. Anna smiled sadly at him as if she understood him. He fell asleep next to her grave, paying no heed to his surroundings. For all he cared he could die and rot, it would be more merciful than this searing pain writhing inside of him.

…

The weekend passed like a hallucination, and Castiel was altogether delusional and shell-shocked. He knew his behaviour was extremely unhealthy, but he could not eat, and he could not sleep properly. Somehow he felt numb, and he was glad for this. He buried himself deeply in household chores, and every room was thoroughly cleaned, as sterile as if no one even lived in here, and Castiel thought with a grim smile that it was true to a certain degree, because he felt like a walking corpse. He drank a good deal of coffee and tea to calm his empty stomach, and sometimes he dared to let some of the pain out to release his mind. Then he allowed himself to show some emotions while he played the piano, but only somber melodies fell from his fingers. One time he had been idiotic enough to try playing the song which reminded him of Dean, but he stopped very soon, as memories of Dean and their time together overcame him, and he cried long and silently.

It was strangely quiet in his apartment, and for once Castiel didn't mind the stillness. It seemed to him that he was caught in a bubble of his own world, and it was enough to just lay on the floor and watch the sun hike and set on the horizon, and to breathe in and out, because there was nothing more that he could do without falling apart. He was reduced to this state, and he couldn't handle more. At night all his protective walls came down, and he cried into his pillow, his fingers clutching the sheets desperately, as every of his thought was bent on Dean. He did not know how to survive without him, and he wasn't ashamed of the uncountable tears, which trickled down his cheeks. He was too tired for everything, and he missed Dean dearly. He wondered if Dean thought about him too, and if he missed him in the same heart-wrenching way. Often his eyes wandered to his cellphone – there were no missed calls, no unread text messages, nothing. On Sunday he had even tried to call Dean, but he was directed to his voicemail instantly.

His parents called him during the late, lazy Sunday afternoon via Skype, and he accepted their incoming call reluctantly. The last time they had called they had been in India, and they had wanted to travel to Thailand. Castiel smiled a tiny bit when he saw his parents sitting in front of their laptop, apparently in front of a wooden hut, and there was jungle all around them. He could detect the sweat on his mother's and father's foreheads despite the terrible connection, and they greeted him joyfully. He couldn't really reciprocate their warm welcome, he still felt nauseous and injured, however, he forced himself to listen to their cloud of words mostly attentively – it did him good to hear they were healthy and doing well, and he actually smiled honestly when his mother laughed and told him about their language barriers with the locals. His head was emptied, while he listened to them, and he didn't find the strength within him to tell them anything about himself or what had happened within the last months. His parents seemed to notice his tranquility at some point, and they became silent, and he felt the scrutinizing glances of them both even through the computer program.

"Is there anything you want to tell us, son? You look the worse for wear. Something wrong?", his kind-hearted, bearded old man asked gently, and he would have laughed at his mother's head-tilt, while they both observed him suspisciously, because it looked absolutely endearing – he heard himself sigh and his shoulders slumped down. He pondered how to voice his innermost feelings and thoughts; he knew he could not hide his heartbreak from them forever, they knew him quite well.

"I met someone", he said slowly, pensively. "And we were together for a while, and he broke up with me."

There, he had confessed it. He knew his parents were open-minded hippies, and so he didn't fear their rejecetion of him being together with a man, but the next time he looked at them through the webcam, he was still relieved to see their compassion for him instead of any sort of repulse or disgust. They beheld him with long, reflective looks, and he hated to be the center of their attention, because it enhanced the pain boiling within him, and he felt he was close to tears again. It was too early to talk about it, he hadn't nearly come to terms with his and Dean's terminated relationship yet, and he wasn't too sure he would ever get over his heartache.

"Was it just a fling or... something more serious?", his mother finally gently asked, putting a displeased frown on Castiel's forehead.

"Mom, you know me. I'm not the type for flings... so yeah, I was in earnest about it, I still am. Guess, that's the whole problem about it...", he answered with a suffocated voice, and he wasn't even embarrassed the moment he perceived hot tears welling in his eyes, so that his parents were seeing him crying too. There was an awful moment of silence, and Castiel looked down while he cried, he felt utterly miserable and exhausted, and his shoulders shook with each mute sob, which seized his body gruesomely.

"Cas... son, do me a favour. Could you... could you show us your apartment?", his father asked, sounding concerned. Confused Castiel uplifted his head and wiped the tears with the back of his hand briskly away. Perplexed he blinked a few times, trying to understand the request of his father, and when he asked "why?", his father told him to just do it. So he got up and grabbed his laptop and gave his parents a tour through his tidied up, super-clean apartment. Once he was done he sat down on his bed again and asked his father why he had wanted him to do it in the first place – he saw his mother smiled sadly at him, then she put her hand above her mouth in a moved way, and he heard her long sigh. His father smiled at him too, but it was veiled with a touch of melancholy.

"You know... you used to do the same thing all the time after Anna's death, Castiel. Or whenever you were upset or when one of your relationships had ended. You always clean up as if it is the most important thing in the world, and I know it calms you down, but it's not the right approach to solving a problem. I just want you to realize, that, just because your apartment is clean, doesn't mean your heart is neat and tidy as well. I'd rather see you happy and your place looking like a mayhem had taken place, instead of the other way around. Got it?"

His throat constricted when he listened to his father's words, and they hurt him in their unvarnished truth; he could only nod to make his parents understand he had caught the meaning of what had been said, and he averted his eyes as he recognized his pain mirrored in their familiar eyes.

"You will get through this, Castiel. You may not see it now, but you are stronger than you think. You will get over this, you hear me?", his mother said with stern, stressed words, and again he nodded, though he couldn't feel the same faith. He covered one half of his face with his palm, as new tears began to arise in his eyes. Heaven forbid, he never wanted to get over Dean, but he couldn't admit it aloud, because he knew how bad this was for him. He would crumble underneath the heavy weight of his shoulders, and he would drown in his pain, but to forget Dean and their time together was simply no option for him. He gulped hard and told his parents he was tired and needed to get some sleep, and they made an appointment, so that they could have another conversation as soon as possible. He shut down his laptop and put it on his nightstand, trying to digest what his parents had said to him. It was achingly strenuous to get up and to let down the window shades, but it was worthwhile to lay down on his bed in the welcoming darkness. For a while he stared at the ceiling, trying to think of nothing, to feel nothing. He worried how he was supposed to continue his life from here on.

**TBC**

Awww please don't behead me... remember, I promised you a happy end x3 opinions? Thoughts? Sweeten my day and let me know please! x)


	35. Chapter 35

Woke up today and checked my mails, and WOW I was totally slain by all your awesome reviews wow wow wow! x) You make me speechless with your kind words ... sniffle, THANK YOU you all made me friggin happy! I'm afraid you will lynch me if I don't update right now hahah ^^" 

Enough blathering x) My lovely readers, your wish is my command, here is the next chapter (I just thought I give you time to live your summer and your life, but noo, here you are, asking for more, lol). So sorry for upsetting you x( I think the next chapter isn't -that- dramatic...

**Chapter 35**

It was the transition between night and day, while the sun crawled over the fine line of the horizon and extinguished the last stars in the sky. Castiel dozed in a half awake state, feeling the summer's heat coating his body mercilessly. In the back of his head he was aware he had to get up soon and go to work, but his limbs protested loudly, and his imagination was caught in a dreamlike memory. There was no pain in his own phantasm, but Dean's naked body sliding lewdly together with his; his heart was permeated with rapture and love, as he felt Dean shoving himself inside of him, beginning slow, heady thrusts, just the way he liked it. He barely noticed how his body reacted to his fervent dream, that he started tossing and turning in bed. Dean's skilled, lengthy kisses claiming his mouth, sweet nothings moaned and whispered into his ear, his fingers tugging at Castiel's dark hair sensually while he made love to him...

He awoke with a start, bathed in sweat. His morning wood bounced joyfully against his abdomen, and his whole body trembled with hot waves of agony and the aftershocks of his satisfying dream. To face his bedroom in the twilight, to recognize his bed was empty and that his apartment was lonesome and quiet, that nothing had improved, shattered Castiel all over again. He remained in bed for a while, sifting a hand nervously through his hair, while he fought against another breakdown. He brushed the tears in his eyes angrily away, because they weren't helping anyone, and he gulped down the hurting lump in his throat choking him. After a while of silence and contemplation, a grim mien took over his face, and his soul felt incredibly cold, steeled against more possible injuries. His mind was settled as he got up and made himself ready for the day – he refused to let more of this heart-wrenching torture constrain him, he was a grown up, and he still had to act like one, so he had to deal with the situation or get over it.

A cold-hearted anger flared within him and made him blind with frustration, as he drove to work. He bit his bottom lip with irritation while he thought about the last weekend's occurrences. Apparently, Dean didn't want anything to do with him, and he seemed perfectly fine with his decision; maybe Castiel had been wrong all this time, too, because Dean didn't seem to miss him with the same intensity. After all, he had accused Castiel wrongfully, and he had disregarded Castiel's attempts to resolve the misunderstanding, not paying heed to Castiel's own feelings for a second. Of course, a part of Castiel's soft heart conceded to Dean that he had been enraged about his own situation, and he couldn't help to feel sympathetic towards this – but the bitter half of him made him remember his collapse that night. How he had gotten royally drunk, how he had fallen asleep in the rain and the mud in front of Anna's grave, alone with his heartbreak, unsheltered from the storm. Where had Dean been at that time? Why had he even put him into this misery in the first place? Obviously he didn't care about Castiel a tiny bit, and though Castiel still ached terribly, and though he dearly wished to rip his heart out and die secretly like a wounded animal in some corner – he didn't find the strength within himself to deal with his emotions or with one thought about Dean. So he did what he could best - distracting himself with disgusting amounts of work.

Of course, Gabriel perceived the different vibe coursing through Castiel – he smiled less or not at all, he scarcely talked, and by all means, he did not speak of Dean. Castiel, in return, realized Gabe knew something was wrong (the long, scrutinizing looks, how he brought him coffee and did him little complaisances the whole day through), but his colleague knew him well enough to not ask him about it when Castiel seemed so reluctant to spill it out of his own accord. This Monday elapsed quite satisfying, and Castiel was glad he could get lost in files and strenuous e-mails; he was indeed pleased to participate in a long, strategic meeting, which fatigued Gabe beyond imagination, and when Gabe called it a day late in the afternoon, Castiel decided to work a few more hours to avoid every possible thought about Dean.

Castiel spent the late evening with horrible, bad television; he couldn't concentrate on anything, but the vague thoughts in his mind overshadowing him like a cloak. While the colorful light touched his pale face, his eyes stared into nothingness, and in his mind's place, he saw Dean. There it was again, his charming smile, his lovely face, his gorgeous green eyes glowing with love. Dean's hand held his, and he thought he could feel the weight of his head as he pillowed it on Castiel's shoulder and snuggled up to him. Though he tried to get rid of those memories, the ghost of Dean was still there, haunting him unstoppably. A sore sentiment thundered through Castiel's torso, and he clutched his aching heart desperately, urging it to stop pumping pain through his veins. This night he took a sleeping pill to let oblivion get the better of him immediately. He couldn't stay awake with more memories of Dean tormenting him; drying tears were staining his cheeks when he lost his consciousness and let sweet oblivion enchant him for a few, merciful hours.

…

His and Gabe's behaviour pattern worked for no more than three days, for which Castiel was deeply grateful. They gave him enough time to avoid further emotional breakdowns, and he started to control his feelings better and better; on Tuesday and Wednesday evening he jogged for hours, until his knees hurt and his lungs gasped for breath, and it did him the world of good to challenge his body and to concentrate on the calming, surrounding nature, instead of the havoc inside his mind and heart. He didn't need sleeping pills these nights, he was so exhausted; before he fell asleep, he had taken his cellphone and performed his new going-to-bed ritual, like every other night since last Friday. Needless to say there were still no missed calls, no unread text messages, nothing. His heart convulsed painfully as he put the phone aside. He was tired, so goddamn tired, and he wished the pain would just stop and let go of him.

On Thursday, Gabe and Castiel had visitors, and the bombshell dropped and Castiel's secret was revealed. Their colleagues Raphael and Michael walked into their office as if they owned the place, arrogant and self-opinionated as ever. Gabe and Cas both hated them passionately, but sometimes they were helpful, so they condoned their absurd manners and let them say what they had to say. They prided themselves on their newest success and told them they were only here to let them know they could stop troubling themselves trying to arrest Alastair, because they had already done so. Gabe moved his legs to let them comfortably rest on his table, and he crossed his arms in front of his chest and gave the two other agents highly sceptical looks. It made Castiel smile tentatively to see how Gabe refused to be impressed with their stories, and how it obviously angered Raphael and Michael.

"Oh yeah? Tell me, how did you two send Alastair to prison? I mean, it's not like everybody has been trying to do that for the last few years... I'm just curious to know how exactly you managed it", Gabe fluted gently, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

Naturally, the two agents loved to tell everyone about their successes unconditionally; The longer Raphael spoke, interrupted with senseless interjections of Michael, the more Castiel felt all color drain from his face, and Gabe's eyes resting more often on his with a weird, knowing expression. They were being told how Raphael and Michael had led an investigation last week and that they had closed down a brothel outside of town; they had arrested the owner and the people who had worked there, and it had only taken a few thorough threats and interviews, and the owner had confessed he had been working for Alastair. They had been able to retrace their phone calls and had found enough evidence to put Alastair behind bars for a convenient period of time. Once they had left, Gabe got up and shut the door, then he closed in on Castiel with slow, catlike movements, his eyes never leaving his younger partner. He sat down on Castiel's table and searched for his eyes, and Castiel understood he couldn't avoid him until the end of time, so eventually he found the courage to raise his head and meet Gabe's prying eyes, while his heart throbbed frantically against his ribcage.

"So, that is it, why you were so strange this whole week. Let me guess, they arrested Dean as well, didn't they? And I bet he thinks you're involved in their case, right?... Sounds like trouble in paradise to me", Gabe concluded pensively. Castiel felt a long, heart-wrenching sigh fleeing from his mouth, and his shoulders sagged as he looked down at his nervous, shaky fingers. Now Gabe knew, he knew he had failed and that he had been right with his assumption all those weeks ago...

"I tried to make him understand, but he wouldn't listen. And now... now we're history. Can we please just leave it at that?", he heard himself grumble gloomily, but then Gabe's warm hand was resting on one of his shoulders, offering most pleasant solace; once he uplifted his head and met Gabe's eyes again, he saw a tender smile on his colleague's mouth and a melancholic glimmer in his glance as he beheld Castiel thoroughly.

"I would, Cassie, if I thought you wanted to leave it at that, too."

Exasperation overwhelmed Castiel, and he sighed again, because Gabe always made everything sound so easy. He had read his mind perfectly, though – Castiel really didn't want to get over Dean.

"What am I supposed to do, Gabe? He told me he never wanted to see me again! You weren't there, you didn't see the disappointment in his eyes, you didn't hear how he yelled at me... He won't call, he won't get in touch with me. I think that's giving me a broad hint about what he really wants, doesn't it?"

Gabe grunted amusedly, and a dark chuckle resounded in the small confines of their office. He got up and rolled his eyes at Castiel as he sat down on his own desk again, his eyes were glaring at Castiel most intensive.

"So, you assume he doesn't care, because he didn't contact you. And I get it, I get that you're pissed off and probably hurt, because, hey! - I've seen the way you two looked at each other, and let me tell you, you were both friggin happy, and it'd be a shame to throw that away, but, whatever... what I'm trying to say, holiest Cassie – get over your goddamn ego and call him. And if he doesn't pick up the phone, hell, you go to him, and if he doesn't answer the door, damn it, you break the door open!"- Gabe ranted, and Castiel actually laughed, completely upset and fed up with his emotions, and _God_ , did it feel good to finally talk with someone about Dean and to hear himself laugh again.

Gabe smiled kindly at him and became calm as they looked at each other.

"Honestly, Cassie. Don't assume, convince yourself that you're either right or wrong. And if you had any brains at all, you would _know_ you're not indifferent to Dean. A blind man could see you two love each other, so I suggest you move your ass asap to your lover and kiss him and make up. I'm not saying his behaviour was right, hell no, but you can be right for the both of you. It's not like you have anything left to lose, right?"

Castiel contemplated Gabe's words for a few moments, agnostic about his suggestion. He was afraid of meeting Dean again, solely to face his angry eyes flashing at him again, or to have another round of yelled words thrown at him; he feared his heart couldn't survive another incident like this, and just the mere thought made him petrified with agitation. Then again, maybe Gabe was right, and there was the slightest possibility that Dean cared about him, that he suffered as well, that he missed him too. No matter what it would take, he needed to know, he needed to know if he was as important to Dean as he was to him. He smiled a tiny smile as he felt the littlest spark of hope rekindled in his heart and he sighed.

"No, I don't think I've got anything left to lose, but I will make a fool of myself, though I don't really care. Guess, that's one of those characteristics about being in love, not giving a damn about what it takes..."

…

It was late when Castiel left work this Thursday, and he directed his car unwillingy towards Dean's workplace. A fraction of him even hoped Dean wouldn't be there because of the late hour, and he cursed quite upset when he parked his car on the premises and saw light was shining through a window of the flanking barn. Now that he was here, he had no other choice but to face Dean again, and it permeated him with fear, from head to toe. Cold sweat appeared on his forehead, and his heart thudded wildly in his chest; somehow, it became very difficult to breathe slowly and repeatedly. On wobbly legs he almost tiptoed towards the light, through the night's loneliness, his every thought bent on the man he craved for. Several times he heard a muffled slap coming from the barn, among heavy breathing sounds and grunts. Two male voices talked quite loudly with each other, and Castiel understood they were both enraged and clearly fighting. Maybe he did come at a bad time... He gnawed at his bottom lip and hesitated and stopped dead in his tracks, wondering if he should just leave again. But his curiosity got the better of him, and he found he couldn't restrain his feet as they led him to the window, and he peeped in and thanked whomsoever had left the window slightly open.

His jaw fell unknowingly, as he laid eyes on Dean again – his sight cut straight through his heart, and it hurt and pleased him at the same time to drown in his beauty, so he didn't mind the destructive whams of his heart against his chest. He felt feathery, as if he was weightless, as he absorbed Dean, unaware of his presence – he was dressed in a gray, worn-out shirt and short tracksuit pants. The rich, yellow light danced over his head and emphasized the pearls of sweat on his forehead and throat. There were stains of sweat all over his shirt as he determinately fought with his sand bag. The slap-sounds Castiel had heard before were the result of Dean's savage kicks and his powerful punches. A grim fury shimmered in his eyes as he concentrated on his sand bag, and it made Castiel realize, Dean was very upset and full of hate. A few steps behind him, he could see John observing his son with his arms crossed in front of his chest, and he looked haggard, sad and furious at the same time.

"Dean, could you just stop for a minute, for Christ's sake? Look at me, when I'm talking to you!", John bellowed, and Dean actually paused and turned around, his back faced Castiel, who stood secretly next to the window and held his breath in awe. Dean sounded beyond exhausted, and his voice seemed strangled with ache, as he spoke.

"What do you want to say, dad? It's not like anything you say can make this better or undo what I did."

"I just wanna talk to you, Dean. Hell, you've avoided me this whole week, since I picked you up from prison."

Dean laughed humourlessly and Castiel could see he was shaking his head in disbelief.

"There's nothing to talk about, dad. I see enough in the way you look at me, you're disgusted and disappointed, and I get it, I really do. But I refuse to feel guilty about what I did, what favour I did for this family. Let's just drop it, okay?"

Now it seemed to Castiel that John became annoyed with Dean, and he could see the bitter smile on John's face, as he approached Dean, tilted his head and searched for his son's eyes.

"What, I should let it drop that my son sold his body for years? How do you expect me to do that, Dean?", he asked unabashedly and with a raised voice, a desperate undertone of irritation resonated within his words.

"I don't know, dad, but you're supposed to forget about it and just proceed with your life, as we all do! And stop giving me this self-righteous attitude all the time! I did what had been necessary, I found a solution for the troubles YOU caused. You don't have to feel pity for me, I've made my bed, and now I must lie in it. So, God help me, I don't wanna talk about it. Never, ever again!", Dean exploded with a furious rant that made Castiel wide-eyed and speechless; for a second he thought John might actually hit him or retort in the same loud, untamed manner, but they just stood there for a few seconds and stared at each other silently.

"I'm sorry, Dean... I really am. I know I always failed you, and I can never make up for that damage... ", John gave in with a calmer voice. There was an awkward moment of silence lingering between the two men, as their eyes darted over each other's faces; then John cleared his throat and spoke again.

"What will Sam do now? Have you talked to him?", John asked, more composed, but Dean's body still seemed to tremble due to his emotional outburst.

"I've talked to him on the phone the other day. He said he will be fine for the next few months, until his graduation. He mumbled something about a student loan, and it's the last thing I want for him, but I can't help it now. Not anymore..."

John compressed his lips thoughtfully while hearing that, than he patted Dean's shoulder friendly, and Castiel saw how Dean froze at the mere touch, going completely stiff. His father turned around and walked away, out of Castiel's field of vision, and inside the workspace of the garage. Castiel waited several seconds, while he heard his heartthrob rushing loudly in his ears – he couldn't tear his eyes away from Dean, how he stood there in the barn, utterly alone and apparently shattered, marred. His head hang down, and his shoulders were slumped down, and his torso quavered in an odd way. The second Castiel heard a car start and leave the garage, he shoved all doubts and thoughts aside and walked towards the door to the barn. He opened it resolutely – Dean was all that mattered, and he couldn't stand seeing him hurt so badly. The door squeaked, and Dean turned around with a start, a bewildered look veiling his tear-stained face.

To feel Dean's eyes resting on his again,... it was divine, and it fulfilled Castiel with a strong feeling of happiness, that prickled down his spine. He ignored the confusion and the wild look flaming in Dean's eyes, red from crying, and he even managed to offer him a little, honest smile. He comprehended Dean was still crying and completely flustered, and his heart ached when he saw Dean's eyes narrowed in suspicion, which was aimed at him.

"What the hell do you want?", he heard Dean ask, but his voice broke and a sob left him, and he turned his back on Castiel ashamed and hid his face in his hands, while he continued crying, and his body convulsed with each heartbreaking sob. It broke Castiel, to see the man he loved so devastated, and all he wanted was to comfort him and tell him everything was going to be alright. His own pain and heartbreak seemed laughable as he took in Dean's hurting appearance... He clenched his fist and dared to approach Dean slowly.

"Actually, I came here to talk... but I overheard your and your dad's conversation, and I guess I have to catch a better moment for our talk... Dean, whatever happened between us... whatever you wrongly assume I did to you... I just want you to know, if you need someone to talk to, I'll be there despite all that, alright? If there's anything I can do for you, just let me know, and I'll try my best...", Castiel offered quietly, and he really meant it - he loved Dean so dearly and cared about him unimaginably, and he feared Dean would lock his worries and pains away, deep inside of him, only to be crushed by their unbearable weight through the years.

He observed Dean's stature, the broad shoulders, the taut, muscled back, his slim hips - and how it all calmed down bit by bit. He held his breath when he saw Dean turned around to him again, and that there really was a tiny smile coming to his lips. His eyes seemed less gloomy, and there was a sparkle lit within them, which was akin to the love Castiel had read in those green planets so many, uncountable times before. In the blink of an eye, he felt he smiled cautiously back, and then Dean closed the gap between them and threw his arms over Castiel's shoulders. His body collided with Castiel's, and he slowly pressed Castiel closer against his chest, while his chin rested on Castiel's shoulder. Perplexed Castiel answered to the hesitant embrace, and he touched Dean's sweaty, clothed back and just held him for a while. It was glorious, to feel Dean's body heat wash over his torso, and how his chest met his with every deep breath. Their bodies melted together as they leaned against each other; Castiel shut his lids and savoured the smell of Dean, the feel of his body against his... it felt like coming home, and he held Dean even tighter. For the nonce, nothing mattered anymore, their argument, Castiel's heartbreak, all those tears shed in pain... Just to hold Dean in his arms again repaired Castiel's world immediately, and he felt love and peace of mind overpowering him. He heard a wrecked sigh of Dean as the younger man nuzzled the crook of his neck; his lips brushed over Castiel's sensitive skin, and it felt so akin to a kiss, that it made Castiel's knees weak, and his heart leapt into his throat. How he had missed this feeling, how he had missed Dean...!

After a while, Dean seemed to feel awkward, and he harrumphed somewhat embarrassed and disengaged from their intimate embrace. His eyes scanned Castiel's face in wonder, and Castiel absorbed the admiring looks Dean gave him, and how his smile seemed to lighten up his whole face. He seemed much like the old Dean, like _his_ Dean, his lover, when he looked at him like that. Then Dean reached out his hand and cupped Castiel's face gently, and his simple touch electrified Castiel completely; flabbergasted he regarded the mellow expression lingering in Dean's eyes, as he looked Castiel deeply in the eyes. Dean's thumb stroked Castiel's cheek lovingly, and bliss and love reflourished in Castiel's chest, and covered the agonized cries of pain his heart used to sing to him since they had broken up.

"I'm dead beat, Cas... please, not tonight...", he heard Dean plead, and he nodded slowly as he understood what Dean was referring to. Their conversation would have to wait. He saw how exhausted Dean was, how emotionally worn out. So he covered the hand that held his cheek and put his above Dean's; for a second he shut his lids and tilted his head, so that he could lean into Dean's warm palm, and he branded the touch on his mind. He was aware this would be all he had to live with tonight, all he would get. Before he knew it, the warmth had left him, and the hand disappeared, and he heard a quiet, hushed "Night, Cas..."; when he opened his eyes again, Dean had turned his back on him again, and the slap-sounds rang out once more, as Dean continued to kick and punch his sand bag grimly. Castiel regarded him for a few more seconds, then his feet began to steer him out of the building and towards his car. Somehow, he felt less worried, and there even was a smile on his lips, when he remembered the sentiment of holding Dean in his arms this night. He still felt the warmth of Dean's chest on his, their heartbeats intermingled with each other.

**TBC**

Ah, please, have a little patience with me and Cas and Dean... the next chapter will clear things up. I wonder if I can manage to post the remaining 4 chapters (only 4 sobs) until my birthday on 1st September (lol, I'm getting so damn old...) Until then... what do you think? Wasn't that dramatic, was it?


	36. Chapter 36

Hello darlings! Phewww, thanks a friggin lot for your awesome reviews x) you will never cease to make me smile and touch my little heart x3 I hope I don't assail you with chapters and that there are enough days as intervals between the chapters… I can't believe we're already at chapter 36… but… here it is!

**Chapter 36**

This Friday was already a nuisance, and Castiel wondered if his day might have been better had he just stayed in bed. First of all, he had overslept, because he had stayed awake half of the night, while his head had been soaked through with brilliant, breathtaking memories of Dean – for once, they hadn't hurt, and there had been an enchanted smile on Castiel's lips, and his eyes had gleamed with love, as he had bathed in each, wonderful memory, which had uplifted the troubles from his heart. Thanks to his restless night, he was very late when he rushed into his office – the look Gabe gave him wasn't cheerful as well, and told Castiel, something was very, very wrong. Usually Gabe only looked like this when they were in a mess, and he cursed his perfect instincts, once Gabriel told them, their superior Rufus wanted to see them asap. So, seemingly, this Friday was really becoming a strenuous torture; together they tiptoed to Rufus' office, ignoring the bitchy glances of their colleagues, and when they walked cautiously inside, they were met with the older man's grumpy face, and Castiel felt his heart leap into his throat (Rufus was wearing his this-means-war-mask, dear God). Even Gabe didn't smile or dared to make an ironic remark, when Rufus barked they should sit down.

Rufus threw a couple of black and white evidence photos on his desk and turned them around in front of them, so that they could see what they were showing. Castiel's heart missed a beat, and he gulped down the awful, aching knot in his throat. He and Gabe shared nervous looks with each other as their eyes met, and he shook his head in disbelief. How the hell had that happened? Who had taken those pictures? For crying out loud, it was absolutely embarrassing and horrible, and Castiel couldn't help but blush... It were photos of Gabe and him in the brothel, and their different clothes revealed they had been taken on various evenings. They were screwed, they were so goddamn screwed!

"Gentlemen, I don't think I have to elaborate what we see here, am I right? Thanks to other exemplary employees we could close down a brothel and catch a cunning criminal last week. Those pictures show two federal agents, who are certainly aware that they're committing an infamous action – after all, brothel's are not legal in this state, boys. Now, it is really bad-looking when we find our employees in the location we are spying on, and I hope you understand I can't just let this pass. Therefore...", and here, Rufus stopped and leaned back in his chair, and his dark eyes observed Castiel and Gabe for a few, lengthy seconds, which felt just dreadful to Castiel. He had never liked to be the receiver of these wise, knowing eyes, it always seemed to him as if they were looking right through him. Rufus harrumphed and pushed the photos together to one, neat pile.

"I have to suspend the both of you for one week without pay. You can return on Monday in ten days. I hope I don't have to do this again, is that clear? Regard this as your first warning."

"Yes sir", Gabe and Castiel mumbled immediately, and both their shoulders were hanging down when they left Rufus' office and closed the door behind them. Gabe gave Castiel a weird sideglance as they were silently walking back to their own bureau, and Castiel's mood bettered once he met Gabe's mischievous eyes, and the frown of confusion left him when Gabe grinned at him. Castiel laughed and wagged his head slightly.

"What? What is it?", he asked Gabe, and he heard his colleague began to chuckle lightly too.

"I just never thought you'd be the type for suspensions", Gabe said with a smirk, what made Castiel nudge him friendly.

"They sow the wind and reap the whirlwind", he commented dryly and stuck his tongue out at Gabe.

…

The setting sun was shining through the clean windows of Castiel's bedroom, and he narrowed his eyes as he stared into the lush, golden light. Through half-closed eyes, he could pretend that the sparkle of the dancing light beams resembled the luminescence, which lived in Dean's stunning, green eyes. There had always been a golden spark in those irises, and as the sun warmed Castiel's pale face, he was sure he could remember it perfectly. He held his breath as he felt his heart skipped a beat and how strong, warm love bloomed within his chest, fluttering softly inside him like a butterfly's wings; restlessness reappeared inside of him, as it came to his mind again, why he was lying in bed and staring idly at the late afternoon's sun. He had wanted to distract himself, and of course he had failed to do so.

Castiel was slowly but surely going stir-crazy; now that he had all the time in the world, the hours seemed to drag on. The cellphone in his hand felt heavy, the weight of its significance burdened Castiel. A few times he had entered Dean's number, only to turn the cellphone off again. He tossed and turned in bed, incapable of finding a convenient position; Castiel was more than nervous, he felt like a wreck. His insides wavered between fear of rejection and the thrill of anticipation – just to hear Dean's voice again... he was certain it would make him lose it. Once more he dialed Dean's number and gnawed at his bottom lip, and this time, he waited. He needed to talk to Dean again, he needed to make him understand, so that he could have him back.

Dean picked up the phone, and Castiel was startled and disillusioned as soon as he heard the stressed sound of Dean's voice. He wondered when he would ever hear tenderness and affection resonate again in the way Dean spoke to him.

"Hi, Cas. What is it?", Dean asked straight away, and Castiel decided to play along the game of bluntness, so he laid it on the line and responded "It's high time we had the talk we need, Dean. You better not hang up on me" - there was no reaction, but some seconds of silence, and Castiel concentrated on Dean's quiet breathing sounds. Disappointment spread inside Castiel's stomach like a cancer and it hurt terribly to hear Dean's agitated sigh, as if Dean was annoyed with him, and it made Castiel angry and perplexed at the same time. How stupid of him to think Dean wanted to solve things between them as well... Wrath took over him, and before he could control it, he heard himself blather somewhat shakily and emotionally "Know what? Just forget it, forget about it. I, uh... I'll hang up and you can proceed with whatever you were doing."

It seemed to awake Dean, and in an instant Castiel heard him reply, sounding just as upset as Castiel felt.

"No, Cas... No, please, don't hang up. It's just, …I don't know what you want me to say. You stabbed me in the back, and I thought we were something serious... and since I returned from prison, my life is a mess, a complete, disgusting pile of crap, because now Sam and my dad are aware of what I did... as selfish as it sounds, I just can't handle this right now. Do you understand that? There's not enough space in my brain or heart to deal with all this damage, and I'm tired, man, I'm so fucking tired..."

A melancholic smile came to Castiel as Dean poured out his heart to him – they still shared this bound of intimacy, which was hard to extinguish, and it did him good to hear Dean opened up to him again. However, his mind was clouded with worries as he realized Dean still thought Castiel had betrayed him.

"Dean, I'm sorry for your situation, I really am,... and if you let me, I'll be there to help you. I'll be there when you need someone to talk to, or if you want any other kind of support. But you've got to understand that I didn't do anything, I swear – my colleagues arrested your boss and shut down the brothel, and I would have warned you had I known anything about their operation. In fact, I've been suspended from work today, because they had photos of me and Gabe spending the evening in the brothel. Isn't that proof enough that I didn't have my finger in the pie?", he reasoned and hoped, Dean would understand him and finally come to his senses.

"I don't know, Cas...I have a hard time building on words, and right now I rather keep my wariness, you could say that's my usual form of self-protection", Dean replied thoughtfully, and he sounded bitter to Castiel. At that point, Castiel's fuses blew, and his passion overpowered him. How could Dean not trust the truth content of his words? Before he knew it his mouth had cleared the way for his tirade, he was blind with rage and worn out by his frustration.

"Know what your problem is, Dean? You rather think that I let you down, that all of this was a conspiracy – you rather think all of that, than accepting what we had was serious, and that I am still damn serious about it. I know your life has never been exactly 'peachy', like you'd say it, but good things _do_ happen from time to time, and what we had _was_ good and I was honest about it, and I would have never, ever stabbed you in the back. For Christ's sake, when will you understand that I do love you and that you're holding on to a chimera?"

"Cas...", Dean sounded strangled, suffocated with emotions, and it brought tears to Castiel's eyes. His heart hurt, and with the back of his hand he brushed the upcoming tears angrily away. The pain thudded through his body and made him oversensitive, and he wished Dean would just be here and hold him, that everything would be just like the way it used to be.

"Cas, I'm sorry... I just can't", he heard Dean whisper, and then the younger man ended their conversation and hung up, and Castiel felt bruised and broken all over again. He was at a loss. What the hell was he supposed to say or do to repair Dean's trust, to regain their relationship? He tried and tried, and it was never good enough, and he wasn't sure how much more of this his heart could endure. This time he let his tears run free, and he held the cellphone in his hands and listened to the dialing tone, as if it was still connecting him with Dean, so that he felt less alone and heartbroken. A mayhem raged within him, and for a while he could only lie in his bed and sob miserably, wondering where he and Dean had gone wrong, where exactly they had failed.

…

Though Castiel dreaded the weekend, it assaulted him nevertheless – his apartment was clean, and he was suspended from work, so he had to deal with himself, and there wasn't much he could do to distract himself from his heartache. While he jogged through the natural reserve on Saturday noon, his legs directed him to the hidden forest lake he and Dean had spent an evening at. A deadly, silent fury bubbled within his stomach as he stood still and regarded the calm lake, glistening in the sun's light; he remembered the sexual tension between Dean and him that day, how they had devoured each other unrestrainedly. He could still hear Dean's moans in his ears, he could still feel his hands all over his body, and it made him incredibly sad and irritated at the same time. A wave of agony washed over him, and he burst with pain, as he quickly picked up some stones and hurled them into the water with powerful throws, a grim mien cloaking his face. He was all out of breath and wet through with perspiration when he managed to contain himself again. He was nothing but distraught when he jogged back home, feeling a terrible weight resting on his shoulders, dulling his senses ruthlessly.

This evening he had invited Gabe over to drink to their failure, and their get-together became boozy and chaotic. The more they drank, the sillier their conversations became, and Castiel found solace in Gabe's company and the foolish amounts of alcohol. Somehow, it eased the pain within him, and he found nothing really mattered anymore, once the world swayed to and fro before his eyes. He even laughed sometimes, but it sounded shrill and artificial in his own ears, and before he knew it, he was crying, and Gabe comforted him with slurred words, which made Castiel laugh again. It was downright embarrassing, when he became sick and puked into the toilet, feeling Gabe's kind pats on his back. Tears were staining his cheeks, and a sole, gloomy notion ran through his inebriated head – he couldn't take it anymore, and if it was always going to be like this, he just wanted to lay down and die. His whole body trembled when he lay in bed (Gabe had brought him to bed and tucked him in with a compassionate look), and he still felt nauseous and insane, but that didn't keep him from reaching out for his cellphone and dialing Dean's number. He was so going to regret that the next day, but he couldn't care less at the moment. Someone picked up the phone, and Cas was already speaking, before Dean would hang up on him again.

"Dean, please... I need you to listen to me, just one minute, okay?", he slurred horribly, and the voice which asked "Cas? Is that you?" sounded most definitely not like Dean. It took him a few seconds, then he understood it was Sam on the phone, and he felt a deep blush colouring his cheeks.

"Ah, thank God, it's good to catch you. Listen, I don't know what happened between you and Dean, but it can't go on like that. I came for a visit this weekend, because our dad was worrying about Dean, and I hate to admit it, but he was damn right. Dean's just... I don't know, he barely eats or sleeps or talks, and he looks like a walking zombie. He's completely absent, and I can't get through to him. If I didn't know it better, I'd say he's traumatized. Of course, I think he's bothered about his revealed secret, but I don't think that's what's gnawing at him... I think he needs you, Castiel... You were the one who made him so happy, and I guess, sorry to say it that way, but you're also the one who brought him down like that", Sam explained quietly, and it was difficult to concentrate on his words while being so terribly drunk, but as their meaning grasped Castiel, he choked on his own breath, and his heart picked up a hectic, vehement beat.

"I'm trying, Sam, I really do. The way Dean behaved towards me recently makes me doubt he wants me around any longer, so why should I even make an effort? It's no good if he doesn't want me...", Castiel mumbled absentmindedly, and nervous tears welled in his eyes as the thought hit him hard, that Dean possibly didn't want anything to do with him, that he would never get him back.

"Cas, no, you got it wrong, you got it completely wrong. You should see his face whenever I dare to mention you or just your name. I can't describe it, but there's so much pain in his eyes, and he's just so heartbreakingly sad, I can't stand looking at him. Please, don't stop trying. I know he's a damn thickhead and I'd skull him if that made him come to his senses, but you've got to have patience with him. I think he has never been that close to anyone, so it's reasonable that he doesn't know what to do or how to react... oh shit, gotta hang up, I think Dean's coming!", Sam whispered, then the line went dead and Castiel was left in a state of complete bewilderment and emotional turbulence. It changed everything to know Dean was apparently suffering too, it renewed the fragile flame of hope dwelling inside Castiel's heart. He put the cellphone away and stared into the darkness of the night for a long while, trying to digest the just heard information with his intoxicated mind. Determination seized him at some point and throbbed through his veins steadily, and he felt stronger, more certain – he would not give up on their relationship, not if there was still the slightest ounce of a chance left for them.

…

The air was sticky and hot as Castiel drove to the garage this Monday evening. The black storm front on the horizon mirrored the disturbance inside of him, dark clouds hung in the sky and blocked the last rays of the setting summer's sun. The trees were swooshing in the gusts of wind, and the angry thunders made the earth vibrate. Everywhere people were running, trying to find shelter before all hell was breaking loose. Castiel's car swung whenever another squall hit his car, and he drove frighteningly fast, a fierceness thriving within him. He needed to see Dean, he couldn't bear one more day without him, he knew he would perish without him. Dean had come into his life and had changed everything, and now that he was gone, he had left a hole, which swallowed Castiel's life, his future, his capability to be happy, and this black hole left Castiel with nothing. The first thick raindrops started to fall as he parked his car on the premises and marched towards the building, his heart hammering against his chest violently. He clenched his fists and tried to compose himself, as the scattered cold drops cooled his skin.

He stopped when he heard voices inside, though it was beyond closing time. The door was open, fastened so that it wouldn't lurch about in the vivid play of the wind. Castiel listened once more, feeling like a criminal, because this seemed to become a habit, eavesdropping on Dean. Seemingly, he was having another argument with his father, and it made Castiel forget his own turmoil, as soon as he heard his own name was being mentioned.

"What, so that Castiel was your customer, too? God, I can't believe it, Dean! You brought that man to my apartment, and we had dinner, and I was affable to him! Why did you do that? That man abused you too!", John yelled in a rage, and Dean responded with the same furious manner.

"No, dad, it wasn't like that! Cas was the only one who _didn't_ exploit me, he was actually the _first_ one who asked what _I_ wanted, hell, he didn't even touch me within the first weeks! I've never met someone who respected me so much, and he most definitely wasn't like all the others. I knew he was special right away, so don't even think about regretting to have welcomed him with open arms", Dean spat, but the longer he spoke, the quieter his voice became. Castiel was frozen when he heard Dean's revelation, and it cut right through his heart and made him antsy. A tiny smile appeared on his lips, and he felt calmer as love grew within him. To hear Dean thought of him so dearly, that he defended him against his dad, though Castiel wasn't even there... it showed him Dean still cared about him, that he was fond of him. He held his breath to hear their more quiet words, so that he wouldn't miss a single thing.

"If he's so special, then how come I don't see him with you anymore?", John asked carefully, and Castiel could hear the long, upset sigh of Dean. Another loud thunder boomed through the air and startled Castiel. He cursed the rain and the summer storm, because it was hard to perceive the spoken words through their sounds.

"Because I screwed it up... I thought he was behind the investigation that brought me into prison, and he said he had nothing to do with it, but I was stupid and didn't believe him. And,... I was not exactly nice to him within the last days, and I started to doubt my thoughts, the more we talked about it. So I went to his office today to pick up where we had left off, but I found his office empty, and I understood it was true, what he had told me the other day. He had been suspended because they had found out he had frequented the brothel... his colleagues teased me, that I must be that hooker who had been stupid enough to seduce an agent, and at that point, I realized how wrong I had been. Dad, I have been wrong all this time, and I did Cas such an injustice, and the fool still fought for us, despite my awful behaviour. I don't know how I can make it up to him, if he even wants me to reconcile with him..."

The influence of those words overwhelmed Castiel, and his jaw dropped in disbelief. His fingers twitched with anticipation, and a joyful bubble of bliss was put over him. Somehow, he felt tranquil, and for the first time in days he felt at ease. He didn't mind the starting, cold rain was bedewing his clothes and body, because the heat within him warmed him from head to toe, and he could almost feel how his eyes began to gleam with the love and affection he felt for Dean.

"Dean, didn't he give you enough clues? Though you behaved like an ass, he still wanted to put things straight with you. I think that should tell you enough, that he still cares about you. You'd be an idiot to throw this away because of a dumb misunderstanding. I've seen the way he looks at you, and you know what? Your mother had the same expression in her eyes when she looked at me, and I was aware enough to recognize it and to understand what it meant – she loved me, and I was clever enough to never let her go. And so does this Castiel love you, so you better come to terms with him and compensate for the damage you caused."

Castiel couldn't have agreed more, and he was about to unveil his presence and step inside, but then he heard Dean spoke again, and the content of what he was saying hurt him like a dagger, and his heart convulsed with sympathy and puzzlement.

"Why would he want me, dad? What do I've got to offer? You all regard me with disgust ever since you know what I did, so it's only logical he will look at me in the same way. Why should he want someone so tattered and tainted? He could have it easier, he could have someone less blemished...", Dean wailed, and Castiel was certain he heard his voice break and an agonized, angry sob interrupted him.

"Dean, when will you understand that? We are not disgusted, we're all just incredibly sad that you hid this from us for years, and you should know we would have done anything to prevent you from this frantic decision. You are _not_ tainted, you are the most self-sacrificing person I have ever known, and I'm goddamn proud of you... and I guess Castiel sees something in you to what you're oblivious to. Just ask him, and I bet he can spend a whole evening telling you why he adores you", John calmed his son, and Castiel smiled a little bit. His whole body was soaked through with the rain, which fell severely now, and he trembled with nervousness, as he decided it was high time to deliver Dean from his pain. So he took the last few steps separating them and walked into the light of the building, and he smiled when Dean and John startled and turned around to him.

"He's right, I could", Castiel confirmed, referring to John's last words. Dean's mouth stood slightly agape, and his widened eyes regarded Castiel as if he was a ghost. John nodded at Castiel and patted Dean's shoulder, but Dean was too fascinated to tear his eyes away from Castiel's, as John spoke "I think I'll leave you two alone". Then John left inside the building, and Castiel approached Dean with hesitant, slow steps, their eyes glued to one another. Somewhere near a car's motor was started, and they heard John drive away. They were alone. The storm outside closed in on them and shook the building with another loud thunder, the noise of the falling rain extinguished every other sound. Castiel stopped in front of Dean, and their eyes scanned each other's face, and Castiel could feel a smile come to life on his lips.

**TBC**

I guess the next update will be on Wednesday or Thursday (unfortunately my vacation is over sobs sobs, so now I have less time for everything!) As always, your feedback is –highly- appreciated and welcome x)


	37. Chapter 37

Hi my lovely readers x) admit it, nobody reads on Mondays, am I right? Or was that last chapter so horrendous? Sobs sobs I hope not x) (I received less mail notifications and was kind of worried haha, but then I realized there are 1000 other Destiel fics out there, I, for example currently read like 4 or 5 at the same time, and it's difficult to find time for them all, and try to write and work too hahaha) For those who read it and liked it and especially for those who commented on it, thank you –so- much, your words mean the world to me! I hope you like the next chapter as well… (wonders if I should change the rating to explicit lol x3 )

**Chapter 37**

Raindrops were forming small rivulets, as they were running down Castiel's dark hair, over his forehead and eyebrows. He blinked against the intruding water, but then he saw Dean reached out his hand; he halted it in midair for the length of a second, his eyes never leaving Castiel's, as if he was asking him for permission. Astonished Castiel saw there was so much wonder and chaos dwelling in Dean's dark, green eyes, like he still thought Castiel wasn't real, that he was nothing but a hallucination. The outstretched fingers moved, and they came to rest on Castiel's forehead; gently they stroked the water away, and as Dean's fingertips glided along Castiel's temple, he breathed in shakily. Dean's touch set him on fire, the warmth of his fingers heated him up to the bone. He had been in dire need for these knowing fingertips for far too long...

The ghost of a smile appeared on Dean's lips hesitantly, and his eyes beheld Castiel with a tender expression, and Castiel enjoyed every second he could observe Dean's beautiful face. His heart slammed brutally inside of him, and his cheeks blushed, as he saw Dean approached him, so that their bodies were very close to each other. Dean's fingers slid down to Castiel's cheek, and he cupped it in a worshiping manner; his thumb brushed over the wet skin lovingly, and Castiel became hypersensitive due to this tiny, simple caress. He stiffened as he concentrated on the friction of Dean's thumb against his stubbly skin, while he drowned in his eyes at the same time. How he had ached for Dean's attention, how he had longed for his tenderness, the scent of his body, those eyes resting on his... His heart skipped a beat as he got lost in Dean's stunning features.

"I'm dreaming...", Dean mumbled, and Castiel smiled peacefully at him. To show him he was not a fantasy, he uplifted his hand and placed it above Dean's, which still framed his cheek, and he pressed Dean's fingers confirmatively. He noticed, Dean's breathing stopped for a second, then Dean tilted his head and came closer, and in a heartbeat, he had pressed his lips onto Castiel's, and their eyelids closed. His hand slid to Castiel's neck, and he applied pressure, so that they could merge easier – for a second, both of them kept still, their mouths just touching, and Castiel breathed Dean's scent in hungrily. How he had missed these pliant, soft lips, the desire he could feel coursing through Dean's whole body, a desire, that was meant for him alone... It didn't take long, and Dean's fingers got lost in Castiel's dark, wet hair, and he pulled him against him, and they were kissing passionately, impetuously. Castiel thought he felt how both his and Dean's knees weakened, and he heard Dean's sweet sigh, felt its whiff inside his mouth. He hummed appreciatively, and tilted his head, so that Dean could roam his mouth with his tongue effortlessly; he couldn't hold back the aroused moan as their tongues slid lewdly together, and he massaged Dean's tongue with his own as their kisses became most frantic and unrestrained.

Memories came back to him, how Dean had yelled at him in prison, how he had collapsed that night in front of Anna's grave. He heard the echo of his own sobs in his ears, and they meshed with Dean's heart-wrenching confessions, his inability to trust Castiel again. All of it was washed away through their frantic kisses, Dean's mouth felt like a curing medicine to Castiel, and he moved even closer to kiss him back with the same force, the same, intense affection.

They separated, panting heavily, and through half-closed eyes they regarded the other man thoughtfully. Dean's lips glistened in the dim, warm, electric light with the remnants of their kisses, and Castiel's heart leapt into his throat when he detected the blackness in his dilated eyes. Dean's hand was still in his hair, and he began to twist some damp strands between his fore- and middle finger, while he licked his bottom lip nervously; Castiel realized Dean's cheeks were reddened, as if he was embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, Cas... I'm so, so sorry...", Dean quietly said, and he averted his eyes from Castiel's. Every sensible thought vanished, as Castiel moved his hand, so that he could uplift Dean's jaw with his fingers gently, to make his lover meet his gaze once more. Their eyes met, and Dean appeared flustered and emotionally fragile to Castiel, and he couldn't stop looking into his gorgeous eyes. It felt timeless to be in his presence again, and he smiled fondly at him, as he concluded, not even time mattered, when he was together with Dean. They seemed cut off from the world outside, cut off from confining concepts like time or reason; the cold downpour of this summer evening and the thunderclouds in the sky were forming a shield against everyone who might dare to disturb them.

Castiel's head was filled with the whooshing sound of the rain, the electric crackle of thunderbolts, and the ravaging storm playing with the trees and shrubberies outside. The longer he took in Dean's beguiling appearance, the tighter Castiel's jeans became, and a hot throb ran through his abdomen. Dean's nearness was addicting, he could feel his body heat pouring out and towards him like a sweet, clingy embrace, and it stuck to his flesh in the most enticing manner. His lips were still vibrating with Dean's fervent, skilled kisses.

He bit his bottom lip to suppress a moan, as he let his thumb brush over Dean's lip slowly, and Dean opened his mouth sensually, and his hot, moist breaths fanned against Castiel's skin. He was losing it, he was absolutely losing it.

"It's okay, Dean", he heard himself say mildly, and satisfaction rumbled within him, because it really was okay – they were coming together again, they were understanding the other again. All those days spent between agony and heartache seemed far away, their brittle hearts found solace in each other's company. Castiel felt how the pain was uplifted from his body, and he felt so light, so alive, his whole body seemed to buzz with love and bliss. Now that they were healing, the desire for his lover ate him up, and he wanted to devour him and be devoured by him desperately. It had been too many nights without him, his body almost hurt in want of his touches, his caresses...Castiel breathed heavily, filled with pent-up desire for Dean; it had been so long, too damn long... one and a half week without him had felt like an eternity, so he wasn't surprised when his arms came around Dean's waist, and as he pulled him flush against his body, his drenched clothes, and as raw want sifted through his every pore.

Their faces were barely millimeters apart, as their eyes regarded the other appraisingly – they drank in each trembling exhale, that warmed the other's lips, each shiver of the other's body that ran through their's as well. Castiel felt incredibly happy and wanted, when he detected how Dean's eyes lowered, and how they rested on his lips greedily. In an instant they lunged forward and lashed into each other, and their kisses were wild and lustful. They slowed down and kissed more thoughtfully, as Dean's hands slipped down to Castiel's ass, and as he began to knead his butt cheeks through his wet jeans forcefully. Castiel gasped into their kiss, by instinct he moved his pelvis, and it crushed against Dean's hardened groin and caused a divine friction, which made both men moan quietly.

They pulled apart, understanding their craving for each other didn't permit a delay. His lungs were crying for air, as Castiel stood in front of Dean and beheld his lover – Dean was so breathtakingly beautiful... his lips were kiss-swollen and red, his green eyes were hooded with lust, his cheeks were blushed with desire... Gently Castiel touched Dean's opened button-down, and he shoved the sanguine fabric down his broad shoulders, his eyes remaining on Dean's, as he allowed his fingers to stroke over Dean's upper arms and forearms; he loved to feel the goosebumps on Dean's skin, how the little hair stood on end, due to his ghostlike, careful touch. Dean took off his black shirt and threw it away, revealing his taut, upper body, and Castiel's mouth watered as he absorbed the seductive torso in front of him. Before he knew it, he had placed his palms on Dean's pecs and stomach, and he let them roam to have their fill of what they had missed so dearly. Dean's skin was warm and smooth, and he couldn't stop stroking the delves of his ribs, of his protruding hipbones, his eyes were fixed on Dean's upper body all the time. He was so fascinated, he was barely aware that Dean's fingers worked on their own, as they began to unbutton Castiel's soaked, blue short-sleeved shirt skillfully.

Their foreheads came together the more buttons Dean undid, and Castiel bit his bottom lip in excited agitation, as he felt Dean's fingers removed the shirt finally and started caressing his naked chest and back, as if he was starving for Castiel's body. For a while they couldn't do anything else, they stood in the dim light of the building, forehead to forehead, while the stormy wind blew inside and cooled their heated figures, and their hands ran over planes of muscles, hilts of bones and sinews; a fire burnt inside of Castiel, and it boiled in the pit of his stomach and consumed his heart and soul wholly. He listened to Dean's hitched breathing, and it aroused him to hear the little shudder within each exhale. Dean's knowing hands were undoing him thoroughly and easily, and he found he moved his body towards those teasing fingers more and more often – his own caresses became idle, when Dean decided to bite into his neck playfully and to seize his hips vigorously, and he held on to his shoulders, as Dean fell down on his knees and gnawed at his hipbones hungrily.

He looked down at his lover in awe, and he watched him as he undid his jeans with rough, hectic movements; he saw, Dean's fingers where trembling with nervousness, and his head was tilted as he focused on his task. He let him pull down his jeans and boxershorts in one go, and he didn't even feel embarrassed or awkward, as he stood naked in front of his lover in his garage, while the fresh wind blew inside and stroked his frame and stimulated each fiber of his skin – Dean's scraping teeth were too distracting to worry about such trifles. A wicked tongue moved along his hipbones, there were gentle, yet brusque bites into the lean flesh of his abdomen, and Castiel's grip on Dean's shoulders tightened as his abs constricted with shocked lust – a hot wave of desire poured down on him, and his legs became wobbly, as Dean's hot, moist breath ghosted over his exposed erection.

He saw the pink head of it was already leaking with precome, and he was painfully aroused; his length was thick and throbbed with pleasure, he was rock-hard. His fingers combed through Dean's short-cropped, blonde hair gently, and he tugged forcefully at the strands, as Dean opened his sinful, plump lips and wrapped them around his sensitive cock. God, how he had missed this luscious mouth... His lover knew exactly how to undo him... Dean took him inside, so slowly, so goddamn slowly, and Castiel heard his own whimper, as he was losing the connection to his mind. He was overpowered with sensations, as wet heat closed in on him. He could feel Dean's throat squeezing him, the supple structure of his tongue, as he moved it alongside the underpart of his length hungrily. He choked on his own breath as Dean began to suck him off eagerly, and he couldn't hold in his throaty, husky moans, as he threw his head back and basked in the sweet, torturous feelings Dean gave him. Whenever Dean deep-throated him, Castiel's whole body shuddered with pleasure, and his fingernails dug into Dean's shoulders helplessly. Castiel thought he was losing his mind, as he mewled agitatedly, he listened to the smacking sounds of Dean's blow job, as he felt how he gulped and his throat constricted around him.

They were both out of breath, when Dean let go of him a few moments later – the way he looked up into his eyes struck Castiel hard. He felt devoured by Dean's darkened, dilated eyes; there was a hunger visible in them, which made Castiel's heart skip a beat, and he gulped nervously.

"Lay down", Dean ordered in a whisper, which made a hot shiver run down Castiel's spine, and he complied without a thought and lay down on the cold, concrete ground. It felt freezing against his heated, naked body. He didn't mind the oil stains and the overall dirt on the floor - his every thought was bent on Dean, as he watched the younger man strip in front of him teasingly slowly. A tender expression danced in his green eyes as he looked down on Castiel, while he removed the last of his clothes. As he lowered himself, and as their naked bodies collided from their chests to their calves, they both moaned and sighed high-pitched, and Castiel's eyes narrowed as waves of lust overmastered him. Dean's skin on his, the familiar weight of his body on top of him, the heat, which radiated from him so powerfully... It was perfect, and Castiel dispersed in the intensity of their togetherness. Nothing compared to the way their bodies came together, they were the missing piece to each other; their limbs entangled effortlessly, and their torsos slid against each other maddeningly. Castiel could have spent an eternity enjoying Dean's naked body moving on top of his, and he sighed most pleased as he got lost in the sensation of his smooth skin sticking to his damp body.

His hands touched Dean's muscular back, and he groped his shoulders and ass greedily while he observed Dean's face became nothing but a mask of sensuality and yearning. His lids were closed, his brows were furrowed, and his mouth stood slightly agape, as sweet moan after moan fled from him, while Castiel's hands roamed all over his body. Castiel's own desire was brain-damaging, there was something about feeling Dean's immense, hot erection pressing against his abdomen promisingly. It twitched several times, and Castiel wondered when he had felt Dean inside of him the last time. His insides twisted into a hot lump of lust, and his hole was already throbbing, in want of Dean's dick moving inside him.

Dean seemed to compose himself for a minute, because he opened his eyes and smiled down on Castiel softly. Castiel watched how his lover angled his head, then he felt him bite into his throat energetically, sucking at his Adam's apple enticingly, and Castiel writhed and trembled against the younger man desperately. Dean elicited loud, shaky moans from him, as he had his way with him and moved his knowing mouth down on his body. There were breathy kisses against his erect nipples, clawing fingernails leaving red bruises on his ribs. Teasing bites and licks on his stomach, and Castiel was lolling on the ground breathlessly, completely overwhelmed with the intensity of his yearning for Dean. He was so gone, he couldn't even say a single word, as Dean nibbled at the sensitive skin of his thighs, as he left dark hickeys on his pale flesh.

Automatically, he uplifted his pelvis in seductive movements, and his eyes rolled to the back of his head, as he felt Dean's tongue licking around his twitching entrance oh so slowly. God, it felt so amazing, so filthy, so... Castiel heard his own lengthy groan, and his voice sounded desperate, high-pitched, oozing with sex. Dean's hands grabbed his thighs and pulled them forcefully apart, as he dipped his tongue inside Castiel's hole. Castiel's whole body shook and he couldn't hold his hips still, as they rotated around Dean's invasive tongue. Then Dean pushed his tongue deep inside, licking at the insides of Castiel's narrow tunnel, and he screamed in pleasure as Dean circled his swollen, sweat spot, the tip of his tongue pressed against it brutally. Stars were dancing before Castiel's eyes, and his shaky fingers held on to Dean's head between his legs helplessly. The first, scorching hot waves of his orgasm were closing in on him, and his stomach's muscles tightened, the longer Dean licked against his spot greedily.

Dean let go of him for a second, and he looked up into Castiel's flushed face with pensive, dilated eyes. He licked his bottom lip hungrily, then he let his forefinger vanish inside his mouth completely. Castiel felt frozen, utterly stunned, as he watched how Dean steered his wet finger towards his quavering, salivant entrance; a grim satisfaction veiled Dean's features, as he shoved his finger slowly inside, broadening Castiel's hole as he moved it in small, sensual circles. The heat and the pressure inside of Castiel were too much, his lids fluttered, and he felt his eyes were rolling into the back of his head again. He was tossing and turning due to Dean's skilled ministrations, and the moans, which fell from his mouth, became longer and louder, and he uplifted his hips to meet Dean's finger fucking into him repeatedly.

"Look at you, baby,... so beautiful, Cas... so willing", Dean rasped with a hoarse, breathless voice, and it produced an affectionate, consuming warmth inside of the older man. He was cursing inwardly, as he understood, he was trusting Dean wholly once more, he couldn't help it. Though his lover had broken his heart, he couldn't stay away, he needed Dean, he needed all of him, and if he had a second chance, he would do it all over again. His half-closed eyes were fixed on Dean's, and he saw such a consuming fire burning in Dean's eyes as they regarded Castiel in his most intimate, opened presentation, struggling with his own breaths as his hot orgasm was approaching him – two of Dean's fingers were working inside of him now, and they fucked Castiel thoroughly and deeply, while Dean bit his bottom lip sensually, and Castiel knew, he always wanted to see Dean looking at him like that. As if he was important, as if he mattered. His heart shattered into millions of pieces as he sensed how hard he had fallen for Dean, and that he never wanted to leave him again, even if it was going to kill him. He smiled a little bit, as Dean massaged his sweat spot slowly, and as he saw how attentively Dean was watching him losing it.

"I love you", fell easily from his mouth, then he reached his brutal climax and hot squirts of come streamed out of his dick, painted and warmed his abdomen and Dean's. Dean came at him and attacked his lips passionately, and Castiel replied to Dean's feverish kisses breathlessly; he heard his own, low moans as he rode out each tremendous wave of his intense orgasm. He bathed in the pleasant warmth spreading inside his whole body, while his lips were touching Dean's. As he came down, huffing and puffing, he dared to open his eyes, and he saw Dean's staring at him right above him. Their lips let go of each other, and he saw how affected Dean was, because there was a touched notion lingering in his eyes as he watched Castiel with a mellow expression.

"I love you too", he confirmed quietly, and Castiel smiled satisfied. His sweat was sticking to his and Dean's body, and Dean didn't seem to mind his come was spread between them and cooling off. Castiel savoured the feeling of Dean rubbing his rock-hard length against his abdomen, and he figured he would have come again had Dean kept doing this for a little while longer. But then, all at once, Dean's warmth left him, and he watched him walk away towards the opened doors of the hall. He felt deeply struck by Dean's admirable features, how the white thunderbolts in the evening's sky underlined his muscles, the curves of his bones and his flesh. The rain behind him looked like a neverending, shielding curtain, and the stormy wind ruffled Dean's hair, making him look wild and untamed. His eyes were gleaming at Castiel's, and for a second he thought, Dean was a nature spirit, he looked so unearthly beautiful, hauntingly beautiful, and it hurt Castiel from head to toe with terrible pleasure. In this moment he could have died without a single regret, just to see Dean this way – so blunt and raw, naked and unspoiled – he hid nothing from Castiel, and Castiel for his part wanted Dean to detect his being in the same, exposed manner.

Dean stooped and fetched something from a bag near the door, and he returned to Castiel with slow, hesitant steps, making eye contact with his lover. As he knelt down in front of him, between his spread legs, Castiel saw Dean put the condom and small bottle of lube aside. Dean was gnawing at his bottom lip as he seized Castiel's thighs and draped them around his waist, drawing Castiel nearer and against his heat. Castiel observed Dean's dilated eyes, how his taut chest shuddered with each trembling, deep breath. He gasped when he felt Dean's erect, throbbing cock sliding between his butt cheeks, pressing against the crack of his ass. Dean's fingers pushed his thighs forcefully apart, and he moaned, as he rubbed his sensitive length against Castiel repeatedly, his lids falling shut due to the intensity of their flesh colliding. Castiel couldn't tear his eyes away from Dean in his aroused state, he felt the first convulses of his abdomen, and his own cock was coming to life again. Dean's opened his eyes, apparently somewhat strained, and he smiled meekly at his lover, spread out in front of him.

"I need you, baby... I need you", Dean exhaled, and his voice had become dark and husky. The mere sound of his voice made Castiel's hair stand on end, and he choked on his own breaths. His heart leapt into his throat, and he could only nod to show Dean his consent. God, he wanted him... he wanted him so badly, it tore him in two. With shaky fingers, Dean grabbed the condom and tore it open, and Castiel shooed his hands away determinately, as he took the condom and rolled it over Dean's pulsating erection slowly, their eyes never leaving the other's. Dean moaned, as Castiel had unrolled it to the hilt, and he grabbed the lube quite naturally and slathered his lover's erection generously; he loved the way Dean's fingernails bruised his hips as he pulled him closer, while Castiel massaged his dick with a tight fist and forceful, lengthy strokes. Their bodies were both trembling, when Dean clutched Castiel's ankles and wrapped them around his shoulders, so that Castiel's ass was exposed to him in the most tempting, thrilling way. Dean inhaled deeply, his eyes were fixed on Castiel's, and for a second, they stilled, as if they were both perishing in the moment of their oncoming union. This was, where they were supposed to be, in each other's fiery presence, making love to each other. The fights and tears were forgotten, and there was a moved smile on Dean's mouth as he looked down on Castiel, making Castiel's heart throb loudly, and he blushed and replied to the smile cautiously.

"Take me, Dean... just take me", he urged impatiently, rubbing his ass alongside Dean's leaking erection playfully, and Dean held on to his thighs, as he complied to Castiel's wish at last and breached him slowly. He feasted on the mien of lust veiling Dean's features as the younger man dipped inside and broadened him, as he glided deeper and deeper into his heat. How good it felt to welcome him again... Their breathing became irregular as Dean bottomed out and held still for a while, so that Castiel could adjust to his penetrating dick. It was a shock, to be filled again, and Castiel's insides convulsed and twitched around Dean, massaging him on their own. Fascinated he regarded the beads of sweat on Dean's forehead, and he reached out his hands to stroke Dean's chest and stomach gingerly. Something broke in Dean's eyes, and he shut them half, obviously overwhelmed with being inside Castiel again; then he began to move, and he thrust inside his lover slowly, albeit with increasing force each time he buried himself within his narrow hole. Castiel handed control over to Dean, as the man began to slam inside him with raw need; he arched his back to meet Dean's powerful strokes, so that he could push even deeper inside.

He felt so connected to Dean, in more than just a physical manner, and as they watched each other come undone with lust-hooded eyes, he felt his second orgasm was building itself up in the pit of his abdomen. His stomach convulsed each time Dean drove inside him, sometimes hard and quick, sometimes slowly and sensually, savouring the feel of gliding into Castiel's scorching, hot tunnel. A hot sensation pooled in the depth of him, and when Dean hit his prostate and squeezed it gently with the tip of his dick, he heard his own, high-pitched mewl as he winced due to the intensity of scorching hot waves of lust washing over him; he uplifted his ass so that Dean could thrust deeper into his flesh, and his whole body trembled and shuddered, when Dean collided with his sweat spot again and again. It all felt like a dream, to see Dean lose it too, how the beads of his sweat trickled down his temple, his throat, his clavicle... A hot shiver ran down Castiel's spine, and his eyes rolled into the back of his head, as his orgasm surrounded him, circled in on him. Dean grunted and threw his head back, exposing his throat to Castiel. He watched his chest's muscles constricted, and he felt the exertion traveling through Dean's whole body, as he approached his own orgasm more and more. Castiel observed his lover coming loose in detail, and it aroused him immensely to detect the little signs of Dean's climax; The way he picked up speed and rammed into Castiel unrestrainedly, how he grunted and moaned loudly, how his forearms shook with thrills of joy – then, how he stopped breathing and thrust inside Castiel harshly, with one long, forceful stroke. Castiel came due to Dean's sight, and they reached their orgasms together.

They were clinging to each other as waves of ecstasy poured down on them, and Dean bent down and ravaged Castiel's lips, as they kissed through their orgasms. Castiel's arms came around Dean's back, as the younger man collapsed on him and fell down on his body, utterly spent. His erection was still twitching inside Castiel, and Castiel felt his muscles squeezed Dean mercilessly, as they both shuddered with the aftershocks of their highs. He savoured how Dean panted against the crook of his neck, how his exhales bedewed his skin. He closed his lids to memorize this moment, how content he felt, how close to Dean.

Outside the wind had abated, a mere breeze rustled through the trees. The shower of rain had transformed into scattered, thick raindrops, and the distant grumbling of the electric storm moved on. Castiel was at ease, and he smiled happily to himself, as his fingers stroked along Dean's spine. This was real, it wasn't a wishful dream or a hallucination – he really held Dean in his arms again, they had made the other theirs again. A warm ray of the setting sun struggled through the opening clouds and fell on them, still intertwined and tangled up in each other's arms, on the dirty, cold ground. Castiel opened his eyes and blinked against the golden light of the sun, and Dean uplifted his head and found Castiel regarded him. Speechless he observed how the light refracted in Dean's gorgeous, green eyes, and vividness and love were rekindled in Dean's gaze as he stared at Castiel in awe, and Castiel smiled affectionately at Dean. He framed his lover's face with his hands and moved him down, so that their lips could melt into a slow, soulful kiss.

**TBC**

I'd love to read what you think! I can't believe there are only 2 chapters left…


	38. Chapter 38

Hi darlings x3 thanks a bunch for all your kind reviews! You brought the smile back to my mouth x) now, the next chapter is a little short compared to the last (roughly 3500 words), but I didn't want to ramble on and on pointlessly; also, I like it quite a lot the way it is… hopefully, you like it too… x3 mushiness ahead! The –last- (cries, sobs, sniffles) chapter and my afterword (lol) will be posted on Wednesday the 4th, because I'm quite busy within the next days (happy birthday in advance to those few who have birthday on the same day hehe)…

**Chapter 38**

After a while they were both tired and exhausted, and they had stopped kissing, too breathless to continue. Now Dean lay on top of Castiel, his softened dick had glided out of his lover at some point, and Castiel stroked Dean's back absentmindedly, while he focused on their bodies intertwined so intimately. He felt sore, but absolutely satisfied, and it was divine to listen to Dean's slow, steady breaths, to feel his exhales on his shoulder time and again. It was getting dark outside, and crickets began to chirp loudly. Their bodies became cool as the evening's wind reduced the temperature of this summer's day, and the ground felt unpleasant. Finally they pulled themselves together and got up, and Dean dumped the condom in the nearest bin. He returned to Castiel with handkerchieves and wiped the traces of their lovemaking gently away. Castiel's eyes rested on Dean, how he cleaned him with the faintest blush on his cheeks, and he smiled. No words were needed – the way they behaved, how they exchanged little caresses and shy looks, it was showing both of them how much it meant to them to be united again.

They dressed silently, and cautious smiles were tugging at their mouths whenever their eyes met. Castiel had no objections, when Dean's slender fingers intertwined with his, and as he led him outside. On his way, he turned off the lights and locked the garage. They passed Castiel's parked car nonchalantly, and Castiel took a seat when Dean opened the passenger door to his Impala. Dean sat down on the driver's seat and started the engine of his beloved car with a joyous glimmer in his eyes. He gave Castiel a sideglance and beheld him tenderly, and he returned the smile Castiel gave him. The headlights of the Impala cut through the darkness of the night, and puddles were glistening in the electric light, as they drove along the empty streets. Comfortable, content silence dwelt in the car, and they both listened to the whirring of the tires and the airstream, which entered the car through the opened windows. They halted at a red light, and Dean's hand touched Castiel's upper thigh gently, massaged the flesh lovingly. Their eyes met.

"Will you stay the night?", Dean asked, the innocent plea mirrored in the way he regarded Castiel, and Castiel's heart simply melted with love. He nodded and covered Dean's hand with his and squeezed it lightly. Someone behind of them honked, and they were forced to let the other go, so that Dean could drive unhindered again. When they parked in front of Dean's apartment and got out of the car, Castiel was about to enter the building, but Dean took his hand and stopped him. He turned around and watched the fierceness in Dean's features, and his heart stopped, as he saw the brittle smile on Dean's mouth, the pain in his eyes. In an instant, Dean had pressed him into a tight, crushing embrace, which knocked the air out of Castiel's lungs. He answered to the hug with the same ferocity, and his arms came around Dean's back and he held on to him, breathing him in. Their chests moved together with each breath, and Castiel thought he could perceive Dean's loud heartbeats as he listened attentively. There were scattered, airy kisses on his neck, and he held Dean even tighter, as he heard him whisper "I love you, Cas". His heart thudded gently and warmth spread in his stomach; he felt light-headed, giddiness took over him. His fingers sifted through Dean's hair, and when Dean withdrew to look into his lover's face, Castiel smiled and looked him deeply in the eyes.

"I love you too", he said quietly, and Dean blinked softly at him, a little smile on his lips. His arms came around Dean's neck, and he leaned in and tilted his head; their mouths intermingled, and they kissed each other slowly and lovingly, emphasizing the way they were feeling with every tentative touch of their lips. Moths were whirring in the metal corona of a nearby streetlight, and someone whistled appreciatively on the other side of the street, and they laughed into their kiss and stopped. Castiel felt so happy, when he saw his love mirrored in Dean's eyes, and they were grinning, when Dean took his hand and walked with him through the hallway to his apartment. They paused at each turn of the stairs, to kiss each other hungrily again, their hands groping unrestrainedly, and they were quite breathless and chuckling, when they stumbled into Dean's home.

They were kissing and holding on to each other clumsily while they removed their shoes and shirts, and they chuckled whenever one of them bumped into something or stumbled. Castiel felt the adrenaline pumping through his veins, they were both taken by the frenzy of their reunion. Finally, they entered Dean's bedroom, and Castiel let go of Dean, when he saw something out of the corner of his eyes. Perplexed he watched the drawings, which stuck all over the wall next to Dean's bed. He heard Dean's breathing falter beside him, and Castiel's whole body stiffened as he regarded the drawings.

Almost a dozen hung there, drawn with lead pencil or felt pen, and they all showed one theme – Castiel. A drawing of his lips, so detailed he almost thought it was a photo. Next to it, there were his eyes, another one with his fingers, one with his face, his lids sensually shut, his mouth opened, it looked like silent, erotic screams were coming from him. He blushed when he detected the one, which showed his stomach and his sharp hipbones, the trail of hair leading to his erection. He smiled, as he saw the one, where his back was drawn, and a halo was drawn over his head, and hinted wings were showing on his shoulder blades. He turned his head to look at Dean, and the man blushed and beheld his lover with a melancholic gaze.

"What the hell, Dean?", he asked jokingly, but his voice broke; he couldn't hide how touched he was thanks to Dean's beautiful drawings. Even though they had been apart, he hadn't let go of him. He had drawn him with the same, affectionate consideration. Dean's arms enveloped Castiel's small of the back, and he pulled him flush against his naked torso, so that their bare chests collided. He looked Castiel deeply in the eyes and smiled gingerly at him, as he tilted his head and their foreheads came together.

"Isn't that obvious, Cas? You're unforgettable...", Dean rasped, making Castiel shudder. The next moment their lips were crashing together again, and though their kiss was greedy and lustful, they took their time to bruise each other's lips and to focus on the intense feelings blooming within them. Castiel held on to Dean, as his lover consumed his mouth; he felt quite dizzy, and his knees weakened, when Dean steered him to his bed, never breaking their kisses. Soon Dean shoved him down on his bed, and they were making love again. Dean's fingers stroked Castiel's hair tenderly, as he dived into him, and Castiel felt nothing but loved – how Dean made sure Castiel felt good, how they hung on their every sweet sigh and moan, the way Dean beheld him with half-closed eyes... Dean had taken Castiel's hands and held them over his head, as he kissed his throat and clavicle, and bit his shoulder hungrily. They were holding hands as they came, and Castiel didn't mind Dean fell asleep on him a few minutes later. It didn't matter that their bodies were sticky and sweaty. He held Dean's hand throughout the whole night, and he never wanted to let go again. Before he joined his lover in his slumber, his eyes roamed over the drawings once more. They still made him blush with their bluntness, but he was certain, he saw the love with which Dean had drawn them. His heart thudded calmly in his chest, and he fell asleep with a smile on his mouth.

…

Various awkward conversations took place this week, and Castiel and Dean had to explain to their families and friends that they were together again, that things had calmed down between them. Gabriel was as cocky as ever, certain that thanks to his word of advice, Castiel and Dean had buried the hatchet, and Castiel conceded he had been somehow important, but he grumbled this on the phone, naturally. His parents were almost crying with relief as they skyped again, and Castiel felt embarrassed for them and himself at the same time, however he couldn't stop smiling like an idiot and he thanked them several times for their unconditional support. They urged him he should introduce Dean to them any time soon, and Castiel promised, he would be overfond of doing so. He didn't exactly know how Dean illuminated to his entourage that everything was alright again, but he laughed long and hard as Dean called him and complained about the compassion and exaggerated joy with which everyone treated him.

The first time Castiel picked Dean up after work again was somewhat stiff, and he noted the lopsided smirk of Jo as she greeted him, and how Ash wiggled his eyebrows and grinned bluntly at him. He saw John stood somewhere in the background and greeted him with a nod, and he was relieved as he detected the small smile on Dean's father's mouth. It felt, as if he was coming home from a strenuous journey (though that journey had only been his antsy walk through the garage), as he finally reached Dean and as his lover wrapped him up in his arms and held him firmly. His own arms came around Dean and he responded to the hug with the same intensity, and he melted like butter in the sun the longer Dean held him, and the more he could inhale his pleasant, fresh smell and feel his body's strength around him. With a smile he realized, Dean's hands stroked his back lovingly, in small, reassuring circles, and he sighed when one of Dean's hands combed through his dark hair gently.

"Get a room, you two!", Ash yelled finally, making all of them laugh. Dean let go of Castiel and winked at him, then he turned around to Ash and stuck out his tongue to him.

"We actually might, you dumbo. You're just jealous, because you're hot for Jo's knickers", he teased, and in surprise Castiel watched how Jo's pale cheeks tinted with a deep red, while Ash's grin broadened.

"Shut up, Winchester", Jo growled shyly, and Dean just laughed heartily and took Castiel's hand, and led him outside, waving at his colleagues nonchalantly.

This night, they watched a movie in a drive-in cinema – the cinema was sparsely frequented, and they had both seen the dated, black and white movie a hundred times, so Castiel rather took pleasure in examining how the light touched Dean's features, and how his eyes gleamed through the surrounding darkness. He felt a tender notion in the depths of his heart, as he cherished Dean's mere presence, glad they were a couple again. Their hands often brushed together when they grabbed the popcorn, and Dean's cheeky smile and his knowing sideglance made Castiel grin, because he understood Dean was doing this absolutely on purpose. The sounds of the crickets and the summer breeze rustling through the deciduous trees were lulling, and at some point, Castiel forwent feigning interest in the movie, and he moved closer to Dean and pillowed his head on the younger man's broad shoulder. Dean's arm came around him easily, and Castiel shut his lids and savoured the precious moment.

He could smell Dean's clean skin at his neck as his nose brushed over the area, and how his body warmth splashed over him in intervals whenever he breathed in. Absentmindedly he let his arm come around Dean's middle, and he felt him stiffen vigorously. Dean's breathing stopped for a second, and Castiel uplifted his head to ask him, if something was wrong. But then Dean's dilated eyes met his, and they shone with an insatiable desire, and Castiel's heart skipped a beat, and his mouth became dry. His gaze travelled down Dean's sinful body, and he smiled gently as he made out the bulge in his lover's jeans. Dean tasted of popcorn, as he kissed him thoroughly and passionately, their exhales were shaky and hot, as they disengaged and stared at each other hungrily. Dean had parked the Impala in the last row, and there were only a few cars on the terrain, so Castiel gave in to the lustful famine rising inside him. He opened Dean's jeans with skilled, swift movements, and his eyes were fixed on Dean's, as his hand wandered underneath the waistband of Dean's boxershorts. Dean bit his bottom lip and his lids fluttered, as Castiel's hand enveloped his throbbing, erect member, and Castiel elicited quiet moans from Dean as he stroked him with long, forceful up-and-down motions.

He felt hot and rock-hard in Castiel's fist, and he loved the agonized moans and sighs, which fell from Dean's mouth as Castiel's thumb glided over the sensitive slit and spread the bead of precome. He decided to tone down Dean's sensual noises, because the driver's window pane was still rolled down, so he kissed him fervently and allowed Dean's tongue to slip between his lips. He adored every moan, which vibrated against his sensitive mouth, and how Dean started to writhe and tremble underneath him as he jerked him off sensually. Their eyes opened and their mouths separated, and Dean's glance was glued to Castiel's, as he unraveled his lover determinately. Dean's breathing hitched and stumbled, and Castiel felt how he uplifted his pelvis in small rotating moves, and how he pushed himself into Castiel's tight fist greedily. It was incredibly erotic to Castiel, as he saw how a blush painted Dean's cheeks and how his eyes rolled into the back of his head as he came hard in Castiel's hand. He moaned and trembled as the waves of his orgasm overran him, and Castiel stroked him through his orgasm, fulfilled with absolute satisfaction. The smile Dean gave him once he had come down was meek, and Castiel chuckled amusedly as his forehead fell against Dean's and Dean's arm came around his back and held him tightly.

…

The week of Gabe's and Castiel's suspensions had almost felt like a holiday to Castiel, because Dean and he were spending their time together as if they were having countless little dates. Of course they had a lot of catching-up to do, especially regarding pillow talk, and sometimes, when they were both soaked through with sweat and other body fluids, Castiel wasn't even sure that he ever wanted to leave the bed again. He was almost glad, though, when he returned to work the following Monday, because it meant another part of normalcy was coming back to him. Their first day in the office showed no mercy, and a few hours after his start of work, Castiel found himself in a high-speed pursuit of a of a drug lord, whose remote location their colleagues had come across in their absence.

Of course, the planned offense had gone wrong, and Gabe and Castiel were chasing the drug dealer through the whole town. Luckily for them, the man made a mistake and crashed into the wall of a building, and Castiel and Gabe could catch him. The man had an ugly laceration on his forehead and needed medical treatment, so Castiel and Gabe followed the ambulance that had arrived a few minutes later. Again, Castiel's hands were soaked with another person's blood, but this time, he didn't mind it, it felt too good to be back in business. He admitted to himself he had missed the rush of adrenalin – most of all, a soothing thought travelled through his mind, as he washed his hands in the hospital pensively. Whatever happened, he had Dean to come home to. He wouldn't have to bear the weight on his shoulders alone, because now he had someone, who wanted to share the load with him. He smiled as he returned to Gabriel, who gave him a confused look and chided him not to smile so happily in a hospital, making Castiel laugh lightly and unburdened.

Dean picked him up from work, and the sun was lush and golden, as the evening was about to change into the nearing summer night. Scattered birds were singing nearby, as Castiel walked up to Dean and greeted him with a tender, untamed kiss, which made both their legs wobbly and took their breaths away. When they disengaged, Dean looked him deeply in the eyes and kissed his lips fleetingly. He smiled at Castiel, and Castiel drowned in his gorgeous green eyes, and his heart laughed happily, as he detected the golden shimmer in Dean's irises again. Dean opened the passenger's door for Castiel and told him, he wanted to abduct him to a certain place, and Castiel agreed mindlessly. He didn't care where they were driving to, just as long as he had Dean by his side. He was completely satisfied to see Dean drive his car next to him, and how the sun's light played with his blonde hair and enlightened his beautiful, calm features. Dean's secretiveness was somewhat arousing, and Castiel hid his nervousness with silly jokes, asking Dean if he was taking him to Disneyland or to the candy shop, and he joined Dean, as the man laughed light-hearted and shook his head in denial.

When Dean steered the Impala towards a place, which was quite familiar to Castiel, and as he recognized the buildings and the surrounding streets, his heart leapt into his throat and every sense of humour left him. His fingers were trembling, as he dared to look at Dean gingerly; he was absolutely dumbstruck, confused. Dean parked the car and when Castiel got out, Dean took his hand resolutely, and their fingers intertwined, as they starting strolling towards the graveyard. It felt like walking on clouds, as if they were travelling through a dream, as they sauntered through the crowded park. People were enjoying the mild summer's evening, there were children playing tag, families eating ice cream, and some people jogging through the avenues. Castiel was blind to everyone but Dean, his eyes were glued to his lover's smooth features; he was deaf to the children's laughter, to the barking of some dogs, and if Dean hadn't held his hand, Castiel was sure, he would have stood still, turned into a pillar of salt. They entered the graveyard and Dean's head turned from one side to the other, as if he was searching for something, and Castiel let him lead the way to Anna's grave wordlessly. How had he come to know where she was buried? How could he know how much this meant to Castiel?

They stopped in front of Anna's grave, and Dean still held Castiel's hand, as they regarded his younger sister's grave. Dean turned towards Castiel and placed his other hand on Castiel's as well, and he massaged Castiel's knuckles tenderly, as he regarded him with pensive eyes.

"I was here the other day, visiting my mother's grave, then I saw your family name, and I stopped. I remembered everything you told me about your sister, and how sad you looked, and so I thought... well, I thought... you could introduce me to her? While your parents are out of the country... you've met my family already, and, well, I thought it was high time you revealed me to some of your kin as well", Dean said quietly, and Castiel felt the heat of an immense blush, which warmed his cheeks thoroughly. His throat constricted with a pleasure, that was so intense, that it bordered on pain, and his heart thudded wildly, as he smiled shyly at Dean. He looked down at their intertwined hands, and moved tears were welling in his eyes, a he nodded slowly. He breathed in deeply and led Dean closer to Anna's grave, taking the last step so that they could stop right in front of the brink of the grave. He held Dean's hand firmly in his, and he turned his head and their eyes met. He was taken aback due to Dean's divine beauty in the setting sun's light, and how his wonderful green eyes beheld him with a tender notion.

"Anna... I want you to meet someone. This is Dean", Castiel heard himself say with a suffocated voice, and he laughed happily, as tears of joy streamed down his face and as Dean's thumb brushed over the back of his hand understandingly.

**TBC**

As always, I'm starving for your thoughts and comments! :-*


	39. Chapter 39

Darlings, I couldn't wait, and I've got unexpectedly time to post the last chapter, so, here it is. Once more, I'd like to thank you for your encouraging support, your lovely pms and reviews! Chapter 40 is my last blathering and the tracklist I spoke about in chapter 7 (?). Now... -le sigh- and so the circle is complete:

**Chapter 39**

_\- a few months later -_

"Cas, we will be late!", Castiel heard Dean call through the apartment, and he chuckled and nodded his head in disbelief. He knew they still had plenty of time, and that it were simply Dean's nerves pushing the younger man over the edge. So he had no qualms about redoing his tie's knot again, dissatisfied with the way it had looked. He checked his appearance in the head-high mirror – he was wearing a dark blue suit, a white shirt and the dark brown tie he was fiddling about with. Dressing up like that was actually nonsense, because his and Dean's long winter coats would hide their fine suits anyway, but they both wanted to appear appropriate for the occasion. Castiel grinned broadly, as Dean entered their bedroom and gave him an exasperated look.

"What is taking you so long?", Dean grumbled, and Castiel looked at his tie meaningfully. He smiled softly, when Dean rolled his eyes dramatically and approached him, then his fingers shooed Castiel's away, and he fixed his tie for him with gentle, languid movements, far too slow regarding Dean's earlier words. Castiel beheld Dean's concentrated mien, and he melted as he absorbed Dean's beautiful features. As an exception he had combed his hair sidewards, and he looked absolutely stunning in his well-fitting black suit and sanguine tie. The pale winter's sun shone through the windows and made Dean's skin softer, and it's light refracted in Dean's eyes, as he uplifted his head and met Castiel's glance. A tender expression, mingled with confusion, appeared in Dean's eyes, and he smiled hesitantly at Castiel.

"What is it?", Dean asked bemused, making Castiel smile. He reached out his hand and cupped Dean's cheek, loving how he melted against his palm and how his lids fluttered slightly. Castiel bent forward and covered Dean's lips with his, kissing him slowly and intensely, and Dean replied to him with the same fervent manner. He got lost in the fine structure of Dean's pliant lips, how they devoted themselves to kissing the other breathless. He felt so much love for Dean, that he sometimes thought he had to explode with the intensity of their love for each other. As they pulled apart, Dean's cheeks were slightly reddened, and Castiel patted his cheek teasingly.

"You look really beautiful, that's it", he answered, and he laughed to himself when Dean grumbled something incoherent and averted his eyes, and turned around, rubbing his neck quite embarrassed.

"Can we go now?", he called, and Castiel put on his coat and smiled satisfied, as he followed Dean to the door. Dean held out his hand to Castiel, smiling brightly at his lover, and their fingers intertwined, as they walked down the staircase to Dean's Impala.

They had a few hours travel time to overcome, as they drove to Sam's law school. John had already arrived a few days ago, catching up with the youngest Winchester and his girlfriend Jess. Dean sang loudly along to classic rock music, making Castiel grin whenever he caught the vivid gleam of Dean's eyes or how he forced him to sing along and pinched him in his thigh playfully. They were still, as Gabe mentioned several times a week, "infatuated muttonheads", and Castiel was damn proud of it, because it felt so overwhelmingly good... They drove along snow slush streets and entered the highway; the scattered salt and the mounts of snow scrunched under the tires and the ongoing sound made Castiel drowsy.

He leaned his forehead against the cold window and beheld the passing winter landscape – the cornfields, now covered with thick blankets of snow, the bald trees swaying in the frosty wind, the greyish sky above...Sometimes he felt Dean's hand stroking through his hair lovingly, as he drove with one hand and whenever the traffic situation allowed him to do so. Then he heard Dean say tender things, which made his heart thud softly in his chest, and he smiled, when Dean told him he really loved him, and that he thought Castiel looked especially beautiful as well today. Or when he thanked him for accompanying him, and it made Castiel all tingly inside.

Memories of the last months came to Castiel's mind, and he had enough time to drown in his recollections of his and Dean's relationship. On a day like this, a milestone in Dean's life, it felt natural to reminisce about how they had gotten here, what a journey it had been.

He remembered waking up in the middle of the night, seeing Dean drawing him in the candle light, how he had beheld Castiel with such a depth of love in his eyes, that Castiel had become breathless and peaceful at the same time. There were innumerous memories of evenings of them cooking together, and huddling together on the couch while they were watching a random movie, how they had been invited to John's place, Sam's place, Gabe's place, spending boozy, funny evenings with them. The mellow look on Dean's face, as he had listened to Castiel playing the piano for him, how beautiful Dean had looked, as he had played the guitar for Castiel in return and sang for him with his clear, haunting voice, making Castiel's hair stand on end as he was consumed by Dean's enchanting being.

Of course, there were also grimmer memories, as for instance how Castiel had come home the other day, beyond exhausted and drenched in blood of a victim he hadn't been able to save, and he was certain he would never forget the distressed expression of Dean's widened eyes, or how he had enveloped him in a tight embrace, refusing to let him go for several minutes, shaking from head to toe. He smiled as he felt his cheeks redden, when he remembered the countless times he and Dean had slept with each other. There had been wild, greedy times, and it had seemed to them both they had been starving for the other man, as they consumed each other unrestrainedly and basked in their intense highs afterwards; then there had been long hours of making love to each other, filled with worshiping and tender strokes and whispered words, that shook them both to the bone and touched the foundations of their souls. All in all, it had been brilliant months, and Castiel was certain, he never wanted to live without Dean again. Hell, he wasn't even sure how he had managed to live without him before he had met him.

…

They sat down on their reserved seats in the assembly hall, and Castiel smiled tenderly when he saw Dean's widened eyes, marveling at the solemn, decorated surrounding. Everyone was dressed up, and some parents were tipsy and laughing animatedly due to the champagne reception. Dean and Castiel sat there in their fine suits, holding hands, while John sat next to Dean. John and Castiel made pleasant small talk as Dean sat between them, too nervous and excited to say a single word. At some point, the lights were dimmed, and silence spread in the large hall. Dean's hand in Castiel's felt sweaty, and he squeezed his lover's hand understandingly. Dean turned his head around and his eyes met Castiel's through the golden half-light of the hall, and he smiled meekly at Castiel.

"Seems like I've been waiting for this moment forever", Dean said quietly to Castiel, and he could make out the suffocated, moved undertone resonating in Dean's dark voice. He gulped down a lump of affection dwelling in his throat and his thumb brushed over Dean's back of the hand soothingly. They smiled at each other and turned around to concentrate on the orations and the certificate award ceremony. As any other ceremony, it was lengthy and awkward and filled with terrible repetitions of clapping and laughing at dumb jokes, but they were rewarded, when they saw Sam on stage, accepting his certificate with the brightest grin Castiel had ever seen on the younger Winchester's face. They clapped and as Castiel dared to catch a glimpse of John and Dean, he was certain, he saw tears welling in their eyes, as their eyes were glued to Sam achieving his dream. His heart ached as he recognized the infinite relief and joy veiling Dean's features, and he was glad for him. It had been a long, long way.

…

Sam and some friends had rented a room for events on the outskirts, and the place was filled with parents, friends and acquaintances. There was a bar, an enormous buffet and a DJ playing danceable songs to celebrate the success of the graduates. Castiel and Dean were often abducted by either Jess or Sam and introduced to their friends, while John chatted with Jess' parents enthusiastically. Castiel was completely flustered as Jess held his hand and explained to him how happy she was Dean had finally found someone too. She was very sweet and they got along incredibly well, but it still made him nervous how brisk she was and how she just grabbed him and made him talk to people she thought he might like. He managed to give Dean a grumpy sideglance, looking for his help, but his lover just laughed at him while he chattered mindlessly with Sam a few steps away, grinning from ear to ear.

A good while later, Dean had a heart and walked up to them, and Castiel was glad when he felt Dean's arm coming around his waist, pulling him towards his side. Jess turned around to them and gave them a satisfied, honest smile, nudging Dean's ribs friendly.

"See, Dean? Told you, horses for courses!", she yelled through the loud music, winking at Dean. She was obviously alluding to a conversation they've had a while ago, and Dean just smiled at her and nodded, his fingers digging into the flesh of Castiel's side and holding him tighter. He smiled to himself happily, when Dean kissed his cheek softly, and when his nose fondled his slightly stubbly cheek, tickling him.

"Can you hang in there, baby? Gotta talk to my dad briefly...", Dean said into Castiel's ear, making him stiffen, as Dean's hot breath fanned into his ear sensually. He nodded and turned in Dean's arm, looking up into his eyes. He loved how affectionately Dean regarded him, keeping his hand on the small of his back, then he tilted his head and kissed him impetuously, and Castiel's legs turned to jelly, he was so taken aback thanks to Dean's skilled, hot kisses. When they disengaged, he was red as a beet, and absolutely dumbstruck, as Dean winked at him and grinned, then he walked away to John. Jess giggled as she and some friends observed Castiel, and when he realized they had been watching him gazing after Dean, he felt his cheeks redden even more.

"Aww, Cas, you two are so cute! You've _got_ to tell us how you met!", Jess demanded, and Castiel laughed and shook his head. "It's impossible. I really can't tell you that, maybe on my deathbed, but absolutely not today", he insisted to the younger woman's disappointment. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Dean talking to John, and they were both looking down at something, and their serious expressions unsettled Castiel quite a bit. He raised himself on tiptoes to see what they were looking at, but they were simply too far away. John looked up at Dean, and they regarded each other solemnly; John smiled and patted Dean's shoulder, then he enveloped him in a tight embrace, and Castiel was glad as he saw Dean smiled too and answered to the hug.

Dean let go of his father, and his eyes met Castiel's through the crowded room.

Time seemed to have stopped, as they regarded each other over the distance, the multicolored light touching and illuminating their faces. People were dancing and chatting and laughing, but Castiel was blind and deaf to his surroundings, his every sense devoted to Dean. In Castiel's head the music faded away, and the movements of everyone seemed as if in slow motion, and he heard his wild, loud heartbeats resonating in his ears, loud and steady like a never-ending drum, as he drowned in Dean's stunning sight, how he smiled tenderly at him. He felt frozen on the spot, as he observed Dean approaching him, avoiding the people crossing his path. Dean stopped in front of him and took Castiel's hand, their fingers intertwined.

"Come on, let's get out of here", Dean said invitingly, and Castiel nodded, completely overwhelmed with the strength of his affection for Dean. He let him lead the way, and their thumbs stroked each other's, as they walked outside, into the cold winter's night. Their coats were still inside, and for the moment, it felt good to breathe in the icy air and the fresh wind. They sauntered to Dean's parked Impala, because there were less people there and the music inside was so loud, it was impossible to hear one another's words. Distant streetlights cut through the dark night with white spots of light, and they could see their clouds of warm breaths as they hit the air. Castiel felt heated with a profound warmth burning in his stomach, and he knew Dean was to blame. Dean with his cheeky smile, his soft glances, whenever he beheld Castiel, and he felt very flushed with heat, when Dean shoved him against the frame of his car and kissed him ardently, while the cold metal clung to his back. He thanked the night inwardly for its shadows and its obscurity, as Dean grabbed his thigh and draped it over his waist, allowing their bodies to slide together intimately. Castiel felt light-headed, as Dean kissed him thoroughly, and he held on to his shoulders as he sighed into his lover's mouth. It was madness, how they couldn't keep their hands off each other, how desperate need pumped through their veins each day and night.

They parted, and Castiel smiled, as he saw Dean's kiss-swollen lips and his eyes regarding him with a weird, intense expression. Dean returned the smile; he kept his body pressed against Castiel's, and Castiel had butterflies in his stomach, they were flapping their wings lively inside of him. His eyes darted over his lover's face, as Dean's fingers stroked along his cheek; something lingered in the air, something heavy with meaning, and he felt Dean was uptight, apparently nervous or burdened with something.

"Hey, humour me. What did Jess mean with this horses for courses thing?", Castiel asked to ease the tension between them, while he regained his leg and stood there, Dean's body leaning against his. Dean's palm framed his cold cheek and he kissed his lips fleetingly, albeit sweetly. Then he looked Castiel deeply in the eyes, and Castiel felt his mouth became dry, as he drowned in Dean's gorgeous eyes scanning his features attentively.

"She believes everyone finds his or her other half at some point, and I always told her I don't believe in that crap, with soulmates, true love, blah, blah, blah", Dean said, and his mouth twitched and formed a smirk.

"What, so you're saying she was right in the end? Am I your one and only soulmate and true love?", Castiel grinned, laughing as he saw how flustered Dean became and how he pinched his sides lightly.

"Don't push your luck", Dean grinned. He became serious again and his hands twiddled with Castiel's tie and suit jacket absentmindedly, and he had tilted his head as he spoke quietly to Castiel, the loud music a constant background noise.

"I've been thinking, though, Cas... seems like today ended a chapter in my life, you know? I've fought hard for this, and I'm relieved the mission's accomplished... but it made me wonder within the last weeks... you know... you've been there for me all this time, and I'm sure it wouldn't have ended so peacefully without you in my life. And..."

Dean uplifted his head and met Castiel's attentive gaze, and they both smiled hesitantly as they regarded the other. Dean's fingers had come to rest on Castiel's hipbones, and he could feel the small circular movements, as Dean stroked his clothed waist tentatively.

"I've realized I want to be with you for the coming chapters in my life as well... my life is just so much better with you, and you're making me really happy... a few months ago my dad said something to me, that he was clever enough to never let my mom go again, and I agree. I understand it now..."

Castiel's heart missed a beat and his jaw dropped, as he watched Dean getting on his knees in front of him, right there in the muddy snow and the gravel, ruining his suit pants. He saw how Dean loosened the silver ring he always wore on his right hand, the wedding ring of his mother, as he had told him in a night of quiet, lengthy conversations. His fingers were trembling as Dean took his left hand with his right hand, looking up into his eyes with the sweetest smile Castiel had ever seen, his eyes practically sparkling with love.

"Will you honour me and be my husband?", Dean rasped, his voice breathy and suffocated with emotions. A wave of heat coursed through Castiel's body, and though it was winter, he felt incredibly warm. He didn't know whether he was supposed to laugh or cry, because he was so happy, he didn't know what to do about it. So he just smiled a nervous smile, revealing the only answer that was sensible and agreeable to him.

"Yes. Yes, of course, Dean!", he said, and at last scorching hot tears streamed down his cheeks, as he saw tears of joy welling in Dean's eyes and how he seemed to gasp for air; they were both overwhelmed this was really happening. He gently pulled the ring on Castiel's left ring finger, and they both smiled at each other, as they realized, it fitted perfectly. Castiel observed his hand with the ring, admiring the new look. He held out his hand to Dean to help him get up, and once Dean stood in front of him, their mouths found together in a passionate, long kiss. Words could not express how much this meant to Castiel, so he tried to convey his heart in their kiss, and he felt, how wobbly Dean's legs became; Dean sighed most pleased into his mouth and deepened their kiss, his fingers finding their way into Castiel's dark hair, tugging at the strands softly.

They pulled back, both panting, and they regarded the other with happy smiles painted to their lips. Castiel thought he never wanted to forget how Dean beheld him in this moment, as if he was the most important person in the world. He figured his heart would burst with sheer bliss, as Dean brought his hand to his lips and kissed the ring on Castiel's finger gently, his eyes never leaving Castiel's.

"Forever, Cas...", Dean mumbled, and Castiel's breath caught. He nodded slowly, then he grinned.

"Sounds good to me. Can we please go back now? I'm freezing to death! And who's gonna marry you then?", he teased, but his voice was shaky, still too haywired with his feelings. He laughed as he heard Dean laugh heartily. Their hands came together effortlessly, and though it was deathly cold, they took their time as they strolled back to the others.

When they walked inside, Castiel was still giddy and light-headed. He felt the weight of the ring around his finger, and it delighted him in a delirious way. He would have never thought one could be slain with utter happiness, that it could burn one's heart in such a redeeming manner. He saw Dean talking to both John and Sam, and in an instant, he felt the other Winchester's hugging him and Dean fiercely, laughing and congratulating them happily. It all seemed like a wonderful dream, as he listened to Sam saying something into the microphone, and he realized, he had revealed Dean's and his engagement, as all eyes turned to them and rested on them. There were many smiles and broad grins, as Dean kissed his lips fleetingly and led him to the dance floor, which belonged to them for a whole song.

A slow blues rock boomed through the room, and Castiel let Dean lead, as they danced slowly, their eyes glued to each other. He smiled as he took in Dean's stunning features, how beautiful he looked tonight. Castiel remembered their first encounter all those months ago, how he had instinctively known Dean was someone special, as soon as he had laid eyes on him. He had been the diamond in the grime, the angel among demons, and they had found and saved each other. He let his forehead fall against Dean's, and he inhaled his clean, exciting odour; he was oversensitive with the love he felt for the younger man, and he didn't give a damn about everyone present, as he kissed Dean in front of them, putting all his heart and soul into their tender kiss. They kissed and danced, and Castiel smiled, as he listened to the song playing loudly. When their lips parted and as they received each other's tender glances, Castiel knew, this was the place where they belonged – with each other. He looked at his hand resting on Dean's shoulder, and the ring glistened at him, and he smiled affectionately, one word pounding within him. _Forever._

" _...Now I'm telling everybody, it seems too good to be true_

_sweet things can always get sweeter_

_I know mine did, how about you?..."_

**THE END**

See chapter 40 for notes! I'd love to read your reviews, thoughts, opinions, as always x3


	40. afterword

Noooo... no, it can't be over! Damn, I admit, I really don't know what to do with my life, now that I finished this lengthy piece... And what a stupid number of chapters, couldn't it have been 40 at least, a round lot? x3 Well, I'm just glad I -did- finish the story after all. As far as I'm concerned, it could have kept going forever and ever. For those, who aren't following me on tumblr and who didn't see my millions of posts complaining and whining about this story and getting excited about it... I spent countless hours, nights and days on this, and it's the first time I wrote something over 50 000 words and actually finished it (what!), and that in the course of roughly 3 months (what!). Apropos, it was never meant to be this long, but I got carried away with the details and millions of things happening between those two...

Now, to make sense of this afterword, I want to THANK YOU ALL for your amazing, lovely support. You can't imagine what it means to me – I was always soooo excited and happy to see a new mail notification (no, no, I absolutely did not check my mails like several times an hour after I uploaded a new chapter, noooo whistles innocently), that I've received another review or follower. YOU really made me finish this story and try my best. Without you, this story wouldn't have been the same, and I cherish your attention and your kind words and your encouragement. Sobs sobs, it's hard to let you all go, lol... I feel so close to you all, after this journey... it was definitely a new experience for me. You made me dumbstruck, that you thought this story worthy enough to give it a try, and of course, if you didn't already know it, I stalked each and every one of you (where are they from, how old are they, do they write themselves, what do they like and so on – yep, I'm a creep!) - I found quite a lot stories you've written or liked, which I can read now hehe...

By the way, I know this story is far from perfect, and there were a few opportunities I didn't develop, though I came up with them (e.g. Alastair and Castiel's emotional disturbances...). Also, you should know, I'm not a native speaker, English is my second language, so I'm absolutely thrilled I could obviously make you understand what I was writing lol x3 so please excuse the mistakes you've found, on top of the story not having a beta reader. Now, I'll stop bashing myself and just enjoy that I've finished this story and that some people seemed to have liked it x3 By the way, if you have any proposals for another Destiel-fic (lengthy, short, I don't mind) I could or should write, I'd love to read your ideas!

Here's the tracklist as promised, oh, and check out my deviantart account mistofstars.deviantart.com for a few graphics I made for La Grange.

ZZ Top "La Grange" (chapter 1)

Frédéric Chopin's "op. 28 no.4" (chapter 7)

Franz Liszt "La Campanella" (chapter 7)

Franz Liszt "Liebestraum No.3" (chapter 17)

ZZ Top "Fool for your stockings" (chapter 18)

Yiruma "River flows in you" (chapter 30)

ZZ Top "I need you tonight" (chapter 33)

ZZ Top "Fool for your stockings" (chapter 39)

As for my last words... I truly wish you all the best for your lives, jobwise and for your personal life, regarding your stories and fandoms, and I hope I see some of you around again. My username is idiotically the same everywhere, mistofstars on tumblr, deviantart, , AO3...

Until then... tons of love!

Yours,

mistofstars


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